Fantasy league 2014 -- week 4 recap

 

The 2014 MLB season wrapped up on Sunday (no, I’m pretty sure they cancelled the playoffs this year) so let’s look back fondly on the highlights of the campaign:

** Remember May 4, when the Phillies were 15-14 … the last time the Phillies were above .500 for the year?
** Remember how Cole Hamels posted the lowest ERA of his career (2.46) and still only finished 9-9 because the offense was AWOL all year?
** Remember when Chase Utley made the All-Star game, because he was the only Phillie still trying in June?
** Remember when Marlon Byrd got hot in July so the front office traded him for … nevermind, they held onto him so the team could get older.
** Remember when Ryan Howard hit a HR in the last game of the season and everyone said in unison, “That’s probably his last one in a Phillies uniform” even though nobody else wants him?
** Remember when the Phillies lost 3-2 to the Nationals on Sept. 7 and you didn’t care because the Eagles beat the Jaguars that day?

Ahhh, the memories.

QB: Eli Manning, 40.10 pts -- on the wire
WR: Jordy Nelson, 29.20 pts -- started by Ant
RB: Jamaal Charles, 31.27 pts -- started by Joel
TE: Larry Donnell, 28.60 pts -- on the wire
K: Blair Walsh, 18.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Philadelphia, 29.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Husain Abdullah, 13.50 pts -- on the wire

Eli. Freaking. Manning. The Washington dolts should be ashamed of themselves for giving up five TDs to The New Jersey Turnover Pike (that nickname is trademarked, by the way).

Bang up job on the top performers this week -- As a league we managed to start none of the top four defenses, none of the top three defensive players, and only two of the top six kickers. And we missed on Eli Manning’s 40-plus pts. Eli. Freaking. Manning.

“More bad defenses” edition
3rd place:New Orleans, -5.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place (tie):Atlanta, -6.00 pts -- started by Paul
1st place (tie):Carolina, -6.00 pts -- on Sam’s bench

Remember last week, when I made fun of most of our league for starting the wrong defenses? Apparently some of you took that as a personal challenge. Seven defenses were worth negative points this week, and we started three of them: Paul, with the absolute lowest possible defensive score; Mike, getting -4.00 pts out of New England; and Bob, getting -1.00 pts out of Chicago. If only Sam hadn’t screwed up by starting Pittsburgh and getting 4.00 whole pts...



Here’s Andy Reid’s strategy for his Kansas City Chefs at the end of the first half of Monday night football, with his team up 14, 1:10 left with two timeouts, and the ball 20 yards from the end zone:

1st down: Swing pass at the line of scrimmage, no gain.
Then wait 30 seconds to call a timeout, wasting half a minute.
2nd down: Five-yard pass across the middle, tackled in bounds.
Then wait 20 more seconds and burn the last timeout.
3rd down: Pass to the one-yard line, WR tackled, time expires.

It’s good to know that even in his new address, Andy still has unbelievably bad time management skills. A defensive penalty on that third down ended up giving the Chefs another chance at a FG and a 17-point lead, but it was not deserved. If anything, they should have lost points for blatant incompetence.

Bonus anagram time! G filed a special anagram this week, asking for a look at the QB controversy brewing down here in DC. And I aim to please:

Washington QB debate: start Robert Griffin III or Kirk Cousins?
** It's king SOB or fart bistro. Neither faker can win. I quit. Go birds.

I can’t tell you how proud I am of that.

Defying expectations, the Cowboys have started the season 3-1, tied for first place. But don’t worry about that continuing. Even after grabbing two TDs on Saturday, Dallas’ #2 WR shows how little faith he has in the team’s future:

Starting Dallas wideout Terrance Williams
** Real glum: Data is clear, wins won’t last. I tried.

Frankly, that doesn’t make me glum at all.


** I don’t know how I forgot that Steve Smith was playing against his old team this weekend, but two touchdowns and a thorough beat down of the Panthers later, I’m down one game to Dad again. For the record, we’re both just a hair over .500 for the season (he’s 33-28, I’m 32-29).

** I was going to do a lengthy write up of Delaware’s thrilling overtime win over James Madison on Saturday night, but I know you all were riveted to the TV, so there isn’t anything new to say.

** Eli. Freaking. Manning. He has 21 TDs and 28 INTs against teams other than Washington since the start of 2013, 6 TDs and 3 INTs (and three wins) against Washington. Because Washington stinks.
Week 4 standings

1 --- Tickle me Romo --- 587.47 pts
2 --- Blue Collar Killers --- 536.83 pts
3 --- Sheldon's Big Money --- 507.84 pts
4 --- Gettin' Chippy --- 507.51 pts
5 --- The Maltese Falcons --- 499.57 pts
6 --- Show Me Your TDs --- 496.99 pts
7 --- Ouch My Zach Ertz --- 493.94 pts
8 --- Stewie Griffins Head --- 487.97 pts
9 --- Car full of Clowneys --- 453.50 pts
10 --- king hippo --- 447.74 pts
11 --- I Mildly Like WRs --- 446.35 pts

We’re one quarter into the season, and we’re only had one league leader so far. And my lead is getting larger and larger, despite the six players I had on bye this week. So my team will only be stronger from here on out. And yours will be weak, weak like the Jaguars playing in London.

Props to Jeff, who is holding onto second place with his annual strategy of making no replacement moves. It’s the Rumsfeldian approach to coaching -- you go to battle with the team you drafted, not the team you want (or could easily change).

However, the difference between first and eighth place is still less than 100 pts, so the Awesome Cup is still up for grabs. So don’t forget about the byes this week. How you’ll make due without your Oakland Raiders stars, I’m not sure.

Fantasy league 2014 -- week 3 recap

Actual facts from the Eagles’ win Sunday that make you wonder if they actually won that game:

** Nick Foles had a pathetic 4 yds passing in the first quarter of the game on Sunday. The Eagles offense had the ball for 2 mins, 9 seconds in that quarter.
** The Eagles lost two offensive lineman and their top RB during the course of the game, and totaled only 54 rushing yards for the day.
** The Eagles were down 10 points for the third game in a row.
** The Philly defense allowed two 100-yard WRs, 76 offensive plays and 511 yards of offense to the DC opponents.
** Nick Foles was actually killed twice on the field by hits from defensive linemen.

So, if the Niners jump out to a 21-0 lead on Sunday … that means the birds will be 4-0? Maybe?

QB: Andrew Luck, 40.30 pts -- started by Jim
WR: Julio Jones, 32.23 pts -- started by Jo
RB: Marshawn Lynch, 26.47 pts -- started by me
TE: Martellus Bennett, 20.60 pts -- sitting on my bench
K: Adam Vinatieri, 16.00 pts -- started by Paul
DEF: Atlanta, 31.00 pts -- sitting on Paul’s bench
D: Bruce Carter, 13.00 pts -- on the wire

Three of the top five fantasy WRs (Garcon, Maclin and Matthews) and two of the top three fantasy QBs (Cousins and Foles) came from Sunday’s Eagles game. DeSean Jackson? Good game in his return, but only good enough to be the 12th best wideout this week. But he did get away with the most uncalled cheap shots, so he has that going for him.

“Craptastic” edition

3rd place: Jalen Saunders, -1.50 pts -- on the wire
1st place (tie): Jacksonville, -4.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place (tie): Washington, -4.00 pts -- on the wire

Of course, the trade off to all those big offensive numbers is that the DC defense was an awful, awful fantasy play...

Worth noting: Of the 10 worst defenses this week, we started five of them. Combined, Dad (Baltimore), Paul (Buffalo), Ant (San Fran), Houston (Jeff), and Sam (Carolina) scored 15 pts with those bums, while Joanna scored 22 pts with her Detroit defense alone.


Joe Buck, at the start of the Eagles game Sunday: “It could not be more perfect weather here in Philadelphia.”

Display on the screen: “76 degrees, partly cloudy.”

It does not surprise me to learn that Joe Buck’s version of a clear sky is one that is not clear.

Here’s a look at the players you should have drafted for your college football fantasy league, based on this weekend’s performances:

** QB: Taylor Heinicke, Old Dominion -- 56.8 fantasy pts
(430 passing yds, 5 TDs; 36 rushing yds, 1 TD)
** RB: Melvin Gordon, Wisconsin -- 56.6 fantasy pts
(253 rushing yds, 5 TDs; 1 catch, 5 yds)
** WR: Cayleb Jones, Arizona -- 43.4 fantasy pts
(13 catches for 186 yds, 3 TDs)
** DEF: Temple -- 48 fantasy pts
(Zero pts allowed, 3 sacks, 4 turnovers, 3 return TDs, 1 punt block)

I actually found the kicker point totals too, but they were pretty boring. Besides, if you started these four players, you’d have a 200-plus pts week already.


Left for dead by many pundits, the Dallas Cowboys find themselves in second place early in the season. It’s a good start but can it last?
Short answer: no.
Long answer: Well, the name of the team’s new DT doesn’t think so:

Dallas Cowboys free agent defensive tackle Terrell McClain
Gym tent fleecers: Second is twice above real rank. Fall called.

You’d think with all that money, the Cowboys could work out in a real practice facility and not a gym tent. Maybe it has something to do with harnessing their evil.


** Posted an impressive 12-4 record in the picks this week, two better than Dad and leaving us even for the yearly standings. I’d like to thank the Bears for not blowing that Monday night game despite really trying.

** For the record, the Eagles have led for 4 mins 39 seconds of their 90 mins of first half play so far this year. That’s … not good. But they’ve had the lead for all three of the final seconds of those games.

** Six teams on a bye this week plus a Thursday night game means that on Sunday there will be … two games? Three games?

Week 3 standings

1 --- Tickle me Romo --- 429.16 pts
2 --- Sheldon's Big Money --- 415.09 pts
3 --- Gettin' Chippy --- 394.59 pts
4 --- Blue Collar Killers --- 386.28 pts
5 --- The Maltese Falcons --- 382.55 pts
6 --- Stewie Griffins Head --- 375.64 pts
7 --- Ouch My Zach Ertz --- 374.93 pts
8 --- Show Me Your TDs --- 358.33 pts
9 --- I Mildly Like WRs --- 341.91 pts
10 --- king hippo --- 317.20 pts
11 --- Car full of Clowneys --- 314.23 pts

I’ve got a hold of the #1 spot once again, but it’s a shrinking lead. Another good week by Jim, a 150-plus-pts performance from Joanna’s squad, and another solid result for Jeff put the top four spots in the hands of current/former Ohio residents.

Meanwhile, Sam’s 79-pts week leaves him struggling near the bottom. And everyone else? There’s only 14 weeks left to get your acts in gear…

Fantasy league 2014 -- week 2 recap

In honor of some baby news this week, here’s a look at the worst infant items available for purchase from the NFL:

Denrve Broncos skirt and pants: I know the NFL says this says “Denver” but maybe the spelling problem is just because of the concussions.
Oakland track suit: No children should be made to wear Raiders anything, unless they’re in time-out.
Dolphins glow in the dark pacifier: Give your sleeping baby that nice blue radioactive glow.
Headless 49ers onesie: The picture on the outfit is headless, not the baby, but either way it’s kind of horrifying.
Tony Romo baby jersey: Warning -- choking hazard

QB: Aaron Rodgers, 35.14 pts -- started by Bobert
WR: Jordy Nelson, 28.93 pts -- started by Ant
RB: Knile Davis, 27.63 pts -- on the wire
TE: Antonio Gates, 31.40 pts -- on Paul’s bench
K: Dan Bailey, 19.00 pts -- started by Ant
DEF: New England, 30.00 pts -- started by Mike
D: Chandler Jones, 17.00 pts -- on the wire

Second week in a row that a TE and DEF outperformed the top RB and WR. That’s either a sign of the ever-changing nature of NFL game plans, or a coincidence.

“Bottom feeders” edition
3rd place: Justin Brown, -0.60 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Miami, -1.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Jacksonville, -3.00 pts -- on the wire

In other news, the Giants still stink. In two weeks of work, their defense is worth zero points. At this pace, they’ll … well, zero points isn’t really a pace.


Nameless ESPN reporter, talking about news that QB Robert Griffin dislocated his ankle and will be on the bench for a while:

“They still don’t know how long he’ll be out, but it was definitely good news for Washington.”

I think he was saying the severity of the injury wasn’t as bad as they feared, and he could be back sometime this year. But I like my reading better: It’s great news that he’ll miss at least some games, and hopefully he’ll never return.

Heck, that’s what the locals are saying anyways. You think Philly is the only town that can turn on a superstar for no good reason?

** At 5-6, Sproles is the second shortest active player in the NFL. The shortest is Trindon Holliday, at 5-5. There are 7 players in the league who top 6-9.
** Sproles is the second fastest player in the NFL, averaging 976 mph on his sprints. The fastest is Eli Manning, who sucks at the speed of light.
** As an infant, Sproles was 5-6 and ran at 976 mph. Only his football awareness has changed over the years.
** Seriously, did you see that TD run?
** Sproles has been let go/traded by two teams over the course of his career. Those teams are idiots.


In keeping with this week’s baby theme, I’m just gonna zero in on how much Cowboys players inherently hate kids. Consider:

Dallas Seventh-Round Rookie Nose Tackle Ken Bishop
** No honor, no peace: Evader bloke hunts, kills, eats kids

This isn’t the first kid-eating anagram I’ve discovered, and it won’t be the last. These guys really, really, really hate children.


**.Dad picked up two games in the weekly picks this week, but in fairness my picks got done while Joanna was in labor. I was a miserable 5-10 as a result. But even I wasn’t foolish enough to pick the Patriots over the Vikings like certain other parents of mine...

** Ohio State won 66-0 on Saturday and dropped one spot in the AP poll (from 22 to 23). Because Virginia Tech (their previous loss) lost to unranked East Carolina. Also, because college football rankings suck.

** My favorite headline of the weekend: Football moves up to 21 in the AP top 25. Honestly, I would have put football in the top 10 of football rankings. Still below the SEC, of course.

Week 2 standings

1 --- Tickle me Romo (Capt. Awesome) --- 295.39 pts
2 --- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) --- 281.93 pts
3 --- Sheldon's Big Money (Jim) --- 272.96 pts
4 --- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) --- 270.57 pts
5 --- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) --- 259.10 pts
6 --- Stewie Griffins Head (Dad) --- 254.16 pts
7 --- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) --- 241.35 pts
8 --- Ouch My Zach Ertz (Mike) --- 240.07 pts
9 --- king hippo (Sam) --- 238.18 pts
10 --- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) --- 222.05 pts
11 --- Car full of Clowneys (Joel) --- 218.80 pts

Another week, same name atop the standings.

Several big point totals left on the bench this weekend. Paul left 47 pts on his bench, and Sam would have approached a 200-pt week if not for the 61 wasted pts on his.

Joanna left 31 pts on her bench, mostly in the form of Darren Sproles, and used the lame excuse of Sunday morning labor for her poor performance. She’ll do anything to cover up her bad coaching.

Fantasy League 2014 -- week 1 recap

It’s only week 1 of the NFL season, and many couch potato fans are still in pre-season shape. But fear not -- no matter how bad you thought your start was, at least you outperformed several pro football stars this weekend. Consider:

-- If you managed not to fall backwards off your couch, you outrushed WR DeSean Jackson (-9 rushing yards on Sunday).
-- If you held onto your remote, you had a better TD/turnover ratio than QB Robert Griffin (zero TDs, one fumble lost on Sunday).
-- If you didn’t fall into your fridge when you got a snack, you had more success on returns than RB Dexter McCluster (-2 return yards on Sunday).
-- If your house didn’t fall into a sinkhole, then you picked up more ground than Division II College of Faith (-100 yards of offense against Tusculum College).
-- If you managed not to have a facial seizure, then you were less dopey than QB Eli Manning (100% dopey on Monday).

QB: Matt Ryan, 37.42 pts -- started by Jeff
WR: Calvin Johnson, 29.93 pts -- started by Jim
RB: LeVeon Bell, 29.27 pts -- started by Jo
TE: Julius Thomas, 31.93 pts -- started by me
K: Matt Bryant, 18.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Houston, 31.00 pts -- started by Jeff
D: Sio Moore, 11.50 pts -- on the wire

Yeah, I have no idea what a Sio Moore is either.

I may pick up whatever defense is playing Washington each week -- they coughed up two red zone fumbles, allowed a blocked extra point and gave up a touchdown on a blocked punt. The other 31 teams combined only gave up four blocked kicks on the weekend.

“Starting off on the wrong foot” edition
3rd place: Donald Brown, -0.20 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: New Orleans, -3.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: New York Giants, -5.00 pts -- on the wire

Only one week in and the Giants defense is already worth fewer fantasy points than you are. Gawd, I love the NFC East. And I haven’t even made fun of the Cowboys yet.

Before the season started ESPN radio personalities Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg made their picks for each of the division winners and the eventual Super Bowl champion (both picked Seattle or USC, I can’t remember which). Greenberg remarked that the league is so tough to predict this year that he couldn’t figure out which teams would be “the surprises” -- teams like the 2013 Texans (who finished 2-14 despite pre-season hype) and 2013 Chiefs (who finished 12-4 despite two wins the previous year).

Here’s the thing that Greenberg failed to grasp: That’s what the word “surprise” means. If you can predict it, it’s not a surprise. If you “could have seen that coming,” it’s not a surprise. If you hedge your bets and say the Bills are the worst team in football but they still could win the Super Bowl, it’s not a surprise if they win the Super Bowl.

Greenberg followed up that statement by asking other ESPN talking heads to identify their surprises for the season, so he’ll know when to be shocked.

The fall NFL apparel catalog came in the mail this week. Featured in the front of the mailer are “game jerseys” for all 32 NFL teams. Most of the picks are obvious (McCoy for the Eagles, Brady for the Patsies) but a few of the less star-studded teams are just sad. Here’s a look at the worst.

-- Jacksonville: Blake Bortles
** He could be a great QB one day, but he’s not even the starter right now. Who wants a benchwarmer jersey?
-- Oakland: Khalil Mack
** I had to look up who he was. Rookie linebacker. But I dare you to name another Oakland player.
-- Cleveland: Johnny Manziel
** See Blake Bortles
-- San Diego: Keenan Allen
** He’s a fine young wideout, but somewhere Phillip Rivers is pissed off.
-- Denver: Demaryius Thomas
** Let’s be honest -- he really overshadows their no-name QB.

It’s a new season, it’s a new infusion of talent, and there are new Dallas players with the same old evil, evil hearts. In the 27 years I’ve been anagramming Cowboys names (I was doing it mentally well before the blog) I’ve never stopped being surprised at the inherent evil in these guys. Consider their fourth-round pick this year:

New Dallas Linebacker Anthony Hitchens
** Wannabe clanks: “Honestly, I hate children.” ** 

What is it with these guys and hating/eating kids? Pure evil.


** Dad and I split the weekly picks, so at least I’m not behind to start the season. Honestly, this may be the best I’ve done in our head-to-head match-up in years.

** Well, Ohio State, it was a good season while it lasted.

** John Gruden referred to “the turkey hole” during a deep pass play in the Giants/Lions Monday night football game. I don’t know what that means, but I had nightmares.

** Another Thursday night game this week, because the NFL hates you.

Week 1 standings

1 -- Tickle me Romo (Capt. Awesome) -- 168.20 pts
2 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) --167.50 pts
3 -- Car full of Clowneys (Joel) --134.73 pts
4 -- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) --131.80 pts
5 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) --130.47 pts
6 -- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) --126.48 pts
7 -- Stewie Griffins Head (Dad) --124.00 pts
8 -- Sheldon's Big Money (Jim) --122.30 pts
9 -- Ouch My Zach Ertz (Mike) -- 117.49 pts
10 -- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) -- 109.92 pts
11 -- king hippo (Sam) --101.48 pts

The Eagles have been in sole possession of first place in their division for 36 weeks now, but Sam’s run atop the Awesome Cup standings falls one week short of that. The defending champ starts off the new season at the bottom of the pile, mostly because his QB was hurt and his coaching was awful.

And despite a Monday night surge from Jeff, the league’s three-time champion (and commissioner and commander-in-chief) sits on on top of the heap again. Told you Montee Ball and Marshawn Lynch were money.

Fantasy League 2014 -- preseason predictions

Hope you enjoyed your Labor Day, because you've got nothing but four months of backbreaking fantasy work ahead of you. Here’s how the 2014 fantasy season is going to play out:

Sheldon's Big Money (Jim)

Projected 11th place, 1998.72 pts

Jim took his disdain for traditional fantasy personnel to a new level this year, landing four potentially great WRs (Johnson, Cobb, Fitzgerald, Jackson) but only one starting RB (Bernard). Andrew Luck is the perfect QB for his squad, because that's what he'll need to win the league. 

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) 

Projected 10th place, 2039.08 pts

Jeff's team might be OK, but I'll be rooting against it every Sunday. He boasts two Cowboys (Murray and Williams), two Giants (Jennings and Randle), and three guys with dumb names (Brandin Cooks, Demaryius Thomas and Keenan Allen). It's an anagrammer's dream, but it's ugly to look at. 

King Hippo (Sam)

Projected 9th place, 2057.89 pts

The road to a repeat is going to be near impossible for Little Mac, who again will ride Cam Newton's cracked ribs to hopes of glory. But the RB corps of Gerhart/Tate/Rice/Ingram may have fewer rushing TDs than Newton alone, and I hate Vincent Jackson for reasons I don't remember anymore. But I hate him. 

Show Me Your TDs (Ant)

Projected 8th place, 2082.82 pts 

Anthony landed Adrian Peterson, but after that it's a collection of 2011 heroes and not 2014 guarantees. Gronkowski? Andre Johnson? Jones-Drew? DeAngelo Williams? On the plus side, he's got the 49ers starting defense, which still has a few players who haven't been suspended. 

Ouch My Zach Ertz (Mike)

Projected 7th place, 2108.78 pts

Brees, Forte and Alshon Jeffery could win this league on their own if we only started three players. But after that, Mike's roster drops off. He has two Lions RBs, the remains of Steven Jackson, Maclin's wonky legs and Jermichael Finley, who I thought retired three years ago. 

Gettin' Chippy (Joanner)

Projected 6th place, 2144.27 pts

If Foles and Chip Kelly can build off last year's success, then Jo and her assistant coach (baby TBA) could have a huge year. But after Lacy, Bell and Juilo Jones, her backups get a little weak (again, unless Kelly turns Sproles into a superstar). And without Akers as a kicker, she already hates her team. 

Car full of Clowneys (Joel)

Projected 5th place, 2314.66 pts

Now we're getting somewhere. Joel's squad looks solid -- Brady, Charles, Antonio Brown and the Seattle D -- and features trendy sleepers like Cordarrelle Patterson and DeAndre Hopkins. But he also has Tony Romo on his bench, and no team with Romo has ever won this league. Nor will they ever.

The Maltese Falcons (Bobert)

Projected 4th place, 2327.88 pts

The top pick in the draft produced solid results for the professor, and Rogers/McCoy looks like a killer 1-2 punch. Garcon and Clay look like great assets too, but beyond that his hands team comes up short. And I still don't believe Bishop Sankey is a real name. More likely, someone was playing NFL magnetic poetry again. 

Tickle me Romo (Capt. Awesome)

Projected 3rd place, 2370.72 pts

You're all going to rue passing on Marshawn Lynch and Montee Ball by the end of the year. Roddy White and Torrey Smith give me a solid WR start too. But picking last left me with RG3 as my play caller, and that could hurt when his leg inevitably snaps in two early in the season. 

I heart WRs (Paul)

Projected 2nd place, 2457.67 pts

Paul's squad looks loaded, and it's not just those beloved wideouts (Bryant/Green/Cruz). I'm a big fan of the Matthens/Gore RB combo, and Jay Cutler could end up being the steal of the year at QB. And he's even set for extra special teams points, with 77-year-old Adam Vinatieri at kicker. 

Stewie Griffins Head (Pop)

Projected 1st place, 2457.68 pts

This could be the year that the old man finally teaches the younger crowd a lesson. He goes into the season with a Manning/Manning QB combo, Welker and Hilton at WR and Ellington and Morris at RB. Spiller is always a sneaky player, and Dwayne Bowe always seems to pick up extra points. Dad's only weak spot to start the season? His kicker got suspended for PEDs (not a joke). That has to be a bad omen. 

OK, folks. Even though your futures are predestined, try to get your rosters set by opening night (which is Thursday, because the NFL hates you and doesn't want you to be able to watch football). Thanks to all for playing, and good luck to none of you.