Lincoln Financial Field renovations

Eagles officials announced $125 million in stadium renovations this week, designed to spruce up the team's home over the next two years. The headline projects include new video boards, a seating expansion and connecting bridges for the upper concourses. Here's what else to expect:

** New sideline signs indicating where the Eagles offense can find the end zone.
** A holding pen for Danny Watkins, to keep him from wandering onto the field.
** Cheese Whiz dispensers at every seat.
** Recycling bins for fans' unwanted Mike Vick jerseys.
** Decontamination/biohazard room for when the Cowboys visit.
** Wider doorways in media rooms, to accommodate Joe Buck's swollen head.
** A new mural dedicated to Koy Detmer's 1998 Eagles (3-13 record).
** In every restroom, a live audio feed of Donovan McNabb's current pissing and moaning.
** 40-foot tall bronze statue of Brian Dawkins sacking Troy Aikman.
** Hunter green everything.