Happy birthday, G

It's good to know that as Chris gets older, he still has plenty of fans.

What's the word?

A look at the most frequently used words on the Phillies official Twitter account since May 1:

Observations:
-- Lots of Hamels, not much Halladay.
-- More Valdez than Utley is understandable, but sad.
-- A lot of 3-0 counts. Not sure why.
-- Everybody hits. Woo-hoo!

The post where we pretend to care about the NBA Finals

Possible outcomes of the NBA season, with pros and cons:

4) Miami Heat defeats Dallas/Oklahoma City
Pros: LeBron will probably cry, the fans at the victory parade will likely be scantily clad.
Cons: LeBron will be insufferable, ESPN will have stories about him all summer long, Cleveland will likely riot and burn to the ground.
Verdict: Worst outcome possible.

3) Oklahoma City Thunder defeats Miami/Chicago
Pros: Somebody new will finally win a championship, Kevin Durant doesn't seem like a jerk
Cons: Somebody is going to have to look up where Oklahoma City is, no city that just stole a team deserves a championship, nobody cares about Oklahoma
Verdict: Could be worse, but couldn't be more boring

2) Chicago Bulls defeat Dallas/Oklahoma City
Pros: LeBron and Wade watch the team they almost played for win it all
Cons: Whiny Chicago gets yet another championship, Michael Jordan somehow gets three more sponsorship deals, Oprah will get involved
Verdict: Nevermind, I'd rather see the Thunder win

1) Dallas Mavericks defeat Miami/Chicago
Pros: Somebody new will finally win a championship, Mark Cuban is comically insufferable for months, David Stern commits suicide
Cons: Dallas wins a championship
Verdict: Call them the North Texas Mavericks and let's call it a deal

Phillies scoring

What this chart tells us:

1 -- The Phillies have been a pretty good team since 2000.
2 -- There is no explanation for why everything went right in 1993.
3 -- There is too many easily accessable baseball statistics databases online today.

Breaking down the draft

It's time to analyze the Eagles draft the only way that makes sense: anagraming the names of the rookies to see what really lies inside their character.

Round 1 -- OL Danny Watkins
Anagram: Old tank yawns in
Analysis: He's a 26-year-old college grad, and even he is bored with this pick .Why should we be excited? Cut him from the team.

Round 2 -- DB Jaiquawn Jarrett
Anagram: Jaw ajar, quits rent
Analysis: A slack-jawed deadbeat? How does that help the secondary? Cut him from the team.

Round 3 -- DB Curtis Marsh
Anagram: Charms disturb
Analysis: I don’t care how cool he seems, I don’t trust the guy. Cut him from the team.

Round 4 -- LB Casey Matthews
Anagram: Why bet, classmate?
Analysis: HORRIBLE PICK. The last thing the Eagles need is a college athlete clearly hiding an illegal gambling habit. Cut him from the team.

Round 4 -- Nebraska K Alex Henery
Anagram: Akers’ ankle hex nearby
Analysis: Probably an accurate description -- Akers is likely to blow out his leg trying to upstage this kid. To protect David, cut him from the team.

Round 5 -- RB Dion Lewis
Anagram: Ole bird wins
Analysis: GREAT PICK. That’s what I like to see: players who have a winning attitude and the team mascot right in their names. Keep him.

Round 5 -- OL Julian Vandervelde
Anagram: Older juvenile vandal
Analysis: Old and immature? No thanks. We already have Vick. Cut him from the team.

Round 6 -- OL Jason Kelce
Anagram: Jello-cake son
Analysis: Great -- another overweight, out-of-shape O-lineman. Cut him from the team.

Round 6 -- LB Brian Rolle
Anagram: Barbell, I lorn
Analysis: Aw, somebody get this poor guy a set of weights to play with. Then cut him from the team.

Round 7 -- DE/LB Greg Lloyd
Anagram: Dry gelled glob
Analysis: What’s with all the fat guys this year? Is Andy trying to make himself look skinnier? Cut him from the team.

Round 7 -- RB Stanley Havili
Anagram: Shy vanilla biter
Analysis: If you want to play in the NFL, you can’t be shy, you can’t be boring, and you can’t bite people. Cut him from the team.

Not a good sign -- 11 draftees, 10 losers, one winner. It's gonna be a long season, if they ever start it up.