Fantasy football 2025 -- week 8 recap

The Eagles bye week syncs up nicely with Halloween this year, so the Philly athletes have decided to go trick-or-treating together. Here’s a quick preview of the costumes they plan to wear:

QB Jalen Hurts — Superman
** He’s completely unstoppable, except for when defenses find a small sliver of kryptonite. Then he completely falls apart.

DE Brandon Graham — Father Time
Just when you think he’s too old to go out asking for candy, he surprises you with another gear.

WR AJ Brown — The Invisible Man
** One minute he’s tearing up and down the street, and the next minute he’s held without a catch for a half.

DT Jalen Carter — Dilophosaurus
** Sure the frill is complicated to put on, but he’s got the spitting part down pat.

RB Saquon Barkley — the Flash
** You sorta forget he’s with the other super heroes until all the sudden he goes speeding by.

1B Bryce Harper — RB Saquon Barkley
** Yeah, it’s still the best costume around town. Plus it comes with a ring.

QB: Jordan Love, 34.30 pts — started by me
WR: Troy Franklin, 20.93 pts — started by Paul
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 35.70 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Tucker Kraft, 25.03 pts — started by Jo
K: Chris Boswell, 20.00 pts — started by Mom D
DEF: Tampa Bay, 29.00 pts — on Jo’s bench
D: Anthony Nelson, 15.50 pts — on the wire

Biggest surprise of the week? It’s not the four RBs who topped 30 fantasy points (Taylor, Jame Cook, Breece Hall and Saquon). It’s not the six QBs who beat that mark (including Tua Tagovailoa, who scored 7.4 fantasy pts in his last two starts combined). It’s not a tight end outscoring every wideout on the week.

Nope, it’s that Browns DE Myles Garrett isn’t on the list. He had six tackles, five sacks and a forced fumble in Cleveland’s loss — yes, LOSS — to the Patriots on Sunday. And he couldn’t bag the title of best defensive player of the day either. Tampa Bay LB Nelson had four tackles, two sacks, two turnovers, a pass deflection and a TD, just enough to beat Garrett by 0.50 fantasy pts.

“Worst D ever” edition

3rd place: (tie) Dallas, -4.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
3rd place: (tie) Carolina, -4.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: New Jersey Jets, -5.00 pts — started by Ant
1st place: (tie) Pittsburgh, -6.00 pts — started by Joel
1st place: (tie) Cincinnati, -6.00 pts — on the wire

Just amazing stuff all around here. The Bengals and Jets combined for one sack, no turnovers and 87 points allowed in their matchup on Sunday, which has to be one of the worst defensive tandems of all time. And the Jets won, which was hilarious.

The Cowboys had their fourth game scoring zero fantasy points or less, all contests they have lost. At 15 pts for the season, they’d be under zero for the year if not for an inexplicable 16 pts performance two weeks ago against the Commanders.

Not on this list are the five other defenses which scored negative points on Sunday, including the Falcons (who I started), the Vikings (who Sam started) and the Bears (who Jo started). If you got six or more points from your defense this week, consider yourself lucky.


** Don’t get on Fox analyst Joel Klatt’s good side.

During Saturday’s Indiana/UCLA contest, Klatt praised Hoosiers QB Fernando Mendoza as a potential high pick in next year’s NFL draft. “He’s incredibly accurate,” he said. “He’s got 21 TDs and only two interceptions on the year. He just has been phenomenal.”

Mendoza’s next four passes: incomplete, incomplete, interception, incomplete. Great jinx work there.

** A moment after that, Klatt noted that Mendoza is "highly intelligent AND really smart.” 

I am neither of those things, so I can’t tell you the difference between those two traits.

** Stupidest thing I saw this week: The Sunday night football game featured the Steelers and Packers both wearing alternate “color rush” uniforms. Green Bay wore its all-white ensemble (how that counts as rushing color, I don’t know) and Pittsburgh wore an all-yellow throwback.

So every time you looked up and saw someone in what looked like a yellow Packers helmet, it was the Steelers. And every time you saw white helmet with dark accents like the Steelers, it was the Packers.

Luckily the chyron along the bottom of the screen had green next to the Packers tally and black next to the Steelers points, so there was no connection between the scoreboard and the game itself. Solid visuals all around.

The NFL got an early jump on pushing their clocks back this weekend, apparently slipping back a dozen years in the calendar. Consider:

** Eagles RBs Saquon Barkley and Tank Bigsby both rushed for more than 100 yds on Sunday. The last time two running backs did that for this team? Dec. 22, 2013 — when LeSean McCoy and Bryce Brown combined for 246 yds on 27 carries.

** Other notable players who were starting in the NFL that week in 2013 — QB Aaron Rodgers, QB Matt Stafford, QB Joe Flacco, QB Geno Smith, and QB Andy Dalton. Not all of them were starting this week … because Stafford’s and Smith’s teams were on a bye. Otherwise they all would have completed at least one pass.

** At the end of December 2013, two of the three best records in the league belonged to the Patriots and Colts, both of whom boasted high-powered offenses. As of Monday night, the Patriots and Colts had two of the top four offenses in the league.

** The eventual AFC champion in the 2013 season was the Denver Broncos, who boasted 13 wins thanks to an overpowering defense. This year’s Broncos are on pace for 13 wins, thanks to another strong defense.

** In 2013, Lane Johnson was starting at tackle for the Eagles, Travis Kelce was starting at TE for the Chiefs, and Keenan Allen was starting at WR for the Chargers. This week, Johnson was starting at tackle for the Eagles, Kelce was starting at TE for the Chiefs, and Allen was starting at WR for the Chargers.

** No matter where you turned in 2013, Tom Brady was in NFL promos and commercials and everything. And somehow, even though he has retired twice, Brady still won’t go away.

The Cowboys’ big offseason acquisition was a #2 wide receiver to help out with the Dallas offense. George Pickens was already established as a deep-play threat on the Steelers, but the Cowboys coaching staff saw something special in him that they knew would bring depth to their team.

Was it his speed? No. His grit? No. His can-do attitude? No. It was clearly spelled out in the letter of his name, just rearranged a bit:

Dallas wideout George Pickens
** Greed peg — New idiot lacks a soul

Greedy and dumb? That’s practically Jerry Jones’ family motto.

** Split my picks with Dad for the week, so I remain up five on him for the season. I’m 85-35 so far, which is a cool 70.3 percent accuracy rate on the year. If not for the Vikings, I may be at 90+ percent.

** Eagles head into the bye with a 2.5 game lead over the Cowboys in second place. If the Eagles go 4-5 over the second half, the Cowboys would have to go 7-2 to pass them.

** I was working a joke about Halloween and Jerry Jones and the crypt keeper but honestly it just felt too obvious.

 

Week 8 standings

Family Cup standings

House Doyle: 17-7
House Garrity: 11-13
House Shane: 9-13-2
House Quinn: 10-14

I no longer have words for how frustrating this league is. The team run by Emma and me has scored the third most points in the league, and we are in dead last place. We have four losses (OK, three losses and one tie) this year where we have scored 125+ pts. Shelly’s team, tied for first with six wins, has only scored above that mark twice all year. Jimmy’s team has scored 255 points fewer — almost 32 points less a week — and has one more win than us. This league is cursed. I look forward to winning the final six games of the season and missing the playoffs by one spot.

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,018.21 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 996.46 pts
3 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 943.72 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 925.68 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 921.88 pts
6 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 886.99 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 845.36 pts
8 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 842.11 pts
9 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 833.26 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Joel), 820.91 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 760.29 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 593.61 pts

So much for my impressive lead. I couldn’t break 90 pts this week, and Jonathan scored over 160, trimming my cushion in the standings to less than 22 pts. Three more teams are within 100 of first, including former champs Pop and Mike. But don’t sleep on Dr. Bob’s squad — is this finally the year he can break through? I hope not. My team was doing really well…

Joel’s team is officially dead, failing to top 60 pts for the second week in a row. Paul’s is mostly dead, which is better than all dead, because with all dead the only thing you can do is check their pockets for loose change.

The Eagles don’t play next week, but other teams do, so check the schedule early and often. We’re entering the back stretch, and it’s still anyone’s game.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 7 recap

On Sunday, Eagles QB Jalen Hurts became only the third Philadelphia quarterback to achieve a perfect passer rating in a regular season game, joining Donovan McNabb and Nick Foles on the exclusive list. The passer rating calculator remains a confusing and unintuitive metric, so here’s a quick explanation of what a player has to do to receive to score a 158.3 on the scale, the highest mark possible:

— Throw at least 10 passes
— Complete at least 77.5% of passes
— Average at least 12.5 yards per pass attempt
— Throw no interceptions
— Throw a TD on at least 11.875% of pass attempts
— Spend at least two quarters not throwing the ball further than three yards
— Look completely lost at least once in the third quarter
— Somehow need the defense to score to win the game
— Laugh about your critics after the game

Foles is the only QB to get a perfect passer rating in a game where he threw seven TDs. Hurts only had three on Sunday, so there’s still more he can aim for.

QB: Bo Nix, 43.96 pts — on Jo’s bench
WR: Ja'Marr Chase, 24.73 pts — started by Joel
RB: Christian McCaffrey, 33.20 pts — started by Bob
TE: Trey McBride, 21.93 pts — started by Jeff
K: Will Reichard, 18.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Cleveland, 28.00 pts — on the wire
D: Travis Hunter, 17.23 pts — started by Ant (kind of)

Let’s address that last name first — Hunter is now officially listed as WR/CB, which means he can be started in the defensive player spot. But Anthony didn’t do that this week, so he just got a solid score from a flex position instead of an incredible score from a D position. Poor coaching, still a fine result.

Huge point totals all around this week. Nix tied for the highest score of the year so far (yes, tied. Goff had 43.96 pts exactly in week 2. Weird). Eleven players topped 30 pts, including three RBs (McCaffery, Jonathan Taylor and Jahmyr Gibbs) and Mr. Perfect, Jalen Hurts. WR DeVonta Smith had 183 receiving yards and a TD, but was only the third best fantasy receiver (and beat AJ Brown by just 0.67 pts).

“QB parade” edition

3rd place: (tie) Gardner Minshew, -0.30 pts — on the wire
3rd place: (tie) Jimmy Garoppolo, -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Tua Tagovailoa, -1.40 pts — on the wire
1st place: Kenny Pickett, -1.68 pts — on the wire

On the same day that the Eagles starter had a perfect passer rating, two former Eagles QBs made the list of worst fantasy performers of the week. Mishnew didn’t really earn his spot, collecting -3 rushing yds on three kneel downs. Super Bowl winning QB Kenny Pickett did, going 2 for 2 for 8 yds passing and fumbling in his brief appearance during the Raiders 31-0 loss to the Chefs.

But those two were just part timers. Tagovailoa played the majority of the Dolphins' loss to the (checks notes) Browns, passing for 100 yards and three interceptions, one of which was returned for a TD. His QB rating was 24.1, which was lower than your rating on Sunday (zero completions, yards, TDs or INTs is a 39.6 rating). If you’re the worst QB on the field during a Browns game and you’re not wearing a Browns’ uniform, you’ve hit a new low in life.


** In the second quarter of the Ohio State/Wisconsin game (during which commentator Brad Nessler confused the Badgers and the Buckeyes four times), Wisconsin suffered a rash of injuries, including to their RB. After a few minutes, sideline reporter Jenny Dell gave an update on the player’s condition:

“I just talked to the coaches. If he can come back, then he’ll get into the game. But if not, then he’s out.”

That’s the kind of inside perspective that only the best sideline report can provide.

 

** Texas Tech athletic director Kirby Hocutt said this on Monday:

"As Red Raiders, no one tells us what to do. We make our own decisions. I leaned into throwing tortillas at the beginning of the football season. Now I must ask everyone to stop."

I can give you the context for that, but I assure you it will not make any more sense.

Fine. Texas Tech has a tradition (not the right word) of tossing tortillas into the air during football games. The Big 12 voted this year to penalize teams whose fans throw items onto the field. Texas Tech fans responded by throwing loads of tortillas onto the field throughout the last few games, and now faces a $100,000 fine from the league if it happens again.

See? I told you it makes no more sense.

 

** Dolphins Coach Mike McDaniel, asked about QB Tua Tagovailoa’s status going ahead after Sunday’s embarrassing loss: "He is going to take the snaps this week, and he's going to be our starter this week.”

Yeah, so, McDaniel is getting fired before November.

The Eagles announced on Monday that two-time Super Bowl winner Brandon Graham will return to the nest this season, to help the team’s suddenly thin pass rush. Team reporters are already speculating that he might not be the only familiar face to return to the team this year. Here are a few other names to watch:

** C Jason Kelce: The Eagles offensive line is also hurting, and Kelce is still looking for a second Super Bowl ring.

** QB Mike Kafka: Sure, he’s the offensive coordinator for the New Jersey Giants now. But Kafka was in the same Eagles draft class as Graham (2010), so why not give it a try?

** S Brian Dawkins: No question he could still lay down some hits.

** RB Saquon Barkley: After his monster campaign last year, it’d be great to see him play again in 2025. It’s a shame that he decided to hang up his cleats over the summer and … wait, wut? Are you sure? Then where the hell has he been?

** P Jeff Feagles: Feagles played for 22 years — would you really be surprised if you found out he still wanted to sign one more contract?


The Cowboys activated CB Caelen Carson from the injured reserve list to help with their struggling defense. Coaches talk all the time about players “checking all the boxes,” and Carson was no exception. Except in his case, those boxes are all terrible, terrible qualities that are clearly spelled out in the letters of his name:

Dallas CB Caelen Carson
** A rascal: Bled cons clean
** A slob: All cancer dances
** A clod: Cleans barnacles
** A debacle: Calls son “narc”
** A loser: Cancel bad clans

I don’t know if “cancer dances” cause cancer or just celebrate cancer, but either way, this guy is bad news.

** I went 2-1 in the picks against Dad this week, but the one I got wrong was that Miami loss. In a just world, that would count as 20 losses for me. But this is not a just world, and I remain up 5 on Dad for the season.

** RB Montie Quinn of Division III Curry College (in New England) ran for seven TDs and 522 yards in his team’s 71-27 win over Nichols College. He had five TD runs over 50 yds, and three over 75 yds. For those of you scoring at home, yes, that is a record for any college game, and yes, that would have been worth 94.2 fantasy pts in our league.

** Sixers start their season tomorrow, in case you haven’t had enough Philly sports disappointment of late.

Week 7 standings

Family Cup standings

House Doyle: 15-6
House Garrity: 10-11
House Shane: 8-11-2
House Quinn: 8-13

It’s official: Emma's Unicorn Blobfish Empire is cursed. Despite scoring the most points in the league this week, our empire still couldn’t get a win. Instead, we tied with Jonathan at 154.46 pts apiece. Think about that. We’re going down to the hundredths of a point in scoring, and still everything ended up even. On the season, our joint team is fifth in the league in scoring and 11th in record. We’ve had 71 more points — about 10 more points a week — scored on us than any other team. Shelly has 78 fewer points on the year and 4 more wins than us. And now, we have to stare at that bizarre tie for the rest of the season. Cursed, I tell you. Cursed!

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 928.62 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 836.24 pts
3 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 825.01 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 824.38 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 794.99 pts
6 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 769.82 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 754.74 pts
8 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 739.16 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 734.72 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 734.29 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 646.29 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 538.54 pts

Jeff scored 153.96 points in our league this week and he doesn’t even get proper recognition for the achievement, because Bob went full beast mode with his squad: 180.14 pts, with eight of his 12 players scoring in double digits. That vaulted him up the charts again, putting him just a hair out of third and within striking distance of second. First place, still secure, although my lead slipped back to just double digits this week.

At the other end, Joel hasn’t scored more than 85 pts since week 2. Starting an injured QB for multiple weeks will do that to you. Mom D did start all healthy players, but her defense and RB trio combined for just 11.24 pts. The B Sharps remain disappointingly flat.

Your NFL schedule for next week includes … wait, what? One Monday game? No overseas contests? Just a slate of mostly normal Sunday games? I’m not sure how to deal with that. I’ll probably find a new way to forget to set my roster as a result.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 6 recap

Before we move past last week’s absolute tragedy of a sports day for Philadelphia, it’s important to put the trauma in its proper context. To recap, here are all the things that happened last Thursday:

** The Phillies were eliminated from the playoffs on a 12th-inning error.
** The Eagles got blown out by an inferior division opponent.
** The Flyers opened their season with a loss.
** The Sixers existed.

All terrible, heartbreaking events. But was it the worst single sports day in city history? Here are the other contenders (subtracting deaths and real world horrors, mostly):

— Oct. 16, 1983: Only twice in U.S. pro sports history has a city had three pro sports teams lose on the same day including a MLB team being bounced from the playoffs. Those two are Philadelphia last week … and Philadelphia in 1983, when the Phillies were eliminated from the World Series by the Orioles, the Eagles lost by 30 to the Cowboys, and the Flyers were beaten by the Rangers 5-4.

— Nov. 5, 2022: In a historic first, Philadelphia lost two major sports championships on the same day, within a few hours of each other. After the Union fell to LA in penalty kicks (the Philly squad took the lead in overtime and couldn’t hold on), the Phillies lost a decisive game five of the World Series to the Astros. For the record, the Flyers did win that day, but no one noticed.

— May 12, 1985: The Sixers lost game 1 of the Easter Conference Finals to the rival Celtics just a few hours after the Phillies lost a 3-2 contest against the rival Mets. And a few hours after all that, the city police dropped a bomb on the MOVE complex after a lengthy firefight with members bunkering in the row homes. So, the sports news went a little under the radar.

— Feb. 29, 2009: Flyers lose in overtime to the Canadiens within a few minutes of the Sixers loss to the Magic in regulation. But both of those defeats came about five hours after the worst sports news of the day, when the Eagles declined to match the contract offer Denver made to S Brian Dawkins, allowing him the leave in free agency.

— April 23, 2020: The Phillies, Sixers and Flyers were all scheduled to play that day, but the Covid pandemic wiped out all sports for the week and much of the spring. But one sports event that did go on was the NFL Draft, where the Eagles selected WR Jalen Reagor one pick ahead of WR Justin Jefferson. So that counted for roughly 15 losses on its own.

Given that the 1983 mess involved both a Cowboys loss and a World Series loss, it feels like that hurts more than any other single day. But luckily, we Philly faithful have plenty of pain to choose from.

QB: Patrick Mahomes, 37.48 pts — started by Sam
WR: George Pickens, 21.70 pts — started by Joel
RB: Bijan Robinson, 30.53 pts — started by me
TE: Dallas Goedert, 17.83 pts — started by Pop
K: Eddy Pineiro, 15.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: LA Rams, 20.00 pts — started by Sam
D: Devin White, 9.00 pts — started by Jonathan

I guess it’s time we had a conversation about Rico Dowdle, the #2 RB on the week with 30.03 pts. The Panthers RB has scored 30+ fantasy pts in his last two games, collecting 389 rushing yards and 85 receiving yards in back-to-back victories for his team. He’s fourth in rushing on the season and has suddenly made Carolina relevant, a feat that seemed impossible just one month ago. And his ridiculous performance this week came at the expense of his former team, the Cowboys, for whom he played four years and only broke 100 rushing yards four times. All great news.

Remember when the Eagles didn’t want to resign Goedert? Right now he’s the #2 fantasy TE in all of football, and has more TDs than all but four wideouts in the league. So, yeah, the team was absolutely right to make him take a pay cut.

Just missed a perfect week. Stupid kickers. 

“Names you know” edition

3rd place: Philadelphia, -1.00 pts — started by Paul
2nd place: Cooper Rush, -1.12 pts — on the wire
1st place: San Francisco, -2.00 pts — on Bob’s bench

If you’re looking for a defense, Bob has it. He’s currently carrying three different DEFs at the moment, and luckily benched the worst of them this week. Sadly for him, the other two (Green Bay and Kansas City) only scored 3.00 pts each.

Through three starts this season in place of All-Pro QB Lamar Jackson, Cooper Rush has thrown zero TDs and four interceptions for a total of 2.12 fantasy pts. That’s playing as a QB, not as a backup special teams player. The Ravens have a bye this week and Rush has already tossed another pick.


** For the second week in a row, Westwood One commentator Oliver Wilson dropped some mind-numbing comments during the overseas NFL game of the week, Denver vs. New Jersey. The Jets took over at their own 35-yard line in the late third quarter, with an 11-10 lead. Wilson analyzed the situation at hand:

“That’s a good starting position,” he said. “I wouldn’t bet against them trying to get this into field goal range on this possession.”

Look, I know the Jets are bad, but I do believe they are at least trying to get into scoring position on every possession. It would be more shocking to me if they were kneeling down on the ball in the third quarter, assuming a one-point lead will hold for 15+ minutes.

Now, if you want to bet on them actually succeeding in getting into field goal range, that’s a different story. The Jets went three-and-out and lost the game.

** Eagles coach Nick Sirriani, following the Giants game last week: “We’ve got a lot of confidence in [offensive coordinator] Kevin [Patullo] and the offensive staff and love some of the thoughts that we have.”

The Eagles are 16th in points per game, have only managed 17 points each of the last two games, and are wasting their Pro Bowl running back and all-Pro wideouts. But, I do love good thoughts, almost as much as I love scoring.

Last week’s terrible Philly games have us all feeling a little down, but just remember that not all is lost. You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and people like you. Plus, you were a better athlete than a lot of professionals over the weekend. Just consider:

— Did you get zero passing yards this weekend? Congrats! You were better than Jets QB Justin Fields, who had a net -10 yards passing on the day thanks to nine sacks. He’s only the second player in the last 10 years to have as many sacks as completions in a game. The other was … Justin Fields.

— Did you get zero rushing yards this weekend? Congrats! You were better than Raiders RB Raheem Mostert, who rushed five times for -4 yards. Mostert made the Pro Bowl just 20 months ago, and now he can’t even make the line of scrimmage.

— Did you drive a car this weekend? Congrats! You were faster than Seahawks WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba, who topped out at 21 mph in his breakaway 61-yard TD catch on Sunday. Sure, he almost reached the neighborhood speed limit on foot, but almost doesn’t count here.

— Did you show up for work on Tuesday? Congrats! You made more money this week than Lions DB Brian Branch, who was suspended one game due to a post-game fight following his team’s loss to the Chiefs Sunday. He makes about $118,000 per game, and has now lost roughly $247,000 thanks to 14 fines in his three-year career.

— Are you on the Browns? No? Congrats! Through clean living and hard work, you’ve avoided the pitfalls of ending up playing for that wretched franchise, which has not scored more than 18 points in any of its last 11 contests. The last time they broke that barrier was Dec. 2 of last year, when they scored 32 … in a 41-32 loss to the Broncos.

The Cowboys knew they had a serious defensive problem heading into this season, which is why they selected Donovan Ezeiruaku in the second round of last spring’s draft. They were hoping he’d bring some new energy and spark into the locker room, but thus far the results have been disappointing. And, honesty, predictable, because just look at what his name spells out:

Dallas Defensive End Donovan Ezeiruaku
** Dead. No life. A zero. Leaves unkind, unsaved.

RIP, rookie. I’m sorry it had to end so soon.

** Dad picked up a game on me this week, and I couldn’t be happier. We’re just trading being wrong about the Panthers each week, and he nailed their win over the Cowpokes on Sunday. I’m still at plus-4 for the season, so no worries yet.

** If you’re wondering why I didn’t include Penn State’s awful sports week in the Philadelphia misery, it’s because the school is in upstate New York and not the Philadelphia area. But for the record: 17 days ago, that team was undefeated and ranked #3 in the country in college football. Today, they’re .500, outside the top #25 and looking for a new head coach after spending $49 million to fire James Franklin. Not great.

** I was trying to find players with a stupider name than Cam Skattebo to score multiple TDs against the Eagles and the best I could do was RB Stump Mitchell of the St. Louis Cardinals who scored 2 TDs in a 24-14 win in Philly on Nov. 17, 1985. He’s currently 66 years old and the running backs coach for the West Georgia Wolves. I’m betting he could score two more against the birds next week.

 

Week 6 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 13-5
House Garrity: 9-9
House Shane: 8-10
House Quinn: 6-12

And just like that, we have no more undefeated or winless teams in the league. Pop upset Mike (with 170+ pts!) to finally put a blemish on Mike’s perfect season. At the other end of the standings, Emma’s squad finally didn’t play someone who scored in the 130s, and defeated Tommy’s team for her first win of the season. Oliver and Jimmy came out on top in their respective family battles, while Grandmom upset Jonathan to keep him from sneaking into first place.

Awesome Cup Standings
1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 821.59 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 721.47 pts
3 — City Hands (Mike), 708.52 pts
4 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 704.07 pts
5 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 672.71 pts
6 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 664.93 pts
7 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 644.24 pts
8 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 643.10 pts
9 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 635.05 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 580.33 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 569.33 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 483.27 pts

A big week for Pop here too — 147.47 pts was the high score on the week for this league, giving him the rare double first-place finish. That was good enough to get him to the edge of podium position. Jo posted 13 fewer points and climbed back up a bit in the standings too. And Jonathan cemented his grip on second with a 118.35 pts performance.

But none of your efforts are slowing me down. Another week, another 120+ pts. I now have a 100-point cushion in the standings, and that’s with Lamar Jackson and Cam Skittleado on my bench. Could I have the league title wrapped up by week 9? Sure, if Bijan Robinson averages 300 rushing yards and seven touchdowns each of the next three weeks.

Speaking of next week … Thursday game, Sunday early game, Sunday late game, two Monday games, two byes, zero scheduling sense. Check your rosters now, and again later, and then again even later.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 5 recap

Philadelphia sports media reported this week that Jalen Hurts, A.J. Brown, and Saquon Barkley had a “long, positive talk on Monday” following the team’s loss to Denver. Thanks to sources within the building, I’ve learned the trio was actually brainstorming ideas to recommend improvements to the gameplan with offensive coordinator Kevin Patullo. And I’ve also obtained a recording of their meeting with the coach on Tuesday morning to lay out their concerns. Here is a partial transcript:

AJ: “What if we tried moving the ball forward?”

KP: “Nah, we did that, and every time the center moves the ball ahead even a little the refs throw a flag.”

SB: “No, bro, he doesn’t mean on the tush push. He means moving the ball down the field.”

KP: “You mean like a downfield tush push?”

JH: “No like and actual, grown-up offensive play down the field. Like in the Super Bowl.”

KP: “Ah, right. I forgot there was a tush push in the Super Bowl too.”

SB: “We need to run an offense again, bud. Not just these weak, weird plays. An actual offense to catch people off guard.”

KP: “Sounds risky. If we keep the ball close to the line of scrimmage, we won’t turn it over. That’s how you win.”

JH: “What if we’re behind on the scoreboard?”

KP: “Then we definitely don’t want to fall further behind.”

AJ: “My man, this squad scored 40 points against a good Chiefs defense in the Super Bowl. We need to get back to that mentality. We need to play to win again.”

KP: (pauses)

KP: (pauses)

KP: “You’re right, we gotta win in those trenches. Let’s go out there and practice the tush push some more.”

QB: C.J. Stroud, 36.76 pts — on the wire
WR: Ja'Marr Chase, 23.83 pts — started by Joel
RB: Rico Dowdle, 30.47 pts — started by Pop
TE: AJ Barner, 19.03 pts — on the wire
K: Ka'imi Fairbairn, 18.00 pts — started by Jonathan
DEF: Indianapolis, 20.00 pts — on the wire
D: Derrick Barnes, 10.50 pts — on the wire

More tough news for AJ Brown — he’s not even the first AJ in the top performers list of the year. I’ve never heard of AJ Barner, Seattle’s TE, before this moment, but he’s the #5 player at his position on the year.

The Texans came into Sunday averaging 16 points a game, but that’s nothing the Ravens defense couldn’t help fix. Stroud passed for four TDs and 244 yds in a 44-10 dismantling of the reeling Baltimore team. For comparison, Strout collected just 38.06 fantasy pts in his first three games this season.

Don’t look now, but Rams WR Puka Nacua (#4 wideout on the week) has 588 receiving yds and is on pace for 1,999 for the season. The record is 1,964 by Calvin Johnson in 2012, in 16 games.

“Bad luck” edition

2nd place: (tie) Ollie Gordon II, -0.20 pts — on Mike’s bench
2nd place: (tie) Zavier Scott, -0.20 pts — started by Jo
1st place: Jalen Milroe, -2.00 pts — on the wire

Scott was worth 12.47 pts last week when the Vikings lost and there were no bye weeks, so naturally he was worth negative pts for Jo this week when the Vikings won and she needed a bye-week fill in. Fantasy football is cruel.

Five defenses were worth negative pts this week, and somehow the Ravens weren’t the worst (they were only -4.00 pts). Congrats to the Raiders on being the most recent member of the -6.00 team, surrendering 40 pts to the Colts and recording no sacks or takeaways.

But, for the record, Baltimore is the worst defense in all of football now: They’re scored -4.00 pts total on the year, ending up in negative territory four of the last five weeks.


** Ahead of the Vikings/Browns game in London on Sunday, singers performed both the “Star Spangled Banner” and “God Save the King.” Westwood One commentator Oliver Wilson, moved by the musical moment, noted that “the American and British national anthems just hit different ahead of a game in London.”

He’s absolutely right. Whenever I hear NFL teams play “God Save the King” ahead of a normal, stateside game, my emotions are less overcome by the grandeur and more confused about why we’re pledging allegiance to our former overlords. Did we lose a war? Did someone mortgage the country and we got repossessed?

You know what would be really different? Getting smart commentary while watching overseas football.

** Ahead of the Blue Jays/Yankees series, the Bills put out several social media messages wishing Toronto good luck in advancing to the next round of the MLB playoffs. That drew immediate criticism online from Yankees fans blasting the franchise for turning its back on New York.

A few points of rebuttal:

1 — Toronto is a 90-minute drive from Buffalo. New York City is a 6.5-hour drive. Expecting Buffalo to have allegiance to a NYC team is like expecting the Phillies to put out a tweet wishing the Pittsburgh Penguins luck in the postseason.

2 — Since when does anyone from New York City consider Buffalo part of New York? The tabloids are constantly lamenting how bad “New York” football is, focusing on the Jets and Giants and ignoring the Bills.

3 — No one should ever support the Yankees, so their argument is moot.

** During the Texans beatdown of the Ravens on Sunday, CBS announcer Noah Eagle noted that the Ravens’ usually stout defense has been miserable so far this season.

“These aren’t your father’s Ravens,” he quipped. “These aren’t your grandfather’s Ravens either!”

He’s right, because my grandfather didn’t watch the Ravens growing up. The franchise began in 1996. They also weren’t John Madden’s Ravens, or Michaelagelo’s Ravens, or King Tut’s Ravens.

Actually, maybe they were, because Baltimore didn’t have any defense prior to 1999 either.

Rookie Dillon Gabriel started for the Browns in that London game on Sunday, the 41st different quarterback to start a game for the franchise since it was revived in 1999. In honor of the dubious milestone, it’s time for another basic NFL knowledge quiz. Which of these men have started a game for the Browns in the last 26 years, and which of these names are Cleveland mayors from the 19th century?

 

Charlie Frye

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Thad Lewis

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Robert McKisson

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Connor Shaw

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Derek Anderson

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Nelson Hayward

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Joshua Mills

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Bruce Gradkowski

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Doug Pederson

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

(The quizzes still don't really work, sorry). 

The correct answer, of course, is that none of these are men who started for the Browns. They were sad little boys thrust into an unwinnable situation.

But, if you’re looking for the names of actual QBs on the list, Frye, Lewis, Shaw, Anderson and Gradkowski were all NFL players. McKisson, Hayward and Mills all served as mayors of Cleveland and died before 1900. And Doug Pederson — yes that Doug Pederson — went 1-7 as the Browns starter in 2000, one year after acting as a mentor to Donovan McNabb.

One of the weaknesses of the Cowboys roster last year was their running back corps, so the team drafted Texas’ primary rusher in the fifth round of the draft last spring. Was it his speed that stood out? His size? His grit? Nah, the letters in his name just showed he fit in exactly with the team’s spirit and culture:

Dallas Cowboys new RB Jaydon Blue
** A ballsy clown, absurd dweeb. No joy.

At least his name matches the color of his uniform. That should make it easier for him to remember which team he’s rooting for.

** Deja vu all over again: For the second week in a row, I went 2-0 against Dad in the picks, to go up five for the season. I made fun of him for picking the Panthers last week, then picked the Panthers this week to defeat the Dolphins and stole a point from him. It’s psychological warfare, and I’m way out in front right now.

** I’ll start writing about the Phillies in the postseason as soon as they start playing in the postseason.

** A fan in Jacksonville at the Monday night game against the Chiefs was holding up an “ESPN” sign which read “Enjoy Super bowls Patrick Never again” and that’s a lot of work for very, very little result.

Week 5 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 12-3
House Garrity: 8-7
House Shane: 6-9
House Quinn: 4-11

Everyone in the league now has at least one win … except the team managed by Emma and me. We’ve scored more points than four other teams but have had 43 more points scored against us than any other squad. If it weren’t for bad luck, we’d have no luck at all. Mike’s Shamrock Meats Inc. has all the good luck, coming back in his match against Ollie to stay undefeated on the year. For the record, he is averaging just 8.5 more pts a week than our winless team. Fantasy football is cruel.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 701.22 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 611.37 pts
3 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 603.12 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 570.43 pts
5 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 565.24 pts
6 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 562.29 pts
7 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 556.60 pts
8 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 554.49 pts
9 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 500.36 pts
10 — The B Sharps (Paul), 489.91 pts
11 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 487.57 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 407.03 pts

Our defending champ is making his push back up the leaderboard, posting an impressive 152.63 pts this week. Just two weeks ago he was in 7th place — now he’s back on the podium.

But that’s a pretty unbalanced podium. I’ve opened an almost 90-point lead over second place, even while I lost Lamar Jackson to injury (a lot of garbage time points for Justin Fields this week, thanks). There were big scores all around this week, with 100+ points for everyone except for Paul, Jo and Joel. Jeff even started an active kicker this week! He also started Giants CB Paulson Adebo in one of his defensive player slots, even though that is clearly a made up human. Still scored 3 points, somehow.

Welcome to week 6: More byes! More London games! More inconvenience for fantasy managers! Check your rosters early, because you don’t want to leave any points on the table.