Fantasy league 2020 -- final season recap

We did it, folks. Thanks to all our precautions and social distancing, we managed to make it through an entire fantasy football season without any coronavirus cases in our league.

(double checks the league medical reports)

Or not. But, in the words of Roger Goodell, there were still plenty of games, and making money for the NFL is all that matters, player health be damned. So let’s review how our teams did before we unveil the trophy everyone has been waiting for:

Patriots Secret Cam (Joel)
Yahoo ranking: 2012.14 pts, 7th place
My ranking: 2223.22 pts, 2nd place
Actual ranking: 1458.92 pts, 11th place
NFL equivalent: Jacksonville Jaguars

Buckle up, kids, because my predictions were a roller coaster this year. I’m not sure what I saw in Joel’s team, but it disappeared almost instantly. Injuries killed the squad: RB Saquon Barkley, RB Austin Eckler, and QB Drew Brees all spent long stretches on the disabled list. Not replacing them with competent players until far too late didn’t help. But the worst move for Joel may have been trusting K Jake Elliott all season, even when it became obvious that Eagles Coach Doug Pederson would rather lose every game than even attempt field goals. Stubborn coaching in the face of stubborn coaching just doesn’t work.

Soccer Orphans (Paul)
Yahoo ranking: 2097.35 pts, 4th place
My ranking: 1803.00 pts, 9th place
Actual ranking: 1630.73 pts, 10th place
NFL equivalent: Houston Texans

Like the Texans, Paul’s team looked good on paper. But zeroed in on the root of his team’s problems when I reviewed my pre-season predictions:

“QB Carson Wentz is, of course, a natural winner.”

Wentz was so awful this year there was no way to escape his fantasy black hole. RB Derrick Henry rushed for 2,000 yds. The Colts defense was great. WR Tyler Lockett put up another solid season. And none of it mattered, because Wentz tanked every team he was on, including Paul’s. I finished in 11th out of 12 teams in one of my other leagues, and guess who my QB was? That’s right it was Wentz. And Joe Burrow. And Taysom Hill. And I think Hurts for a game or two? Having Wentz as a centerpiece this year was the same as throwing your entire team in the garbage disposal and hoping it would somehow turn into dinner.

Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad) 

Yahoo ranking: 2277.76 pts, 1st place
My ranking: 2013.13 pts, 5th place
Actual ranking: 1841.42 pts, 9th place
NFL equivalent: New Jersey Jets

This is the second consecutive year that Yahoo picked Dad as the best team post-draft. And this is the second consecutive year that Yahoo was wrong. Dad’s team (whose name translates in Polish to “never believe Yahoo rankings”) had WR Stefon Diggs and QB Lamar Jackson — two players who led me to a championship in my other fantasy league, I might add — but not much else. His gamble on TE Dallas Goedert never paid off. RBs Joe Mixon, Todd Gurley and Cam Akers ran aground (I had Mixon on my championship team too, just saying, some of us can coach around problems). What his team really lacked in the end was heart. And leadership. And total points, which is really the most important thing.

The Mom Football Tm (Mom D)
Yahoo ranking: 2086.25 pts, 5th place
My ranking: 2101.10 pts, 4th place
Actual ranking: 1951.65 pts, 8th place
NFL equivalent: Atlanta Falcons

Both the Falcons and Mom were let down by QB Matt Ryan this year, who was as streaky as paint left to dry in sub-30 degree temperatures (did you know paint won’t dry in weather that cold? I do now!) Like everyone else in the bottom half here, Mom had too much faith in Eagles: RB Miles Sanders was palatable on the rare occasions when he was healthy, WR DeSean Jackson was hurt exactly as much as we thought he would be. WR Juju Smith-Schuster put up some solid numbers in the second half of the year … after she cut him from the team. She also started two Lions in the final week of the season, and everybody knows that just won’t work, because there is no winning football in Detroit, ever.

The Slaymakers (Ant)
Yahoo ranking: 1987.36 pts, 9th place
My ranking: 1707.45 pts, 10th place
Actual ranking: 1963.18 pts, 7th place
NFL equivalent: Carolina Panthers

There were a few moments this season where it looked like the Panthers could be a relevant team. And there were a few moments where Ant’s team looked good too. And then reality set it. WRs Julion Jones and AJ Green were both largely busts. Rookie RBs Clyde Edwards-Helaire and Jonathan Taylor showed flashes of brilliance but not enough actual production. QB Russell Wilson was unstoppable for the first half of the year and unwatchable for the second. But the biggest stunner of all was that Ant kept a Cowboy on his roster for the entire year. Does he owe money to WR Michael Gallup or something? At least lose with dignity, man.

Kneel Armstrong (Sam)
Yahoo ranking: 2003.17 pts, 8th place
My ranking: 1835.50 pts, 9th place
Actual ranking: 2019.98 pts, 6th place
NFL equivalent: New England Patriots

Our reigning Awesome Cup champion fell back to the middle of the pack this year, mostly due to mediocre RB performances. Ezekiel Elliott, Kareen Hunt and James Conner were the rushing equivalent of pandemic vacations this season: Sure, they are nice to have, but they aren’t really taking you anywhere. QB Josh Allen single-handedly saved this team from the bottom half of the standings. And Panthers WR DJ Moore made sure they didn’t move up any higher than the middle of the pack. Sam will have to wait until next season to reclaim his title. And by then, who knows if we’ll have to be watching football with masks over our eyes to avoid the next plague.

Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob)
Yahoo ranking: 2068.57 pts, 6th place
My ranking: 2198.01 pts, 3rd place
Actual ranking: 2021.44 pts, 5th place 

NFL equivalent: New Orleans Saints

Bob was close this year, folks. Like, “not properly socially distanced” from the top spot. QB Patrick Mahomes and WR Tyreek Hill had him cooking all year, and his makeshift running back corps of James Robinson, Adrian Peterson and Devin Singletary almost came through. Bob even ran a two-TE set in the final week of the season, rolling Rob Gronkowski and Mark Andrews out there together. It didn’t work, but you have to admire his tenacity. If not for his ever rotating problem with defenses — Bob had at least one of his defenses worth zero or fewer pts each of the last five weeks of the season — he may have been able to sneak up onto the medal podium. He still walks away with the trophy for best team name (please note, there is still not a trophy for this).

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Yahoo ranking: 2142.40 pts, 2nd place
My ranking: 1696.69 pts, 11th place
Actual ranking: 2071.69 pts, 4th place
NFL equivalent: Buffalo Bills

Like the Bills, Jeff was the team that everyone predicted would be really good but I just didn’t believe it. But QB Kyler Murray was a fantasy stud all year, the Baltimore Defense pulled in plenty of points, WRs CeeDee Lamb and Keenan Allen did enough to keep Jeff near the top. Imagine if he hadn’t taken RB Christian McCaffery with the top pick, only to see him get hurt early in the season. Imagine if he had remembered to set his roster, and not taken a zero in 10 different player spots over the last four weeks of the season. As the great philosopher Keanu Reeves once said, “One of the most important things in life is showing up, and I can’t believe I showed up to star in the movie ‘Hardball.’” That’s a life lesson we can all treasure.

5th Grade Math (Jo)
Yahoo ranking: 1948.99 pts, 11th place
My ranking: 1888.23 pts, 6th place
Actual ranking: 2139.19 pts, 3rd place
NFL equivalent: Green Bay Packers

A last-week blitz of points gives Joanna’s team the league bronze medal for a record fourth time. She also has a silver medal to go with that and three more fourth-place finishes, but remains our league’s Andy Reid: the most accomplished coach never to get a title. Still, there’s plenty to like about her performance this year. Picking RB Alvin Kamara over Saquon Barkley? Genius move. Snagging QB DeShaun Watson in the 7th round and taking his league-leading 4,823 passing yds? Great. Grabbing the top fantasy defense (Pittsburgh) in a year where defenses were routinely let-downs? Solid. Investing heavily in TE Zach Ertz? Hey, you can’t win them all. But she won enough to look down over her mask at most of the rest of you and admire the view from the podium.

The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome)
Yahoo ranking: 1965.48 pts, 10th place
My ranking: 1887.23 pts, 7th place
Actual ranking: 2196.89 pts, 2nd place
NFL equivalent: 2017 Philadelphia Eagles, not this year’s garbage birds team

I now have the league lead in first-place (four) and second-place finishes (five), and have finished in the top three spots each of the last four years. But, like memories of what the Eagles were just a few years ago, reflecting on all of this is bittersweet. One more good week or one more misstep from our league leader and I’d be crowing about another title, even with a team I labeled as garbage from draft day on. My first round pick (WR Michael Thomas) was a dud. Yahoo forced two TEs and two kickers onto my team, which should have ruined me completely. I even had WR Jalen Reagor briefly on my team, and we’ve proven this year that you can’t win with any Eagles right now. And yet, thanks to genius coaching (MVP QB Aaron Rodgers as the 9th QB picked, folks) here I stand, just 50.5 pts out of first, wondering if one more move may have gotten me there (please note, I made 36 moves, most in the league, so it’s hard to imagine hitting the waiver wire more). There’s always next season, but to be this close to the trophy (but still six feet away, wearing a mask) is difficult.

That also means that, if I didn’t win, our champion is …

Bird Immunity (Mike)
Yahoo ranking: 2109.32 pts, 3rd place
My ranking: 2299.97 pts, 1st place
Actual ranking: 2247.38 pts, 1st place
NFL equivalent: Kansas City Chiefs

Told you. I didn’t get many predictions right, but I nailed this one. Take that, Yahoo.

Our league now has its second three-time champion, with Mike returning to the top spot for the first time since 2008. He was also the inaugural winner of the Awesome Cup, and he pulls himself out of a tie with repeat champions Dad, Anthony and Sam to become the second-winningest coach of all time (behind my four league titles, of course, in case you missed that part in the last section).

Mike’s performance this year was laudable: When QB Dak Prescott went down (after handing him a ton of early points), Mike quickly shifted to backup plans Tom Brady and Ryan Tannehill, switching between them almost perfectly on a weekly basis. TE Darren Waller was a monster. RBs Chris Carson and Josh Jacobs were solid all year, and RB Nick Chubb came back at mid-season to boost the team’s bottom line. WRs AJ Brown, Robert Woods and Robby Anderson all threw in big numbers. I might have been able to catch him if the season was two weeks longer (and it almost was, thanks to postponed games) but in the end, Mike’s coaching savvy earns him another spot on the trophy.

That’s it folks. Thanks again for hanging in there through the pandemic nonsense and truly awful, awful football this season to keep playing. We’ll be back again at it late next summer, when hopefully we’ll be able to take off our masks and get together for indoor parties as we try and avoid the ramping hordes of murder hornets that have taken over the hemisphere. Until then, stay safe out there. 

Fantasy league 2020 -- week 17 recap

A lot of folks had problems with Eagles Coach Doug Pederson’s decision to tank Sunday night’s finale, but I thought he was pretty honest about it in his post-game press conference remarks. Here they are, with the appropriate emphasis that a lot of sports writers missed:

Yes, I was coaching to “win.” Yes that was my decision solely. Nate [Sudfeld] has obviously been here for four years and I felt that he deserved “an opportunity” to get some snaps. (wink)

Listen, if there is anyone out there (gestures towards New York) that thinks that I was not trying to win the game, you know, [TE Zach] Ertz is out there, [DE] Brandon Graham is out there, [CB] Darius Slay is “out” there. All our “top” guys are still on the field at the end, so we were going to “win” the game.

Pretty simple, the “plan” this week (wink, nod) was to get Nate some time and I felt it was “the time” to get him in the game.

Look, you know how I feel about Carson Wentz, I've got the utmost “respect” for him and I feel like we can, together, get these things “corrected.” I still have total faith, total trust in (coughs) Carson Wentz (coughs) and myself together to get the job done.

It’s clear enough to me what he wanted to do and where he stands on the future.

Top QBs of the year

3rd place: Patrick Mahomes, 450.80 pts — 1st QB drafted (Bob)
2nd place: Josh Allen, 469.66 pts — 10th QB drafted (Sam)
1st place: Aaron Rodgers, 478.96 pts — 9th QB drafted (me)

Once again, take this as a lesson as to why you should never draft a QB in the first round. Yes, Bob got good value out of Mahomes there. But he could have gotten even more points out of Rodgers, who was taken seven rounds and 67 players later. Ravens QB Lamar Jackson, the other QB taken in the first round, was only the 10th best QB in our league, and posted 12 more fantasy points than Kik Cousins, who went undrafted and unsigned for the season.

Top WRs of the year

3rd place: Stefon Diggs, 214.43 pts — 32nd WR drafted (Dad)
2nd place: Tyreek Hill, 245.37 pts — 3rd WR drafted (Bob)
1st place: Davante Adams, 255.10 pts — 2nd WR drafted (me)

I still have no idea why everyone had Diggs rated so low, but he made the league pay. He led all of football in targets, catches and receiving yds. Beyond that, though, most of the other elite wideouts were gone early this year. Of the top 15, 12 were drafted in rounds two through six. Shout out to Saints WR Michael Thomas, my #1 overall pick, who ended the year as the 102nd best fantasy wideout, just ahead of Lions WR Quintez Cephus, who you never heard of before this moment.

Top RBs of the year

3rd place: Dalvin Cook, 303.77 pts — 6th RB drafted (Mom D)
2nd place: Alvin Kamara, 312.98 pts — 2nd RB drafted (Jo)
1st place: Derrick Henry, 319.80 pts — 5th RB drafted (Paul)
Henry became only the 8th player in NFL history to rush for 2,000 yds in a season on Sunday, logging his third 200-plus yds rushing game of the season as the Titans clinched the AFC South. Henry led the league in rushing yds, rushing attempts and rushing TDs, so … yeah, probably should have taken him over RB Christian McCaffery (1st RB drafted, 53rd in pts scored).

Top TEs of the year

3rd place: Robert Tonyan, 131.07 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Darren Waller, 186.23 pts — 5th TE drafted (Mike)
1st place: Travis Kelce, 213.06 pts — 2nd TE drafted (Jeff)

Tonyan at third place on this list says less about him and more about the awfulness of the TE position this year. Only five TEs were within 100 pts of Kelce this season, who had 1,416 yds receiving and would have been the 4th best WR if we dropped him in that category. Waller would have been the #8 WR, and actually had two more catches (107) than Kelce (but 220 fewer yds). Meanwhile, no other TEs in the league topped 800 yds or 75 catches on the year.

Top Ks of the year

3rd place: Tyler Bass, 157.50 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Younghoe Koo, 168.00 pts — 7th K drafted (Paul)
1st place: Jason Sanders, 172.00 pts — undrafted

But wait, there’s more bad news! Only three of the top 10 kickers on the year were drafted, and only five of them were signed on fantasy teams before the end of the year. So congrats to everyone (myself included) who drafted a kicker before the 10th round, it was a total waste of time.

Top DEFs of the year

3rd place: Indianapolis, 159.00 pts — 16th DEF drafted (Paul)
2nd place: Pittsburgh, 159.00 pts — 3rd DEF drafted (Jo)
1st place: LA Rams, 165.00 pts — 11th DEF drafted (Mom D)

Last season, the top fantasy defense was the Patriots, with 256 pts. The year before, Chicago hit 200 pts exactly. This season, the best defense (the Rams) fell 35 pts short of that mark. On the other end of the scale, Detroit posted the worst fantasy total in this category all year, with 21 total pts across 16 games. They never topped 10 fantasy pts in any single week and had as many negative games (five) as games about 4 pts.

Top Ds of the year

3rd place: Roquan Smith, 66.50 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Marlon Humphrey, 69.50 pts — undrafted
1st place: Devin White, 72.50 pts — undrafted

Defensive players, man. One day we’ll all figure out the secret to getting good ones.

QB: Cam Newton, 43.35 pts — on the wire
WR: Brandin Cooks, 29.07 pts — started by Sam
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 37.87 pts — started by Ant
TE: Darren Waller, 18.80 pts — started by Mike
K: Ka'imi Fairbairn, 17.00 pts — started by Mom D
DEF: LA Rams, 25.00 pts — on Mike’s bench
D: Maxx Crosby, 11.50 pts — on the wire

In what may be his final game for the Patriots, Newton delivered a beatdown to the lowly Jets, with 242 passing yds, 3 passing TDs, 79 rushing yds and a 19-yard TD catch. Looking forward to seeing him in a Lions uniform next year after that franchise foolishly trades away QB Matt Stafford.

Taylor actually outrushed Henry on the week, totaling 253 yards on 30 carries (as opposed to Henry’s measly 250 yds on 34 carries). His 11-win Colts are the 7th seed in the playoffs, and would have missed out on the postseason if not for the extra spot added this season. If Miami had won, the Colts would have been the first team ever to miss the playoffs despite 11 wins. As it is, they’ll just be the first team eliminated on Saturday.

“Worst performers of the year” edition

5th place: Matt Schaub, -0.40 pts — on the wire
4th place: Adrian Killins, -0.57 pts — on the wire
3rd place: Tim Boyle, -0.90 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Nate Sudfeld, -1.52 pts — on the wire
1st place: Kendall Hinton, -2.78 pts — on the wire

Too little, too late: Eagles third-string QB Sudfeld made a bid in the dying moments of the season to grab the title of the worst player of the year, producing two turnovers in his first five plays of action in the fourth quarter of the team’s miserable finale. But a few late rushes and completions gave him just enough points to fall behind Hinton, the WR turned emergency QB for the Broncos the week they had four signal callers sidelined by coronavirus. In Sudfeld’s defense, as someone who has played QB in the past, it was probably too much for him to be as bad as a player who had never run the position. So they best he could do is be almost as bad as a complete newbie.

Sudfeld is the second Eagle on the worst performers list. Killins fumbled on his only carry of the season, during the second half of Philly’s win over San Francisco in week 5. That’s a pair of rare missteps by an Eagles offense that ran near perfectly for the rest of the year.


** From ESPN last Wednesday: “While dancing around to celebrate his team's win in the Duke's Mayo Bowl, Wisconsin QB Graham Mertz dropped the football-shaped piece of Lenox crystal, leaving it shattered on the floor of the locker room after it fell off its base.”

The team and the sponsors laughed off the destruction of the trophy, which valued at somewhere in the five-figure range. But this isn’t the first time a crystal football trophy has been wrecked by a collegiate football team, which begs the question: Why the hell are you giving fragile crystal trophies to college football players? Make the dumb things out of steel, or aluminum, or mayonnaise, or something that doesn’t cost $10K-plus and shatters easily.

Seriously, Wisconsin and Minnesota play every year for a replica of Paul Bunyan’s axe, which they swing around after victory. Do not trust these guys with anything glass-based.

** On Saturday night, NFL.com had a story with the headline “Picking teams that will make the playoffs” which featured a photo mash-up of Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald (weird pick, not one of their top two stars), Rams DE Aaron Donald, Maryland Football Team DE Chase Young and Eagles QB Jalen Hurts.

One of these things is not like the other…

Eleven teams had a chance to seal a playoff spot on Sunday. Not sure I would have featured the Eagles, eliminated a week earlier, over those other eight squads. But, I also wouldn’t have made the four-win Eagles the game of the week for the NFL, so I obviously don’t know football.

** Maryland Football Team Coach Ron Rivera, after his team was gifted a division title by the Eagles:

"You apologize for losing in the playoffs, but you don't apologize for getting in."

Naw, man, your team is 7-9. You should apologize for something.

Now that the regular season is complete, here is a partial list of folks for whom I have no sympathy: 

** The New Jersey Giants: They could have gotten into the playoffs with an Eagles win over Washington. They also could have gotten into the playoffs if they won seven games, or if they did better than 2-8 outside the division. So, maybe next time, don’t suck so much and you may deserve a playoff spot.

** The Arizona Cardinals: They could have made the playoffs with a win in the last week. Instead, they lost to the Rams, who were playing without their #1 QB, their #1 RB and their #2 WR. And they lost by double digits. It’s worth noting that the 8-8 Cardinals were a hail mary and a last-minute TD against the Eagles away from being a 6-10 team.

** Jets coach Adam Gase: He was bad at winning (9-23 in two years in New Jersey) and bad a losing (won two of the team’s last four games, with the #1 pick on the line.). You really need to be good at one or the other.

** The Miami Dolphins: Is it fair that they won 10 games and missed the playoffs, while a seven-win NFC East team got in? No. But you would have gotten in with 11 wins, and you could have had that total if you didn’t lose to a garbage Patriots team in the opener. Miami hasn’t swept a single season against New England since 2000. They don’t deserve the playoffs until they do.

** Boston fans: Do you realize this is the first time since 1993 that the Patriots and Red Sox have both had a losing record in the same calendar year? Don’t you just feel terrible for the incomparable pain they’ve had to endure? Thoughts and prayers, folks.

For the final anagram of the season we have the newest Cowboy of them all: Offensive Tackle William Sweet, a second-year pro activated from the practice squad for the first time this week. And despite his newness to the Dallas squad, his name can tell you everything you need to know about his team:

William Sweet
** We lame, I wilts

Not enough? Let me spell it out a little more for you...

OT William Sweet
** Team lies, low wit

Still not enough? Well, if you insist:

New OT William Sweet
** Will smite a tween. Ow!

OK, ok, one more, but only because it’s the end of the season:

New Dallas OT William Sweet
** A lewd latte: I wallow in mess

Remember in the off season that even if the insult anagram machine is resting, the Cowboys hatred for all things pure and good doesn’t take a break. Be vigilant, my friends.

** Another solid week of picks from me earns me the season title over Dad. It’s the fourth time in the last five years I’ve bested the old man, and it comes with an accurate pick percentage this year of more than 68 percent (163-76). Yet again, that’s better than all nine experts on ESPN’s weekly panel. And yet, somehow, I never get a call from them.

** So, we’re all rooting for the Chiefs again, I guess?


Week 17 standings

The final league standings, and the winner of this year’s Awesome Cup, will be announced later this week.