Fantasy league 2020 -- week 11 recap

The Eagles’ time as the leaders of the NFC East will end on Thursday afternoon, when the 3-7 Cowboys square off against the 3-7 Maryland Nameless Team. The winner will lead the worst division in football for at least 65 hours, possibly longer if the Giants and Eagles can’t win their weekend games.

The moment will mark the first time in more than 30 days that someone other than the Eagles have been alone atop the division. In recognition of that achievement ending, let’s take a look back at some highlights from Philadelphia’s reign at the top:

** Oct. 22: The Eagles beat the New Jersey Giants in a Thursday Night football game, 22-21. The victory lifts their record to 2-4-1, good enough for first place.

** Nov. 1: The Eagles beat a depleted Cowboys team for the first two-game winning streak of the season, raising their record to 3-4-1, tantalizingly close to .500, a mark they have not reached at any point this year.

** Nov. 8: The Eagles enjoy a week 9 bye and do not lose a game. QB Carson Wentz has no turnovers for the first time all season.

And that’s it. There were two more losses and no more highlights. If they beat the Seahawks next Monday, the Eagles will have gone 29 days between wins, their longest drought of the season. If they lose, they will have won no more than a single game each of their first three months of play. They now sit 3.5 games below .500, and must go 5-1 in their final six games just to have a winning record this year.

Despite that, as of Thanksgiving morning, the Eagles will have been in first place for exactly half of the season since NFC East play began (37 of 74 days).

2020, ladies and gentlemen.

QB: Deshaun Watson, 35.36 pts — started by Jo
WR: Adam Thielen, 24.20 pts — started by Ant
RB: Dalvin Cook, 21.00 pts — started by Mom D
TE: Travis Kelce, 18.63 pts — started by Jeff
K: Rodrigo Blankenship, 15.00 pts — started by Jo
DEF: Cleveland, 25.00 pts — started by Mom D
D: Olivier Vernon, 14.50 pts — on the wire

Vernon, a defensive end for the Browns, collected three sacks and a safety in his team’s dominant win over those hapless Eagles. He got top honors this week by barely beating out teammate LB Sione Takitaki, who took a Wentz INT in for a touchdown in the second quarter of the game. The Browns defense had scored a combined 15 fantasy pts over the previous four weeks, but the Eagles offense will always help turn that around.

Also worth noting that two Vikings — Thielen and Cook — are on this list, despite their team losing to a pathetic Cowboys squad, all but ending Minnesota’s chance at a late playoff run. But, they got fantasy points, at least.

“Total flops” edition

3rd place: Kansas City, -1.00 pts — on Dad’s bench
2nd place: Jake Luton, -1.96 pts — on the wire
1st place: Las Vegas, -4.00 pts — on the waiver wire

If you thought the defenses failed to show up during Sunday night’s NFL game, you were correct: Both the Raiders and Chiefs ended up with less than zero defensive fantasy points. If not for a last-minute interception from Kansas City, they would have finished with -3.00, coming in second-worst this week instead of third.

Luton, in his third start for the vaunted Jacksonville Jaguars offense, tossed 16 completions for 151 yds to his own team and four interceptions for 48 yds to the visiting Steelers. His 15.5 QB rating on the day was less than half of yours (1 attempt, zero yds equals a 39.6 QB rating) and leaves him with six turnovers in just three games played this year. That’s an even worse rate than Wentz (18 turnovers through 10 games) but of course it takes true dedication and skill to keep that effort up over an entire season, as the Eagles QB has done.

** Headline of the week: “New Orleans QB Drew Brees progressing, says more rib fractures found.”

That’s getting worse, not progressing. Progressing would be “fewer rib fractures found” or “more new ribs found.” It’s not “more broken bones found.”

** At the start of the Dolphins/Broncos game, the CBS announcing crew put up their “keys of the game” for each team. Under the list of advice for Denver, the lead item was ‘don’t help the Dolphins.”

I know it seems counter intuitive, but if you’re trying to beat another football team, it does not help to help them. Instead, you should try to stop their efforts to succeed. It’s a sophisticated strategy point, but it helps.

** The NFL Network has a morning show called “Good Morning Football” but instead of abbreviating it with an F they go with FB and in their promotional ads this week they’ve been encouraging me to “wake up with GMFB” and I feel like if that happens you should see a doctor immediately.

The NFL announced last week that in lieu of the traditional Pro Bowl game this year, they’ll be conducting a week of events focused on the Madden 21 video game, to include competitions between players and coaches. Here’s a few proposals to make the idea really work: 

** Full contact gaming — Allow real-world tackling and blocking while playing the game. Each gamer gets a controller and one lineman, let’s see who can make it to the end of the play.

** Prove you’re that good — Make stars prove how good they are by fielding teams just made up of them. I’ll believe Patrick Mahomes is worth a 99 rating when I see him breaking up a pass downfield as a safety. And who doesn’t want to see DE Aaron Donald playing RB and hitting people on offense?

** Salary cap mode — Before any game starts, players have to adjust their own pay to make it fit the team. Will they take a digital pay cut to win? Answer, no.

** Penalties off — They don’t call penalties in the Pro Bowl anyway. Why call them in the virtual Pro Bowl? Just let linebackers set up wherever and watch the QBs get lit up at the snap.

** Super Tecmo Bowl — Forget Madden. Let’s make these millennial players step up to the big time and play the greatest football of all time. Bonus points if they can win without Bo Jackson. 

The hardest part of these anagram insults is not finding words and phrases. That’s easy. Take, for example Cowboys rookie running back Rico Dowdle. You can spell almost anything with his name:

RB Rico Dowdle
** Older cowbird
** Lower cord bid
** Broiled crowd
** Odd blow crier

But does that really tell you anything about him as a player? As a teammate? As a man? No, of course not. That’s where you have to dig deep, study the letters and let them spell out the true character of the man:

RB Rico Dowdle
** Lewd crib odor

Yeah, that gives you everything you need to know about him.

** I went 3 for 4 against Dad in our weekly picks, pushing my lead to plus-10 with just six weeks of season left. All of Dad’s recent losses have been brutally close: The four-point KC comeback win on Sunday night, seven-point wins by the Texans and Seahawks, and the last-second Hail Mary pass in the Cardinals game the week before. Here’s hoping he picks against the Eagles next week, so they can get a miracle finish.

** In one of my favorite stats of the year so far, Indiana had 491 yds of total offense in their loss to the Buckeyes on Saturday. That’s 491 yds passing and -1 rushing. It’s not easy to be that dominant in one area of the offense and that terrible in the other.

** Bye weeks are done, folks. That means all roster mistakes from here on our are your fault, and you can’t blame the NFL schedulers.

Week 11 standings

1 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1418.28 pts
2 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 1401.91 pts
3 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 1376.48 pts
4 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome), 1344.50 pts
5 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 1322.70 pts
6 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1312.12 pts
7 — The Mom Football Tm (Mom D), 1282.93 pts
8 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 1229.17 pts
9 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 1160.95 pts
10 — Soccer Orphans (Paul), 1076.47 pts
11 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 870.60 pts

Another weekly win for Joanna has her climbing ever closer to the top spot, but it might take a misstep by Mike and Jeff for her to get ahead. For now, the 1-2-3-4 teams in the standings finished 2-3-1-4 on the week to put some distance between them and the rest of the pack.

Bob, Sam and Mom remain within striking distance of a medal podium finish, but with only six weeks left, the question is whether there is enough time to get there. Meanwhile, Joel’s team is in distinct danger of getting doubled up by week 13 if he can’t muster some stronger performances.

Remember to check out your rosters early this week — three games are set for Thanksgiving day, including that stomach-churning battle for first place between Dallas and the Maryland Nameless team. Maybe carve up the turkey first before tuning into that.

Fantasy league 2020 -- week 10 recap

Football and the rest of the world has been harsh this fall, so let’s lighten up the mood with everyone’s favorite game: Which of these are Dolphins defensive players, and which are random strings of letters I made pounding my head against the keyboard during the Eagles loss on Sunday?

LB Sam Eguavoen
Dolphins Defense Nonsense String

S Clayton Fejedelem
Dolphins Defense Nonsense String

LB Kamu Grugier-Hill
Dolphins Defense Nonsense String

CB Noah Igbinoghene
Dolphins Defense Nonsense String

LB Andrew Van Ginkel
Dolphins Defense Nonsense String

DE Emmanuel Ogbah
Dolphins Defense Nonsense String

LB Durval Queiroz Neto
Dolphins Defense Nonsense String



Yeah, that button does nothing, because they all are, in fact, real players on the Dolphins defense. Well, all except for Durval Queiroz Neto. He is not.

(He’s an offensive guard on their practice squad).

QB: Tom Brady, 37.84 pts — started by Mike
WR: Keelan Cole, 19.89 pts — on Mike’s bench
RB: Alvin Kamara, 28.53 pts — started by Jo
TE: Rob Gronkowski, 10.40 pts — started by Bob
K: Tyler Bass, 18.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Las Vegas, 17.00 pts — on the wire
D: Jamie Collins Sr., 10.50 pts — on the wire

Outside of Brady and Jacbos, those are some pretty low scores for the top performers. Gronkowski had a whopping two catches for 51 yds and a TD, but he was still the best of his position for the week. Willie Snead caught two TDs and still didn’t amass enough yds to top 20 points or Cole.

The Raiders defense may be the most confusing of the group. So far this season, they’ve been worth fewer than five fantasy points in seven of nine games, and worth negative points in three. Against Denver on Sunday, they recorded five turnovers and two sacks, and held the Broncos to just 12 points. In case you’re thinking of snagging them for a start next week, be warned that this may not be a case of the Raiders being good, but instead the Broncos being really bad right now.

“More bad defenses” edition

3rd place: (tie) Carolina, -1.00 pts — on the wire
3rd place: (tie) LA Chargers, -1.00 pts — on Jo’s bench
2nd place: (tie) Tennessee, -2.00 pts — started by Bob
2nd place: (tie) Washington, -2.00 pts — started by Ant
1st place: (tie) Denver, -6.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: (tie) Cincinnati, -6.00 pts — on the wire

That is a lot of underperforming right there.

First, shout out to the Bengals and the Broncos, who both managed to surrender 36+ points this week without recording a sack or a turnover. It’s the Denver defense’s first trip into negative territory on the season, but Cincinnati’s third.

Second shout out to bad luck Bob, who started a points-losing defense for the second time in three weeks. The Titans last six games on fantasy defense are negative 4, plus 6, negative 3, plus 15, negative 2. If you have any idea what to make of that, give Bob a hand, will ya?

And a final hat tip to Paul for a truly miserable performance by his team this week. He totaled a mere 52.62 pts, behind three players on a bye, one injured player and two TEs who combined for fewer than 5 pts. That’s not the lowest weekly score we’ve ever seen, but it’s in the top five.

** Report from ESPN reporter Ed Werder on Monday: “Drew Brees suffered two fractured ribs Sunday against the 49ers and three others on the right side the previous week against the Bucs that were not seen on X-ray until today. Brees has been advised to be cautious with the collapsed lung.”

I don’t know what’s worse: Not diagnosing three broken ribs until a week later or having to advise a player to “be cautious” with his collapsed lung. I expect that if Brees is in pain this week, team doctors will prescribe a strong punch in the face.

** After Patriots WR Jakobi Meyers threw a 24-yd TD pass on a trick play Sunday night, the NBC announcing crew noted that Meyers had starred as a QB in high school in Georgia. “What an arm!” Al Michaels exclaimed as they showed grainy video of Meyers from 2015 slinging a TD to a high school teammate.

The thing is, it was a video of a 20-yd TD pass. I believe Meyers probably was a pretty good passer, but I also believe that nearly every player who made it into the NFL — including the offensive linemen — can probably throw the ball 20 yards. Heck, the fifth-grader who lives in this house can throw one 15 yards (I know, we’ve measured).

I’m not really sure it was as impressive as the 76-year-old Michaels — who may or may not be able to see 20 yards downfield — really believed.

** Listening to the Eagles game on local Philly radio, I heard the familiar Dietz and Watson commercial with a new — and unfortunate — tag line. It started listing a bunch of products, before getting to “Dietz Nuts meat bites” and finishing with “it’s a family thing.”

I assure you, dear friends at D&W, that entendre is not a “family thing.”

In light of Eagles Coach Doug Pederson’s indefensible decision to go for two while down four in the third quarter of Sunday’s game, here’s a quick math review:

** Field goals are worth three points. If you’re behind by three or fewer, you can kick a field goal and be in good position. If you’re behind by four or more, a single field goal can’t win or tie the game for you.

** Touchdowns are worth six points. After you score one, you can try for one or two points. If you try for two and don’t get it, you don’t get to add another point to your score. You just get six then.

** The Eagles have tried 12 two-point conversion attempts this year. They’ve succeeded on half. That means that if they just kicked the extra point each of those times, they would have the same number of points.

** Eagles Kicker Jake Elliot signed a five-year contract worth nearly $22 million one year ago this month. That’s about $275,000 a game to not participate on half of the extra-point plays after Eagles TDs this year (11-11 on XP attempted).

** The Eagles have three wins. Arguably they could have six, if they were coached better. Six is not as good as seven but still better than three.

It has been a bad year for the Cowboys, but there have been bright spots. Take, for instance, first-year offensive lineman Tyler Biadasz, who is in the running for the all-pro team due to his exemplary play. Surely, someone having a season like him can see some good coming out of this lost year of football in Dallas, right?

No. Just look at what his name spells out:

Cowboys rookie center Tyler Biadasz
** Block? No. Cry? Yes! It’s a bad zoo. We retire.

Retiring after just nine games isn’t much of a career, but if it saves your eternal soul from the hellscape that is Cowboys HQ, then maybe it is worth it.

** Grabbed two more victories against Dad this week, both in dramatic fashion: A last-second 59-yd FG by Detroit to beat the nameless Maryland squad and a last-second hail-mary TD by Arizona to beat Buffalo. I’m up eight games with just seven weeks left. If this was the NFC East, I’d already have clinched a playoff spot.

** Big game for #3 Ohio State this weekend as they square off against #9 Indiana … maybe? Fifteen games were cancelled last weekend due to covid outbreaks and six more have already been cancelled for next weekend. So … go football?

** It really is conceivable that the Eagles could finish the season at 5-10-1 and still win the NFC East. That fifth win could be the difference between a playoff berth or a top-10 draft pick.

Week 10 standings

1 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1290.50 pts
2 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 1276.90 pts
3 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 1234.25 pts
4 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome), 1226.28 pts
5 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 1215.78 pts
6 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1205.90 pts
7 — The Mom Football Tm (Mom D), 1174.12 pts
8 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 1117.26 pts
9 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 1075.91 pts
10 — Soccer Orphans (Paul), 977.47 pts
11 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 769.45 pts

A week of mediocre returns tightens the race for the top spot. Joanna took a big jump to take the lead for the best team based out of Fort Awesome, while Mike climbed back towards the top. Seven teams are within 120 pts of first place, with seven more weeks to go.

Thursday night’s contest features the first-place Cardinals (gawd, it feels uncomfortable to type that out) against the suddenly failing Seahawks. Seattle plays Philadelphia in two weeks, but QB Russell Wilson has already caught a case of the Wentzes — 10 turnovers in his last four games. Hopefully he can keep that going until the end of the month. 

Fantasy league 2020 -- week 9 recap

Over the Eagles bye week, it became obvious to me that QB Carson Wentz has a serious problem no one has been willing to discuss publicly.

Let’s step back a few years here. In 2017, Wentz was the rightful but unrecognized league MVP, but he watched on the sidelines as Nick Foles led the Eagles to their first Super Bowl victory. The next year, Wentz gets hurt again, and Foles again leads a modest playoff run. Foles is a Philly hero, but he leaves in free agency. Wentz is left to overcome his shadow.

So, in 2019, passes for 4,000-plus yds without any real receivers. He wills the team to the postseason. And then, in his first playoff game, in front of the Philadelphia faithful, he gets a concussion.

What happened after that? Another offseason of questions. A non-existent pre-season where he was left with his own thoughts. And, I would suggest, an undiagnosed medical condition that no one will talk about that is the source of all his turnovers.

Foles is still discussed around here as a champion. Wentz wants to be that. What was Foles’ nickname in Philly? (No, not that one, the other one). That’s right, it was St. Nick.

When did Wentz sustain his concussion? It was Jan. 5, also known as the 12th day of Christmas.

What did Wentz see when he got hit? A giant sea of green and white-clad supporters all around him.

What did Wentz hear when he got hit? Booing. Lots of booing. The Eagles fans were booing Seahawks DE Jadaveon Clowney for his illegal hit, of course, but who do they usually boo around that time of year? Maybe a different guy who wears a red and white suit?

Folks, that was no normal concussion. That head injury led Wentz to believe that he is no longer the quarterback of the Eagles. His job is not to play football. Instead, his brain was so rattled that Wentz now is firmly convinced that he wants to be, or is in fact, the scion of Christmas itself, Santa Claus.

Sounds insane, I know. But if Wentz were to believe he is supposed to be Santa Claus, what would he do? He would give away presents. Lots of them. Like, two or three completely inexplicable turnovers every game. Inexplicable, that is, unless they’re intentional. Unless he means to do it. Unless they are gifts.

And what happens when he gives the ball away? More boos from the stands, which confirms his assumption that he is Santa Claus.

Folks, there is only one way to fix this: Someone has to volunteer to break the news to Wentz that Santa Claus isn’t real. I know, it’s tough to tell a young guy full of hope and excitement that the big guy at the North Pole is just a fairy tale, but it’s time. He needs to hear it.

And maybe, someday, he can appreciate the joy of Christmas without, you know, ruining every Sunday for the rest of us.

QB: Kyler Murray, 43.92 pts — started by Jeff
WR: Tyreek Hill, 24.83 pts — started by Bob
RB: Dalvin Cook, 36.90 pts — started by Mom D
TE: Travis Kelce, 15.60 — started by Jeff
K: Tyler Bass, 15.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: New Orleans, 19.00 pts — on Paul’s bench
D: A.J. Klein, 11.00 pts — on the wire

You knew Cook couldn’t repeat his four-TD performance from last week, and he didn’t: He only rushed for two TDs and 206 yds in Sunday’s Vikings win. What a letdown.

In case you’re wondering if the NFL is a passing league now, Cook was the only player this week to rush for more than 100 yds. On the other hand, 15 wideouts topped 100 yds this week, and 11 QBs passed for more than 300 yds.

Also in positive news, Wentz had no turnover this week, the first time since the start of the season.

“Defenses we own” edition

3rd place: (tie) LA Chargers, 0.00 pts — on Jo’s bench
3rd place: (tie) Arizona, 0.00 pts — started by me
2nd place: (tie) Kansas City, -1.00 pts — started by Dad
2nd place: (tie) Tampa Bay, -1.00 pts — started by Sam
1st place: San Francisco, -2.00 pts — on Bob’s bench

Just missing the cut was Mom D, who started the Seattle defense and got one point out of them. Pretty poor showing all around this week.

On the offensive side, New Jersey Giants QB Daniel Jones passed for 212 yds and a TD in his team’s victory over the Maryland Nameless Team. That makes Jones 4-0 in his young NFL career against that division rival … and 1-17 against every other team he has played. Not sure who that’s more embarrassing for.

(Yeah, I know, it’s the Maryland team).

** After the Ravens started playing better in the third quarter of their game against the Colts, Baltimore play-by-play announcer Gerry Sandusky said the game was “really a tale of two stories.” I assume he meant halves, but it’s a pretty common phrase, man.

** As the Steelers trailed the Cowboys in the first half of that game, CBS color commentator Tony Romo said that Pittsburg was suffering “just from some huge little mental mistakes.” I assume he meant either huge or little, unclear which one.

** After New Orleans QB Drew Brees tossed a short inside pass to WR Michael Thomas, NBC color commentator Cris Collinsworth said that “that combination has been so effective lately for the Saints.” Since this was Thomas’ first game since being injured in week 1, I assume that he meant … actually, I have no idea what he meant. Unless by “lately” he meant “a full year ago.”

The careers of Coach Bill Belichick and QB Tom Brady are forever intertwined, so that’s why it was fitting that both suffered embarrassment this weekend on the football field. But which Hall of Fame cheater had the worse fate? Consider:

** Brady’s Bucs lost by 35 points to their division rival, the Saints.
** Belichick’s Patriots barely beat the 0-8 Jets.

** Brady was downright awful in the game, turning the ball over three times and passing for only 209 yds.
** Belichick’s Patriots almost lost to the 0-8 Jets.

** Brady entered the night leading Brees by one in the career passing TD mark. He left the game down three.
** Belichick’s Patriots needed a last-second field goal to beat to the 0-8 Jets.

** Brady’s loss dropped the Bucs out of first place and gave New Orleans the head-to-head tiebreaker in the standings.
** Belichick’s win means the Patriots didn’t lose to the Jets, but it also shouldn’t actually count as a win.

Close call, but I think Brady wins/loses this battle. Still, you know, the Jets.

Another week, another new face behind center at the Cowboys game this week. This time it was Garrett Gilbert, who was signed off the Browns practice squad less than a month ago. He’s the fourth quarterback to start for the team in their last four games, and he fit in perfectly. No, not because he lost. Because of what his name spelled out:

Another Dallas backup QB Garrett Gilbert
** Bitter garbage quitter: ball drops, clank, ha!

Here’s hoping next week’s starting QB has fewer Gs in his name, they’re problematic to anagram.

** Arizona’s 49-yard, game-tying FG attempt came up one yard short on Sunday, so I split my two games with Dad, leaving me up six in our weekly picks contest. I’ll take that after nine weeks, although I’m worried the missed extra point is gonna come back to haunt me.

** One of the most insane stats ever: Through three games, Ohio State QB Justin Fields has 11 TD passes … and 11 incompletions. He’s as likely to throw a touchdown as he is to miss his receiver. And as someone who has watched large swaths of those games, at least two of the incompletions were the fault of the receiver.

Meanwhile, Penn State is 0-3. Just saying. 

** The Philadelphia Union won an athletic supporter shield or something this week and I'm going to be very excited about it as soon as I can figure out what it is exactly. 

** Seriously, though, Wentz may think he is Santa Claus. It makes as much sense as half of those picks he has thrown. 

Week 9 standings

1 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1189.35 pts
2 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 1147.29 pts
3 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 1140.62 pts
4 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome) 1124.73 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1095.25 pts
6 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 1089.22 pts
7 — The Mom Football Tm (Mom D), 1057.35 pts
8 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 1046.03 pts
9 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 952.76 pts
10 — Soccer Orphans (Paul), 924.85 pts
11 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 702.82 pts

AND WE HAVE A NEW LEADER! A huge week from Jeff — 183.83 pts, best weekly total of any team so far this year — vaults him from 50 pts out of first last week to 42 pts ahead in first this week. Big weeks by Bob and I help us gain ground on a suddenly faltering squad led by Mike. And a big jump by Mom D puts her just outside the championship conversation for now.

On the other end of the spectrum, five teams failed to break 100 pts this week. I’m not going to name names (Jo, Mike, Dad, Joel, Paul) but it may be time for some front-office shake ups there.

The Thursday night game features the Colts at the Titans, which could decide the winner of the AFC South. Or it could get cancelled because of covid. Drama either way. Get your rosters ready.

Fantasy league 2020 -- week 8 recap

Think your vote doesn’t matter?

In 2016, a blowhard New Yorker with funny hair won the vote by just a few thousand votes in one of the closest contests in history. He overpromised what he could deliver over the next four years and the result was misery in New Jersey, Ohio and a lot of other places around the country

In 2008, voters’ decisions made Hawaii the default center of power in the Western world, and elevated a funny-named guy from relative anonymity to the top of the world’s top stage.

In 2000, a slick-talking Texan won his spot thanks to an unexpected surge in support right as the final ballots came in.

And that isn’t the only voting drama we’ve seen in our lifetime. Despite that, too many people believe that their vote won’t count, or if it does it won’t move the totals enough to matter. But we’ve seen time and again that just isn’t true.

One vote can make a difference. One vote can reshape the landscape. One vote can change the world.

So if you’re still upset about Giants WR Odell Beckham making the Pro Bowl in 2016 or Cowboys CB Deion Sanders making the Pro Bowl in 2000, do something about it. Make sure to vote in the league’s all-star selections this year.

Sure, your vote probably can’t return the Pro Bowl game to Hawaii, where it was played in 2008, or return Ravens LB Brendon Ayanbadejo to the glory that was his season that year, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

So don’t forget to vote when Pro Bowl voting begins on Nov. 12. It’s your duty as a responsible citizen, after all.

Oh and hopefully you already made a plan to vote in the other election too. Whatever.

QB: Patrick Mahomes, 46.64 pts — started by Bob
WR: DK Metcalf, 28.73 pts — started by me
RB: Dalvin Cook, 45.50 pts — started by Mom D
TE: Travis Kelce, 17.27 pts — started by Joel
K: Michael Badgley, 15.00 pts — on Bob’s bench
DEF: Philadelphia, 25.00 pts — started by Jeff
D: Robert Spillane, 16.00 pts — on the wire

Mahomes five-TD performance went largely ignored by football pundits this weekend, in part because it was against the Jets, but also in part because it was overshadowed by Dalvin Cook’s huge game: Three rushing TDs, 163 yds, plus 63 more receiving yds and a receiving TD. It was the best RB performance since Derrick Henry’s whopping 47.80 pts in week 14 of 2018 (where he topped 200-yds rushing and scored four TDs).

The least deserving top performance of the week was secured by the Eagles, who scored a disputed touchdown on a 80-yd fumble return and then benefitted from an intentional safety a few minutes later as the Cowboys tried to use statistical probability to win the game instead of scoring touchdowns. Those two moves accounted for more than half of the defensive fantasy points in the game for Philly.

For the record, the Cowboys defense came into the game having scored a total of 0.00 fantasy pts through seven games. QB Carson Wentz’ four turnovers and four sacks gave them 14 pts for the game, which is … checks my math .. INFINITY TIMES MORE points and shows how abysmal the Eagles offense is right now.


“Pass catchers” edition

3rd place: Cedric Wilson, -1.10 pts — on the waiver wire
2nd place: Chris Herndon, -1.30 pts — on the waiver wire
1st place: Dante Pettis, -1.64 pts — on the waiver wire

It’s not that often you get WRs/TEs on the worst performers list, but they filled up the sheet this week. Herdon and Pettis — both seen as potential breakout stars at the start of 2019 — managed a fumble in their lone touch this week. Wilson had to work harder at his miserable stat line, rushing twice for -11 yds in the Cowboys loss Sunday night.

Special shout out to Bob, who started the Tennessee defense this week, worth -3.00 pts … and that turned out to be the correct call. His other defense, San Fran, managed -4.00 pts. Some weeks you just can’t win. And if you’re the Jets, it’s all of the weeks.


** I know everyone wants to do their part to make sure that as many people as possible exercise their opportunity to vote. But the NFL has a public service announcement where Commissioner Roger Goodell says “I’m counting on you to do your part and vote” and now I’m questioning whether or not I still support democracy or want to abandon voting altogether …

Also, the NFL announced that, in an effort to encourage voting among its staff, all league employees would be given Tuesday off. And that’s a big deal for a league that… plays all its games on the weekends and considers Tuesday and Wednesday its two off days each week. Very magnanimous to give everyone a Saturday off, guys.

** ESPN reported Saturday that Patriots WR Julian Edelman underwent a “precautionary knee procedure” last week and will miss the next few games as he recovers from the surgery.

If you have a procedure that involves cutting into your leg and forces you to miss several games … is that really “precautionary” or just, you know, surgery? I mean, I guess it could always get worse, but I’m not sure that missing several games in the middle of a season counts as preventing anything.

** Wentz on Sunday, after throwing two interceptions (leading to one-third of the Cowboys points), fumbling the ball twice (leading to another third of the Cowboys points), and scoring 15 points against the league’s worst defense, told reporters that: “I’m not good enough.”

I guess that’s one way to look at it.

ESPN reported on Monday that NFL officials are considering expanding the playoff field from 14 teams (you remember they added two more spots this year, right) to 16 teams if the ongoing coronavirus pandemic forces the cancellation of additional regular season games, forcing some squads to finish the year with fewer than 16 games.

The plan, supporters argue, would be a way to compensate teams that missed a chance to win their way into the playoffs, and add a few more games to the playoff schedule as a way to make up some lost revenue.

Of course, in typical NFL fashion, the plan simply doesn’t go far enough. If the NFL really wants to find a fair solution, they’d take the only sensible option: a 34-team playoff.

Think of it. The 12 teams with the best regular season records would be seeded in the traditional way. Added to that mix would be the top four winners of a 32-team, single elimination tournament, featuring every other team in the NFL and two teams of leftovers from the XFL.

The NFL gets 28 extra games of football action (and commercial profits). If teams can’t field enough players because of coronavirus, it’s a forfeit. Fans get to see the January games they always dreamed of, like the 0-14 Jets versus the 3-13 Broncos, the 2-14 Giants vs the 7-7 Vikings, and the 5-11 Panthers versus the St. Louis BattleHawks.

The league could play the games over three weekends or just mash everything into weeknights for like 10 consecutive days. Whatever. The point is the pandemic has forced everyone to think differently, and the NFL shouldn’t let logic or fan accommodation get in the way of more football, regardless the quality.
As we have already covered, the Eagles victory over the Cowboys Sunday night wasn’t pretty, wasn’t relaxing and wasn’t anything like the Philly faithful had hoped it would be.

But it was a win, and that always counts for something. So amid all the craziness that is the post-game analysis of the mess that was on the football field, let us all take a moment to meditate on what the world is secretly spelling out to us whenever there is a Cowboys defeat:

Another week, another Dallas loss
** One halts, reason takes, world heals

Enjoy the week of healing, friends. May the Cowboys slipping in the standings bring you back to peace and tranquility.

** Lost the Thursday game to Dad but picked up two others on Sunday, so I’m back to a six-game lead in our weekly picks contest. I even gambled on Las Vegas and won. See what I did there? Gambled? Las Vegas? C'mon, you don't expect quality work at this point in the recap anyway.

** Here's a quick recap of LB Kiko Alonso's career thus far: 

-- 2013: Drafted in the 2nd round by the Bills

-- 2015: Traded to the Eagles for RB LeSean McCoy

-- 2016: Traded to the Dolphins as part of the package for QB Carson Wentz

-- 2019: Traded to the Saints for LB Vince Beigel

-- 2020: Traded to the 49ers for LB Kwon Alexander

I'm not sure what to make of that, other than somehow Alonso is worth four different player despite being a mediocre defensive cog. But I can't wait to see what team trades for him in 2021. 

** If Eagles football is getting you down, Pennsylvania folks can always just shift over to watching Penn State games where ... oh ... oh ... nevermind. Um, basketball returns soon maybe? 

Week 8 standings

1 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 1,055.60 pts
2 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 1,015.35 pts
3 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,005.52 pts
4 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome), 998.63 pts
5 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 995.65 pts
6 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 991.11 pts
7 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 937.00 pts
8 — The Mom Football Tm (Mom D), 930.15 pts
9 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 871.83 pts
10 — Soccer Orphans (Paul), 861.15 pts
11 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 637.04 pts

Now we’re talking. A huge week from my squad (I started three of the top 10 players) and a mediocre week from everyone else vaults me into contention again. Mike remains comfortably ahead of the pack, but fewer than 25 pts separate second place from sixth. Halfway through the season, half of the teams are in the race.

After that, things get dicey. Ant and Mom D are within distant sight of the top tier. Dad and Paul are at least in the general neighborhood. Joel remains MIA.

It all sets up for an exciting second half of fantasy football. That starts this Thursday, with the Packers taking on the remains of the 49ers (who lost their starting QB, starting TE and third starting RB this week). Don’t forget to set your rosters, if we all make it through the election chaos tonight.