Fantasy league 2016 -- final recap

The games are done, the scores are in, and another champion name has been etched on the Awesome Cup. But before we honor our winner, let’s have a look at the 11 unsuccessful campaigns waged by our other coaches this long, long season:

Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bobert)

Projected finish: 2nd place, 2417.99 pts
Actual finish: 12th place, 1594.39 pts

NFL equivalent: Chicago Bears

In my other league, the team that landed WR Antonio Brown, RB LeSean McCoy and the Denver defense finished in first place. In this league, it finished last. Some may say that’s a sign of bad coaching, akin to the Bears wasting some decent talent en route to a last-place finish. I’ll just repeat what I said in the season preview: “Eli Manning as QB should be enough to hold back this team.”

Yelp for help (Mom Doyle)

Projected finish: 6th place, 2107.00 pts
Actual finish: 11th place, 1733.01 pts

NFL equivalent: Cleveland Browns

This team may be the worst collection of parts I’ve ever seen thrown together in a fantasy contest. RB Adrian Peterson decided to kill his fantasy owners again this year, QB Russell Wilson won each week without accumulating any significant fantasy points, and the receiving corps of Joneses, Parkers and Browns was as boring as their names suggested. The fact that Mom pulled this team out of last place is a tribute to her dedication and coaching skills.

May Pay Attention (Paul)

Projected finish: 11th place, 1905.69 pts
Actual finish: 10th place, 1774.27pts
NFL equivalent: Minnesota Vikings
Paul paid attention this year! … for a few weeks, and then he drifted off again. Like the Vikings’ 5-0 start, that’s all forgotten now. He started a WR on injured reserve the last five weeks of the season (a bold move which netted him zero pts) and didn’t appear to update his roster after mid-November at all. As noted NFL star Woody Allen once misquoted, 80 percent of success is just showing up.

Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim)

Projected finish: 9th place, 2001.00 pts
Actual finish: 9th place, 1778.08 pts
NFL equivalent: Cincinnati Bengals
Boom, dead on in my prediction. Where did it go wrong for our favorite Steelers fan? Was it his decision to bank on the Baltimore defense? Was it his reliance on noted AFC North irritant LB Vontaze Burfict? Was it the fact that RB Todd Gurley and QB Blake Bortles just stunk this year? Or was it cosmic payback for prematurely taunting the president-elect? We may never know.

Who’s on First? (Dad)

Projected finish: 1st place, 2418.01 pts
Actual finish: 8th place, 1838.82 pts
NFL equivalent: Carolina Panthers
A huge, huge fall for the reigning champ, who gives up his two-year perch atop the league in exchange for a view from the very cheap seats. Dad’s bold trade to snag one of his beloved New York players (loudmouth egotist WR Odell Beckham) didn’t pan out as he hoped, and his adoration for the New York Jets defense let to far fewer points than if he had some faith in his own Philly defenders. On the plus side, this small slice of humble pie may spur him to come back hungrier next year.

North Dakota Reaches (Capt. Awesome)

Projected finish: 3rd place, 2403.33 pts
Actual finish: 7th place, 1847.44 pts
NFL equivalent: Philadelphia Eagles
Meh. I mean, there were signs of brilliance, signs of disaster, but mostly just a lot of killing time on Sunday afternoons in the fall. Both my team and the birds had solid QBs (Andrew Luck and some kid named Wentz), disappointing wideouts (DeAndre Hopkins, what the hell happened, man?) and boring running backs (I should have cut Jonathan Stewart in week one). But there’s hope for next year for both squads too: For the Eagles, there’s a good young core, and for my fantasy team, I don’t have to keep any of these losers.

NotWith That Attitude (Sam)

Projected finish: 4th place, 2350.77 pts
Actual finish: 6th place, 1850.88 pts
NFL equivalent: Indianapolis Colts
Just 3.5 more pts and I would have jumped over Sam, who started three injured players in week 17 and still topped 108 pts. Sam wins the spelling bee prize this year, for fielding a team with TE C.J. Fiedorowicz, WR Quincy Enunwa and S Andrew Sendejo at various parts of the season. But he loses his prize for grabbing WR DeSean Jackson off the waiver wire, because only a fool would think that guy has anything left in the tank….

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)

Projected finish: 5th place, 2222.23 pts
Actual finish: 5th place, 1955.29 pts
NFL equivalent: Atlanta Falcons
Boom, dead on in my prediction, again. Jeff can attribute his strong season to the Falcons success, since it’s pretty much the same team: RB Devonta Freeman, WR Julio Jones, QB Matt Ryan. His biggest downfall again was his unique coaching strategy of not fielding a full defense -- since week 4, he only started one defensive player, and that guy (LB Tamba Hali) scored 9 pts over the last eight weeks of the season. Throw another 80 pts on there and he could have challenged for the silver medal (which we are again not awarding this year due to budget cuts).

For Who? For Wentz? (Ant)

Projected finish: 12th place, 1804.54 pts
Actual finish: 4th place, 1990.06 pts
NFL equivalent: Oakland Raiders
Anthony and Oakland both looked like dark horse championship contenders until the last few weeks of the season, when everything fell apart. For Oakland, it was when QB Derek Carr was pounded into dust by the Colts defense. For Anthony, it was the month of December, when most of his team (QB Matt Stafford, RB Carlos Hyde, RB Melvin Gordon, RB Wendell Smallwood, RN Kenneth Farrow, TE Jordan Reed) suffered serious injuries and missed time. But I prefer to think it was uninspired coaching that really cost him a shot at the title.

QBs for Everyone! (Jo)

Projected finish: 8th place, 2020.20 pts
Actual finish: 3rd place, 1990.78 pts
NFL equivalent: New Jersey Giants
Joanner (who beat Anthony for this spot by 0.72 pts) has put together a nice string of finishes in recent years (2nd last year, 4th in 2014) to pad her stats for the all-time league standings. In the last 13 years, she has only finished in the bottom half of the league twice, and she’s jumped into the top five a remarkable nine times. But, unlike the Giants, she’s never gotten to the top. Maybe next year she should build her team around an overrated QB and an overhyped media presence and she can capture the same glory the New Jersey squad has.

Cosby’s Sleepers (Mike)

Projected finish: 7th place, 2101.10 pts
Actual finish: 2nd place, 2032.81 pts
NFL equivalent: Kansas City Chiefs
Speaking of sleepers, I have no idea how Mike landed up here. His squad is uninspiring save for Cowboys RB Ezekiel Elliott, and features at least two players (WR Tyrell Williams and LB Telvin Smith) who I may have just made up right now (go ahead, I’ll wait while you check). But in this somewhat depressed, wacky fantasy year, his team was one of only two to crack the coveted 2,000-pts barrier, finishing a very respectable first-loser. If we recognized almost greatness in this league, I’d laud his work here. But since we don’t, I leave his shattered dreams behind and move to our surprise new champion...

Gronky Tonk Man (Joel)

Projected finish: 10th place, 1995.96 pts
Actual finish: 1st place, 2146.90 pts
NFL equivalent: Jacksonville Jaguars, if they somehow won the Super Bowl
2016 was a year of sports surprises. The Cubs won a World Series. Cleveland got a NBA Championship. The QB-less Broncos stole a Super Bowl win. No Cowboys were arrested for felonies. But all of those facts pale in comparison to the shock of this victory.

Consider this -- in the last 10 years of this blog, Joel has only finished in the top half of the league twice (5th place in 2012 and 6th place in 2010). Six times he has finished in the bottom three. For at least three years I didn’t know if he still had his password to set his team. And yet, in a sport year where up is down and wrong is right, Joel nabs his first-ever Awesome Cup title by a comfortable margin.

Bask in the glory of your title, Joel. I’m still not sure how, but you earned it:

As always, thanks again to everyone in the league for indulging my football insanities, and to the half of you who even set their rosters to give me something to write about. We’ll pick it up again in seven months, and joke about the Cowboys epic collapse in the playoffs while trying to suppress the memory of another Eli Manning trophy. Or we’ll just talk about how the Eagles still don’t have any decent wide receivers.

And don’t forget -- the 2017 NFL draft is scheduled for April 27 in the fair city of Philadelphia, so start practicing your booing right now.

Fantasy football 2016 -- week 17 recap

 

You may think the peak NFL excitement is over now that the regular season is finished, but you’re overlooking perhaps the most important part of the football calendar: The Pro Bowl, scheduled for Jan. 26.

In an effort to make the event great again (it’s less than a week after the inauguration, after all), the NFL is returning to an AFC vs NFC format (oh, you hadn’t noticed it changed?) and adding a few extra events, including team relay races (lame), more passing skills contests (meh) and a dodgeball game (which legitimately sounds awesome).

But why stop there? There’s so much more potential for an event like this:

** Chip and putt contest: Showing off the golf skills of every Pro-Bowler whose team failed to make the playoffs. They’ll need to brush up on their swings, after all.

** Arm wrestling exhibition: You know every one of the over-testosteroned linebackers will be there to prove their manliness.

** Football trivia showdown: Questions range from “what is a catch” to “name two Mannings who have played football.” Losers are immediately put in the concussion protocol as a precaution.

** Hockey spectacular: This would definitely get higher ratings than the NHL All-Star game. Maybe the NHL could get their stars to play a real football game, just for grins.

** College challenge: Skip the Pro Bowl entirely, somehow get the Browns to play Alabama to determine once and for all if a great college team could beat a terrible pro team. Winner gets a spot in the AFC North next year.

Top performers of the year

QB
3rd place: Drew Brees, 407.32 pts -- 3rd QB drafted (Dad)
2nd place: Matt Ryan, 423.46 pts -- 18th QB drafted (Jeff)
1st place: Aaron Rogers, 460.02 pts -- 2nd QB drafted (Jo)

Ryan was the obvious steal of this class. Cam Newton, the first QB drafted, ended up in 19th place for fantasy scoring for the season. In the professional fantasy prediction business, we call that “not good.”

WR
3rd place: Mike Evans, 212.57 pts -- 8th WR drafted (Ant)
2nd place: Jordy Nelson, 214.30 pts -- 14th WR drafted (Paul)
1st place: Antonio Brown, 215.76 pts -- 1st WR drafted (Bob)

Brown was worth the top pick in the draft for his position, at least. Loudmouth Odell Beckham was the 4th-place finisher, while Tyreek Hill -- not one of the 63 wideouts drafted this year -- finished in fifth, just a few TDs behind Brown.

RB
3rd place: LeSean McCoy, 261.43 pts -- 11th RB drafted (Bob)
2nd place: Ezekiel Elliott, 297.80 pts -- 3rd RB drafted (Mike)
1st place: David Johnson, 340.50 pts -- 1st RB drafted (Joel)

Johnson should have been the #1 overall pick (and was my top pick for my championship-winning team) and put up more points than all but five QBs. In fact, the top eight RBs all scored more than the #1 wideout this year, so stop with this “draft a WR first” nonsense already.

TE
3rd place: Greg Olsen, 132.53 pts -- 3rd TE drafted (Paul)
2nd place: Kyle Rudolph, 140.00 pts -- 25th TE drafted (me)
1st place: Travis Kelce, 143.00 pts -- 4th TE drafted (Jim)

And let this be the end of picking up TEs in the first round too. Often-injured Rob Gronkowski finished 25th among TEs in fantasy scoring, and even Kelce was no better than the 22nd-ranked WR and 24th-ranked RB on the board.

K
3rd place: Dustin Hopkins, 151.00 pts -- undrafted
2nd place: Justin Tucker, 175.00 pts -- 8th K drafted (Joel)
1st place: Matt Bryant, 179.00 pts -- undrafted

Eagles K Caleb Sturgis finished 4th in fantasy scoring, which is either really good news for him or a complete indictment of the position this year.

DEF
3rd place: Denver, 180.00 pts -- 1st DEF drafted (Bob)
2nd place: Minnesota, 185.00 pts -- 8th DEF drafted (Sam)
1st place: Kansas City, 191.00 pts -- 10th DEF drafted (Ant)

Yes, that’s Bob’s third appearance on the list so far. Kinda makes you wonder how his team dropped so far down with so many top players.

D
3rd place: Khalil Mack, 74.50 pts -- undrafted
2nd place: Kwon Alexander, 75.50 pts -- undrafted
1st place: Landon Collins, 82.50 pts -- undrafted

Fun fact -- I actually dropped Mack to pick up Alexander early in the season. That extra point I got made all the work worth it.


"Worst performers of the year" edition

5th place: Jake Fisher, -0.70 pts -- on the wire
4th place: Keshawn Martin, -1.26 pts -- on the wire
3rd place: Sean Mannon, -1.34 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Brett Hundley, -1.52 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Ryan Mallett, -1.56 pts -- on the wire

Congrats to the backup Balitmore QB, who appeared in four games this year and managed to score negative fantasy pts in three of them. He finished the season 3 for 6 for 26 yds with one interception, with a handful of negative rushing yds mixed in there.

Meanwhile, Bills RB Reggie Bush (still somehow not retired) finished the season with 19.52 fantasy pts but became the first non-QB since 1970 to end the season with negative rushing yds (-3, to be exact). So, no matter how bad your 2016 was, you can rest knowing that you rushed for more yds than a disgraced Heisman trophy winner.


** Speaking of of the Pro Bowl, they’re advertising the game as “the best vs the next” which I assume isn’t a reference to the upcoming stars of football but in fact the next players in line to replace all the stars who beg out of the annual mockery of sport.

** All the Marlyand Racial Slurs had to do to get into the playoffs on Sunday was beat an apathetic Giants team with no playoff seeding to worry about. It seemed like nothing at all. In fact, the team itself was so confident that, according to the Washington Post, they started showing potential first-round post-season opponents for the Slurs on the stadium scoreboard at halftime, even though the home team was down 10-0.

Needless to say, it didn’t work out that way. The Slurs lost 19-10 after a last-second desperation lateral was picked off and returned for a defensive TD. The most knife-twisting part was that refs had to bring the teams back to the field for an untimed extra point attempt after most of the Maryland team had already gone to the locker room. The Giants knelt, rather than pile on.

The headline in the local paper today? "End of the season, 'end of the world'" ... which isn't at all overplaying the loss.

The Slurs in recent years have led the league in premature and unnecessary celebrations after every play, so the whole debacle couldn’t happen to a nicer group of guys.

Some positives to take away from the Eagles second consecutive 7-9 season:

** Carson Wentz: Unlike last year, at least we all feel good about the QB moving ahead. Wentz set the NFL rookie completions record in Sunday’s win, and showed enough skills over his 16 starts to make you feel like he could be great with a more talented supporting cast.

** The draft pick: Going into this year, it looked like the Eagles had given up a plum pick to nab Wentz. Now, after the Sam Bradford trade with the 8-8 Vikings, the Eagles will grab a player in the first round just a few slots lower than their own pick merited.

** The 2017 record: The Eagles are undefeated since the new year started, and have a chance at a rare three wins against the Cowboys this year. So there’s that to look forward to.

** Doug Pederson: I can only think of a few stupid decisions and not much else from the whole season. So, if his goal was not to be a lightning rod, he succeeded wildly.

** The NFC East: Yes, the Cowboys and Giants had great seasons, but this was the 12th consecutive year the division hasn’t had a repeat champion (not since the Eagles from 2001-04). So anything is possible again next year.

The Cowboys enter the playoffs as the number one seed, while the Eagles are heading home for the winter after their aforementioned 7-9 season. And Philly’s 27-13 win over Dallas in Philly yesterday didn’t make one bit of difference in that. So, there really was no value to that victory, right?

As always, the letters show the error of your ways.

Eagles defeat rival Dallas Cowboys in a meaningless game
** All cads -- any win against village of demons seems agreeable

Hopefully your 2017 will start off lovely, with quick Cowboys and Giants losses in the playoffs and peace towards all mankind.

** Valiant effort by Dad, but he and I split the weekly picks on Sunday, giving me the yearly title by three games. It’s my second consecutive victory in the annual contest, after three straight years of Dad wins. I finished with a record of 166-88, five games better than last season and a winning rate of 65.4 percent. As always, that’s significantly better than the boobs who get paid millions to do this for a living.

** As part of my New Year’s resolutions list, I’m trying to leave the past in the past. So I’ve got nothing to say about that pitiful excuse for an Ohio State game way, way back in last year.

** With the season finished, we know who the Eagles 2017 opponents will include now. They’ll face the last-place Panthers in Carolina (4th meeting in six years), the last-place Bears in Philly (3rd year playing in a row) and all of the NFC West, including a game against the Cardinals in Philly (6th meeting in seven years).

Didn’t we kick the Cardinals out of the NFC East? Why do we play them all the time still?

Week 17 standings

The final league standings -- and the presentation of the Awesome Cup -- will take place Tuesday night.