Fantasy league 2015 -- week 11 recap

 

I got a chance to catch the Eagles game in person courtesy of our unofficial 13th league coach, G (who hates fantasy but reads this recap religiously). The 45-17 drubbing was dreadful, but the company was spectacular. Here are the top five moments of the last six minutes of the game, where G’s reaction was priceless entertainment, albeit because his soul was collapsing:

** The field goal: Down 38-14, with 5:15 left in the game, the Eagles were faced with a 4th and 7 at the 25 yard line. Chip Kelly opted for a 42-yard field goal. G screamed. “Why would you do that!” Then he added, in a much calmer tone, “although, Caleb Sturgis does need practice.”

** The timeouts: On the ensuing series, the Bucs ran three running plays, with and Eagles timeout after each one. “Just let us go already,” G pleaded. “What do you think you’re going to accomplish? Even Tampa wants to leave.”

** The pick six: On the next series, with four minutes left, Bucs LB Lavonte David snagged a lazy swing pass from Mark Sanchez and returned it for a TD. G barely looked up. “I mean, I got nothing for that,” he muttered.

** The punt: The Eagles got the ensuing kickoff, took the ball down to midfield, then punted on 4th and four. “Because you want them to kneel closer to the end zone?” Chris asked. “Maybe they just want to make them run farther to get to the locker room.”

** The final whistle: As time expired, G stood up, looked across the aisle, and found a five-year-old boy getting ready to leave. “Look at how cute that kid is,” he said. Then he turned toward the field. “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO THIS CUTE KID?!?”

QB: Cam Newton, 41.44 pts -- started by Jo
WR: DeAndre Hopkins, 22.37 pts -- started by Sam
RB: Thomas Rawls, 37.47 pts -- on the wire
TE: Kyle Rudolph, 16.07 pts -- started by Bob
K: Mason Crosby, 22.00 pts -- started by Jeff
DEF: Kansas City, 23.00 pts -- on the wire
D: D'Qwell Jackson, 15.50 pts -- on the wire

Getting closer, I guess. At least no one left a top performer on their bench.

Not on the list: Tampa Bay’s QB Jameis Winston, who threw five touchdowns in Philly on Sunday, and Tampa Bay’s RB Doug Martin, who ran for 235 yards on Sunday. Not bad for a team that had lost 14 of its previous 20 games.


“Mike” edition

3rd place: Blair Walsh, 1.00 pts -- started by Mike
2nd place: Matt Jones, -0.20 pts -- started by Mike
1st place: Philadelphia, -3.00 pts -- started by Mike

Not to pick on Mike (OK, to pick on Mike a little) but he had the misfortune of starting the only defense in the NFL this week that scored negative points, and one of two running backs in the league that scored under zero. But on the plus side for him, that Philly D gave up 235 rushing yards to his other RB, Doug Martin, so it kind of evens out.


** At the start of the Ohio State game, the announcers on ESPN radio said that since Michigan State’s starting QB was out, “The Spartans are going to have to dominate in the trenches on offense and defense.”

Because, you know, if your starting QB is in, you don’t have to worry about protecting him or sacking the other QB.

** Near the end of the Monday Night Football game, ESPN’s two announcers had this exchange:

Mike Tirico: John, do you love football?
John Gruden: I do!
Tirico: Well, we’re gonna test that. Ravens vs. Browns, next Monday night on ESPN!

I might have to start giving out a weekly award for brutal honesty in commentary.

** The Patriots would have homefield advantage throughout the AFC bracket. The Panthers would have it in the NFC.
** The Giants, Colts and Chiefs would both be in the post-season, despite .500 records.
** The Packers would lose about $6 million in revenue due to the loss of three home games.
** The Pac 12 would have to cancel its championship game to allow for the Super Bowl site to be prepped six weeks earlier than planned.
** Injuries would skyrocket for the first-round teams who had to play games just two days ago.
** The Super Bowl would be played on Jan. 2, in direct conflict with college football playoff games.
** The NFL would lose millions in rushed playoff ticket sales, and play games before half-filled stadiums due to the inability to mail enough paperwork out.
** New England would still cheat, probably.


Dallas has had a steady rotation of different running backs this season, each one bringing a slightly different brand of poisonous hatred to the field. First-year player Rod Smith has only rushed the ball twice on season, but that lack of activity disguises the intense evil he hides. Consider what’s hidden in his name:

Dallas Rookie RB Rod Smith
** Roll more bad riots, kids. Ha!

It’s bad enough to incite mob violence, but then to laugh about it...


** And just like that, there goes my lead. Three weeks ago I was up three games on my father in the weekly picks. Thanks to dropping two more on Sunday, I’m down two on the year. Usually you don’t see points given up that quickly unless you’re at Lincoln Financial Field...

** Seattle RB Marshawn Lynch is in Philadelphia this week to see an abdominal specialist about a nagging injury. Any chance we can just keep him here and send DeMarco Murray back to the Seahawks, see if they don’t catch the difference until the end of the season?

** Philly teams are 4-22 in November, in case you’re keeping score at home. And the Flyers have three of those wins.

Week 11 standings

1 -- Lake Weed Monsters (Dad) -- 1457.81 pts
2 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 1334.13 pts
3 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle) -- 1313.29 pts
4 -- hippo fantasy (Sam) -- 1301.01 pts
5 -- 1.21 Chip-a-watts (Ant) -- 1282.80 pts
6 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) -- 1254.26 pts
7 -- Eat Drink & D Murray (Capt Awesome) -- 1125.41 pts
8 -- Clinton's Email (Jim) -- 1125.18 pts
9 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 1110.40 pts
10 -- Bethlehem Moravians (Bob) -- 1101.80 pts
11 -- May Pay Attention (Paul) -- 1007.32 pts
12 -- Heap Big Chief Reid (Joel) -- 1001.06 pts

Big move by Anthony to get into the top five, even bigger move by Paul to get out of the bottom spot. I did not see that coming.

We finally have a very clear gap at the league’s 50-yard line. Everyone in the top six is within theoretical distance of winning, everyone below #7 would need some type of miracle to even get in the top half. On the positive side, everyone in the league is over the 1000-pts barrier for the season, so we don’t have to relegate anyone to the minors before Thanksgiving.

Speaking of Thanksgiving … Eagles at 1230, Cowboys at 4, and somebody else at 8ish. If you don’t watch all the games, you’re dishonoring the spirits of all the Pilgrims who fought at Pearl Harbor to free the NFL from the Romans, or something.

Fantasy league 2015 -- week 10 recap

In news that surprises absolutely no one, Eagles QB Sam Bradford suffered another serious leg injury in the team’s second game and is expected to miss the rest of the regular season.

-- Wait, my apologies, I wrote that before the season started. Let me update it.

In news that surprises absolutely no one, Eagles QB Sam Bradford suffered a concussion in the team’s second game and is expected to miss the rest of the regular season.

-- Hold on, he lasted until week 10? That is actually fairly surprising.

In a surprising turn of events, often-injured Eagles QB Sam Bradford made it 10 weeks into the season before suffering a concussion that will force him to miss the rest of the regular season.

-- He’s not out for the season!?!? Two weeks, and maybe less? Are you sure we’re talking about Bradford?

In a surprising turn of events, often-injured Eagles QB Sam Bradford made it 10 weeks into the season before suffering a concussion that will force him to miss a pair of upcoming games.
He is expected to return fully healthy in December, and he will resume his starting role despite playing like a frightened, previously-mauled gazelle for the first half of the season.

-- Yeah, OK, I think we’ve got it now.

QB: Kirk Cousins, 36.96 pts -- on the waiver wire
WR: Antonio Brown, 28.27 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
RB: Jeremy Langford, 30.07 pts -- on Jim’s bench
TE: Zach Miller, 21.63 pts -- on the waiver wire
K: Cairo Santos, 21.00 pts -- on the waiver wire
DEF: Kansas City, 21.00 pts -- on the waiver wire
D: Walter Thurmond, 12.50 pts -- on the waiver wire

At this point, I feel like we should all go in with the goal of not starting any top performers, because we’ve done pretty terrible of late.

Then again, if I knew Cousins would be the top performer more times this season (twice) than Tom Brady (once), I probably would have given up on this nonsense weeks ago. On a personal level, I’m thrilled to see the Bears backup RB and backup TE among the top scorers while the starting TE and RB totaled fewer than 4 pts combined for my team.


“Oh my gawd” edition

3rd place: Marc Mariani, -0..70 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Jeremy Ross, -0.92 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Peyton Manning, -6.60 pts -- on Joel’s bench

Ohmigawd.

Oh. Mi. Gawd.

Peyton Manning completed five passes for 35 yards and had five turnovers (4 INTs and a lost fumble) in Sunday’s loss to the Chiefs, posting a 0.0 QB rating and the lowest player score we’ve ever seen in league history. And he did it on a day where he set the all-time passing yards mark for the league.

I really don’t have words for how terrible a performance this was. It’s the first 0.0 QB rating in the NFL in eight years (Anybody remember Chris Redman?) and gives the Manning family the trifecta of misery, with Eli posting zeros in 2004 and Archie in 1974. Literally everyone you know, in professional football or outside of it, had a better QB rating than Peyton on Sunday.

Sunday’s turnovers give Peyton an incredible 17 INTs in nine games, putting him on pace for 30 on the season, which would be a Manning family record. The current family record is 28, held by Peyton. I know, I would have guess Eli too.


** The Packers on Sunday attempted a late two-point conversion to pull even with the Lions. As Green Bay lined up for the try, Fox analyst Troy Aikman assured the viewing audience that “Whatever play the Packers have, I guarantee you it’s something they have practiced and worked on.”

That’s a bold move, going with a play you know in a key situation instead of one you’ve never tried before.

** Bob Costas, on Sunday night, delivered this gem to the NBC audience at halftime: “The last time Seattle trailed by 15 or more at the half was the NFC Championship game against the Packers. They went on to win that game and head to the Super Bowl. That likely has no bearing on tonight’s contest, so I’ll send it to the studio.”

I mean, at least he acknowledged it was a dumb reference...

Every year, Sports Illustrated picks their “sportsman of the year” to honor the top player across all athletics. So far this year, they’ve offered columns on three nominees publicly: Women’s soccer player Carli Lloyd, men’s soccer player Lionel Messi, and horse American Pharoah.

Let’s assume for a second that SI is incredibly sexist and still goes with the “male preferred” system of descriptors. Lloyd seems like she could be sportsman/sportsperson of the year because of the impact of the U.S. women’s soccer team this summer. Messi is a global superstar and could bring international clout to the sportsman award.

American Pharoah is a horse. It is not a sportsman, or a sportswoman, or a sportsperson. It is a horse. It cannot win this honor.

If they had called it “athlete of the year,” then maybe. It would still be a terrible pick, because we don’t give athlete of the year to Jeff Gordon’s car, but whatever. It would be a bad but grammatically correct pick.

But a horse cannot be sportsMAN of the year. That reward has to be reserved for a human. Has to. If we’re giving sportsMAN awards to non-humans, I nominate Wrigley Field. Tell me that place hasn’t contributed more to baseball over the years than any other park. It’s as much a man as a horse is.

American Pharoah cannot win this award. And there is no doubt in my mind SI will give it to the non-human horse, because words have no meaning anymore.


At 2-7, nothing is going right for the Cowboys, and it’s starting to wear on the players. Consider rookie TE Geoff Swaim -- that guy has really started beating up himself over the team’s poor play. Just look at the secrets his name is hiding:

Dallas Cowboys TE Geoff Swaim
** I sow gaffes, team claws bloody

Awww, I’m sure it’s not that bad, buddy. It can’t all be your fault.

Dallas Cowboys TE Geoff Swaim
** Feats of bad, I go yell scams. Wow.

C’mon, you’re being too hard on yourself.

Dallas Cowboys TE Geoff Swaim
** Scowl motifs: Go away bad feels

Awwww, you almost feel bad for the evil little guy.


** Much like the Eagles, I don’t like hanging on to a comfortable lead. I dropped two games to Dad this week to pull us even in our weekly picks. It’s worth noting that even after a terrible 5-9 week, we’re both still picking games with a .650 batting average.

** Finally, after three months of waiting, we’re exiting Ohio State’s pre-season football schedule and beginning the games that matter. They’re played zero ranked teams so far, but if they want to win a second consecutive national championship, they’ll have to defeat five top-25 teams in a row over the next two months. The fun starts Sunday against Michigan State.

** Rams QB Nick Foles got benched on Monday for backup Case Keenum, so I guess nobody got the better of that Bradford trade. Except the Rams got a second round pick out of it too. Dammit.

Week 10 standings

1 -- Lake Weed Monsters (Dad) -- 1373.47 pts
2 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 1239.26 pts
3 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle) -- 1194.90 pts
4 -- hippo fantasy (Sam) -- 1180.97 pts
5 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) -- 1170.70 pts
6 -- 1.21 Chip-a-watts (Ant) -- 1157.51 pts
7 -- Eat Drink & D Murray (Capt Awesome) -- 1047.60 pts
8 -- Clinton's Email (Jim) -- 1022.18 pts
9 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 1013.52 pts
10 -- Bethlehem Moravians (Bob) -- 961.99 pts
11 -- Heap Big Chief Reid (Joel) -- 947.58 pts
12 -- May Pay Attention (Paul) -- 920.11 pts

The more things change...

Another week, and barely any movement on the scoreboard. Dad remains comfortably in first, Sam is sneaking up into relevance, and I’m prepping to challenge the league waiver wire moves record of 43 (set by Dad).

Only seven more weeks of this, folks. You’ve got two more months to get it right or else you have to wait another year.

Fantasy league 2015 -- week 9 recap

Which team won that critical Eagles/Cowboys matchup on Sunday night? Here’s a look at the stats again:

** One team had a RB rush for 100 yds. The other team didn’t and won the game.
** One team had 10 penalties for 70 yards. They won the game. ** One team had two receivers go for more than 100 yds. The other had none in regulation and won the game.
** One team collected 241 punting yards against 295 passing yards. They won the game.
** One team held the ball for 38:19 of regulation. The other team had it for under 22 mins before overtime but won the game.
** One team had Sam Bradford flailing wildly in the pocket. And they won the game.

QB: Marcus Mariota, 41.34 pts -- on Bob’s bench
WR: Antonio Brown, 28.63 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
RB: DeAngelo Williams, 35.67 pts -- on Joanna’s bench
TE: Tyler Eifert, 24.03 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
K: Josh Brown, 17.50 pts -- started by Dad
DEF:(tie) NY Jets, 15.00 pts -- started by Joanna
DEF:(tie) NY Giants, 15.00 pts -- started by Bob
D: (tie) Brandon Graham, 11.50 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
D: (tie) Jordan Hicks, 11.50 pts -- started by Ant

Well, at least we owned all the top performers this week. But what a screwy grouping.

First, Antonio Brown had a monster game, with 17 catches for 284 yards and … no touchdowns? How is that possible? Final score of the game was 38-35, with all of those points coming from other players, even though Brown ran the length of the field alone almost three times.

Second, the two top defenses both hailed from New Jersey, but the top two defensive players came from the Eagles. Makes sense.

Third, Anthony, the grim reaper of the league, straight up killed Jordan Hicks this week by starting him. It’s the fourth or fifth starter he’s put out for the year, and we need to trade him Eli Manning right away.

Fourth, Eifert still sounds funny.


“Skill players” edition

3rd place: AJ McCarron, -0.20 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Eddie Lacy, -1.00 pts -- on Bob’s bench
1st place: Marcus Thigpen, -1.94 pts -- on the wire

But, really, the worst performers of the week were our league coaches. Consider:

** Bob started six players on byes this week, and had more pts on his bench (44) than in his starting lineup (41).
** Joanna started three players on a bye and one guy on IR, leaving 43 pts on her bench.
** Jim started three players on a bye.
** Joel started two players on a bye.
** Paul managed to start two players who scored no points.
** Jeff has only started one defensive player since week 6.

They say that most of life is just showing up, and half the league failed at that this week.


** The Washington Post had a headline in advance of the New England/Maryland game which read “Facing an elite offense, focus to be on tackling.” Or, to put it another way, “Facing an elite offense, local team to focus on the most basic part of a football game.” That didn’t sound desperate at all.

** ESPN’s sack of wind Chris Berman announced during Monday night’s game that the network would host a special Veterans Day SportsCenter on Wednesday, to honor those who served in the military. “And all of us here,” Berman continued, “say to America’s veterans, …”
And then he mouthed the words “Thank you.”

But he didn’t actually say them.

Because Chris Berman’s ability to murder even simple sentences and sentiments knows no bounds.

** Saints QB Drew Brees is on pace to lead the league in passing, with 5,520 yds. That would be a new league record.
** Vikings RB Adrian Peterson is on pace to lead the league in rushing, with 1,516 yds. That would be the lowest rushing title since 2007.
** Falcons WR Julio Jones is on pace to lead the league in receiving, with 1,829 yds. That would be the third highest total in league history.
** Broncos QB Peyton Manning is on pace to lead the league in interceptions thrown, with 26. That would be the most since Eli Manning had 27 in 2013.
** Cincinnati RB Rex Burkhead is on pace to trail the league in rushing, with -4 yds. That would be terrible.

At 2-6, the Cowboys’ chances of making the playoffs are all but sunk at this point. But all-pro QB Tony Romo is just a few weeks from returning, and Dallas fans are clinging to hope that he could return the team to greatness.
Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely? Well...

Rehabbing Tony Romo goes back to Dallas practices
** No matter, crabby SOB still a choking dog, a race poser

Two more losses guarantees a non-winning season for the Cowboys this year, with the Panthers, Packers and Jets still on the schedule. If the Bucs can beat them next week, we can start writing eulogy anagrams.


** Went 1-2 against Dad this week, dropping my season picks tally to just +2 against him. And I got Tennessee wrong again. I’m so sick of those guys.

** Don’t get me wrong, I’m always happy about the Eagles beating the Cowboys. But Jordan Matthews came this close to killing me in my other league…

Week 9 standings

1 -- Lake Weed Monsters (Dad) -- 1260.45 pts
2 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 1122.75 pts
3 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle) -- 1088.04 pts
4 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) -- 1056.75 pts
5 -- hippo fantasy (Sam) -- 1044.81 pts
6 -- 1.21 Chip-a-watts (Ant) -- 1041.43 pts
7 -- Eat Drink & D Murray (Capt Awesome) -- 983.49 pts
8 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 934.41 pts
9 -- Clinton's Email (Jim) -- 925.49 pts
10 -- Bethlehem Moravians (Bob) -- 887.30 pts
11 -- Heap Big Chief Reid (Joel) -- 870.45 pts
12 -- May Pay Attention (Paul) -- 824.69 pts

Mike tumbled from second to fourth with a 53.99 pts week, which would have been a new record low if Bob hadn’t posted 41.96 pts this weekend. Mom Doyle posted another 160-plus pts week, and jumped into bronze medal position again. I have no explanation for how Joanna moved up to second after forgetting to set her rosters.

But the story remains the returning champion, who widened his lead yet again and may top 1400 pts before anyone else tops 1200. Only two teams are within 200 pts right now, and with half the season left to go, Dad is threatening to turn this into a romp.

So try and remember to start a full squad next week, m’kay? We can’t just give it away to the old man.

Fantasy league 2015 -- week 8 recap

 

ESPN’s College Gameday show traveled to Philadelphia this week for Temple’s Saturday night contest in what has to be the first time in decades anyone discussed NCAA football seriously in the city of Brotherly Love. Naturally, the Philly faithful were up to the task of showing off solid jabs in their crowd signs. Some of the best:

** Jesus rebuilt Temple in three years (everyone likes Bible humor)
** Notre Dame rooted for Drago (with a picture of Rocky underneath)
** The Pope and Gameday chose Philly (Catholics insults hit hard)
** Coaches named Kelly don’t win in this town (ouch)
** Ray Lewis killed a guy (off topic, but hilarious)
** Play like a champion Today (with the Temple T, of course)
** Santa threw the first snowball (because)

Temple lost to Notre Dame on a TD with less than two minutes to play, which was still the best football display at Lincoln Financial Field this season.

QB: Drew Brees, 60.54 pts -- on Mike’s bench
WR: Odell Beckham Jr., 30.67 pts -- started by Dad
RB: Todd Gurley, 21.67 pts -- started by Sam
TE: Ben Watson, 20.30 pts -- started by Paul
K: Justin Tucker, 20.00 pts -- started by Sam
DEF: Houston, 23.00 pts -- on the wire
D: Whitney Mercilus, 10.00 pts -- on the wire

Not only did Drew Brees become the 8th QB in NFL history to throw 7 TD passes in a game, not only did he post the 10th-highest passing yards total in a single game with 511, not only did he defeat the Giants Sunday and propel his team to a 4-4 record, but he also set a record single-player fantasy points total for our league, besting Peyton Manning’s 7 TD performance in early 2013 by 0.26 pts.

And he did it all on Mike’s bench. And Mike still had a ton of pts this week, so whatever. Who likes fantasy football anyway?

"Skill players" edition

3rd place: Juwan Thompson, -0.10 pts
2nd place: Will Tye, -0.53 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Bishop Sankey, -1.28 pts -- on the wire

In the “statistics lie” category, the New York Giants’ defense was slightly better than the New Orleans defense in terms of fantasy points (4.00 pts vs -1.00 pts) even though the Giants gave up 52 pts to the Saints’ 42.

Meanwhile, Sankey was a sleeper RB2 pick last year. And this week he scored fewer fantasy pts than any single player in the league. Go figure.


** Cowboys WR Dez Bryant (who is pure evil) snapped at reporters’ Sunday after one posted a video online (without sound) showing the temperamental wideout cursing at an opposing Seahawk, possibly saying that another one of the Seattle team deserved the serious injury he received in the game.

Possibly. Or he may have been yelling out a cake recipe. Lip reading videos are a joke. And it was a ludicrous leap to assume that Bryant said something like that, and that his teammate would have zero reaction to such a statement. But, hey, whatever gives you something to write about some weeks...

** The Phillies hired former infielder Mickey Morandini to be their new first base coach next season. That’s stupid. They should just have him play second base, since he’s probably as good as anyone they’re got.

** Only four teams ever have won their division and made the playoffs at 7-9. This year, we could have two -- the Giants lead the NFC East at 4-4 and the Colts lead the AFC South at 3-5.

** Eight weeks into the season, four teams are still undefeated. And if the Broncos lose to the Patriots and Bengals, three teams could finish the season without a loss (since the Panthers don’t play any of them).

** The Ravens have played eight games so far this season, all decided by eight points or less (2-6). Both of their wins came by a field goal.

** Despite all the wackiness so far, if the season ended today, seven of the 12 post-season teams from 2014 would qualify for the playoffs again. Two last place teams from 2014 (The Jets and Raiders) would also qualify.

** At least the Titans still stink.


Philadelphia had the week off, and Dallas had another close loss to drop their record to 2-5. What does this mean for their prime-time matchup next week? I think you already know the answer:

Reeling Cowboys face Monday game against another hated division rival

** Oh me, birds: Eagles dominate early for a change, avoid vanity, win coasting.

Honestly, that one is so long it’s just one step away from anagramming the entire Eagles fight song. FYI, if you do that, you come up with “Dallas is evil” twice.


** Went 2-1 against Dad in our picks this week, which puts me improbably up three with nine weeks to go. I’d be up more if I’d stop picking the Titans, who have gone 3-20 since the start of last season. But now that they fired their head coach, they look awfully good for next week ...

** Oklahoma State player Texas Tech in basketball last February and lost 65-61. On Saturday, they played them in football and won 70-52.

** The Phillies are 300-1 odds to win the World Series next year. Only two other teams are at triple-digit odds -- The Braves (100-1) and the Rockies (150-1). But those odds mean that if you put $10 down on the Phils next year … you’ll lose $10.

Week 8 standings

1 -- Lake Weed Monsters (Dad) -- 1104.68 pts
2 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) -- 1002.76 pts
3 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 984.57 pts
4 -- hippo fantasy (Sam) -- 933.93 pts
5 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle) -- 922.93 pts
6 -- 1.21 Chip-a-watts (Ant) -- 910.43 pts
7 -- Eat Drink and D Murray (Capt Awesome) -- 871.02 pts
8 -- Clinton's Email (Jim) -- 856.46 pts
9 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 852.75 pts
10 -- Bethlehem Moravians (Bob) -- 845.34 pts
11 -- Heap Big Chief Reid (Joel) -- 783.44 pts
12 -- May Pay Attention (Paul) -- 724.77 pts

A big week for New York QB Eli “Dopey” Manning sneaks Mom back into shouting distance of the top, and a miserable performance by New York Ryan “Injured” Fitzpatrick moves me back into the bottom half of the standings. Other than that, nobody else moved more than a spot.

Dad’s once insurmountable lead continues to slowly dwindle, so slowly that it may take 40 more weeks to catch him. But more than 60 percent of his points this week came from four of his 12 starters, so maybe there’s a chance his team’s balance is suspect. Or maybe this whole fantasy season is just a mess.