Tis the season, so let's start with ...
Christmas gifts I got this year
** An Eagles birdhouse. It has uprights on the front for visitors to perch on and a scoreboard showing the birds winning 16-0 on the side.
** The Wordsworth Dictionary of Anagrams. Next time I'm looking for an anagram for "unsainted" I'll be able to come up with "inundates" much quicker.
** An interception by Dawkins to help the Eagles retake the NFC East lead. Although, I'd like to think that all of my shouting helped too.
Top performers
QB: Mark Bulger, 42.22 points -- started by Heidi
RB: Steven Jackson, 37.20 points -- started by Eric
WR: Marvin Harrison, 27.27 points -- started by Joanna
TE: Chris Cooley, 18.13 points -- started by Jim
K: Ryan Lindell, 18.00 points -- started by Jim
DEF: Tampa Bay, 31.00 points -- sitting on Jeff's bench
Way to blow it, Jeff. We could have had all the top guys started if you would have played along. Christmas is ruined for everyone.
Worst performers, guys who fumbled and did nothing else
First place (tie): Miles Austin, -2.00 points -- on the waiver wire
First place (tie): Troy Walters, -2.00 points -- on the waiver wire
First place (tie): Chad Morton, -2.00 points -- on the waiver wire
The stat line for all three reads: Zero rushing yards, zero receiving yards, zero TDs, one fumble on a kickoff return.
Andy Reid blown call of the week award
A special holiday award goes to NBC, who decided to structure most of their NFL broadcast around the Dallas Cowboys this week -- numerous shots of Dallas players' kids, new Tony Romo girlfriend Carrie Underwood, clips of T.O. from practice -- and had little to show in the way of off-the-field video when the Eagles pulled away with the game. Thanks for assuming it was going to be a blowout the other way, guys.
Honorable mention goes to Jeff, who left 41 points on his bench, 30 of them by starting the Indy defense (one point) over the Bucs D (31 points).
Funniest stat lines of the week
** TE Jeremy Shockey: Two receptions, -3 yards.
** WR Steve Smith: One rush, -5 yards, zero catches.
** QB Mike Vick: Over 1,022 yards rushing for the year, zero chance at making the playoffs.
Smartest thing I heard this week
Since the stupidest things I heard this week were all Eagles fans saying "I knew this team would get to the playoffs!" I decided I'd enlighten you all instead with some sublime commentary I heard just this morning.
Courtesy of Anthony Gargano on Philly's 610 WIP:
"Peyton Manning just tied Joe Montana for seventh on the all-time TD passes list. He's unbelievable. His brother Eli? That guy needs to go see the wizard. He needs some heart."
I couldn't have said it better myself, at least not without referencing Dopey dwarf from Snow White.
Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Oh, wait -- I just realized I missed one other anagram last week for the Cowboy's star player. If you look at "star wideout Terrell Owens' sprained fingers" you clearly see:
** In two wins, Eagles freed run, TO’s rat lips erred **
Do you think that was important? Was that something that may have been useful for the Cowboys to know last week?
Our standings so far
First place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 2260.96 points
Second place: JapanUSRelations, Anthony -- 2231.48 points
Third place: HoF Bus Drivers, Joanna -- 2177.69 points
With one week left, Joanna has an outside shot at stealing this thing, but it's really a two-team race. If Eric and Mike Vick can hold off Anthony and John Kitna (really?) for one more week, he gets the coveted title. But Eric hasn't scored fewer than 130 points in the last nine weeks, so it's still a long-shot.
Meanwhile, the much more exciting race is on at the bottom of the standings. Five teams are fewer than 40 points from the basement, including my own. Who will be our Detroit Lions? I can't stand the excitement.
For the record
** Yet another solid professional column this week, but it's not online yet. I'll post here when it is.
** Dad had an awful week last week, going 0-6 in games we picked different. He's down nine games with just 16 left to go, meaning I'd have to have a monumental collapse to blow it this year. I can't go down with nine games on him. Not with nine games.
** Jags RB Fred Taylor did indeed miss that critical game on Sunday, Jacksonville lost and now is on the verge of missing the playoffs. If only he was on the field to help the Jags' offense cut through the D-line with his glass groin...
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Fantasy football recap, week 15
Time for another game...
Pro Bowler or character from Starship Troopers
** Brian Moorman: AFC punter or fictional bug killer?
Answer
** Dizzy Flores: NFC defensive tackle or fictional bug killer?
Answer
** Jeff Saturday: AFC center or fictional bug killing sergeant?
Answer
** Aaron Kampman: NFC special teamer or fictional bug victim?
Answer
** Zander Barcalow: AFC safety or fictional bug victim?
Answer
** Brian Dawkins: NFC safety or universe destroyer?
Answer
Now back to our regular programming...
--- Top performers
QB: Michael Vick, 37.08 points -- started by Eric
WR: Marvin Harrison, 31.73 points -- started by Jo
TE: Desomnd Clark, 27.33 points -- started by Joel
K: Mike Nugent, 17.00 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
DEF: Tennessee, 34.00 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
And we're back to not mentioning certain Chargers RBs who may or may not have totaled 33.23 points this week.
--- Worst performers, QBs who played half a game
Third place: Matt Schaub, -0.68 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
Second place: Joey Harrington, -2.50 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
First place: David Carr, -2.92 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
Combined, these guys threw for 177 yards, seven interceptions, no TDs and three losses. That's even worse than Eli Manning, who had 282 yards, two picks, no TDs and only one loss this week.
--- Guess who might not play this week?
Fred Taylor pulled up lame on a breakaway run during Sunday's game against the Titans. It's the second time he has failed to finish a game he has started this year, and team officials don't know if he'll be OK for this week's game.
Taylor, long known for his groin durability, said he didn't pull his hamstring, but "sometimes they just spasm." Also, sometimes your groin is made of porcelin, and that adds to it.
This year Taylor's injury propensity has even spread beyond his loins, as Jaguars backup RB Maurice Jones Drew went down in the same game with a mystery leg injury.
And yet, somehow he's an alternate for the Pro-Bowl. If Dawkins looks across the field at him, Taylor is liable to end up in the hospital.
--- Stats I was going to look up, but ESPN.com did it first
** The Titans this week had the ball on offense for just 15:38 but won thanks to three defensive scores. That’s the lowest time of possession for a winning team during the 30 seasons in which that statistic has been officially compiled.
** The Bears have never lost a game at Soldier Field in which they held a lead of 21 or more points, winning all 45 times that has happened. It took overtime this week to keep the streak alive, but a win is a win.
** Rex Grossman passed for 339 yards on Sunday. It was the Bears first 300-yard passing game in the last 72 games. For comparison’s sake, it has been one game since the Eagles last had a 300-yard passing game.
--- Andy Reid blown call of the week award
I'm giving it to the West Coast this week, because starting football at 10 am on Sunday is just sick. Anyone who decides to live there blew making a critical life decision on whether to co-exist with the real world or lag three hours behind.
Honorable mention goes to the five of you who started a player who didn't register one measly point. You know who you are.
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
The University of Washington basketball team head coach was on 950 AM, and was asked by the coach if injuries were going to hurt his team in upcoming games. His response: "Well, the guys who aren't hurt should be fine to play. The one who have injuries that are serious probably won't be contributing much."
Thanks, coach. Wasn't sure about that one.
--- Stupidest thing Joanna heard this week
Since I was watching the big Eagles win in a bar, Jo had to relay to me the dumbest things said during the broadcast.
** Strike one: Troy Aikman remarked that "Buckhalter is actually a faster back than Brian Westbrook. Defintely not quicker, but he is faster."
** Strike two: Aikman follwed that up later in the game by observing "Teams that score touchdowns tend to win games, teams that don't tend to lose."
** Strike three: Before the game started Pam Oliver had a lenghty piece on the new Eagles QB that included "Life is pretty good for Jeff Garcia these days, he hasn't been horrible since taking over for McNabb."
When I got home, blood was trickling out her ears.
--- Our standings so far
First place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 2100.28 points
Second place: JapanUSRelations, Ant -- 2068.23 points
Third place: HoF Bus Drivers, Jo -- 2033.26 points
In case you haven't figured it out, this is really a three team race at this point. Mike is less than 80 points behind, but no one else has a chance at the top three. And Eric is slowly pulling away...
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
T.O. has had a busy week, what with all the spitting and denying he spit on people and getting fined and not making the Pro-Bowl, so I figured I'd help by giving him an extra special set of anagrams this week.
** Terrell Owens, spitter **
-- "Repellent twit errs so"
** Terrell Owens, professional bawler **
-- "Fallen WR tries, sees no real pro-bowl"
** Dallas millionaire Terrell Owens **
-- "Not a man. A slow, ill, lie seller. Rob, I do."
Gawd, I hate that guy.
--- For the record
** Even though I was taveling, I did find time for the professional column. I even managed a shout-out to the birds this week.
** Two weeks left, and I'm up three games on Dad. I'm just saying...
** Seattle media item one: This weekend, after major storms blew through the Northwest region, Seattle's Channel 5 touted how they kept everyone up to date on the latest power outages “in your neighborhood.” Funny, I didn’t see that report. Maybe it’s because my power was out.
** Seattle media item two: In all of their promos, sports radio 950 AM uses the clip “And the Seahawks win the game!” yelled excitedly by local sportscaster … Harry Kalas??? What? Don’t you guys have some local announcer who’d be a little more Seattlish? Seriously, we don't use Steve Largent for basketball previews, so don't steal our baseball guy for your lousy team.
Pro Bowler or character from Starship Troopers
** Brian Moorman: AFC punter or fictional bug killer?
Answer
** Dizzy Flores: NFC defensive tackle or fictional bug killer?
Answer
** Jeff Saturday: AFC center or fictional bug killing sergeant?
Answer
** Aaron Kampman: NFC special teamer or fictional bug victim?
Answer
** Zander Barcalow: AFC safety or fictional bug victim?
Answer
** Brian Dawkins: NFC safety or universe destroyer?
Answer
Now back to our regular programming...
--- Top performers
QB: Michael Vick, 37.08 points -- started by Eric
WR: Marvin Harrison, 31.73 points -- started by Jo
TE: Desomnd Clark, 27.33 points -- started by Joel
K: Mike Nugent, 17.00 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
DEF: Tennessee, 34.00 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
And we're back to not mentioning certain Chargers RBs who may or may not have totaled 33.23 points this week.
--- Worst performers, QBs who played half a game
Third place: Matt Schaub, -0.68 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
Second place: Joey Harrington, -2.50 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
First place: David Carr, -2.92 points -- sittin' on the waiver wire
Combined, these guys threw for 177 yards, seven interceptions, no TDs and three losses. That's even worse than Eli Manning, who had 282 yards, two picks, no TDs and only one loss this week.
--- Guess who might not play this week?
Fred Taylor pulled up lame on a breakaway run during Sunday's game against the Titans. It's the second time he has failed to finish a game he has started this year, and team officials don't know if he'll be OK for this week's game.
Taylor, long known for his groin durability, said he didn't pull his hamstring, but "sometimes they just spasm." Also, sometimes your groin is made of porcelin, and that adds to it.
This year Taylor's injury propensity has even spread beyond his loins, as Jaguars backup RB Maurice Jones Drew went down in the same game with a mystery leg injury.
And yet, somehow he's an alternate for the Pro-Bowl. If Dawkins looks across the field at him, Taylor is liable to end up in the hospital.
--- Stats I was going to look up, but ESPN.com did it first
** The Titans this week had the ball on offense for just 15:38 but won thanks to three defensive scores. That’s the lowest time of possession for a winning team during the 30 seasons in which that statistic has been officially compiled.
** The Bears have never lost a game at Soldier Field in which they held a lead of 21 or more points, winning all 45 times that has happened. It took overtime this week to keep the streak alive, but a win is a win.
** Rex Grossman passed for 339 yards on Sunday. It was the Bears first 300-yard passing game in the last 72 games. For comparison’s sake, it has been one game since the Eagles last had a 300-yard passing game.
--- Andy Reid blown call of the week award
I'm giving it to the West Coast this week, because starting football at 10 am on Sunday is just sick. Anyone who decides to live there blew making a critical life decision on whether to co-exist with the real world or lag three hours behind.
Honorable mention goes to the five of you who started a player who didn't register one measly point. You know who you are.
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
The University of Washington basketball team head coach was on 950 AM, and was asked by the coach if injuries were going to hurt his team in upcoming games. His response: "Well, the guys who aren't hurt should be fine to play. The one who have injuries that are serious probably won't be contributing much."
Thanks, coach. Wasn't sure about that one.
--- Stupidest thing Joanna heard this week
Since I was watching the big Eagles win in a bar, Jo had to relay to me the dumbest things said during the broadcast.
** Strike one: Troy Aikman remarked that "Buckhalter is actually a faster back than Brian Westbrook. Defintely not quicker, but he is faster."
** Strike two: Aikman follwed that up later in the game by observing "Teams that score touchdowns tend to win games, teams that don't tend to lose."
** Strike three: Before the game started Pam Oliver had a lenghty piece on the new Eagles QB that included "Life is pretty good for Jeff Garcia these days, he hasn't been horrible since taking over for McNabb."
When I got home, blood was trickling out her ears.
--- Our standings so far
First place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 2100.28 points
Second place: JapanUSRelations, Ant -- 2068.23 points
Third place: HoF Bus Drivers, Jo -- 2033.26 points
In case you haven't figured it out, this is really a three team race at this point. Mike is less than 80 points behind, but no one else has a chance at the top three. And Eric is slowly pulling away...
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
T.O. has had a busy week, what with all the spitting and denying he spit on people and getting fined and not making the Pro-Bowl, so I figured I'd help by giving him an extra special set of anagrams this week.
** Terrell Owens, spitter **
-- "Repellent twit errs so"
** Terrell Owens, professional bawler **
-- "Fallen WR tries, sees no real pro-bowl"
** Dallas millionaire Terrell Owens **
-- "Not a man. A slow, ill, lie seller. Rob, I do."
Gawd, I hate that guy.
--- For the record
** Even though I was taveling, I did find time for the professional column. I even managed a shout-out to the birds this week.
** Two weeks left, and I'm up three games on Dad. I'm just saying...
** Seattle media item one: This weekend, after major storms blew through the Northwest region, Seattle's Channel 5 touted how they kept everyone up to date on the latest power outages “in your neighborhood.” Funny, I didn’t see that report. Maybe it’s because my power was out.
** Seattle media item two: In all of their promos, sports radio 950 AM uses the clip “And the Seahawks win the game!” yelled excitedly by local sportscaster … Harry Kalas??? What? Don’t you guys have some local announcer who’d be a little more Seattlish? Seriously, we don't use Steve Largent for basketball previews, so don't steal our baseball guy for your lousy team.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Fantasy football recap, week 14
--- Top performers
QB: Drew Brees, 44.76 points – started by Jeff
RB: Maurice Jones-Drew, 36.60 points – started by Ant
WR: Donald Driver, 25.07 points – started by Eric
TE: Antonio Gates, 25.93 points – started by me
K: Josh Scobee, 16.00 points – started by Eric
DEF: Miami, 26.00 points – started by Joel
I do believe that’s the first time this year we’ve started all the top performers. I could go back and check, but frankly that seems like a lot of work when I can just lie to y’all.
--- Worst performers, defenses we started
Third place: Indy, -3.00 points – started by Jeff
Second place: Dallas, -5.00 points – started by Ant
First place: St. Louis, -6.00 points - started by me
It’s always nice to see Dallas near the bottom of the standings. And it’s nice to see Ant there too for a change.
--- “Who is winning despite all logic” stat of the week
** Seattle: 290 points allowed, 281 points scored, 8-5 record.
** Hotlanta: 244 points allowed, 256 points scored, 7-6 record.
** Broncos: 235 points allowed, 236 points scored, 7-6 record.
** Jets: 254 points allowed, 269 points scored, 7-6 record.
--- Andy Reid blown call of the week award
The award goes to Fox, courtesy of G's reccomendation. After the Iggles game finished, the network decided to give the good people of Phily bonus coverage of ... the Detroit Minnesota game, which has virtually no playoff implications. Besides, who wanted to see how that Panthers/Giants game was going? What could that possibly mean to Eagles fans?
Honorable mentions go to Jeff, who left 32 points on his bench, and Jim, who started one Mike out for the year (WR Clayton) and one who has been cut from his team (K Vanderjagt).
--- Saying something nice about the Giants
** Eli Manning had a great day on Sunday, throwing for three TDs and no picks. It's the first time this season he has made it two games in a row without throwing an interception. You'd have to go back 24 games for the last time he managed two games in a row without a turnover. He's currently fifth in the league in interceptions, with 15.
** The Giants defense was excellent this week too, keeping Steve Smith and Keyshawn Johnson out of the end zone and holding Chris Weinke, who has one win in 17 starts, to a mere 432 yards passing.
** Tiki Barber is fourth in the league in rushing, with an impressive 1,282 yards on the ground. That's 12 trips from goal line to goal line this year. That's where he has been running, too: He only has one touchdown in 13 games. He's tied for 61st in the league in that category.
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
Mike and I heard a ton of great candidates while attending the Landover Racial Slurs game against the Eagles, including a number of Philadelphia fans who insisted that Jeff Garcia will lead the team to the Super Bowl.
But the best was a 20-something drunk Slurs fan who tried to pick a fight with a blonde wearing a Trotter jersey, nearly came to blows with his own father (also a Slurs fan), and then shouted down the many, many Eagles fans in our section as the game wound down.
With two minutes left, the Slurs out of timeouts, and with the Iggles faithful yelling out another E-A-G-L-E-S, he stood up and yelled, “It ain’t over yet! Sit down! Nothing has been decided yet!”
Three kneel-downs later, I’m still not sure he understood the game was finished.
The stupidest thing I read was in the Post Monday morning, headlines side by side in the sports section:
“Washington fans: Not all is lost.”
“Redskins are eliminated from playoff contention and ensure a last place finish in NFC East.”
I guess they still can hold out hope for a 7-9 record…
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Who could have seen that drubbing the Saints put on the Cowboys Sunday night? I could have, because it was clearly spelled out by “Dallas Cowboys defensive end Jason Hatcher.” Look:
** D’oh! Saints end cow fever, deny scabs jello. Ha! **
It’s so sad: No win means no jello for the little cowboys. And I bet T.O. won’t get to take his normal naptime next Saturday either.
--- For the record
** The professional column is up yet again.
** For those of you scoring at home, QBs who have passed for 400-plus yards this year are now 1-5 this year, after Chris Weinke's 432 yards in that loss to the Giants.
** I'm traveling this week and next, so my update probably won't come until Wednesday night next week. Think of it as a way to waste that worthless Thursday and Friday on the schedule right before the holiday.
QB: Drew Brees, 44.76 points – started by Jeff
RB: Maurice Jones-Drew, 36.60 points – started by Ant
WR: Donald Driver, 25.07 points – started by Eric
TE: Antonio Gates, 25.93 points – started by me
K: Josh Scobee, 16.00 points – started by Eric
DEF: Miami, 26.00 points – started by Joel
I do believe that’s the first time this year we’ve started all the top performers. I could go back and check, but frankly that seems like a lot of work when I can just lie to y’all.
--- Worst performers, defenses we started
Third place: Indy, -3.00 points – started by Jeff
Second place: Dallas, -5.00 points – started by Ant
First place: St. Louis, -6.00 points - started by me
It’s always nice to see Dallas near the bottom of the standings. And it’s nice to see Ant there too for a change.
--- “Who is winning despite all logic” stat of the week
** Seattle: 290 points allowed, 281 points scored, 8-5 record.
** Hotlanta: 244 points allowed, 256 points scored, 7-6 record.
** Broncos: 235 points allowed, 236 points scored, 7-6 record.
** Jets: 254 points allowed, 269 points scored, 7-6 record.
--- Andy Reid blown call of the week award
The award goes to Fox, courtesy of G's reccomendation. After the Iggles game finished, the network decided to give the good people of Phily bonus coverage of ... the Detroit Minnesota game, which has virtually no playoff implications. Besides, who wanted to see how that Panthers/Giants game was going? What could that possibly mean to Eagles fans?
Honorable mentions go to Jeff, who left 32 points on his bench, and Jim, who started one Mike out for the year (WR Clayton) and one who has been cut from his team (K Vanderjagt).
--- Saying something nice about the Giants
** Eli Manning had a great day on Sunday, throwing for three TDs and no picks. It's the first time this season he has made it two games in a row without throwing an interception. You'd have to go back 24 games for the last time he managed two games in a row without a turnover. He's currently fifth in the league in interceptions, with 15.
** The Giants defense was excellent this week too, keeping Steve Smith and Keyshawn Johnson out of the end zone and holding Chris Weinke, who has one win in 17 starts, to a mere 432 yards passing.
** Tiki Barber is fourth in the league in rushing, with an impressive 1,282 yards on the ground. That's 12 trips from goal line to goal line this year. That's where he has been running, too: He only has one touchdown in 13 games. He's tied for 61st in the league in that category.
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
Mike and I heard a ton of great candidates while attending the Landover Racial Slurs game against the Eagles, including a number of Philadelphia fans who insisted that Jeff Garcia will lead the team to the Super Bowl.
But the best was a 20-something drunk Slurs fan who tried to pick a fight with a blonde wearing a Trotter jersey, nearly came to blows with his own father (also a Slurs fan), and then shouted down the many, many Eagles fans in our section as the game wound down.
With two minutes left, the Slurs out of timeouts, and with the Iggles faithful yelling out another E-A-G-L-E-S, he stood up and yelled, “It ain’t over yet! Sit down! Nothing has been decided yet!”
Three kneel-downs later, I’m still not sure he understood the game was finished.
The stupidest thing I read was in the Post Monday morning, headlines side by side in the sports section:
“Washington fans: Not all is lost.”
“Redskins are eliminated from playoff contention and ensure a last place finish in NFC East.”
I guess they still can hold out hope for a 7-9 record…
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Who could have seen that drubbing the Saints put on the Cowboys Sunday night? I could have, because it was clearly spelled out by “Dallas Cowboys defensive end Jason Hatcher.” Look:
** D’oh! Saints end cow fever, deny scabs jello. Ha! **
It’s so sad: No win means no jello for the little cowboys. And I bet T.O. won’t get to take his normal naptime next Saturday either.
--- For the record
** The professional column is up yet again.
** For those of you scoring at home, QBs who have passed for 400-plus yards this year are now 1-5 this year, after Chris Weinke's 432 yards in that loss to the Giants.
** I'm traveling this week and next, so my update probably won't come until Wednesday night next week. Think of it as a way to waste that worthless Thursday and Friday on the schedule right before the holiday.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Fantasy football recap, week 13
--- How'd that birthday thing go?
Yes, I'm older, and I had a great time celebrating with a bunch of you this weekend.
But, as you also know, I had complained to many of you that I was not looking forward to Monday night's football game because the Eagles had an abysmal career record on my birthday. For the record it was 1-3, with two losses to the Cowboys on Dec. 4s over the last 30 years. The only win was a 13-9 win in 1983 over the LA Rams, and I don't remember watching that on my seventh birthday.
So, sadly, the only Eagles games that I could remember watchin on my birthday were heartbreaking losses that made me question the existence of the football gods and whether any good was left in this world.
Until last night!!!!! Jeff Garcia and Lito pulled together everything they had to get me a very memorable gift-wrapped win, and Dawkins even chipped in a few yards.
I've got five years before my birthday shows up on a Sunday again, so I can ride this one until I'm in my mid-30s, which is nice.
Also, for the record, the day after I was born (Dec. 5, 1976) the Eagles lost to the Cowboys 26-7. So apparently my hatred for the Cowboys literally goes back to the first hours of my life.
--- Top performers
QB: Trent Green, 31.88 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
RB: Reggie Bush, 45.43 points -- started by Eric
WR: Marvin Harrison, 24.47 points -- started by Joanna
TE: Antonio Gates, 19.00 points -- started by me
K: Josh Brown, 14.00 points -- started by Paul
DEF: Chicago, 37.00 points -- started by Mike
--- Worst performers, QB edition
Third place: David Carr, -2.22 points -- sitting on my bench
Second place: Brad Johnson, -4.78 points -- on Paul's bench
First place: Rex Grossman, -5.54 points -- started by me
Johnson and Grossman squared off on Sunday and combined for seven interceptions and no touchdowns. That's great NFC North football for you.
--- The Andy Reid blown call of the week award
Heidi left 42 points on her bench this week, and wins it by default because nobody else really earned it.
I mean, Neal is still starting Mark Brunell at QB, but we're all getting sick of that, aren't we?
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
Since I didn't see a lot of football this weekend, I was worried I might not have enough material for this. Then I realized Joe Theisman was calling the Monday night game.
Exhibit number one: After Hank Baskett made a catch in the first quarter, he said he sees a good future for "Baz-Kette." I didn't know you could mispronounce that if you tried.
Exhibit number two: After Donte Stallworth made a spectacular one-handed catch, Joe remarked that the play was "a great individual effort by Richard Marshall," the cornerback who got beat on the play. He fell down and didn't defend the pass or make a tackle. But other than that, great effort.
Exhibit number three: After an intentional grounding call on Jake Delhomme, Joe told us that "the best way to avoid intentional grounding is to get outside the pocket and throw the ball past the line of scrimmage." In other words, don't intentionally ground the ball.
Exhibit number four: After a non-pass interference call in the third, Joe said "There is such inconsistency in those calls, what counts as interference, what counts as jamming the receiver, what counts as snuggling." He later claimed "snuggling" is when a cornerback runs shoulder-to-shoulder with a wideout, but no one in the booth would back him up.
--- Fun with QB ratings
Let's revisit those bottom-feeding QBs again for a minute:
** League average QB rating: 80.4
** Carr's rating Sunday: 56.25
** Johnson's rating Sunday: 10.26
** Grossman's rating Sunday: 1.32
** Me walking outside and throwing the ball into the ground: 39.58 rating
So, if you dropped a football on Sunday, you were almost 30 times the QB that Grossman was.
--- People I just feel like making fun of
*** Eli Manning threw his 18th and 19th TD passes this week, finally surpassing Donovan McNabb in that statistical category. McNabb, who has 18 this year, hasn't thrown one since week 10 on account of his season-ending injury.
*** Michael Vick hasn't thrown for 300 yards in his last 19 games. He hasn't thrown for 200 yards in his last six games. He hasn't thrown for 150 yards in four games.
*** Tony Romo hasn't won a game yet without the assitance of Satan. It's a fact. Look it up.
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Sometimes I wonder if these anagrams are really worth anything. Is this just all frivolity? Does this really make a difference? Am I making the world a better place?
This week, "Dallas cowboys nose tackle/DE Jeremiah Ratliff" provided me an answer:
*** Cowjerks is foiled, fall, cry at bad names, hate Leo ***
Clearly, if the cowboys are crying because of my insults, I must be doing devine work.
I'm also apparently causing them to use bad grammar. Who knew?
--- What would it take for Tampa to make the playoffs?
Even at 3-9, the Bucs still have a shot. All it would take would be:
** Tampa Bay wins its last four games;
** Minnesota loses its next four games;
** Carolina and Atlanta tie in two weeks, but lose thier other games;
** Philadelphia beats Atlanta but loses its other three games;
** St. Louis beats Minnesota but loses its other three games;
** San Fran beats Green Bay but then loses its other three games;
** Green Bay loses to San Francisco next week, beats Minnesota in two weeks, and loses at least one other game;
** Washington beats Philadelphia next week, loses to New Orleans, beats St. Louis, then loses to the Giants;
** and Arizona doesn’t win its last four games.
If all that happens, Tampa will be 7-9 and be able to win the sixth and final wild card spot over the Eagles, based on that loss in Tampa earlier this year.
So keep hoping, Bucs fans.
--- Our standings so far
First place: HoF Bus Drivers, Joanna -- 1792.58 points
Second place: JapanUSRelations, Ant -- 1789.44 points
Third place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 1772.48 points
Don't look now, but Mike is sneaking up to towards the top three...
--- For the record
** Yep, still doing that professional column.
** For those of you keeping score at home, LaDanian Tomlinson had two more TDs this week, but lost ground in the total scoring race. He's now only ahead of 17 other teams in total TDs, with 28. He's tied with three others.
** Just so you're not confused about my fantasy football prowess -- I may be in next to last place in this league, but I've already won $120 in my other league and am still gunning for more cash. Just thought you should know.
Yes, I'm older, and I had a great time celebrating with a bunch of you this weekend.
But, as you also know, I had complained to many of you that I was not looking forward to Monday night's football game because the Eagles had an abysmal career record on my birthday. For the record it was 1-3, with two losses to the Cowboys on Dec. 4s over the last 30 years. The only win was a 13-9 win in 1983 over the LA Rams, and I don't remember watching that on my seventh birthday.
So, sadly, the only Eagles games that I could remember watchin on my birthday were heartbreaking losses that made me question the existence of the football gods and whether any good was left in this world.
Until last night!!!!! Jeff Garcia and Lito pulled together everything they had to get me a very memorable gift-wrapped win, and Dawkins even chipped in a few yards.
I've got five years before my birthday shows up on a Sunday again, so I can ride this one until I'm in my mid-30s, which is nice.
Also, for the record, the day after I was born (Dec. 5, 1976) the Eagles lost to the Cowboys 26-7. So apparently my hatred for the Cowboys literally goes back to the first hours of my life.
--- Top performers
QB: Trent Green, 31.88 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
RB: Reggie Bush, 45.43 points -- started by Eric
WR: Marvin Harrison, 24.47 points -- started by Joanna
TE: Antonio Gates, 19.00 points -- started by me
K: Josh Brown, 14.00 points -- started by Paul
DEF: Chicago, 37.00 points -- started by Mike
--- Worst performers, QB edition
Third place: David Carr, -2.22 points -- sitting on my bench
Second place: Brad Johnson, -4.78 points -- on Paul's bench
First place: Rex Grossman, -5.54 points -- started by me
Johnson and Grossman squared off on Sunday and combined for seven interceptions and no touchdowns. That's great NFC North football for you.
--- The Andy Reid blown call of the week award
Heidi left 42 points on her bench this week, and wins it by default because nobody else really earned it.
I mean, Neal is still starting Mark Brunell at QB, but we're all getting sick of that, aren't we?
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
Since I didn't see a lot of football this weekend, I was worried I might not have enough material for this. Then I realized Joe Theisman was calling the Monday night game.
Exhibit number one: After Hank Baskett made a catch in the first quarter, he said he sees a good future for "Baz-Kette." I didn't know you could mispronounce that if you tried.
Exhibit number two: After Donte Stallworth made a spectacular one-handed catch, Joe remarked that the play was "a great individual effort by Richard Marshall," the cornerback who got beat on the play. He fell down and didn't defend the pass or make a tackle. But other than that, great effort.
Exhibit number three: After an intentional grounding call on Jake Delhomme, Joe told us that "the best way to avoid intentional grounding is to get outside the pocket and throw the ball past the line of scrimmage." In other words, don't intentionally ground the ball.
Exhibit number four: After a non-pass interference call in the third, Joe said "There is such inconsistency in those calls, what counts as interference, what counts as jamming the receiver, what counts as snuggling." He later claimed "snuggling" is when a cornerback runs shoulder-to-shoulder with a wideout, but no one in the booth would back him up.
--- Fun with QB ratings
Let's revisit those bottom-feeding QBs again for a minute:
** League average QB rating: 80.4
** Carr's rating Sunday: 56.25
** Johnson's rating Sunday: 10.26
** Grossman's rating Sunday: 1.32
** Me walking outside and throwing the ball into the ground: 39.58 rating
So, if you dropped a football on Sunday, you were almost 30 times the QB that Grossman was.
--- People I just feel like making fun of
*** Eli Manning threw his 18th and 19th TD passes this week, finally surpassing Donovan McNabb in that statistical category. McNabb, who has 18 this year, hasn't thrown one since week 10 on account of his season-ending injury.
*** Michael Vick hasn't thrown for 300 yards in his last 19 games. He hasn't thrown for 200 yards in his last six games. He hasn't thrown for 150 yards in four games.
*** Tony Romo hasn't won a game yet without the assitance of Satan. It's a fact. Look it up.
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Sometimes I wonder if these anagrams are really worth anything. Is this just all frivolity? Does this really make a difference? Am I making the world a better place?
This week, "Dallas cowboys nose tackle/DE Jeremiah Ratliff" provided me an answer:
*** Cowjerks is foiled, fall, cry at bad names, hate Leo ***
Clearly, if the cowboys are crying because of my insults, I must be doing devine work.
I'm also apparently causing them to use bad grammar. Who knew?
--- What would it take for Tampa to make the playoffs?
Even at 3-9, the Bucs still have a shot. All it would take would be:
** Tampa Bay wins its last four games;
** Minnesota loses its next four games;
** Carolina and Atlanta tie in two weeks, but lose thier other games;
** Philadelphia beats Atlanta but loses its other three games;
** St. Louis beats Minnesota but loses its other three games;
** San Fran beats Green Bay but then loses its other three games;
** Green Bay loses to San Francisco next week, beats Minnesota in two weeks, and loses at least one other game;
** Washington beats Philadelphia next week, loses to New Orleans, beats St. Louis, then loses to the Giants;
** and Arizona doesn’t win its last four games.
If all that happens, Tampa will be 7-9 and be able to win the sixth and final wild card spot over the Eagles, based on that loss in Tampa earlier this year.
So keep hoping, Bucs fans.
--- Our standings so far
First place: HoF Bus Drivers, Joanna -- 1792.58 points
Second place: JapanUSRelations, Ant -- 1789.44 points
Third place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 1772.48 points
Don't look now, but Mike is sneaking up to towards the top three...
--- For the record
** Yep, still doing that professional column.
** For those of you keeping score at home, LaDanian Tomlinson had two more TDs this week, but lost ground in the total scoring race. He's now only ahead of 17 other teams in total TDs, with 28. He's tied with three others.
** Just so you're not confused about my fantasy football prowess -- I may be in next to last place in this league, but I've already won $120 in my other league and am still gunning for more cash. Just thought you should know.
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