--- Top performers
QB: Tony #$!@ Romo, 41.84 points -- now sitting on Eric's bench
RB: Joseph Addai, 45.57 points -- started by Jim
WR: Marty Booker, 26.67 points -- sitting on Heidi's bench
TE: Ben Watson, 17.93 points -- started by Heidi
K: Mike Nugent, 17.00 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
DEF: Baltimore, 36.00 points -- started by Heidi
If only Heidi had picked up Nugent too...
--- Worst performers, QB edition
Third place: Charlie Frye, -0.06 points -- started by Joel
Second place: Rex Grossman, -0.86 points -- started by me
First place: A.J. Feeley, -1.16 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
I was convinced Matt Hasslebeck was going to be on this list too. He was worth -3.40 points in the first half of that Monday night game (three interceptions, one fumble and little else) but he threw three touchdowns in the second half and got a two-point conversion to end up scoring 19.48 points.
--- The only bright spot of that Eagles disaster
If you haven't seen the Madden 07 commercial where Colts TE Dallas Clark gets laid out by a virtual Eagles defense, you need to go take a peek now before you read anymore.
Clark publicly complained in the week leading up to the game that the commercial "made him look like a punk" and didn't show how tough he was, apparently oblivious to the fact that it's a video game, no one could tell it was his virtual double, and it's absolutely hilarious.
Fast forward to the actual game: The Eagles defense was absolutely inept, failing to stop just about anything the Colts offense threw at them ... except for Dallas Clark, who had one catch for four yards before being knocked silly by the Birds. He's out for the season with a torn ACL.
And that, ladies and gentelmen, is the definition of poetic justice.
--- The Andy Reid blown call of the week award
This week it goes to NBC, who three weeks ago looked at the schedule and thought the Colts-Eagles game would be more exciting for football fans than the Bears-Patriots match-up.
Even before McNabb went down, Philly fans knew that was going to be a mess. And do we need to see more Mannings? Way to use that flex scheduling to your advantage, guys. I'm guessing about 20 people sat through that whole game, and 19 of them are sickos who live in Pennsylvania.
I'm also related to at least five of them and can name three more.
Honorable mention goes to Neal yet again, who clearly hasn't looked at his team in about a month. He left a WR slot open yet again, started a QB who hasn't played in three weeks and left more than 47 points on his bench.
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
In the third quarter of the Giants game, right before the G-men collapsed, TE Jeremey Shockey caught a seven-yard pass. Here was play-by-play man Kenny Albert's call:
"Shockey with his first catch of the day! (pause) So that gives him four catches for about 30 yards."
Those details aren't important when you're calling the game. It's all about the excitement you bring as a play-by-play guy.
The stupidest thing Joanna heard this week was a caller to WIP, who said the Eagles should think about using a draft pick on a reliable back-up QB. His suggestion was to use a third-rounder on a guy you might not be thinking about -- Ohio State QB Troy Smith -- because he thinks the guy will be pretty good.
I disagree. If Smith, the obvious Heisman trophy winner and the best QB in college football, drops to the fourth round, maybe they should consider it. Instead, I'd like to see them trade that third-rounder for Peyton Manning, to use as a backup, of course.
--- "Who is LaDanian Tomlinson better than?" stats of the week
*** This week, LT had more TD passes (one) than QBs Rex Grossman, Ben Roethlisberger, Trent Green, Mike Vick and Phillip Rivers combined (zero).
*** This year, LT has more receiving TDs (three) than Larry Fitzgerald (two), Antwaan Randle El (two), Randy McMichael (one) and Jason Whitten (one).
*** This year, LT has 26 total touchdowns (if you include those two TD passes.) That's more touchdowns than Jacksonville, Kansas City, the Giants, Green Bay, Tennessee, Washington, Atlanta, St. Louis, Detroit, Minnesota, Miami, Denver, San Francisco, Buffalo, Houston, Arizona, Carolina, Cleveland, Tampa Bay and Oakland. That's 20 teams, for those of you counting at home.
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
The Cowboys made a big move this week, dropping kicker Mike Vanderjadt in an attempt to spur their stuttering special teams. Will it work? Just look at the hidden message behind the signing of "Dallas Cowboys brand new kicker Martin Gramatica" and see:
*** Grim news: Bad carny karma-killer can't aid cow boast. ***
Is there any word that better describes Gramatica than "carny?"
Seriously, who thinks signing a Gramatica solves any problem?
--- Our standings so far
First place: JapanUSRelations, Ant -- 1623.18 points
Second place: HoF Bus Drivers, Jo -- 1619.95 points
Third place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 1619.28 points
Jo took a major stumble this week and needed a big push on Monday night just to stay ahead of Eric. Anthony, meanwhile, is very proud of his team's move to reclaim first, but he keeps forgeting there's a 500-point penalty at the end of the year for using the Dallas defense each week. Once that's factored in, he'll be down near my level.
--- For the record
*** I haven't been fired yet: The professional column is up.
*** There's another Thursday game this week -- Ravens vs the Bungles. Please set your rosters accordingly. Dad, I'm taking the Ravens.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Fantasy football recap, week 11
Let's try another game, shall we?
--- "Who am I?" quiz of the week
*** I suffered a season ending leg injury in this week's game.
*** I'm well known in the Philadelphia area.
*** I went to college at Syracuse University.
*** I'm a pro-Bowler and a respected African American celebrity.
*** I get sick in Jacksonville a lot.
*** My first name starts with D-O-N-O-V.
Give up? It's Donovin Darius, safety for the Jacksonville Jaguars. He grew up in Camden and graduated from Syracuse in 1997. He broke his ankle on Monday night.
Why, who did you think it was?
Back to our regularly scheduled program...
--- Top performers
QB: Tom Brady, 32.36 points -- sitting on Jeff's bench
WR: Lee Evans, 40.67 points -- sitting on Eric's bench
TE: L.J. Smith, 16.80 points -- started by Ant
K: Josh Scobee, 15.00 points -- started by Eric
DEF: Carolina, 32.00 points -- started by Joanna
I told you -- I'm not listing the top RB again until it's not LaDanian Tomlinson (42.43 points).
--- Worst performers, players we started edition
Third place (tie): Randy Moss, 0.00 points -- started by Mike
Third place (tie): Alex Smith, 0.00 points -- started by Jeff
Second place: Drew Bennett, -1.00 points -- started by Heidi
First place: Ronnie Brown, -1.80 points -- started by Jeff
Jeff gets two of the worst performers, sits the best QB, and still manages to outscore most of the league. That's just not fair.
--- The Andy Reid blown call of the week
Neal almost got this for a second week in a row, this time by starting three players who didn't play and leaving another roster spot empty (that's four goose eggs, a league record!).
But, really, does anyone deserve this more than big fat Andy? Third and goal from the one-inch line, he calls a pass play and the ball is intercepted. Tennessee didn't even defend the run on the play -- watch it again, and you'll see half the team drop back into coverage.
On third and an inch, he won't call a run. If he had Barry Sanders, he wouldn't call a run. If he was coaching a sprint team, he wouldn't call a run. If it's third and 15, he'll call a run.
--- Things I'm looking forward to now that the Eagles don't have to worry about the playoffs
*** Worrying about the 2008 season: McNabb might be out for up to a year, so I've already written off 2007. And they have to play the Cardinals in 2008, which is a game that I'm predicting, two years in advance, they will lose.
*** The inevitable resigning of Koy Detmer: It has been 10 years since the Eagles made it through a full season without at least one Detmer showing up on the sidelines. You know it'll happen again in a few weeks.
*** The rest of the Flyers season: Just kidding. Nobody is looking forward to that.
*** Draftsgiving Day: Only 158 days until the draft. This site is already predicting that Philly will pick University of Pittsburgh CB Darrelle Revis with its first-round selection, but they'd be fools to pass up Florida State LB Buster Davis.
--- Stupidest things I heard this week
It's the all Ohio State edition, because the big win was full of awful commentary.
With the Buckeyes leading 28-24, commentator Brent Mussberger started talking about "how great these defenses are playing." He brought it up again in the fourth quarter, when the score was 35-31.
At the start of the third quarter, after Mario Manningham caught a short pass, Mussberger announced "That's the first catch for him since the Wolverines opening drive in the first quarter." It wasn't; Manningham had one catch in the second quarter. About five minutes later, Manningham caught another one, and analyst Kirk Herbstriet announced, "That's the first catch for him since the Wolverines opening drive." He was also wrong.
At one point late in the fourth, analyst Bob Davie blurted out, "I'm not sure, but I don't think the Buckeyes have forced a turnover in this game." It's a shame that's the kind of thing you just can't look up, especially not when you have all those stat guys up in the press box with you.
I'd love to see those three take on ESPN's Monday Night Football crew in Celebrity Jeopardy. The winner would get to donate money to brain cancer research. The losers would be us.
--- "Most passing yards in a loss" stat of the week
*** Saints QB Drew Brees, week 11 -- 510 yards, lost 31-16.
*** Bengals QB Carson Palmer, week 10 -- 440 yards, lost 49-41.
*** Steelers QB Big Ben, week 9 -- 433 yards, lost 31-20.
*** Phins QB Joey Harrington, week 7 -- 413 yards, lost 34-24.
So far this year, Peyton Manning (week 2) is the only QB to pass for 400 yards and win a game.
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
I can’t express to you just how evil the Cowboys are, so I’ll refer you to “Dallas Cowboys free safety Keith Davis” to show you what kinds of things these awful people do:
*** Evil bastards eat child off a wok. Yes. YES! ***
They make me sick.
By the way, if you still doubt the power of anagrams, I refer you to this week’s Opus. I've been telling you about their cosmic knowledge for years now, but maybe you'll understand it more in comic strip form.
--- The standings so far
First place: HoF Bus Drivers, Joanna -- 1523.87 points
Second place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 1479.61 points
Third place: JapanUSRelations, Ant -- 1470.24 points
Can Anthony stay in the top three after losing McNabb for the season?
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooo.
--- For the record
*** The professional column is still alive.
*** Dad is three down in the year-long pick 'em and starting to slide...I'm just saying...
*** Don't forget to set your lineups for the Thursday games. I will make fun of you if you somehow forget to start Larry Johnson.
--- "Who am I?" quiz of the week
*** I suffered a season ending leg injury in this week's game.
*** I'm well known in the Philadelphia area.
*** I went to college at Syracuse University.
*** I'm a pro-Bowler and a respected African American celebrity.
*** I get sick in Jacksonville a lot.
*** My first name starts with D-O-N-O-V.
Give up? It's Donovin Darius, safety for the Jacksonville Jaguars. He grew up in Camden and graduated from Syracuse in 1997. He broke his ankle on Monday night.
Why, who did you think it was?
Back to our regularly scheduled program...
--- Top performers
QB: Tom Brady, 32.36 points -- sitting on Jeff's bench
WR: Lee Evans, 40.67 points -- sitting on Eric's bench
TE: L.J. Smith, 16.80 points -- started by Ant
K: Josh Scobee, 15.00 points -- started by Eric
DEF: Carolina, 32.00 points -- started by Joanna
I told you -- I'm not listing the top RB again until it's not LaDanian Tomlinson (42.43 points).
--- Worst performers, players we started edition
Third place (tie): Randy Moss, 0.00 points -- started by Mike
Third place (tie): Alex Smith, 0.00 points -- started by Jeff
Second place: Drew Bennett, -1.00 points -- started by Heidi
First place: Ronnie Brown, -1.80 points -- started by Jeff
Jeff gets two of the worst performers, sits the best QB, and still manages to outscore most of the league. That's just not fair.
--- The Andy Reid blown call of the week
Neal almost got this for a second week in a row, this time by starting three players who didn't play and leaving another roster spot empty (that's four goose eggs, a league record!).
But, really, does anyone deserve this more than big fat Andy? Third and goal from the one-inch line, he calls a pass play and the ball is intercepted. Tennessee didn't even defend the run on the play -- watch it again, and you'll see half the team drop back into coverage.
On third and an inch, he won't call a run. If he had Barry Sanders, he wouldn't call a run. If he was coaching a sprint team, he wouldn't call a run. If it's third and 15, he'll call a run.
--- Things I'm looking forward to now that the Eagles don't have to worry about the playoffs
*** Worrying about the 2008 season: McNabb might be out for up to a year, so I've already written off 2007. And they have to play the Cardinals in 2008, which is a game that I'm predicting, two years in advance, they will lose.
*** The inevitable resigning of Koy Detmer: It has been 10 years since the Eagles made it through a full season without at least one Detmer showing up on the sidelines. You know it'll happen again in a few weeks.
*** The rest of the Flyers season: Just kidding. Nobody is looking forward to that.
*** Draftsgiving Day: Only 158 days until the draft. This site is already predicting that Philly will pick University of Pittsburgh CB Darrelle Revis with its first-round selection, but they'd be fools to pass up Florida State LB Buster Davis.
--- Stupidest things I heard this week
It's the all Ohio State edition, because the big win was full of awful commentary.
With the Buckeyes leading 28-24, commentator Brent Mussberger started talking about "how great these defenses are playing." He brought it up again in the fourth quarter, when the score was 35-31.
At the start of the third quarter, after Mario Manningham caught a short pass, Mussberger announced "That's the first catch for him since the Wolverines opening drive in the first quarter." It wasn't; Manningham had one catch in the second quarter. About five minutes later, Manningham caught another one, and analyst Kirk Herbstriet announced, "That's the first catch for him since the Wolverines opening drive." He was also wrong.
At one point late in the fourth, analyst Bob Davie blurted out, "I'm not sure, but I don't think the Buckeyes have forced a turnover in this game." It's a shame that's the kind of thing you just can't look up, especially not when you have all those stat guys up in the press box with you.
I'd love to see those three take on ESPN's Monday Night Football crew in Celebrity Jeopardy. The winner would get to donate money to brain cancer research. The losers would be us.
--- "Most passing yards in a loss" stat of the week
*** Saints QB Drew Brees, week 11 -- 510 yards, lost 31-16.
*** Bengals QB Carson Palmer, week 10 -- 440 yards, lost 49-41.
*** Steelers QB Big Ben, week 9 -- 433 yards, lost 31-20.
*** Phins QB Joey Harrington, week 7 -- 413 yards, lost 34-24.
So far this year, Peyton Manning (week 2) is the only QB to pass for 400 yards and win a game.
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
I can’t express to you just how evil the Cowboys are, so I’ll refer you to “Dallas Cowboys free safety Keith Davis” to show you what kinds of things these awful people do:
*** Evil bastards eat child off a wok. Yes. YES! ***
They make me sick.
By the way, if you still doubt the power of anagrams, I refer you to this week’s Opus. I've been telling you about their cosmic knowledge for years now, but maybe you'll understand it more in comic strip form.
--- The standings so far
First place: HoF Bus Drivers, Joanna -- 1523.87 points
Second place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 1479.61 points
Third place: JapanUSRelations, Ant -- 1470.24 points
Can Anthony stay in the top three after losing McNabb for the season?
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooo.
--- For the record
*** The professional column is still alive.
*** Dad is three down in the year-long pick 'em and starting to slide...I'm just saying...
*** Don't forget to set your lineups for the Thursday games. I will make fun of you if you somehow forget to start Larry Johnson.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Fantasy football recap, week 10
Let’s mix it up a little bit and start out with everyone’s favorite game …
--- NFL starter or letters I just strung together for fun?
** Maake Kemoeatu: Carolina Panthers DT or letters I strung together?
** Jhonny Kwigebew: Houston Texans CB or letters I strung together?
** Osi Umenyiora: New Jersey Giants DE or letters I strung together?
** Patrick Chukwurah: Denver Broncos LB or letters I strung together?
** Toniu Fonoti: Miami Dolphins OG or letters I strung together?
** Llyodd Drunkendunker: Seattle Seahawks TE or letters I strung together?
And now back to our regularly scheduled program…
--- Top performers
QB: Carson Palmer, 33.50 points – sitting on Eric’s bench
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson, 44.00 points – started by Ant
WR: Chad Johnson, 40.33 points – started by Mike
TE: Marques Colston, 21.27 points – started by Joanna
K: Joe Nedney, 14.00 points – sitting on the waiver wire
DEF: Philadelphia, 18.00 points – started by Neal
From now on, I’m only telling you if Tomlinson isn’t the top fantasy guy of the week. He’s on pace for 34 touchdowns this season (including two passing, at the current pace) which would break the single season record for ridiculousness.
--- Worst performers, “defenses which surrendered more than 35 points” edition
Third place: San Diego, -2.00 points – started by Heidi
Second place: Cincinnati, -3.00 points – started by Jim
First place: New Orleans, -4.00 points – started by Ant
Funny, the team that surrendered the fewest points out of this group (Saints let up 38, the Chargers 41, the Bengals 49) was the lowest scorer. Of course, they all sucked in their own special way
--- Andy Reid blown call of the week award
Dear gawd – Neal left one spot open, started a wide receiver who is out for the next month, started three players who scored less than 6 points combined and left 32 points on his bench.
Honorable mention goes to Heidi, who left 28 points on her bench and lost two more because of that porous Chargers defense.
--- Fun facts I pulled out of a free Eagles media guide one of the guys at work got for me
** The 20,000th point in Eagles history was scored by David Akers, on the extra point kick he made following Hank Baskett’s long TD catch against the Cowboys in week 5.
** Ryan Moats was born in Dallas. Draw your own conclusions.
** Lito Sheppard is fourth all-time in Eagles interception return yards, with 12 picks and 409 yards. Bill Bradley is first, with 34 picks and 536 yards.
** The Eagles have on their practice squad FB Zach Tuiasosopo, son of Seattle DT Manu Tuiasosopo and brother of Raiders QB Marques Tuiasosopo. How did none of them make my name game above?
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
The poll wasn’t successful last week, but you still have your pick of utter idiocy this week.
Behind door one, we have Tony Siragusa during the Eagles game telling me “The field is really getting wet out here, and there’s a lot of water on the grass too.”
Behind door two, we have Joe Buck and Troy Aikman during the New Orleans game:
Bucky: “Another wide open catch by a Saints wide receiver! How many times have we seen that today?”
Troy: “Umm, a few, I guess.”
Behind door number three, we’ve got the Westwood One radio crew, calling the Monday night game, stating after another one of those horse-collar tackles that “Those were outlawed in the NFL after Roy Williams broke Donovan McNabb’s ankle on one of those last year.”
Yeah, it was T.O.’s ankle two years ago, but you were pretty close there, guys.
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
With undefeated Indianapolis traveling to Dallas next week, how does “Dallas Cowboys rookie wideout Sam Hurd” feel the game will go down? I’m glad I asked, because the letters in his name clearly spells out:
*** Woe, ado: Colts roil dudes, ambush w/ airy KO. ***
Yes, that Indy airy knockout (passing game to those less poetic among us) has roiled many a dude this year.
The sad part is these are getting easier for me, not harder.
--- Our standings so far
First place: HoF Bus Drivers, Jo -- 1378.66 points
Second place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 1347.13 points
Third place: JapanUSRelations -- 1339.38 points
Ant is starting to fade and Eric is starting to charge. But Red Shirteys had tradaed away his two best QBs (Rex Grossman and Carson Palmer) and decided to stick with Mike Vick to lead his team to victory the rest of the way, a strategy that hasn't worked for Hotlanta over the last six years.
Meanwhile, my wife continues to pull away from everybody else. I'm almost 300 points behind her in the standings, which means if she benches everyone on her team it'll still take me three weeks to catch up with her. But I'm gonna give her that advice anyway.
--- For the record
** The professional column is up, and it's about OSU and Michigan this week. Here's my bold prediction: USC is going to win.
** The Eagles-Colts game in two weeks was moved to Sunday night, so now you can stay up late to watch another AFC South team destroy Jim Johnson’s defense.
** Speaking of the AFC South, Tennessee has not officially been eliminated from winning that division. At 2-7, they’d have to win their last seven and have the Colts lose their next seven, at which point they’d both be 9-7, and then Tennessee would win the first tiebreaker with a 4-2 division record (Indy would be 3-3). So don’t give up hope yet, Titans fans.
--- NFL starter or letters I just strung together for fun?
** Maake Kemoeatu: Carolina Panthers DT or letters I strung together?
** Jhonny Kwigebew: Houston Texans CB or letters I strung together?
** Osi Umenyiora: New Jersey Giants DE or letters I strung together?
** Patrick Chukwurah: Denver Broncos LB or letters I strung together?
** Toniu Fonoti: Miami Dolphins OG or letters I strung together?
** Llyodd Drunkendunker: Seattle Seahawks TE or letters I strung together?
And now back to our regularly scheduled program…
--- Top performers
QB: Carson Palmer, 33.50 points – sitting on Eric’s bench
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson, 44.00 points – started by Ant
WR: Chad Johnson, 40.33 points – started by Mike
TE: Marques Colston, 21.27 points – started by Joanna
K: Joe Nedney, 14.00 points – sitting on the waiver wire
DEF: Philadelphia, 18.00 points – started by Neal
From now on, I’m only telling you if Tomlinson isn’t the top fantasy guy of the week. He’s on pace for 34 touchdowns this season (including two passing, at the current pace) which would break the single season record for ridiculousness.
--- Worst performers, “defenses which surrendered more than 35 points” edition
Third place: San Diego, -2.00 points – started by Heidi
Second place: Cincinnati, -3.00 points – started by Jim
First place: New Orleans, -4.00 points – started by Ant
Funny, the team that surrendered the fewest points out of this group (Saints let up 38, the Chargers 41, the Bengals 49) was the lowest scorer. Of course, they all sucked in their own special way
--- Andy Reid blown call of the week award
Dear gawd – Neal left one spot open, started a wide receiver who is out for the next month, started three players who scored less than 6 points combined and left 32 points on his bench.
Honorable mention goes to Heidi, who left 28 points on her bench and lost two more because of that porous Chargers defense.
--- Fun facts I pulled out of a free Eagles media guide one of the guys at work got for me
** The 20,000th point in Eagles history was scored by David Akers, on the extra point kick he made following Hank Baskett’s long TD catch against the Cowboys in week 5.
** Ryan Moats was born in Dallas. Draw your own conclusions.
** Lito Sheppard is fourth all-time in Eagles interception return yards, with 12 picks and 409 yards. Bill Bradley is first, with 34 picks and 536 yards.
** The Eagles have on their practice squad FB Zach Tuiasosopo, son of Seattle DT Manu Tuiasosopo and brother of Raiders QB Marques Tuiasosopo. How did none of them make my name game above?
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
The poll wasn’t successful last week, but you still have your pick of utter idiocy this week.
Behind door one, we have Tony Siragusa during the Eagles game telling me “The field is really getting wet out here, and there’s a lot of water on the grass too.”
Behind door two, we have Joe Buck and Troy Aikman during the New Orleans game:
Bucky: “Another wide open catch by a Saints wide receiver! How many times have we seen that today?”
Troy: “Umm, a few, I guess.”
Behind door number three, we’ve got the Westwood One radio crew, calling the Monday night game, stating after another one of those horse-collar tackles that “Those were outlawed in the NFL after Roy Williams broke Donovan McNabb’s ankle on one of those last year.”
Yeah, it was T.O.’s ankle two years ago, but you were pretty close there, guys.
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
With undefeated Indianapolis traveling to Dallas next week, how does “Dallas Cowboys rookie wideout Sam Hurd” feel the game will go down? I’m glad I asked, because the letters in his name clearly spells out:
*** Woe, ado: Colts roil dudes, ambush w/ airy KO. ***
Yes, that Indy airy knockout (passing game to those less poetic among us) has roiled many a dude this year.
The sad part is these are getting easier for me, not harder.
--- Our standings so far
First place: HoF Bus Drivers, Jo -- 1378.66 points
Second place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 1347.13 points
Third place: JapanUSRelations -- 1339.38 points
Ant is starting to fade and Eric is starting to charge. But Red Shirteys had tradaed away his two best QBs (Rex Grossman and Carson Palmer) and decided to stick with Mike Vick to lead his team to victory the rest of the way, a strategy that hasn't worked for Hotlanta over the last six years.
Meanwhile, my wife continues to pull away from everybody else. I'm almost 300 points behind her in the standings, which means if she benches everyone on her team it'll still take me three weeks to catch up with her. But I'm gonna give her that advice anyway.
--- For the record
** The professional column is up, and it's about OSU and Michigan this week. Here's my bold prediction: USC is going to win.
** The Eagles-Colts game in two weeks was moved to Sunday night, so now you can stay up late to watch another AFC South team destroy Jim Johnson’s defense.
** Speaking of the AFC South, Tennessee has not officially been eliminated from winning that division. At 2-7, they’d have to win their last seven and have the Colts lose their next seven, at which point they’d both be 9-7, and then Tennessee would win the first tiebreaker with a 4-2 division record (Indy would be 3-3). So don’t give up hope yet, Titans fans.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Fantasy football recap, week 9
--- Top performers
QB: Drew Brees, 31.46 points – sitting on Jeff’s bench
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson, 39.13 points – started by Ant
WR: Javon Walker, 40.13 points – started by Eric
TE: Marques Colston, 25.20 points – started by Joanna
K: Matt Stover, 15.00 points – started by me
DEF: Miami, 27.00 points – sitting on Joel’s bench
Eric had two of the top three fantasy players this week (Walker and Stephen Jackson, 34.47 points) but Joanna started five of the top 20 players. I hate them both.
--- Worst performers, all skill players edition
Third place: Brad Johnson, -0.16 points – started by Paul
Second place: Chris Perry, -1.90 points – sitting on the waiver wire
First place (tie): Terrance Wilkins, -2.00 points – sitting on the waiver wire
First place (tie): Dane Looker, -2.00 points – sitting on the waiver wire
Over the last two weeks Brad Johnson has been worth 2.14 points. Of course, so far this season Looker is worth -2.00 points, so it could be worse.
--- The Andy Reid Blown call of the week award
I’m accepting it this week. Nay, I’m embracing it.
In case you missed it, I made the league’s first trade of the year early this week. I got Rex Grossman, filling a desperate need at QB. Eric got Javon Walker and the Jacksonville defense, both of which have been solid but not spectacular.
This week Grossman was worth 6.40 points, while Walker and the Jags were worth a combined 59.13. That’s why Eric is suddenly near the top, and I’m all the way down in 10th.
It looks like a bonehead call, but I still support it and believe it’s going to work out in the long run. Of course, that’s exactly the kind of thing Andy would say, so I’ve got no choice but to graciously accept my own insults this week.
Honorable mention goes to Jeff, who left one of his starter positions empty and left a whopping 59 points on his bench.
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
In the spirit of the night, I'll let you decide which of these was the stupidest. Here are your options:
Option one: On Saturday on ESPN, when asked what teams to watch out for in the day's college football action, Kirk Herbstriet announced, "You have to be impressed with how USC came back in that game against Oregon State last week."
Uhhh... They were heavily favored in that game, Kirk. And they didn't come back -- they lost it when a two-point conversion failed. But other than that, they were spectacular.
Option two: Later in that show, they had a profile piece on college refs and the intense game day preparations they go through. The crew they were following had an 8 p.m. game the previous Saturday, so the camera crew caught them "go for a break around 4 p.m., heading back to the hotel to work out, watch some NFL games or check up on e-mails back home."
You'd think in that intense game prep they'd cover basic football facts, such as THE NFL DOESN'T PLAY ON SATURDAYS IN OCTOBER!!!!
Option three: During the Maryland Racial Slurs/Cowboys game on Sunday, Troy Aikman dropped this one after a personal foul call: "That's the horse collar tackle penalty, named after Dallas safety Roy Williams."
I had to look it up, but sure enough, his given Christian name is "Horse Collar Williams Jr."
Vote early and vote often -- this is just as secure those Diebold machines.
--- My working theory of the week
Pay attention, because there may be a test on this.
We're all familiar with the curse of the Super Bowl loser: Coming into this year, the five teams who lost the big game all missed the playoffs the next year. But the Seahawks, sitting at 5-3 and with five of their last eight against teams with losing records, look like they'll probably break that streak.
On the other hand, the Steelers' Super Bowl hangover has turned into full-fleged alcohol poisoning (Yes, I totally stole that line from my column last week.) At 2-6 they have no real chance of making the post-season.
Odd coincidence? I submit it's not. I submit to you that the Super Bowl curse is alive and well, and that ...
Wait for it ...
Wait for it ...
The Steelers NEVER WON that Super Bowl!
Think about it: The Seahawks were favored and had the league MVP, the referees blew several big calls, Ben Rothlesberger didn't have a passing TD in the game -- if I laid that out for you, you'd have to believe that Seattle won the Super Bowl.
So they must have. And if Seattle actually won that Super Bowl, who's to say that the Eagles didn't win their Super Bowl?
What, is that less believable than McNabb puking every time he plays in south Florida?
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Are you still shaky about how you should feel after that Dallas loss/Joe Gibbs win on Sunday? “Dallas Cowboys Wide Receiver/Punt Returner Skyler Levon Green” has some advice for you:
*** Cry not! Blurt: Error-laced Redskins win leaves everyone up w/ glee ****
Thank gawd they’re starting new folks, otherwise I’d never be able to keep this going.
--- Our standings so far
First place: HoF Bus Drivers, Joanna -- 1253.49 points
Second place: JapanUSrelations, Ant -- 1217.14 points
Third place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 1178.22 points
Another strong week from Joanna, but Anthony gets McNabb back next week, so we'll see if it lasts.
--- For the record
*** Bye weeks are so relaxing. Do the Eagles have to play next week?
*** The professional column is still alive.
*** I’m back up a game on Dad, thanks to my genius Indy pick this week. I also won the office pool, earning me $35 – just enough to cover my losses in the office pool so far.
*** File this one away for later in the season: If the Eagles and Cowboys end up tied a the end of the season, the tiebreak will likely come down to their respective NFC East records (I’m conceding the Christmas game already). If it does, this week’s Dallas loss could be the difference between the Cowboys being 2-4 and being 3-3 in the division.
Stay with me.
At 19-19, Dallas lined up to kick the game-winning field goal but had it blocked, returned about 30 yards and lost the game on an ensuing Washington field goal.
Stay with me.
The man who blocked that field goal? New safety for the Racial Slurs, Troy Vincent. He came right up the middle and got his mitt square on it.
What I’m saying if the Eagles make the playoffs on a tiebreaker over Dallas, it’ll be because of Troy Vincent. The man just keeps giving and giving to the people of Philadelphia.
It’s gonna feel wrong when I boo him next week.
QB: Drew Brees, 31.46 points – sitting on Jeff’s bench
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson, 39.13 points – started by Ant
WR: Javon Walker, 40.13 points – started by Eric
TE: Marques Colston, 25.20 points – started by Joanna
K: Matt Stover, 15.00 points – started by me
DEF: Miami, 27.00 points – sitting on Joel’s bench
Eric had two of the top three fantasy players this week (Walker and Stephen Jackson, 34.47 points) but Joanna started five of the top 20 players. I hate them both.
--- Worst performers, all skill players edition
Third place: Brad Johnson, -0.16 points – started by Paul
Second place: Chris Perry, -1.90 points – sitting on the waiver wire
First place (tie): Terrance Wilkins, -2.00 points – sitting on the waiver wire
First place (tie): Dane Looker, -2.00 points – sitting on the waiver wire
Over the last two weeks Brad Johnson has been worth 2.14 points. Of course, so far this season Looker is worth -2.00 points, so it could be worse.
--- The Andy Reid Blown call of the week award
I’m accepting it this week. Nay, I’m embracing it.
In case you missed it, I made the league’s first trade of the year early this week. I got Rex Grossman, filling a desperate need at QB. Eric got Javon Walker and the Jacksonville defense, both of which have been solid but not spectacular.
This week Grossman was worth 6.40 points, while Walker and the Jags were worth a combined 59.13. That’s why Eric is suddenly near the top, and I’m all the way down in 10th.
It looks like a bonehead call, but I still support it and believe it’s going to work out in the long run. Of course, that’s exactly the kind of thing Andy would say, so I’ve got no choice but to graciously accept my own insults this week.
Honorable mention goes to Jeff, who left one of his starter positions empty and left a whopping 59 points on his bench.
--- Stupidest thing I heard this week
In the spirit of the night, I'll let you decide which of these was the stupidest. Here are your options:
Option one: On Saturday on ESPN, when asked what teams to watch out for in the day's college football action, Kirk Herbstriet announced, "You have to be impressed with how USC came back in that game against Oregon State last week."
Uhhh... They were heavily favored in that game, Kirk. And they didn't come back -- they lost it when a two-point conversion failed. But other than that, they were spectacular.
Option two: Later in that show, they had a profile piece on college refs and the intense game day preparations they go through. The crew they were following had an 8 p.m. game the previous Saturday, so the camera crew caught them "go for a break around 4 p.m., heading back to the hotel to work out, watch some NFL games or check up on e-mails back home."
You'd think in that intense game prep they'd cover basic football facts, such as THE NFL DOESN'T PLAY ON SATURDAYS IN OCTOBER!!!!
Option three: During the Maryland Racial Slurs/Cowboys game on Sunday, Troy Aikman dropped this one after a personal foul call: "That's the horse collar tackle penalty, named after Dallas safety Roy Williams."
I had to look it up, but sure enough, his given Christian name is "Horse Collar Williams Jr."
Vote early and vote often -- this is just as secure those Diebold machines.
--- My working theory of the week
Pay attention, because there may be a test on this.
We're all familiar with the curse of the Super Bowl loser: Coming into this year, the five teams who lost the big game all missed the playoffs the next year. But the Seahawks, sitting at 5-3 and with five of their last eight against teams with losing records, look like they'll probably break that streak.
On the other hand, the Steelers' Super Bowl hangover has turned into full-fleged alcohol poisoning (Yes, I totally stole that line from my column last week.) At 2-6 they have no real chance of making the post-season.
Odd coincidence? I submit it's not. I submit to you that the Super Bowl curse is alive and well, and that ...
Wait for it ...
Wait for it ...
The Steelers NEVER WON that Super Bowl!
Think about it: The Seahawks were favored and had the league MVP, the referees blew several big calls, Ben Rothlesberger didn't have a passing TD in the game -- if I laid that out for you, you'd have to believe that Seattle won the Super Bowl.
So they must have. And if Seattle actually won that Super Bowl, who's to say that the Eagles didn't win their Super Bowl?
What, is that less believable than McNabb puking every time he plays in south Florida?
--- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
Are you still shaky about how you should feel after that Dallas loss/Joe Gibbs win on Sunday? “Dallas Cowboys Wide Receiver/Punt Returner Skyler Levon Green” has some advice for you:
*** Cry not! Blurt: Error-laced Redskins win leaves everyone up w/ glee ****
Thank gawd they’re starting new folks, otherwise I’d never be able to keep this going.
--- Our standings so far
First place: HoF Bus Drivers, Joanna -- 1253.49 points
Second place: JapanUSrelations, Ant -- 1217.14 points
Third place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 1178.22 points
Another strong week from Joanna, but Anthony gets McNabb back next week, so we'll see if it lasts.
--- For the record
*** Bye weeks are so relaxing. Do the Eagles have to play next week?
*** The professional column is still alive.
*** I’m back up a game on Dad, thanks to my genius Indy pick this week. I also won the office pool, earning me $35 – just enough to cover my losses in the office pool so far.
*** File this one away for later in the season: If the Eagles and Cowboys end up tied a the end of the season, the tiebreak will likely come down to their respective NFC East records (I’m conceding the Christmas game already). If it does, this week’s Dallas loss could be the difference between the Cowboys being 2-4 and being 3-3 in the division.
Stay with me.
At 19-19, Dallas lined up to kick the game-winning field goal but had it blocked, returned about 30 yards and lost the game on an ensuing Washington field goal.
Stay with me.
The man who blocked that field goal? New safety for the Racial Slurs, Troy Vincent. He came right up the middle and got his mitt square on it.
What I’m saying if the Eagles make the playoffs on a tiebreaker over Dallas, it’ll be because of Troy Vincent. The man just keeps giving and giving to the people of Philadelphia.
It’s gonna feel wrong when I boo him next week.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
The story the man doesn't want you to see
Here's the top part of the column that I promised yesterday -- I talked to "the man" and think we came to an understanding, but that doesn't mean that this version isn't much, much better.
If the NFL was run by the NCAA, this week’s slate of games would have been dubbed “Separation Sunday.”
Of course, if the NFL was run by the NCAA, sportswriters would be inexplicably voting the Bears as the number two team in the league … behind USC.
Sunday’s slate of games featured some of the league’s best playing the league’s best, giving several squads big boosts in their run towards the playoffs.
Indianapolis was the biggest winner Sunday, solidifying their spot as the AFC’s top team. Their 34-31 over Denver not only kept them undefeated but also showed their inconsistent offense can still decimate defenses.
Denver had allowed only two touchdowns on the season coming into the game but allowed three to Reggie Wayne on Sunday. The win gave the Colts their second consecutive 7-0 start and – like the undefeated Bears in the NFC – gave them a nice cushion over the other teams in their conference.
The AFC as a whole set itself apart from the other conference on Sunday, with three of its top teams toppling three of the NFC leaders. Kansas City beat a beat-up but division-leading Seattle squad, and LaDanian Tomlinson nearly single-handedly outplayed the Rams, totaling 240 total yards and three touchdowns.
And the Ravens became the first team this season to travel to New Orleans and come out with a win. The Superdome has been a tough place for visitors this year: Every team that comes into town is the enemy of the feel-good story of the year, the angelic Saints and their faithful, rebuilding city.
Luckily, with Ray Lewis and Jamal Lewis on their team, playing the role of devils wasn’t too tough for Baltimore. The loss dropped the Saints into a tie with the surging Falcons.
Atlanta was the big NFC winner on Sunday, outscoring Cincinnati 29-27 in large part thanks to QB Mike Vick’s discovery of the forward pass. In the last two games he has thrown seven touchdowns. In his previous 10 games, he managed only six.
After the Bears, the second-tier of NFC playoff hopefuls features the Saints, Falcons and Giants at 5-2. Slightly behind them sit Seattle, St. Louis and Minnesota, and well-behind those teams are the fading Eagles, inconsistent Panthers and ever-feuding Cowboys.
The AFC is more tightly bunched, with five teams boasting five or more wins. New England looks like the surest thing to a playoff team outside of Indianapolis, while Denver will have to fight with San Diego and Kansas City just to win its own division.
Baltimore, Cincinnati and Jacksonville have all looked like contenders at times this year and disappointments other weeks, but should still be playing meaningful games in December.
Even the Jets, with a 4-4 record and five games left against sub-.500 teams, don’t look like a ridiculous pick to challenge for the playoffs.
Luckily, they won’t have to impress any pollsters to get there.
If the NFL was run by the NCAA, this week’s slate of games would have been dubbed “Separation Sunday.”
Of course, if the NFL was run by the NCAA, sportswriters would be inexplicably voting the Bears as the number two team in the league … behind USC.
Sunday’s slate of games featured some of the league’s best playing the league’s best, giving several squads big boosts in their run towards the playoffs.
Indianapolis was the biggest winner Sunday, solidifying their spot as the AFC’s top team. Their 34-31 over Denver not only kept them undefeated but also showed their inconsistent offense can still decimate defenses.
Denver had allowed only two touchdowns on the season coming into the game but allowed three to Reggie Wayne on Sunday. The win gave the Colts their second consecutive 7-0 start and – like the undefeated Bears in the NFC – gave them a nice cushion over the other teams in their conference.
The AFC as a whole set itself apart from the other conference on Sunday, with three of its top teams toppling three of the NFC leaders. Kansas City beat a beat-up but division-leading Seattle squad, and LaDanian Tomlinson nearly single-handedly outplayed the Rams, totaling 240 total yards and three touchdowns.
And the Ravens became the first team this season to travel to New Orleans and come out with a win. The Superdome has been a tough place for visitors this year: Every team that comes into town is the enemy of the feel-good story of the year, the angelic Saints and their faithful, rebuilding city.
Luckily, with Ray Lewis and Jamal Lewis on their team, playing the role of devils wasn’t too tough for Baltimore. The loss dropped the Saints into a tie with the surging Falcons.
Atlanta was the big NFC winner on Sunday, outscoring Cincinnati 29-27 in large part thanks to QB Mike Vick’s discovery of the forward pass. In the last two games he has thrown seven touchdowns. In his previous 10 games, he managed only six.
After the Bears, the second-tier of NFC playoff hopefuls features the Saints, Falcons and Giants at 5-2. Slightly behind them sit Seattle, St. Louis and Minnesota, and well-behind those teams are the fading Eagles, inconsistent Panthers and ever-feuding Cowboys.
The AFC is more tightly bunched, with five teams boasting five or more wins. New England looks like the surest thing to a playoff team outside of Indianapolis, while Denver will have to fight with San Diego and Kansas City just to win its own division.
Baltimore, Cincinnati and Jacksonville have all looked like contenders at times this year and disappointments other weeks, but should still be playing meaningful games in December.
Even the Jets, with a 4-4 record and five games left against sub-.500 teams, don’t look like a ridiculous pick to challenge for the playoffs.
Luckily, they won’t have to impress any pollsters to get there.
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