But the early ineptitude raises an important question: Why do the Eagles hate fast starts? It comes down to a variety of strategic decisions by the coaching staff designed to maximize team success:
— They are conserving energy for the fourth quarter, when the scoring matters more.
— They don’t want to set unrealistic offense expectations for the fans.
— The air on the field is actually heaviest during the first quarter, before the players inhale and exhale it to make it easier to move through.
— The team prefers a challenge.
— All the clocks in the locker room run 15 minutes behind.
— They are really bad at game planning.
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 26.09 pts — started by Bob
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 36.73 pts — started by Joel
TE: George Kittle, 20.47 pts — started by Jonathan
K: Spencer Shrader, 17.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Jaguars, 19.00 pts — started by Mom D
D: Talanoa Hufanga, 14.50 pts — on the wire
Another week, another top performers award for JSN. I’m starting to think that last year’s top wideout might be good.
Hufanga had a sack, two interceptions, and a return for a TD in the fourth quarter alone of Denver’s comeback win against the Rams Sunday night. His only negative play in the game was when he got a five-yard penalty for excessive use of the letter “a” in his name.
By the way, Mom D also had the second-best RB on the week (Bijan Robinson, 33.67 pts) and the second-best TE (Juwan Johnson, 20.03 pts), so things went OK for her team.
“Eagles” edition3rd place: Eagles, 0.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Tank Bigsby, -1.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Andy Dalton, -2.00 pts — on the wire
It’s not every week you can get three bonafide losers from the same team, but Philadelphia buckled down and got it done on Monday night. The much vaunted defense had its third disappointing effort in three weeks, and is now worth 7.00 fantasy pts for the year. For comparison, the Vikings defense is the top fantasy play, worth 46.00 pts.
Bigsby, who was great in injury relief last week, had one catch for five yds that ended in a back-breaking fumble on a day when Saquon Barkley was actually running the ball well. But the top price of the week goes to 75-year-old Andy Dalton, who inexplicably remains on the Eagles roster despite bringing no real skills to the table. He threw just one pass in the game — that awful, awful end zone interception that looked like he was aiming for the defense.
For the season so far, Dalton has the lowest fantasy score of any individual. Hopefully he never gets in the game again to improve on that tally.
** Giants QB Jameis Winston was asked before Sunday’s game against the Titans how confident he was in stepping into a leadership role for the team after the injury to starter Jaxon Dart last week. His response was … a lot.
"One thing that I do is forgetting those that is behind and reaching forward to what's ahead," he said. “I'm so grateful that we get to focus on winning one play at a time. The circumstances, conditions, and facts, they don't matter. It's us, doing, being doers, not speakers.”
Ignoring that a QB needs to be aware of everyone behind them — forgetting those folks is a great way to get destroyed by a blind-side pass rush — I would agree that facts really don’t seem to matter anymore. Winston and his team won, so congrats to the doers out there.
** Before the season began, USA Today picked the Eagles as the #5 defense in the league and said they had “one of the NFL's strongest interior defensive line rotations” of any team. So, you know remember not to trust their opinions next year.
** Maryland Commies coach Dan Quinn said Monday that QB Jayden Daniels will travel with the team to London and practice this week as he comes back from a dislocated left elbow.
** Before the season began, USA Today picked the Eagles as the #5 defense in the league and said they had “one of the NFL's strongest interior defensive line rotations” of any team. So, you know remember not to trust their opinions next year.
** Maryland Commies coach Dan Quinn said Monday that QB Jayden Daniels will travel with the team to London and practice this week as he comes back from a dislocated left elbow.
Remember that Daniels suffered three injuries last year, including twice dislocating his left elbow, which forced him to miss 10 games. But, hey, I’m sure this time they will bring him back only when he's ready and not rush the process.
The Miami Dolphins lost RB De’Von Achane to a season-ending knee injury this week, causing major problems for their already anemic offense. In fact, Achane may have been the only player on that side of the ball that a casual fan can name. So it’s time for another quiz: Can you tell which of these names is a wideout from Miami's professional football team, and which are names of staffers at the Dolphin Research Center in the Florida Keys?
S. Lindley
Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher
M. Washington
Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher
C. Bell
Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher
S. Henriques
Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher
J. Tolbert
Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher
C. Douglas
Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher
J. Zimmerman
Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher
C. Florence
Dolphin receiverDolphin researcher
Family Cup — Week 3 standings
Another week, another brutal loss for Shelly — her team is second in scoring but 1-2 on the season after running into two 140-plus-pts performances from Team Doyle. Jonathan similarly would have beaten seven other teams this week but instead ran into Lexi’s buzzsaw, dropping him to 1-2. The only undefeated teams left are Mike and Shane, and the only winless teams are Grandmom Shane and Tommy. Team Quinn is all over the map right now.
Awesome Cup — Week 3 standings
1 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 418.96 pts
2 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 382.87 pts
3 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 359.03 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 354.49 pts
5 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 350.24 pts
6 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 338.25 pts
7 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 331.30 pts
8 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 327.88 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 317.60 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 271.36 pts
Huge weeks for Mom D (166.39 pts) and Jonathan (140.18 pts) moved them up into the top two spots, while my banged up team barely made it over 100 pts again. Dad would have salvaged his week if Barkley could have found the end zone for the first time this year, but a lot of life would be different if Barkley could find the end zone.
Speaking of life, the NFL doesn’t want you to pay attention to your real life. Steelers and Browns play on Thursday, and we have our first early morning international game on Sunday, where the good people of London have to watch a bad Colts team play the remains of the Commanders. And for some reason, three NFC South teams are playing in the two featured games Sunday and Monday night. Get your rosters set before the anger overwhelms you.
As always, the quiz doesn’t actually work. So here are the answers:
Malik Washington, Chris Bell, Jalen Tolbert and Caleb Douglas have combined for 24 catches for the nearly anonymous on-field offense. Susan Lindley, Sheila Henriques, Joanne Zimmerman and Celie Florence have been providing sanctuary for marine life since the mid-1980s. None of the eight are very good at football, although Sheila has some underrated speed.
The Cowboys suffered a shocking, last-second loss to the Ravens on Sunday in the first-ever NFL game played in Rio de Janeiro. But, as always, the result would not have been a surprise to anyone who just looked at the facts and saw the obvious outcome spelled out there:
Dallas Cowboys travel to Rio
** Evil crawl to a loss today, bro
Did you know that the Cowboys have never won a single game in South America in the history of their franchise? The Eagles are undefeated on that continent, for what it’s worth.
** I went 0-2 against Dad this week to fall three behind him in our prognostication standings. Thanks, Giants. Time for me to start forgetting those that are behind and reaching forward to what's ahead.
** The Vikings are 3-0. The entire NFC South (Panthers, Saints, Falcons and Buccaneers) is 3-9.
** Per my Ohio sources: This was the first time the Browns, Cleveland Guardians and Ohio State Buckeyes won in the same weekend since 2001. Plus, Michigan lost. Pretty good midwest day all around.
** The Phillies … oh, the Phillies.
(Please note — I wrote the above line Monday night, just assuming the outcome would be upsetting.)
Malik Washington, Chris Bell, Jalen Tolbert and Caleb Douglas have combined for 24 catches for the nearly anonymous on-field offense. Susan Lindley, Sheila Henriques, Joanne Zimmerman and Celie Florence have been providing sanctuary for marine life since the mid-1980s. None of the eight are very good at football, although Sheila has some underrated speed.
The Cowboys suffered a shocking, last-second loss to the Ravens on Sunday in the first-ever NFL game played in Rio de Janeiro. But, as always, the result would not have been a surprise to anyone who just looked at the facts and saw the obvious outcome spelled out there:
Dallas Cowboys travel to Rio
** Evil crawl to a loss today, bro
Did you know that the Cowboys have never won a single game in South America in the history of their franchise? The Eagles are undefeated on that continent, for what it’s worth.
** I went 0-2 against Dad this week to fall three behind him in our prognostication standings. Thanks, Giants. Time for me to start forgetting those that are behind and reaching forward to what's ahead.** The Vikings are 3-0. The entire NFC South (Panthers, Saints, Falcons and Buccaneers) is 3-9.
** Per my Ohio sources: This was the first time the Browns, Cleveland Guardians and Ohio State Buckeyes won in the same weekend since 2001. Plus, Michigan lost. Pretty good midwest day all around.
** The Phillies … oh, the Phillies.
(Please note — I wrote the above line Monday night, just assuming the outcome would be upsetting.)
Family Cup — Week 3 standings
House Doyle: 7-2
House Shane: 5-4
House Quinn: 3-6
House Garrity: 3-6
Another week, another brutal loss for Shelly — her team is second in scoring but 1-2 on the season after running into two 140-plus-pts performances from Team Doyle. Jonathan similarly would have beaten seven other teams this week but instead ran into Lexi’s buzzsaw, dropping him to 1-2. The only undefeated teams left are Mike and Shane, and the only winless teams are Grandmom Shane and Tommy. Team Quinn is all over the map right now.
Awesome Cup — Week 3 standings
1 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 418.96 pts
2 — Death by Chickens (Jonathan), 382.87 pts
3 — Center City Brownout (Capt. Awesome), 359.03 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 354.49 pts
5 — Intravenous de Milo (Mike), 350.24 pts
6 — It's a Real Saquondary (Bob), 338.25 pts
7 — Zeus the Fluffy (Jo), 331.30 pts
8 — No Lemon Drops (Pop), 327.88 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 317.60 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 271.36 pts
Huge weeks for Mom D (166.39 pts) and Jonathan (140.18 pts) moved them up into the top two spots, while my banged up team barely made it over 100 pts again. Dad would have salvaged his week if Barkley could have found the end zone for the first time this year, but a lot of life would be different if Barkley could find the end zone.
Speaking of life, the NFL doesn’t want you to pay attention to your real life. Steelers and Browns play on Thursday, and we have our first early morning international game on Sunday, where the good people of London have to watch a bad Colts team play the remains of the Commanders. And for some reason, three NFC South teams are playing in the two featured games Sunday and Monday night. Get your rosters set before the anger overwhelms you.
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