Speaking of dreamers, we have a whole bunch of managers here aspiring to unseat last year’s Awesome Cup champion, Pop. He showed exceptional poise and strategery throughout the 2025 season, but that’s all in the past now. All teams start with a clean slate and the same visions of glory.
And that all begins with the draft. In case you have forgotten, here are the rules established for the draft order selection process. Since all of our managers can’t be present, and since this is a special anniversary season, I have invited famous #25s from NFL history to stand in for each of our teams. The youngest resident of Fort Awesome is ready to pull the names out of the sorting hat, and the first coach on the board is:
Pick #12 — Mystery coach
OK, I guess we’re not completely ready for the season. Paul has opted to step away from his coaching duties this season to pursue a lucrative contract coaching a fantasy futebal team, riding the excitement of the World Cup to new heights. We wish him well. There is another ready to step in his place, but that team won’t be announced until next week. In the meantime, the mystery’s coach’s representative — Seahawks Super Bowl champion CB Richard Sherman — tosses his #25 jersey to the floor and asks what all this nonsense is about. We quickly shift to the next name:
Pick #11 — Pop
Last year’s champion should be picking at the bottom of the order this season, so this feels right. Pop’s proxy — Eagles DB Patrick Chung, who won three Super Bowls with the Patriots — raises an eyebrow in silent resignation. Then he points to Pop’s three Awesome Cup titles, and we move along to the next name:
Pick #10 — Capt. Awesome
My fourth-place finish last season was the eighth top-four performance in the last 10 years, but I’ve only got one championship over that time frame to show for my team’s excellence. Hopefully they will be inspired this year by my #25: Eagles All-Pro RB Shady McCoy, who plows over Chung and Sherman just to make a point. The youngest Fort Awesome resident asks why I need a representative if I’m in the room for all of this. I tell her to trust the process, and we plow ahead:
Pick #9 — Bob
Tough draw for Bob, who should be drafting a little lower than this based on his 5th-place showing in 2025. Still, the pick gets a fist pump from Eagles RB Charlie Garner, who wore #25 back before Bob graduated from high school. Bob could use a back like that for his squad this year. Another name comes out of the helmet:
Pick #8 — Ant
Ha! Ant picked #8 last year and ends up in the exact same spot this year, thanks to this ridiculous system. His 6th-place finish last year was respectable, but lacked some of the excitement needed for true victory. But perhaps he can pull some of that from Mr. Excitement himself, Anthony’s team rep, the great running back … Reno Mahe, all 212 pounds of him. Did you know he spent five years on the Eagles and totaled just 196 rushing yards? In fairness, he did collect 95 kickoff and punt returns for 851 yards. That’s not a lot of fantasy points, but every bit helps. Next coach on the clock:
Pick #7 — Mike
Mike finished third last season but hasn’t snagged the trophy since the Covid-mess year of 2020. This year, he’s got a rejuvenated team and a new attitude, just like his team mentor: Former Packers and Eagles RB Dorsey Levens, the only player to wear #25 in green for both teams (probably, I’m not fact checking that). He turns to give Mahe a high five, but Reno cowers and scampers away. We also move along:
Pick #6 — Sam
Same finished in 9th last year even though Yahoo named him the best team based on their pre-season projections. Who knew AI could make mistakes? Sam’s stand-in is the greatest #25 in Carolina Panthers history: Two-time Pro Bowl DB Eric Davis, who intercepts the draft slip and spikes it on the ground. This being a carpeted room, it just kind of sits there. After a moment of silence, we pull the next coach’s name:
Pick #5 — Jonathan
The boy finished second last season but ends up picking in the top half of the draft, because fantasy football is not fair. His proxy — Eagles Hall of Fame WR Tommy McDonald — signals TD in celebration. If this kid wins his third title in four years, we’re gonna have to kick him out of the league. We grumble and push ahead:
Pick #4 — Jo
It was a tough seventh-place finish for Joanna last season, but she’s ready to kick that aside and start this year anew. And in steps in her proxy to help her do that: Five clones of Eagles punter Jeff Feagles, who wore #5 during his career. The youngest Fort Awesome resident complains that there should not be any extra math work in these silly blog posts. I agree, and we turn to…
Pick #3 — Jeff
Blue Collar Killers is on the board with a solid pick to start off the season. His rep — Buckeyes RB Bo Jackson, who wears a college #25 — strikes the Heisman pose in jubilation. He then asks if participating in this exercise makes him eligible for any extra NIL bonuses. It does not. We have just two names left…
Pick #2 — Grandmom Doyle
Grandmom can thank her granddaughter for setting her season up on the right track, giving her once of top two players in the league to build around. Her representative, Eagles All-Pro FB Tom Sullivan, knocks over a set of chairs in response to the pick. That leaves our draft day winner as …
Pick #1 — Joel
Joel finished second to last in 2025, but snagging the top pick should help him start faster in 2026. His proxy … oh, Richard Sherman is back, demanding a real person to represent … so, sure, Richard Sherman strikes a defiant pose to dare all rivals.
That’s it, friends. The draft order will be put into the system in the next few days, and the draft switch will be turned on after Friday (Sept. 4) night. That means it’s time to get your player rankings all squared away: Block all the Cowboys, block the Patriots, block Eli Manning (just to be safe).
Thanks again for joining up for a season of nonsense, and Go Birds.
OK, I guess we’re not completely ready for the season. Paul has opted to step away from his coaching duties this season to pursue a lucrative contract coaching a fantasy futebal team, riding the excitement of the World Cup to new heights. We wish him well. There is another ready to step in his place, but that team won’t be announced until next week. In the meantime, the mystery’s coach’s representative — Seahawks Super Bowl champion CB Richard Sherman — tosses his #25 jersey to the floor and asks what all this nonsense is about. We quickly shift to the next name:
Pick #11 — Pop
Last year’s champion should be picking at the bottom of the order this season, so this feels right. Pop’s proxy — Eagles DB Patrick Chung, who won three Super Bowls with the Patriots — raises an eyebrow in silent resignation. Then he points to Pop’s three Awesome Cup titles, and we move along to the next name:
Pick #10 — Capt. Awesome
My fourth-place finish last season was the eighth top-four performance in the last 10 years, but I’ve only got one championship over that time frame to show for my team’s excellence. Hopefully they will be inspired this year by my #25: Eagles All-Pro RB Shady McCoy, who plows over Chung and Sherman just to make a point. The youngest Fort Awesome resident asks why I need a representative if I’m in the room for all of this. I tell her to trust the process, and we plow ahead:
Pick #9 — Bob
Tough draw for Bob, who should be drafting a little lower than this based on his 5th-place showing in 2025. Still, the pick gets a fist pump from Eagles RB Charlie Garner, who wore #25 back before Bob graduated from high school. Bob could use a back like that for his squad this year. Another name comes out of the helmet:
Pick #8 — Ant
Ha! Ant picked #8 last year and ends up in the exact same spot this year, thanks to this ridiculous system. His 6th-place finish last year was respectable, but lacked some of the excitement needed for true victory. But perhaps he can pull some of that from Mr. Excitement himself, Anthony’s team rep, the great running back … Reno Mahe, all 212 pounds of him. Did you know he spent five years on the Eagles and totaled just 196 rushing yards? In fairness, he did collect 95 kickoff and punt returns for 851 yards. That’s not a lot of fantasy points, but every bit helps. Next coach on the clock:
Pick #7 — Mike
Mike finished third last season but hasn’t snagged the trophy since the Covid-mess year of 2020. This year, he’s got a rejuvenated team and a new attitude, just like his team mentor: Former Packers and Eagles RB Dorsey Levens, the only player to wear #25 in green for both teams (probably, I’m not fact checking that). He turns to give Mahe a high five, but Reno cowers and scampers away. We also move along:
Pick #6 — Sam
Same finished in 9th last year even though Yahoo named him the best team based on their pre-season projections. Who knew AI could make mistakes? Sam’s stand-in is the greatest #25 in Carolina Panthers history: Two-time Pro Bowl DB Eric Davis, who intercepts the draft slip and spikes it on the ground. This being a carpeted room, it just kind of sits there. After a moment of silence, we pull the next coach’s name:
Pick #5 — Jonathan
The boy finished second last season but ends up picking in the top half of the draft, because fantasy football is not fair. His proxy — Eagles Hall of Fame WR Tommy McDonald — signals TD in celebration. If this kid wins his third title in four years, we’re gonna have to kick him out of the league. We grumble and push ahead:
Pick #4 — Jo
It was a tough seventh-place finish for Joanna last season, but she’s ready to kick that aside and start this year anew. And in steps in her proxy to help her do that: Five clones of Eagles punter Jeff Feagles, who wore #5 during his career. The youngest Fort Awesome resident complains that there should not be any extra math work in these silly blog posts. I agree, and we turn to…
Pick #3 — Jeff
Blue Collar Killers is on the board with a solid pick to start off the season. His rep — Buckeyes RB Bo Jackson, who wears a college #25 — strikes the Heisman pose in jubilation. He then asks if participating in this exercise makes him eligible for any extra NIL bonuses. It does not. We have just two names left…
Pick #2 — Grandmom Doyle
Grandmom can thank her granddaughter for setting her season up on the right track, giving her once of top two players in the league to build around. Her representative, Eagles All-Pro FB Tom Sullivan, knocks over a set of chairs in response to the pick. That leaves our draft day winner as …
Pick #1 — Joel
Joel finished second to last in 2025, but snagging the top pick should help him start faster in 2026. His proxy … oh, Richard Sherman is back, demanding a real person to represent … so, sure, Richard Sherman strikes a defiant pose to dare all rivals.
That’s it, friends. The draft order will be put into the system in the next few days, and the draft switch will be turned on after Friday (Sept. 4) night. That means it’s time to get your player rankings all squared away: Block all the Cowboys, block the Patriots, block Eli Manning (just to be safe).
Thanks again for joining up for a season of nonsense, and Go Birds.
Oh, and here's a final reminder of what you are playing for:
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