** The Flyers had a lot of leftover industrial-sized mops that became sentient.
** Claude Giroux just needs to shave badly.
** The Flyers wanted to distract you from the Eagles' very obvious secondary problems.
** The Capitals won the Stanley Cup so now none of hockey makes sense.
** The Flyers really, really, really hate children.
WR: Cooper Kupp, 27.38 pts — started by Paul
RB: Alvin Kamara, 37.03 pts — started by Jo
TE: Jared Cook, 23.83 pts — started by Ant
K: (tie) Justin Tucker, 16.00 pts — started by Dad
K: (tie) Wil Lutz, 16.00 pts — started by Ant
DEF: Green Bay, 28.00 pts — on Sam’s bench
D: Jadeveon Clowney, 14.00 pts — started by Jeff
Four weeks into the season, and so far we’ve only started the top scoring QB once. In fact, the league this week managed to leave the top four QBs riding the pine: Jared Goff had 49.30 pts on Jim’s bench, Andrew Luck had 44.16 on Dad’s bench, and Derek Carr had 39.58 pts on Bob’s bench.
In our defense, Trubisky’s six TD outburst was near impossible to predict. Coming into Sunday, he had thrown for six TDs in his previous 10 games combined. He had seven passing TDs all last season. And the Bears’ 48-10 win over the Bucs wasn’t just the most points Chicago has scored with Trubisky under center, it’s also only the second time in 16 of his starts the team topped 28 points. So congrats if your crystal ball showed that one.
“More defenses” edition
2nd place: (tie) Cincinnati, -3.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: (tie) New Jersey Giants, -3.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: (tie) Tampa Bay, -5.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: (tie) Minnesota, -5.00 pts — started by Jeff
To be honest, there weren’t any fun offensive player disasters this week. A few backup QBs got -0.20 pts for knee downs at the end of the game, but that’s all. For the season, Bills QB Nathan Peterman is still the clear leader in awful fantasy play, with -2.94 pts in his only start (and a zero QB rating). Close behind him is former Eagles S Tre Sullivan, who was cut after an idiotic play in the season opener where he turned over a punt in a key second-half series.
Don’t worry, there will be plenty more bad players to come.
** During Saturday night’s ABC college football showcase, Allstate force their way into the day’s highlight with the “Mayhem Moment” of the day. It was a fourth and short conversion late in the 4th quarter of Clemson’s come-from-behind win over Syracuse.I can’t think of a moment that was less mayhem. Clemson was heavily favored in the game. The fourth-down conversion came with several minutes left in the game, at midfield. The Tigers still needed to march down and get a TD to win the game. And the play itself was a simple out pattern.
“Mundane but significant moment of the day”? Sure. But there was no mayhem.
** The play-by-play crew for the Tampa Bay/Bears game, in the midst of QB Mitch Trubisky’s improbably six TD day, noted that Bucs QB Ryan Fitzpatrick was having an awful game and blurted out “It’s not Fitzmagic today, it’s Trubisky-magic!”
No. Stop it. The first nickname was bad enough but at least it kind of rhymed. What you said just made us all dumber.
** Speaking of awful nicknames, the Monday Night Football crew referred to Chiefs QB Pat Mahomes as “Showtime Mahomes” roughly 700 times during the game. I get that he has had an unbelievable start. This was also his first prime-time game of his NFL career, so “showtime” is a little premature.
Also, it’s a lousy sounding nickname. You know what would actually work here? “Magic Mahomes.” Why is this the only person you’re not calling magic? Do I have to explain alliteration to the entire NFL?
Kicker #1: 10 years, 263 made FGs (40th all-time), 82% accuracy, 8 over 50 yds, two Pro Bowls, 26 playoff FGs, three Super Bowl rings.
Kicker #2: 13 years, 304 made FGs (28th all-time), 87% accuracy, 32 over 50 yds, one Pro-Bowl, 30 playoff FGs, one Super Bowl ring.
Kicker #3: 16 years, 386 made FGs (11th all-time), 81% accuracy, 27 over 50 yds, six Pro-Bowls, 39 playoff FGs, one Super Bowl appearance.
The answer is obviously kicker #3, who is David Akers, the greatest kicker in Philly and NFL history. He has better overall stats than kicker #1 — Adam Vinatieri, who played a decade for the Patriots — or kicker #2 — Adam Vinatieri, who played for the Colts after the Patriots for another decade and just set the all-time record for FGs made in a career.
But, good on Vinatieri for being the second and third best kickers of all time.
Speaking of kickers, Dallas managed to eke out a win over the Lions on Sunday thanks to a last-second FG by their new kicker, Brett Maher. Maher has big shoes to fill (literally, since Dan Bailey had size 200 feet) but is already doing his part to make the world a little worse by helping the Cowboys. In fact, the team already has a long list of nicknames using the letters in his name that show his inner colors:
** Kicker Brett Maher
Mr. Thick beer taker
Mr. Break the ticker
Mr. Teeth back irker
Mr. Hick trek beater
Mr. Tick breath reek
I can’t read the teeth one without my jaw hurting.
** I split the picks with Dad this week, and remain five behind him for the year. On the plus side, I finally got a win with Oakland. So that’s potentially momentum building.** Speaking of Oakland, they were literally less than two minutes away from a tie with Cleveland, which would have been the Browns’ second on the year and would have spectacularly destroyed the standings. I’m going to be rooting for another Browns’ tie every week for the rest of the season.
** Baseball is apparently still happening. The Dodgers winning the NL West means Chase Utley is still playing, so I guess I still care?
Week 4 standings 1 — Nick 'MVP' Foles (Capt. Awesome), 553.70 pts
2 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 516.25 pts
3 — Philly Special (Jo), 512.41 pts
4 — [Creative Team Name] (Paul), 501.58 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 490.76 pts
6 — Witch Hunting (Jim), 479.47 pts
7 — The Garoppolo Gamble (Joel), 474.49 pts
8 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 424.32 pts
9 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 419.95 pts
10 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 413.11 pts
11 — Kiss A Fish Today (Dad), 397.61 pts
12 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 395.14 pts
Paul changed his team name and changed his fortunes this week, jumping from seventh to fourth behind the best pts total of the week. Jo climbed up to bronze place with a solid week, and Jim and Sam both tumbled out of the top tier. But everyone still remains a good distance back from my team, still playing inspired by last year’s Super Bowl MVP.
At the other end, Dad and Mike have some work to do. We’re getting a bubble right in the middle of the standings, so it’s best to get those scores up before you get buried at the bottom.
Play resumes Thursday night with the Patriots taking on the remains of the Colts, so be sure to watch out for those bye weeks early.
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