Since the Eagles won the Super Bowl (happened last February, in case you forgot), I’ve been receiving mail for championship-related products nearly every week. Some are simple — commemorative footballs, coins — and most are ridiculous. This week’s may be my favorite.
Introducing the Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl LII Christmas Tree Collection, only $249.91 (payable in four or 12 installments, pre-tax). It includes:
** Four “etched-brass ornaments featuring ‘Foles’ and ‘Jeffery,’ the ‘Helmet’ and ‘Eagles’ logo.” (No idea why helmet is capitalized.)
** A three-foot silver foil Christmas tree with an Eagles ribbon wrapped around it.
** A mini Christmas village with an Eagles bus, an Eagles restaurant across from an Eagles diner, and “the stadium main gate” for a venue that is clearly not Lincoln financial field.
** Three more “etched-brass” ornaments featuring the Super Bowl logo, Nick Foles inside a foam finger shape, and Zach Ertz catching a TD but looking like he’s lying down.
** A customizable mini scoreboard that always has the Super Bowl final score, so I don’t know what you are customizing.
** A snowy white tree skirt with green trim.
Anyways, you know my birthday and Christmas are both coming up, so remember to order today. I’m told supplies are limited.
WR: Tyreek Hill, 30.97 pts — started by Sam
RB: Todd Gurley, 34.93 pts — started by Bob
TE: Austin Hooper, 15.23 pts — on Mike’s bench
K: Jason Myers, 27.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Baltimore, 26.00 pts — started by Mom
D: Budda Baker, 12.50 pts — on the wire
Winston becomes the second Tampa Bay QB to be the top scoring passer on the week this season, which is bonkers. QB Ryan Fitzpatrick threw for 400-plus yards in his first three starts, then lost his job when Winston came back from injury the same week Fitzmagic had a lousy week. Football is a cruel, cruel sport.
Related (but not really), Gurley’s 208 rushing yards on Sunday were not only the most by any RB this season but also were more than Dion Lewis, Jay Ajayi, LeGarrette Blount, Devonta Freeman, Leonard Fournette or Dalvin Cook have on the entire year. So, he had a good day.
“Players with funny names” edition
3rd place: Roc Thomas, -0.40 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Quincy Enunwa, -0.90 pts — on Mike’s bench
1st place: Ray-Ray McCloud III, -1.01 pts — on the wire
C’mon, Ray-Ray. You’re making thirds look bad out there.
Enunwa is the real shocker here. After catching at least 50 yds in his first four games, he was shut out last week and caught only one pass this week, then fumbled it and broke his ankle on the same play. That’s a pretty steep fall off.
Roc Thomas was born in 1995, so he’ll probably play better after he gets done puberty.
** Following their loss to the Eagles on Thursday night, which featured a back-breaking interception on the second play of the game, Giants coach Pat Shurmur dismissed calls to bench aging, deteriorating QB Eli Manning. “We believe in Eli," he said. Eli has won two of his last 11 starts. So, good luck with that.
** With the Chiefs trailing the Patriots 24-9 at halftime, NBC studio host Mike Tirico said that entering the second half “getting into the end zone is going to be important.” That’s the kind of insight only a professional can provide.
** But wait! A day later, on ESPN, commentator Joe Tessitore said that even though the Chiefs lost the game, he left the contest feeling more confident in Kansas City QB Pat Mahomes because “he goes on the road, toe-to-toe with Brady, and we really learned who he is.”
He’s the QB that lost, FYI. If that’s your standard, then Eli Manning is the QB you respect the most in football right now.
2018 champ:
NFL — Philadelphia Eagles
NHL — Washington Capitals
NBA — Golden State Warriors
2017 champ:
NFL — New England Patriots
NHL — Pittsburgh Penguins
NBA — Golden State Warriors
2019 favorites now:
NFL — Los Angeles Rams
NHL — Toronto Maple Leafs
NBA — Golden State Warriors
Sports Illustrated championship pick:
NFL — Atlanta Falcons
NHL — Tampa Bay Lightning
NBA — Golden State Warriors
Dark horse pick:
NFL — New Orleans Saints
NHL — Nashville Predators
NBA — Golden State Warriors
Philly homer pick:
NFL — Philadelphia Eagles
NHL — Philadelphia Flyers
NBA — Philadelphia 76ers … lose to the Golden State Warriors in seven
This is also your annual reminder than in the last 35 years, only 11 different teams have won a championship in basketball. In the NFL, they’ve had 11 different champs in the last 21 years. In hockey, it’s 11 in the last 18 years.
Parity has no home in the NBA.
With the retirement of Jason Witten at the end of last season, the Cowboys were faced with a formidable hole to fill at their tight end position. One of their attempts to do so was drafting Stanford TE Dalton Schultz in the fourth round. So what does he bring to the table? Exactly what you’d expect from the team:
Dallas Rookie TE Dalton Chase Schultz
** Zero soul, no tact, halted skill, dad aches
But other than that, he’s a home run.
** I won a week against Dad! Granted, I only picked up one game, and I’m still down a TD with an extra point. But every long journey starts with small steps.** Don’t look now, but Delaware is 4-2 and just cracked the top 25 in the Football Championship Series. They knocked off #11 Elon this week in convincing fashion. Next up is 1-6 New Hampshire.
** Seven different defenses posted negative fantasy pts this week. We may need to look into a zero defense option next year.
Week 6 standings 1 — Nick 'MVP' Foles (Capt. Awesome), 816.12 pts
2 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 786.21 pts
3 — The Iggle Has Landed (Paul), 751.99 pts
4 — Witch Hunting (Jim), 739.16 pts
5 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 736.68 pts
6 — Philly Special (Jo), 722.09 pts
7 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 700.95 pts
8 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 679.74 pts
9 — The Garoppolo Gamble (Joel), 679.29 pts
10 — Kiss A Fish Today (Dad), 631.84 pts
11 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 613.93 pts
12 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 587.22 pts
Now we’re getting somewhere. Ant and Paul continue to creep closer to the top spot, while Mom D and Bob made huge leaps this week to pull themselves into the middle of the pack. That meant large tumbles for Jo and Joel. Also, Mike is still in the league.
Don’t forget: This week has a 9:30 am game on Sunday (Titans vs. Chargers) and another Thursday night game (with more Joe Buck! Yay!). Also there may be a game at 4:35 a.m. on Saturday morning. I dunno, the NFL just schedules them whenever the hell it feels like anymore.
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