Army customs meant I had to empty all of my tightly packed bags on the floor, have someone examine each item individually and give me a 20-minute lecture about the criminal charges I could face if I was found carrying any contraband.
Among the things they asked me to throw away:
-- My lighter.
-- My sudafed. I had mixed them in with my aspirin, and apparently that means I was trying to smuggle unmarked and potentially illegal drugs into the U.S.
-- My bug spray. I got this bug spray from the Pentagon. It's Army issued. But it was against the law for me to bring it back into the country where I got it, so now it's in the trash.
-- My anti-malaria meds. I had mixed some calcium pills in with them, so I ran into the drug-smuggling problem again. The whole "but I don't want to get malaria" argument wasn't working. When the guy turned his back, I dumped the calcium pills and convinced him I had a second bottle of the drugs with me, one that wasn't "tainted." He let me keep them.
It was a royal pain in the butt. All of us were standing around complaining about the ridiculous threats these MPs were making, how late it was, how slow the process was, and how we'd fit everything back into the bags.
The guy next to me had a huge duffel and pulled out all sorts of CDs, DVDs, electronics gear and, at the very end, this:
You could have knocked me over with Todd Pinkston's skinny legs. I asked him why he was carrying around a parking sign, and Sgt. Dove replied "Because I'm from Jersey, and I've been a birds fan my whole life."
And I know that doesn't answer the real question, but at the time that made perfect sense to me. In fact, I wondered why I wasn't carrying around an Eagles sign.
We chatted for a few minutes as we packed all our stuff back up, and he said he'd been up in Kabul for the last few days, so he and a few friends got up early to watch that first pre-season game there. That's why I couldn't find Eagles fans to watch the game with -- they were stationed somewhere else. I knew it couldn't be that there were no McNabb loyalists out there.
But I told you I'd find some birds fans out here. We're everywhere.
6 comments:
dude, those pics are awesome! you really need to print all of these out on archival paper. good stuff.
glad your safe. i thought you weren't supposed to drink cause of the meds?! have a blast. trash your hotel suite like a short haired rock star.
Congratulations, Scout! You just earned your "Finding an Eagles fan in a warzone" merit badge.
You can get it sewn on right next to your "using a satellite phone to make comments about a preseason game from a warzone"
Now, the only one left in the set is the "bitch about how our running backs keep getting injured like they are in a warzone" badge. I'll expect you to register for that one once you get stateside.
Glad to hear you've arrived safely in the "Land of Chocolate." Cue five-minute fantasy sequence of Captain Awesome cavorting through the chocolate streets of Germany, taking bites out of chocolate street lamps and a l'il chocolate dog. By the way, has anyone else gotten a recorded phone call to their home from Samuel L. Jackson promoting Snakes on a Plane. It lasts for about a minute and a half, and at one point, Jackson tells me to "quit fiddling with your hairy-scary beard." It was perhaps the most hilarious moment of my life. Or at least the week.
Loved the pix in the article!!!I wonder if you'll be taking pix in the Capitol now. Looking forward to talking to you soon!! Love!
Daddy B:
Sorry to ruin your brush with fame, but I believe that was Major Dingus. Yes, we're worried about him too.
i read a great sam jackson interview regarding the film this week. unfortunately, it's not one i can link to here for content reasons. but email me if you want it cause it's funny stuff: dulouz@gmail.com
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