Fantasy League 2021 -- week 3 recap

It took a long wait, but finally kickers once again rule the league. Consider:

— Four teams won on last-second field goals on Sunday. That includes one from Raiders K Daniel Carlson at the end of overtime and a 51-yarder from Packers K Mason Crosby on Sunday night to seal their respective wins.

— In the Bills game against the Nameless Maryland Football Team, with his team down two TDs, Nameless K Dustin Hopkins kicked off the ball high into the air, catching a crosswind, which forced it down onto the 25-yard-line, where Hopkins caught it on a bounce for an unconventional but awesome onsides kick. The ensuing drive resulted in another TD, although Hopkins’ team would eventually lose the game.

— Just before halftime, Cardinals K Matt Prater, who hit a 62-yard FG last week, attempted a 68-yarder on Sunday. It fell just a yard short … where it was caught by Jacksonville WR Jamal “Spiro” Agnew and returned 109 yards for a touchdown. That, my friends, is why attempting ridiculously long field goals is never a good thing.

— Just before the end of the 4th quarter, with his team down 16-17, Ravens K Justin Tucker attempted a 66-yard field goal which fell just short … onto the crossbar, then bounced into the netting for a game-winning, record-setting score. Tucker broke the old record (held by Prater, see above) by two full yards and became the first NFL player to ever boot a FG from inside the opposite 45-yard line. That, my friends, is why attempting ridiculously long field goals is always a good thing.

QB: Josh Allen, 45.22 pts — started by Jonathan
WR: Mike Williams, 25.63 pts — started by Bob
RB: Ezekiel Elliott, 24.40 pts — started by Ant
TE: Dalton Schultz, 20.33 pts — on the wire
K: Chase McLaughlin, 19.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Denver, 24.00 pts — started by Jo
D: Byron Murphy Jr., 12.50 pts — on the wire

I don’t care what the stats say, Justin Tucker was the week’s top kicker.

Jonathan and Josh Allen set the high-water mark for fantasy scoring by an individual player for the year thus far with a whopping 5 TD (1 rushing) 358 yds passing performance by the Bill QB in a romp over the Nameless Maryland Football Team. Allen is being started in 100 percent of fantasy leagues this year, according to Yahoo, while Bucs QB Tom Brady — who has already accounted for 11 TDs and is worth 20 more fantasy pts than Allen — is only started in 99 percent of leagues. I would really, really like to see the rosters for that one percent.

Meanwhile, Browns DE Myles Garrett (whom Bob started) had 4.5 sacks on Sunday and six total tackles against the Bears, but fell 0.5 pts short of making this list. So pretend like you didn’t read this paragraph.

“Tie me up” edition

2nd place: (tie) Seattle, -2.00 pts — on Bob’s bench
2nd place: (tie) Kansas City, -2.00 pts — started by Jeff
2nd place: (tie) Tampa Bay, -2.00 pts — started by Mom
2nd place: (tie) San Francisco, -2.00 pts — started by Sam
1st place: Washington, -6.00 pts — on the wire

It was a “have and have nots” performance on defense this week. We had three coaches (Joanna, Ant and Bob) start defenses worth 19.00 or more fantasy pts, and seven who started defenses worth 4.00 pts or fewer. That includes the three above, an impressive array of playoff hopeful teams who all crapped out in key matchups on Sunday.

None performed as poorly as the Nameless Maryland Football Team, however, which managed no sacks, no turnovers and no real resistance to the Bills’ offense. The squad was regarded as one of the top fantasy defenses in the league in the preseason. Now, after three games, they’re worth 3.00 pts, one point less than the winless Lions. So, that’s not working out too well.


** In its never ending quest for more, the NFL announced last week that they’ll be adding a Monday Night football game during “super wild card weekend” in January, which is what they’re calling the expanded first-round of the postseason.

 
That means instead of two games on Saturday and two more on Sunday — what it was just two years ago — the first round of the playoffs will feature two games on Saturday, three on Sunday and one late on Monday night where the winner will almost certainly have to travel across the country to face their next opponent on short rest.

 
However, the resulting garbage match-up a week later is a small price to pay for MORE FOOTBALL on MORE NIGHTS with MORE COMMERCIALS.

The NFL — we don’t care if you want to sleep, we’ll make you watch until midnight on a school night if it means a few more bucks.

** From the Washington Post on Monday: “Tampa Bay quarterback Tom Brady has joined Drew Brees in the 80,000-yard passing club — something no other QB has done.”

Well, I mean, one other quarterback has done it, and it’s Drew Brees. But, yes, Tom Brady is the first to be the second QB to reach that mark.

Look, we’re heading into a Sunday Night game next week where Brady travels back to New England to face the Patriots for the first time and we hear 19,000 times how many records he set in New England and how great everything was and how we all wish that Boston could get more championships. 

But maybe, just maybe, in the middle of all that hype, the sports media world can take a deep breath and remember that Brady doesn’t hold every record in football, and sometimes other players count too.

And then they can talk about how Brady is the first QB ever to beat his former team after winning six Super Bowls with them.

** Watching the Sunday Night Football game, Joanna looked up just in time to see the USAA commercial where Bucs TE Rob Grownkowski is “busted” for trying to impersonate a service member to become a customer. Here was her immediate reaction:

 
“That’s dumb. So he’s advertising a product he can’t use, and that’s supposed to get me to buy it? Although telling me that Rob Gronkowski isn’t allowed to do business with you does make me want to support you…”

Long story short, I think the “stupidest thing” section of this blog has started to erode our whole family’s well-being, and I will have to evaluate its use in future weeks carefully.

It’s not too early to start looking ahead at the NFL’s Halloween weekend slate and the scariest possible game on the schedule: The 1-6 Eagles traveling to face the 0-7 Lions.

Following Monday night’s drubbing, the Eagles sit at 1-2 with upcoming games against the Chiefs (played in the Super Bowl last year), the Panthers (3-0 so far), the Bucs (won the Super Bowl last year) and the Raiders (3-0 so far). They’re likely to be 6-point-plus underdogs in each contest.

The Lions have a softer schedule — the Bears, Vikings and Bengals all could be wins, but the Rams will be a loss — but after losing to the Ravens on Tucker’s 66-yard field goal on Sunday, it’s hard to think this team is not cursed.

So, if the two teams meet on Oct. 31 with only one win between them, it could be the least watchable Eagles game since 1968, when the 0-6 birds faced off against the 0-6 Steelers. And that game did not disappoint: The Eagles jumped out to a 3-0 lead in the second quarter but lost 6-3 after two fourth quarter field goals by Pittsburgh. The two teams combined for 20 penalties and 240 penalty yards, along with three turnovers.

Dream big, kids. The possibility is just one month more of losses away.


Let's pretend like tha Monday game never happened and look at some other news -- This week, it was announced that Cowboys RT La'el Collins is facing suspension from the NFL not for failing a drug test as previously thought, but for trying to bribe officials to get him out of a drug test. Collins, who was already on injured reserve, denies the charges, but is it any surprise given what his name clearly spells out?

Suspended right tackle La'el Collins 

 ** Catcall: I like stolen drugs. Send help.

You may remember back in 2015 when I pointed out that “OG La'el Collins” anagrams to “illegal colons” but did you know that “La'el Collins” also anagrams simply to “I sell all con”? Anyway, like most Cowboys, he should probably be in prison already.

** I got to pair my 2020 Fantasy Football league trophy in my paid league with a 2021 Fantasy Baseball championship trophy this weekend. A few more payouts like this and I’ll be able to hire someone to write these recaps for me.

** Keeping the good sports karma going, I swept Dad in our weekly picks, jumping from one down on the year to plus-2 against him. It should have been plus-3, but I didn’t have the guts to pick the Bengals upset of the Steelers that I saw coming. Maybe next week I’ll be braver.

** The Delaware Blue Hens take on the Albany Great Danes on Saturday. Just felt like you should know.

** FYI one of my other fantasy team names is “Yippie Kay Aye, Justin Tucker” and would you believe I did not get a chance to draft him?


Week 3 standings

1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 416.74 pts
2 — This Is Fine (Bob), 412.64 pts
3 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 391.91 pts
4 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 374.37 pts
5 — Came and Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 370.96 pts
6 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 370.75 pts
7 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 346.50 pts
8 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 345.36 pts
9 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 339.45 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 319.23 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 294.77 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 284.42 pts

That late garbage-time TD by Jalen Hurts to Greg Ward gave Jo just enough points to hold onto first for another week, but Bob (our top team of the week) and Mike remain close at her heels. Mom D continues her amazing climb from last place to the top four, and Anthony managed to pay attention to football long enough this week to jump up from the bottom of the charts to just 1.2 pts ahead of Jonathan. Way to pick on a kid.

Everybody else got a participation medal this week.

Don’t forget to set your rosters for this week’s exciting Thursday night game, which is … Jaguars at Bengals? Dear gawd, what the hell did you people do to deserve this? Did one of you give puppy blood to Jerry Jones as an offering or something? Who wants to watch either of these teams?

The NFL — more football is better, no matter what.