Fantasy League 2021 -- week 2 recap

** Tampa Bay QB Tom Brady is on pace to throw 76 TD passes this season (9 through two games), which would shatter the current record of 55 (by Peyton Manning in 2013).

** Tennessee RB Derrick Henry is on pace to rush for 2,040 yds this season (240 through two games), which would make him the first player ever to rush for more than 2,000 twice in his career.

** Tampa Bay TE Rob Gronkowski is on pace to catch 34 TDs this year (4 through two games), which would destroy the current record of 23 (set by Randy Moss in 2007).

** Tennessee QB Ryan Tannehill is on pace to lose 25 TDs this year (3 through two games), which would break the current record of 23 (set by Kerry Collins in 2003).

** The Eagles are on pace to go 0-26 on 4th downs this year (0-3 through two games) and cause 544,000 heart attacks in the Philadelphia area before Christmas.

** The New Jersey Giants are on pace to lose 17 games this year (0-2 through two games), which would break the current record of 0-16 (set by the 2008 Lions).

QB: Tom Brady, 39.64 pts — started by Joel
WR: Cooper Kupp, 26.87 pts — started by Joanna
RB: Derrick Henry, 42.87 pts — started by Joel
TE: Travis Kelce, 17.27 pts — started by Joanna
K: Graham Gano, 22.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Buffalo, 27.00 pts — started by Mike
D: Mike Edwards, 19.50 pts — on the wire

At least Joel and Joanna had good weeks…

Honorable mention on the top performers list goes to Mom D, who managed to collect 42 pts from three defensive player spots this week, including double-digit performances from LBs Bobby Wagner and Roquan Smith.

But neither could top Edwards, the Buccaneers S who had two interceptions returned for TDs in the fourth quarter alone. For those keeping score at home, Edwards totaled one more point in that quarter than the Eagles did all day.

And a shoutout to Packers RB Aaron Jones (also on Mom D's team), who scored 4 TDs and still couldn’t make the top performers list (6 pts behind Henry, who had 3 TDs and 182 rushing yds).

“Skill players” edition

3rd place: Donovan Peoples-Jones, -0.57 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Jakeem Grant, -0.86 pts — on the wire
1st place: Jacob Eason, -1.00 pts — on the wire

Peoples-Jones (whose name if pluralized should read “People-Joneses”) has two catches on the year for 18 yards and a fumble, so that’s a less than ideal start. And Eason managed an interception on one of the five pass attempts he made Sunday, giving him an early lead for the worst QB performance of the year.

Meanwhile, the Detroit defense was worth -3.00 pts in Monday’s loss to the Packers, putting them at -4.00 for the season so far. And yet they somehow have more sacks on the season (4) than the Cowboys (2) who spent their first six draft picks this year on shoring up their defense. Go figure.


** During a FOX halftime show segment, former Steelers QB/longtime professional babbler Terry Bradshaw was talking about the Steelers defense when he veered into the new contract that LB T.J. Watt just signed with the team.

 
“$112 million dollars,” he said. “Can you even imagine?”

Far be it from me to ask Bradshaw to stretch his imagination, but he does have a net worth of about $50 million and hosts a weekly promotion on FOX where you can “win $1 million of Terry’s money.” So maybe he’s not the best person to be shocked at the money being tossed around in the NFL.

** The Washington Post’s Saturday college football preview, which I love and think usually has some of the best sports writing each week, dropped this clunker on Saturday morning:

 
“Penn State usually reserves its annual ‘whiteout’ game for a top Big Ten foe … This year, the tradition has been reserved for Penn State’s game against Auburn. Even though the Nittany Lions have gone just 6-6 in full-stadium whiteout games, all that white and all that ruckus seem to give them a certain edge: Former Ohio State coach Urban Meyer said it’s worth 10 points for the home team and called Beaver Stadium ‘the most difficult place I’ve ever coached in my career.’”

Meyer went 3-1 in those games, and 6-6 (now 7-6, after Penn State’s win Saturday) ain’t anything intimidating. It’s definitely cool, but I don’t think you can say anything more than that.

** Phillies manager Joe Girardi, after his team’s 2-0 loss to the Orioles, told reporters that “it's not how you want to start off the homestand, but it doesn't tell the whole story."

To recap: The Phillies, a team with playoff aspirations, were shut out by a team that had already lost 102 games. That’s it. That is the whole story. There is no further explanation needed.
 

Key QB injuries on Sunday

** Indianapolis QB Carson Wentz injured his right ankle in the Colts 27-24 loss to the Rams on Sunday, putting his status for next week in doubt.

** Houston QB Tyrod Taylor was placed on the IR Tuesday after suffering a hamstring injury during the Texans 31-21 loss to the Browns on Sunday.

** Wentz actually injured his left ankle too in Sunday’s loss. It’s unclear which of the ankle injuries or both are endangering his status for next week.

** Miami QB Tua Tagovailoa is listed as “day-to-day” after a rib injury during the Dolphins shutout on Sunday at the hands of the Bills.

** It’s unclear if the two Wentz ankle injuries are separate from the foot surgery he underwent six weeks ago before the start of the season, or the time he spent on the COVID list a few days afterwards.

** Bears QB Andy Dalton incurred a knee injury on Sunday that forced him from the Bears 20-17 win over the Bengals and may cause him to miss next week’s start too.

** It’s also possible that Wentz’ problems stem from the concussion he suffered (and never seemingly recovered from) in January 2020, or the back injury that forced him to miss multiple games in late 2018, or lingering effects from the torn ACL in late 2017.

Anyways, it was a rough week for quarterbacks, including Eagles QB Jalen Hurts, who needs Wentz to take 75 percent of the Colts snaps this year for the Eagles to get another first-round pick in 2022, which could help Hurts’ offense tremendously. Good to know Carson’s injuries are still hurting Philly.

The Cowboys invested heavily in their defense this offseason, taking defensive players with their first six draft picks in the spring. But it wasn’t just about a lack of talent on that side of the ball, it was also about the wrong chemistry on the team. Simply put, they weren’t evil enough. And that’s why draft picks like Jabril Cox were so key in helping establish this year’s defensive squad as a strong collection of soulless, immoral oafs. His moral character is clearly spelled out in his name:

Dallas rookie middle linebacker Jabril Cox
** I’m a bad killer crook, relax in closed jail bed

FYI, “Cowboys’ Jabril Cox” also anagrams to “Waxy broccoli jobs,” which I don’t understand, but I’m very sure I am not in favor of.

** Good bounceback for me in my annual contest against Dad: I went 11-4 on the week and picked up two games on him. I’m now down by one in the season standings. For the record, across all of Yahoo, the best any fantasy player has done with picks so far this season is 25-7 through the first two weeks of the year. So it’s not just you, there have been a lot of unpredictable games.

** Another college football dream crushed: The Blue Hens’ bid for an undefeated season ended Saturday with a 45-13 blowout at the hands of Rutgers, which is, contrary to public opinion, an actual team in the top NCAA division. Delaware, which plays in the more respectable FCS division and uses real playoffs to determine a champion instead of popularity points, still has the opportunity to run the table against its peers. But a win against a Big Ten team on the resume would have been sweet.

** Cardinals K Matt Prater nailed a 62-yard field goal on Sunday and I feel like I didn’t even see it mentioned anywhere this week. In fairness, it was only the second-longest of his career, but still …
Also the Vikings lost that game by one point when their kicker shanked a 37-yard field goal try, so it’s even funnier.


Week 2 standings

1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 275.87 pts
2 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 270.31 pts
3 — Came and Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 268.13 pts
4 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 266.90 pts
5 — This Is Fine (Bob), 258.46 pts
6 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 232.21 pts
7 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 225.61 pts
8 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 222.69 pts
9 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 220.71 pts
10 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 209.23 pts
11 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 204.18 pts
12 — It's All Hurts (Pop), 187.71 pts

First place stays in Fort Awesome again this week, but it’s Joanna who jumps into the lead by a slim margin. However, the big story is Mom D, who posted a week-high 168.76 pts — 105 more pts than she had last week — to vault from last to the mid-point of the standings. Another week like that and she’ll be challenging Joanna.

As predicted, Dad’s team is in last, because Yahoo does not understand how to predict fantasy success. And Jonathan’s team is hanging out in the middle despite him still not understanding what this whole game is and why he should care that the Chiefs decided not to use their #1 wideout at all this week.

This is where I typically remind you to set your roster for the Thursday games, but it’s Carolina versus Houston. If you have someone worth starting on the Panthers they’re already in your lineup, and there isn’t a single Texan you should be considering. So, um, maybe just take a break until Saturday night instead.