Fantasy league 2020 -- week 13 recap

On Sunday, following the Eagles fourth straight loss, Philly QB Carson Wentz (who had been benched for poor play in the second half) was seen on the sidelines talking to Packers QB Aaron Rodgers, who a few moments earlier threw the 400th TD pass of his sure-to-be Hall of Fame career. On-field microphones did not pick up details of the conversation, but our inside sources managed to get a few snippets of what they talked about:

** Rodgers: “Don’t worry about sitting on the bench. I did that for my first three years, and you have a lot of time to nap and stretch over there ...”

** Wentz: “I noticed that when your receivers weren’t open, you threw the ball over to the sidelines? Why? Aren’t you supposed to try and run through the entire defense yourself?”

** Rogers: “That Hurts guy seems OK. I mean, he looks like he has seen a football before, unlike, you know, some other people.”

** Wentz: “Hey, what’s it like having an offensive line?”

** Rodgers: “So, have you tried, like, not sucking? That might help.”

QB: Josh Allen, 38.10 pts — started by Sam
WR: Davante Adams, 25.07 pts — started by me
RB: David Montgomery, 23.80 pts — started by me
TE: Darren Waller, 31.83 pts — started by Mike
K: Harrison Butker, 17.50 pts — started by Dad
DEF: New England, 36.00 pts — on the wire
D: Justin Houston, 16.00 pts — on the wire

Adams and Montgomery each had a pair of TDs on Sunday, but got upstaged by Waller’s 200-yd, two-TD performance in the Raiders’ win. Through the first 11 weeks of the season, there was only one 200-yd receiving performance (Seahawks WR Tyler Lockett in week 7). Now we’ve had back-to-back weeks with one, following Chiefs WR Tyreek Hill’s ridiculous 269 in week 12.

This is the third time in the last four weeks the top defense has come from the waiver wire garbage pile. The Patriots against the Chargers managed three sacks, two turnovers, a blocked kick which turned into a TD and a punt return for another. Oh, they also pitched a shutout. New England’s defense had been worth 35 pts over its last eight games combined, so, sure I guess we should have seen that coming.

“On the bench” edition

3rd place: Marquez Valdes-Scantling, -0.40 pts — on Sam’s bench
2nd place: Tennessee, -4.00 pts — on Bob’s bench
1st place: LA Chargers, -5.00 pts — on Jo’s bench

I know I’ve written this before, but the Titans as a team are confounding this year. In their last nine weeks, their defense has been worth 9 pts or more (good!) three times and worth less than zero pts (bad!) four times. And they won one of those games when their team let up 36 pts (week 6, vs Houston). They’re s shoo-in for the playoffs and also a possible one-and-done candidate if they have an off game on the wrong postseason day. Or they could make the AFC championship game again,

Special shout-out to Wentz, who scored 4.96 fantasy pts in what may be his last start of the year. It was the fourth lowest score of all 34 QBs who took a snap this week.

** On Sunday, Phillies executive John Middleton responded to rumors the team was considering trading Pitcher Zack Wheeler by telling reporters “If they offered me Babe Ruth, I wouldn't trade him.” He then added Ted Williams and Mike Schmidt too, saying that Wheeler was not being shopped.

Look, I think Wheeler is a solid player. But if we can go back in time and get any of those three hitters, it is definitely worth considering. Wheeler has a career ERA of 3.70. Babe Ruth hit 714 home runs. That’s really a trade that feels one-sided in favor of the Phillies.

** ESPN’s College Football Twitter account put out this Tweet on Monday: “Justin Fields had over 300 yards of total offense on Saturday. The Buckeye QB did what he had to do to keep the Buckeyes' CFP hopes alive.”

“Did what he had to do” is an odd way of saying “scored four TDs before getting pulled in the second half of a blowout victory,” but whatever.

** There’s a new trivia game show titled “The Chase” starring Jeopardy champions Ken Jennings, Brad Rutter and James Holzhauer. It pits contestants against them head-to-head and asks “can you take them down?”

No. I mean, why would I think I could? They’re three of the top Jeopardy champs. This isn’t “are you smarter than a fifth grader?” I might be able to get those snotty kids. But these guys? No.

Actual items for sale on NFL.com right now:

Cowboys 5-Pack Set of Shatterproof Ornaments ($17.59) — These will not break, unlike the Cowboys QBs this season.

Lions Santa Gnome ($19.99) — May or may not be a candidate for Detroit’s open head coaching job.

Seahawks Holiday Team Snowman Bed Pillow ($27.99) — Helps you drift off into a gentle rest, sort of like Seattle’s playoff dreams.

Bears Holiday Snowman Plush ($19.99) — It’s as soft as the Bears’ fourth quarter defense.

Eagles Glitter Wood Stump Ornament ($7.19) — It doesn't do much, it’s not fun to look at and it costs too much.

Giants Chimney Legs Tabletop Bobble Statue ($15.99) — It’s an ornament with a pair of Santa legs sticking out of a chimney. It’s the perfect metaphor for the team: They’re both incompetent and at the top of the heap. 

Even on a team such as the Cowboys, where the wanton evil runs rampant throughout the organization every day, the long season can wear players down. That’s especially true for specialty players like kickers, who don’t have much to do most days except hone their one particular subset of football skill. So what do they think of when their minds wander, looking to fulfill exciting dreams? For Punter Hunter Niswander, there’s an easy answer:

New Dallas Cowboys P Hunter Niswander
** Lo, now a wish: Bleed scorn, punt nerds away

Good to know that even their less important players are focused on hurting people and spreading ill-will in this holiday season.

** Brutal Sunday for Dad, who lost all three of the games we picked differently and fell to 14 down in the yearly standings of our head-to-head predictions contest. And yet again, one of the losses was a heartbreaker: The Bears choking away a lead to the Lions with less than a minute to go. I don't get all the games right, but I'm killing the old man in the toss-ups this year. 

** The Cleveland Browns are likely to be the #5 seed in the AFC when the playoffs start, given that they are three games behind the Steelers in the AFC North standings. But perhaps they deserve a higher seed and someone else’s home playoff game, since they’re already 4-0 against the NFC East and 4-0 against the AFC South this season.

** If the Eagles play their cards right, they could end up tied with the Bengals again … for the third overall pick in next year’s draft. Right now, only one win separates them.


Week 13 standings

1 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 1,706.80 pts
2 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,647.89 pts
3 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 1,611.20 pts
4 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome), 1,602.67 pts
5 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 1,595.75 pts
6 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1,546.35 pts
7 — The Mom Football Tm (Mom D), 1,449.68 pts
8 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 1,424.22 pts
9 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 1,386.14 pts
10 — Soccer Orphans (Paul), 1,296.34 pts
11 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1,083.71 pts

Mike’s starting QB and WR were on byes this week, and it didn’t matter: He still topped 150 pts and widened his grip on first place. With just four weeks left, he has a 60-pts lead on the field.

But … another solid week from me puts my garbage team in striking distance, along with Bob, Jo and Jeff. Sam’s team is fading but not completely gone yet. Everybody else is playing for pride.

Speaking of pride, the pride and joy of the NFL — the unnecessary Thursday night game — is back again this week. Patriots vs. Rams. Get your rosters set, even if your DVR isn’t.