** Maybe the absence of QB Drew Brees is a bigger loss for New Orleans than is has seemed in recent weeks, and Sunday was the day the offense missed him the most and the defense .. got depressed and also stunk?
** Maybe after cornering the market on terrible play all year, the NFC East began emitting bad vibes to the rest of the league in the last month, which would also explain the division’s 5-3 record over the last two weeks?
** Maybe the refs accidentally reversed the score in the fourth-quarter, and the Eagles actually lost 21-24, which would be in line with the rest of the season?
** Maybe 2020 realized that New Orleans was the one part of the country not hating every part of life right now and had to make a correction?
** Maybe with a marginally competent QB, the Eagles could have been a playoff contender this year?
WR: Tyreek Hill, 21.97 pts — started by Bob
RB: Derrick Henry, 34.97 pts — started by Paul
TE: Travis Kelce, 19.07 pts — started by Jeff
K: Rodrigo Blankenship, 14.00 pts — started by Jo
DEF: (tie) LA Rams, 24.00 pts — started by Mike
DEF: (tie) Maryland Football Squad, 24.00 pts — started by Paul
D: Haason Reddick, 18.50 pts — on the wire
Packers QB Aaron Rodgers had 36.90 pts, which was great because I had to redo this part of the column at the last minute on Tuesday for a whopping 0.02 pts difference.
Maryland Football Squad DE Chase Young had an unbelievable game on Sunday: Two tackles, one sack, two passes defended, a forced fumble, a 47-yard fumble recovery touchdown. And he doesn’t make the list of top performers. That’s because Reddick, a linebacker for Arizona, had five sacks — 1-2-3-4-5 sacks — and three forced fumbles in the game against the Giants.
Titans RB Henry rushed for 215 yds on Sunday, his second 200-plus rushing game of the season, and now sits atop the league with 1,532 yds on the ground this season. He’s 180 yds ahead of the second-place rusher (Dalvin Cook) and nearly 500 yds ahead of the only other player to top 1,000 yds so far this season (Jaguars RB James Robinson, and I have no idea how we’re talking about a Jacksonville player on any top players list).
With just three games left in the season, there’s realistically only a chance for six more RBs to hit that 1,000-yds rushing mark (800 yds or more so far). Meanwhile, 10 wideouts have already passed that mark, and 12 more are within 200 yds of that mark. I’m starting to feel like it might be a passing league now…
“Loser defenses” edition2nd place: (tie) Detroit, -3.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: (tie) New Jersey Jets, -3.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Las Vegas, -6.00 pts — on the wire
Strong outing by the Raiders, who just a few weeks ago looked poised to upset the Chief and make the playoffs. Since losing that game by 4 pts to the defending Super Bowl champs, Las Vegas has dropped three more in a row, including a drubbing by the Colts where they recorded no sacks, no turnovers, and gave up 44 pts. They’re defense has been worth -7 fantasy pts in the last four games, and they’re now tied with the Lions for the worst fantasy total for the season, with 21 pts.
But, even with all of that, both of those teams may still have had a better game than the Jets, who played so poorly that Seattle benched its starters after reaching a 37-3 lead … with three minutes left in the third quarter. The Jets faced second- and third-stringers for the final 18 minutes of game time and still got outscored 3-0.
I’m starting to suspect that the 0-13 Jets aren’t very good.
** Buffalo RB Jaret Patterson surpassed 1,000 rushing yards in just his fifth game of the season on Saturday. During the CBS halftime show, college football analyst Rick Neuheisel noted that achievement was “the earliest anyone has ever rushed for 1,000 yards in, um, some time.”Thanks for the insight there. Pretty much the only job of the halftime hosts is to give stats and scores. Patterson actually set a new NCAA record with those rushing totals, something that seems pretty easy for a massive operation with an entire research staff. After all, they have … (checks notes) … some millions at their disposal to look up their stuff.
** At the start of Sunday’s Dolphins-Chiefs game, CBS analyst and one-time extra-point fumbler Tony Romo listed his keys for each team to win the game. Atop the list for Miami: “Throw outside the numbers.” Atop the list for Kansas City: “Make Miami throw outside the numbers.”
Oddly enough, neither team really followed the advice and one of them still won.
** Following Sunday’s loss to the Seahawks, which made the Jets 0-13, QB Sam Darnold said he isn’t sure what his future with the team is but “I love it here. I love the people here. I've always said it, that I want to be a Jet for life.”
I can’t decide if it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard or just the saddest.
Playoff clinching scenarios for week 15:
— The Steelers win the AFC North if they defeat the Bengals on Monday night.
— The Saints can clinch the NFC South if they defeat the Chiefs on Sunday afternoon.
— The Titans can clinch the AFC South with a win over the Lions and the cancellation of the Colts final three games because of the pandemic.
— The Eagles can clinch the NFC East with a win over the Cardinals and the league invalidating all of the Giants and Maryland Football teams’ wins because of social distancing protocols.
— The Jets can clinch a playoff berth if the pandemic kills off at least 18 other teams.
— The Patriots can win the Super Bowl if the league cancels the season and hands them the trophy again, which, honestly, is exactly where it feels like we’re heading this year.
The Cowboys, losers of six of their last seven games and desperate for a jolt of energy, promoted CB Saivion Smith to the active roster this week to help shore up their sagging defense. Officials are hopeful his positive attitude can help ignite a spark. But remember what positive energy means to the most evil team in sports history — here’s what Smith thinks of the squad: Dallas backup Cornerback Saivion Smith
** A crock, a sham. Bad vision, blacken lip rust
Remember, you can’t spell Saivion without “I so vain.” Or was it “I no visa.” Whatever.
** Good news for Dad: He finally won a week! The old man went 3-1 against me to drop his deficit in the season picks to a mere 12 games. Only his unrelenting faith in New Jersey teams (this time, the Giants) kept him from going 4-0. If he can keep up the current pace, he’ll draw to a tie with me in six weeks. And with how the season has gone so far, there really is no guarantee that we won’t have three extra weeks of football to make up for missed games...** NFL owners will meet Wednesday to talk about expanding the regular season to 17 games next year. That number is seen as a potential sweet spot for teams because it would allow for two bye weeks over the course of the season, which could mean more rest for players which could mean that money money money money money money money.
** Pro Bowl voting ends on Thursday, so this is your last chance to vote for Dolphins LB Andrew Van Ginkle to make the team. Also, let me know if you need a “Ginkle makes you go Rip Van Winkle!” shirt, I may have overestimated demand for them.
Week 14 standings 1 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 1858.58 pts
2 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome), 1760.87 pts
3 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1739.70 pts
4 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 1727.72 pts
5 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 1704.95 pts
6 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1661.65 pts
7 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 1570.62 pts
8 — The Mom Football Tm (Mom D), 1559.60 pts
9 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 1493.80 pts
10 — Soccer Orphans (Paul), 1396.58 pts
11 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1176.10 pts
A huge, huge week for the Garbage Bags sends my squad rocketing up the standings and leaves me out of first place by a mere … 97 pts. Ouch. Mike’s squad continues to pour it on and is now 100-plus pts clear of everyone (except me, as I just mentioned), a comfortable (but not insurmountable) lead down the stretch of the NFL season.
Jeff and Bob remain within striking distance of silver medal place. Jo and Sam are both beginning to face after some mid-season spark. Everybody else is as far back from first as they are from outrushing Derrick Henry this year.
Good news for this week: Not only is there an inconvenient Thursday night game to watch, but there are two Saturday night games as well. That’s three weirdly timed games where you can forget to set your players and lose the week before it even starts! So, remember to check those rosters early.
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