WR Antonio Brown was released by the Patriots on Friday, after the team decided for the first time in nearly 20 years that they should have some sort of ethics or morality. But despite the sudden nature of his departure, it’s not too early to speculate whether he was the greatest New England receiver of all time. Consider:
** Brown caught a TD pass in every single game he played for the Patriots.
** Brown never recorded fewer than 50 receiving yards in a game he played with the team.
** Brown averaged 5.0 yds per rush with the team.
** With Brown on the field, QB Tom Brady never threw a single interception.
** The Patriots won every game Brown played by an average of 43 pts.
That’s a pretty clear resume of success. I just hope that, as the next few months unfold and Brown faces an uncertain future full of legal troubles, the public doesn’t forget that Antonio Brown ABSOLUTELY WAS A MEMBER OF THE PATRIOTS and the staff should always be remembered as working hard to make sure he proudly wore the colors of their franchise. When he goes into Canton (the Canton football Hall of Fame or the Canton municipal jail, whichever comes first), he should still be wearing that Patriots’ jersey for his enshrining/incarceration.
QB: Russell Wilson, 45.34 pts — started by Mom D
WR: Mike Evans, 34.67 pts — started by Mike
RB: Mark Ingram, 32.43 pts — started by Jeff
TE: Greg Olsen, 20.00 pts — on Mom D’s bench
K: Matt Gay, 16.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Chicago, 22.00 pts — started by Bob
D: Shaquil Barrett, 15.00 pts — on the wire
Barrett, whom you never heard of before this moment, had four sacks on Sunday in the Bucs’ game against the Giants and now sits at 8 sacks so far this year. He’s on pace for 42 for the season. It’s worth noting that the NFL record for sacks in a season is 22, held by three different players. None of them are Michael Strahan, who has 22.5 sacks in 2001 when his buddy Brett Favre rolled over at the end of the last game of the regular season to help him unfairly break that mark.
Anyways, Barrett is on pace to almost double that.
If you had Russell Wilson in your “Who will be the first QB to pass for 400 yds, rush for two TDs and still lose a game” pool, congrats. You can collect your money any day this week.
“New England Patriots” edition
3rd place: Jonathan Jones, 0.50 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Gunner Olszewski, -1.12 pts — on the wire
1st place: Jarrett Stidham, -1.44 pts — on the wire
Things have been going pretty well for the Patsies of late (off to a 3-0 start against three of the worst teams in the NFL) but it’s important to remember that not everything is perfect. For example, backup QB Stidham saw his first action of the year on Sunday during mop-up work at the end and promptly threw the first interception of his career, earning him the bottom of the worst performers list this week. So, take that, New England.
** Last Friday, Browns Coach Freddie Kitchens (his actual Christian name, not a mob nickname) was asked about his team’s mediocre rushing attack so far this season. “I would love to get (RB) Nick (Chubb) more touches,” was his reply. If only someone who relay that information to the coach so he could do something about that. Oh, wait …
** The Philly Inquirer this week reported that in the offseason, Eagles Coach Doug Pederson handed out T-shirts to the entire team that read “Everything Matters,” to remind the team that little details can be the difference between winning and losing.
No word if the team has switched to new T-shirts this week that read “Anything Matters” to remind the players to do something positive on the football field this week.
** Asked after Monday Night’s loss whether he would consider benching QB Case Keenum next week, Maryland Racial Slurs Coach Jay Gruden said Kennum would keep the job because “I think the most important thing is we have to have some continuity. I can't be changing people every five minutes here.”
Keenum had five turnovers on Monday (three interceptions, two fumbles) and the team is off to a 0-3 start. If they can just lose the next three in a row, they’ll be on their way to some impressive continuity.
Saturday’s Ohio State/Miami of Ohio contest started out interesting — the Redhawks held a 5-0 late in the first quarter — but took a more predictable turn as the Buckeyes scored the next 76 pts unanswered to win by 71. In fact, the game got so out of hand that when it started thundering with 2:40 left in the fourth quarter, the referees suspended play and ended the game there.
But should they have? What if Miami of Ohio protested the move and continued the game a few hours later without informing the Buckeyes. Could they have come back to win if they took the field alone, with 160 seconds left on the clock? Let’s gameplan it:
** 2:40 — The Redhawks face a second and 9 from their own 14-yard line. They hand off to their tailback, who races up the middle of the field (where Buckeyes should be playing, but are now back home sitting on their couches) and goes 87 yards for the touchdown. Last season, Chargers RB Melvin Gordon had an 87-yard TD run against the Patriots that took 15 seconds, so let’s assume with no defense that Miami of Ohio can do it just as fast. This leaves 145 seconds in the game, with the score 76-11.
** 2:25 — The Redhawks rush up the middle for a two-point conversion. This is an untimed down, so no time comes off the clock. The score is now 76-13.
** 2:25 — The Redhawks attempt an onside kick. The clock starts when the opposing team touches the ball. If the kicking team recovers the ball, it’s down at the spot of recovery and no time comes off the clock. Since no opposing team is on the field, the Redhawks are assured of getting the ball without wasting any time. They kick off from their own 35-yard line, pooch it about 25 yards downfield to the opposite 40-yard line, and recover it.
** 2:25 — On first and 10, the Redhawks hand off to their second-string RB (their starter is still gassed from the 87-yard run) and he takes 10 seconds to go 40 yards into the end zone. After the successful, untimed two-point conversion, the score is 76-21.
** 2:15 — Repeating the steps above, the Redhawks make it 76-29.
** 2:05 — Repeating the steps above, the Redhawks make it 76-37.
** 1:55 — Repeating the steps above, the Redhawks make it 76-45.
** 1:40 — Repeating the steps above, the Redhawks make it 76-53. However, all that running has started to take a toll on the team. Even with backups coming in, the handoffs and 40-yard dashes in full gear has started to slow down some.
** 1:25 — Repeating the steps above, the Redhawks make it 76-61.
** 1:10 — Repeating the steps above, the Redhawks make it 76-69.
** 0:55 — Repeating the steps above, the Redhawks make it 76-77. They recover one more onside kick, then kneel on the ball twice to bleed out the rest of the clock. Miami of Ohio wins by one point with just under a minute to spare.
It’s a totally realistic scenario, and shows exactly why every single second of every game should be played. You never know what can happen.
Usually I like to focus on current Dallas players here, but this week the Cowboys made a surprise move to dump their former first-round pick Vidauntae "Taco" Charlton after a playing time dispute. It made me wonder — can we learn anything from former Cowboy players? What do the cosmic forces spell out in their names that help us understand the cesspool that is the Dallas franchise?
Luckily, Taco did not disappoint.
Cowboys release former top pick Defensive End Taco Charlton
** Free at last of dopes, I cry! Evil corps breed cannot choke me now.
There must be no greater joy in life than escaping from the clutches of those depths of darkness. I wish Taco all the best in his new home in … (checks notes) .. he just signed with the Dolphins so nevermind, he’s just gonna get his brains beat in and lose every week. Tough break.
** Dropped three of four AGAIN to Dad this week, putting me six down already in our yearly picks contest. At this rate, I’ll be eliminated for the season in week 8, just before the Eagles are. ** If you somehow missed the Philly fire hero who threw shade at a certain Eagles wideout during a TV interview, please take a moment to fix that.
** Baseball season ended a month ago, why do you ask?
Week 3 standings 1 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 397.26 pts
2 — McCown or Never (Capt. Awesome), 371.40 pts
3 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 371.06 pts
4 — Peabody and Sherman (Dad), 362.73 pts
5 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 350.77 pts
6 — SoccerSeasonOrphans (Paul), 348.20 pts
7 — Philly Special (Jo), 346.12 pts
8 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 340.97 pts
9 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 334.71 pts
10 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 326.84 pts
11 — Ezekiel34 holdout (Joel), 284.81 pts
12 — I love the Cowboys (Joey McDeadAccount), 0.00 pts
Joey McD remains off the scoreboard, but it’s worth noting that two of his bench players recorded tackles this week. I did my best to fill the roster with players that were injured or not on any teams at the time of the draft, but two of them — Bengals RB Samaje Perine and Saints RB Dwayne Washington — were later signed and saw special teams action this weekend. Another of Joey’s starters, Lions WR Marvin Hall, was on the field for the Eagles game on Sunday but did not record any stats. Still, we’re inching ever closer to the dead team accidentally scoring some points.
In less exciting league news, we have a change at the top of the leaderboard. My team’s gawd-awful showing this week (82 pts!) dropped me out of first, and Anthony’s 145 pts jumped him into the pole position. Also posting huge weeks were Mike (up four spots in the standings), Jeff (up two spots) and Dad (up three spots), while Sam saw the biggest plummet, dropping six places this week alone. Still, one through 10 feels very bunched up, with less than 72 pts between them.
Remember to get those rosters set early for the Eagles/Packers game on Thursday night, which I’m sure won’t feel like an unbearable slog after both teams had to fly across the country on Monday because of the NFL’s insatiable appetite for more ratings.
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