Fantasy league 2019 -- week 2 recap

** Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes is on pace to throw for 56 TDs and 6,568 yds this year (7 TDs and 821 yds through two games), both of which would break the single-season records (55 TDs and 5,477 yds by Peyton Manning in 2013).

** Minnesota RB Dalvin Cook is on pace to rush for 2,120 yds this year (265 yds through two games) which would break the single-season record (2,105 yds by Eric Dickerson in 1983).

** Bengals WR John Ross III (who you have never heard of before) is on pace to collect 24 TDs and 2,160 yds this year (3 TDs and 270 yds through two games), both of which would break the single-season records (23 TDs by Randy Moss in 2007 and 1,924 yds by Calvin Johnson in 2012).

** New England WR Antonio Brown is on pace to have 16 felony-level accusations against him this season (two through two games), which would tie the single-season record (held by multiple Cowboys players).

** Giants QB Eli Manning (0-2 in two starts this season, just benched for next week) is on pace to never win another NFL game, ever.

 

QB: Patrick Mahomes, 39.62 pts — started by Dad
WR: Demarcus Robinson, 26.97 pts — on the wire
RB: Dalvin Cook, 25.37 pts — started by Ant
TE: Vance McDonald, 18.03 pts — on my bench
K: Joey Slye, 16.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: New England, 42.00 pts — started by me
D: Jamie Collins Sr., 13.50 pts — on the wire

Don’t feel too bad about my TE mistake — I started the #2 QB on the week (Lamar Jackson, 34.88 pts) and the defense with the best fantasy performance of any team in the last seven years (yes, I checked). The 42 pts from the stinking lousy cheating Patriots included seven sacks, four interceptions, two defensive TDs and zero pts allowed. In other news, the Dolphins offense is not good.

Mahomes gets the top QB scoring spot for his one quarter of work this week. The Chiefs scored all of their 28 pts in the second quarter, all on long TD passes by the reigning MVP. On the CBS broadcast, announcer Jim Nantz said it was only the third time in NFL history a QB has thrown four TD passes of more than 25-yds each in a single quarter. “The other two were Norm van Brocklin and Tom Brady, in 2009,” he said. Fellow booth announcer Tony Romo immediately jumped in and said, “Wow, I’m surprised van Brocklin could still do that in 2009!”

Don’t try and make me like you, Romo. I'm not taking you off the "worst performers" banner.


“Names you know” edition

3rd place: Corey Clement, 0.04 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Drew Brees, -0.48 pts — on Dad’s bench
1st place: Ryan Fitzpatrick, -1.84 pts — on the wire

Speaking of that Dolphins offense...

Dolphins QB Ryan Fitzpatrick threw three interceptions against 11 completions during Sunday’s massacre, including those two picks returned for touchdowns. That means it’s time to once again pull out my favorite stat, the reverse QB rating.

Fitzmagic, as his friends call him, went 11 of 21 for 89 yds and three INTs passing to his fellow Miami teammates, for a QB rating of 23.8. But, if you assume he was actually playing for New England, then he went 3 of 21 for 123 yds with 11 INTs but also two TDs, which is a reverse QB rating of 43.7. And for comparison, your QB rating Sunday (1 attempt, zero yds, zero TDs, zero INTs) was 39.6. So Fitzpatrick was nearly twice as good of a QB for the team he was playing against than his own squad. Solid work out there this week, buddy.

Also, not for nothing, but Drew Brees being among the fantasy losers for the week is one of the signs of the end times.

** Headline from PhillyVoice this week, about the lackluster crowds at Citizens Bank Park of late: Why don't Phillies fans seem to care about a team in the thick of a playoff race?

I’m not sure why the author assumes that Philadelphia fans would care about the Braves or the Dodgers, or what that has to do with going to watch baseball locally. Very weird premise.

EDIT: Oh I see the column is supposing that the PHILLIES are in the playoff race hahaha that’s hilarious they’re 15 games out of first place and half a week behind in the second wild card. They need to go 6-8 to close out the year just to have a winning record. They are in no way, shape, or form in the thick of the playoff race.

** For once, NBC color commentator Chris Collinsworth beat me to the joke.

During Sunday night’s Eagles game, late in the fourth, as the Eagles lined up for a two-point conversion attempt, Collinsworth noted that “there aren’t a lot of players on the field right now who normally practice this play.” Several Eagles starters, including WRs Alshon Jeffery and DeSean Jackson, were on the sideline injured. “I don’t know if these guys are familiar with this situation.”

Then QB Carson Wentz threw a strike to TE Zach Ertz, the most targeted player on the Eagles offense. Collinsworth, realizing his mistake, quickly added, “Oh, well there’s that guy.”

** In another injury from from that mess of an Eagles game, DT Timmy Jernigan suffered a broken foot. He is expected to be out four to six weeks, according to team doctors.

Look, I’m no team doctor, but I’m also pretty sure the team doctors aren’t medically licensed personnel either. Because if you think that a 300-pound man can get back to running at full speed -- with an extra 30 pounds of protective equipment on his head and shoulders (but not his foot, of course) — within one month, you’re either a quack or a wizard. And if you’re a wizard, why can’t you heal him sooner?

On Saturday, the Maryland Terrapins accomplished something very few football teams have managed in the last 100 years or so — They lost a game despite recording two defensive safeties. The Temple Owls won the contest 20-17 despite giving up 4 points on a pair of balls tossed out the back of the end zone (once on a botched punt snap, once on purpose with no time left in the 4th quarter).

College football does not keep good stats on teams recording safeties, but the NFL keeps copious notes on all scoring, available on NFL.com. That lead me down the following rabbit hole:

** 18 times in NFL history a team has recorded two safeties in a game.
** Of those 18 times, one was a three-safety performance by the LA Rams in 1984, which still stands as the single-game record.
** Of those 18 times, only once has a team recorded two safeties and lost. That was the Bills, who lost 12-10 to the Texans in 2003 despite 4 points from their defense.
** The New York Giants have the most two-safety games, with three. But they were also the team to give up three safeties in a game to the Rams in 1984, so …
** All of the above statements may be false because I found mistakes in the NFL’s official record keeping online.

Yeah, about that last point …

In that list of 18 games, the NFL has two contests — Oakland vs. San Diego on Oct. 26, 1975, and Denver vs. Seattle on Jan. 2, 1983 — where there were no safeties. I checked the box scores. It’s just a straight mistake. So that may mean there are only 16 games where two safeties occured, or it could mean the NFL is really really lazy about recording safety stats.

For the record, back in 2004 — before most of these records were online — I wrote up for G-money a seven-page analysis of the previous decade on whether teams that score safeties lose more often than they win (spoiler alert: They don’t, unless they’re the Eagles. Overall teams won 60 percent of their games. In games involving the Eagles, teams that scored a safety went 3-6). The point is I may be a little obsessed with safety stats and disheartened that they aren’t kept better.

I also may or may not have started looking for an email on NFL.com where I could ask for a correction to the mistake, but then stopped because I thought I could probably just find the answer myself, then figured out a way to isolate the 577 NFL games in history that has a safety, then looked through about 30 box scores because I realized I had lost my mind and needed to get started on the anagram.

By the way, teams that score a safety are 1-1 in the NFL so far this year.


Dallas has six new faces on its starting roster this year, including UCF grad Trysten Hill on their defensive line. This week, the Dallas coaching staff praised him as a good fit for the team so far, a rising star within their system. Is that because of his exemplary line play? Of course not, it has to do with the complete lack of morals and ethics he has shown thus far. That should come as no surprise, however, given the clear horrors that the letters in his name spell out:

Cowboys new Defensive Tackle Trysten Hill
** I feel the crowd’s blackness intently. Very ow.
** Evil is thy wont. Let neck be a cry of lewdness.
** Tell cheesy TV: I wickedly feast on newborns

After several years of doing this, it’s honestly difficult to keep “evil” out of these anagrams. It just comes up over and over and over ...

** Dropped three of four to Dad this week, so like Miami I’m already way behind in the standings before October rolls around. I’m four back after two weeks, putting me on pace to finish 32 games behind. So that would still be better than the Dolphins, but not by much.

** When I went back to check on that 2012 defensive scoring stat from earlier, I also stumbled across a week 16 post from that season where I complained that ESPN was airing “a special Saturday night edition of Monday night football.” So apparently seven years is not enough time to calm my anger over this. Oh well, maybe next year.

** Bills QB Josh Allen, fresh off beating the Giants and Jets the first two weeks this season, was asked by a Giants beat reporter if he had extra motivation in the games because he wasn’t drafted by one of the New York teams last year. His response: “I do play in New York,” and later “There is only one team that plays in New York,” taking a shot at the New Jersey home for the other two teams.

In related news, I want the Bills to make the playoffs now.

Week 2 standings

1 — McCown or Never (Capt. Awesome), 288.88 pts
2 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 252.30 pts
3 — Philly Special (Jo), 241.70 pts
4 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 233.74 pts
5 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 226.77 pts
6 — The Underachievers (Paul), 223.97 pts
7 — Peabody and Sherman (Dad), 217.34 pts
8 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 216.79 pts
9 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 203.48 pts
10 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 201.21 pts
11 — Ezekiel34 holdout (Joel), 195.92 pts
12 — I love the Cowboys (Joey McDeadAccount), 0.00 pts

I feel like Joey isn’t even trying here...

Solid work by Jo, who jumps up to bronze medal position despite killing two QBs so far (Nick Foles and Ben Roethlisberger). She’s starting Matt Stafford against the Eagles next week, so my condolences to his family.

The Carson Wentz/Julio Jones show Sunday night pushed Anthony’s team to the top of the also-rans pile, but that ridiculous New England defense score pushed my lead even further, giving me an early 36-pts cushion (or, as we call it in the business, one Mahomes).

At the other end, Mom D is no longer in the cellar, thanks to Joel’s decision to bench Odell Beckham and his 19.73 pts and David Njoku’s untimely demise in Monday night’s football game (zero catches, one concussion).

Remember to set your rosters early, because that exciting Jaguars/Titans match up you’ve been screaming for takes place on Thursday night.