But the injury also brings up another painful reality — that for all his magic and QB mastery, Foles’ superpowers seem confined to a Philadelphia-based fan experience. His time with the Rams was awful, his time with the Chiefs was without any relevance, his time in Jacksonville is already off to a terrible start. Even in college, he had good but not great numbers. Compare that to the QB who tied the NFL’s single-game TD record, tied the NFL’s single-game completion record, led the league in passer rating in 2013, and posted one of the greatest Super Bowl performances ever by a QB (including a one-yard TD reception). It doesn’t even feel like the same guy.
So for Nick Foles to succeed, he has to be tied to Philly. And the Eagles have already made their choice to back QB Carson Wentz (who looked great this week, by the way). So there is only one obvious solution to the situation.
We’re gonna need a second NFL team in Philadelphia.
Think about it — the league has been trying to move the Jaguars for years anyways. If any city can support two football teams, it’s the rabid Philly fan base. You think Vegas has better fans than the City of Brotherly Love? If they are getting two, why can’t us? And if you’re worried about having to crawl out of the shadows of the Eagles … I HAVE A FAMILIAR SUPER BOWL MVP RIGHT HERE TO GET YOU ON THE BANDWAGON.
It’s a win-win. Philly gets more football. The Eagles probably have to drop ticket prices to keep fans interested. Nick Foles gets to play at an All-Star level for another 50 years. The Jacksonville fans don't have to feel bad about ignoring football every week. Everyone is happy.
Get on it, Goodell.
WR: Sammy Watkins, 35.70 pts — on Joel’s bench
RB: Christian McCaffrey, 35.30 pts — started by Bob
TE: Evan Engram, 17.73 pts — started by Mike
K: Harrison Butker, 17.00 pts — started by Ant
DEF: (tie) San Francisco, 28.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: (tie) Tennessee, 28.00 pts — on the wire
D: C.J. Mosley, 13.00 pts — on the wire
Five wideouts recorded at least 100 yds and two TDs this weekend and two more missed the yardage mark by just a catch or two. That meant that even though Eagles WR DeSean Jackson dominated in his return to Philadelphia (Eight catches for 154 yds and two TDs), he wasn’t even in the top two in fantasy scoring at his position. Watkins line of nine catches for 198 yds was more than he accumulated over the last nine weeks of 2018 (six of which he was injured) and his three TDs were the same he had in all of 2018, across 12 regular season and playoff games.
San Francisco’s defense had more TDs (two interceptions returned for scores) than their offense did (one third-quarter TD pass) or Bucs QB Jameis Winston managed (one TD pass to his team, two to the Niners’ secondary). So that’s a way to win a game.
“New QBs” edition
3rd place: Ryan Tannehill, -0.20 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Daniel Jones, -0.32 pts — on the wire
1st place: Josh Rosen, -1.80 pts — on the wire
It’s always sad to see a New Jersey Giants QB on the list of the worst players of the week, but Jones — the eventual replacement for Eli Manning — managed just 17 yds passing, 5 yds rushing and a lost fumble in his debut against the Cowboys. But he’s only just learning to twist his face into dopey shapes like his predecessor, so give him time.
Not to be overlooked on the bad moves of the week, Mike opened up the season starting the Jacksonville defense and their -6.00 pts performance against Watkins and the Chiefs. That’s the lowest score possible for a team defense in this league. He also started an injured kicker along with them, giving him a pretty solid knock for his special teams squad to start off the year.
** The NFL opened on Thursday evening with, naturally, a “special Thursday night edition of Sunday Night Football on NBC,” always one of my favorite stupid football phrases each year. But then during the broadcast, Al Michaels had the audacity to urge viewers to tune back in three days later for “the 2019 debut of Sunday Night Football.” So, which is it? Was the Thursday night game Sunday Night Football or wasn’t it? They can’t both be the first episode. Make up you mind already on this time-travel word salad.
** Early in Sunday’s Eagles/Maryland Racial Slurs game, Fox analyst Charles Davis wondered if QB Carson Wentz’ decision to skip the pre-season lead to the team’s slow start. “You just have to ask whether he was ready for this, and if that’s why the Eagles are down here,” he said.
Only problem was he said it at the start of the Eagles second possession, with the team down 10-0. I guess Wentz could have worked out more as a defensive back in the pre-season to help the defense play better, but it’s hard to condemn his preparation strategy for not scoring on the very first possession of the year.
Wentz finished with 313 yds and three TDs against no turnovers, so I think it’s pretty safe to say his day was a failure for not having enough of that in the first five minutes.
** With a 35-3 lead in the SECOND QUARTER of the Baltimore/Miami game, the Ravens lined up inside their own 40-yard line for a punt … and decided to pull a fake, rushing 60 yards to set up their sixth touchdown of the game. When asked why a trick play was needed there, coach John Harbaugh said, “That’s what we do. There was a lot of time left in the game.”
For the record, the largest comeback in NFL history was the 32 pts the Bills overcame in the 1993 playoffs. That was before the two-point conversion era, so I guess it’s reasonable to think that anything less than five TDs plus five is an unsafe lead.
With the Patriots demolishing the Steelers on Sunday night, and with WR Antonio Brown set to join New England this week, many NFL fans are bemoaning the idea of another dominant football season for the most insufferable sports city in America. (They probably won’t notice, given that the Red Sox aren’t good this year). But is it possible that adding one of the top wideouts in the league will actually hurt the Patriots’ championship chances? Consider these possibilities:
** The Steelers are actually still paying for part of Brown’s contract this year, so it’s possible he is a double-agent who has gone into New England to bring the team down from the inside.
** It also could be that Brown is certifiably crazy, and his erratic behavior destabilizes the rest of his new locker room.
** Now that QB Tom Brady has arguably the best receiving corps of his career, there’s a chance the team throws more than ever and Brady’s arm falls off in week 7.
** The last time the Patriots essentially stole a Pro-Bowl wideout from the Raiders, they went 16-0 in the regular season but ended up losing the Super Bowl to an NFC East team with a young QB in his fourth year. So …
** Brown likes to wear a lot of gold chains and jewelry, so there is always a chance that extra bit of metal will attract a meteor to wipe out Gillette Stadium.
Or, you know, maybe Brown could get accused of a serious crime and be a gigantic distraction to his new team. But what are the odds of that?
Dallas opened their regular season with star RB returning to the team after a lengthy contract dispute. The time away from the team did not seem to hurt his performance, rushing for 53 yds and one TD. But still unanswered is the question of what Elliott did while he was supposed to be with the Cowboys in the pre-season. Luckily, the answer is easy to see in the words themselves:
Running Back Ezekiel Elliott’s holdout
** Libelous neck-hunting zero killed a tot
** Unintelligent killer hob ate zoo ducks
** Little klutz loins rebuked a cooing hen
** Loser zit ghoul tinkled on a nice tub elk
** Unblocked lionizing leek shot a turtle
Those activities are actually what they do in Cowboys training camp anyway, so I guess the absence didn’t really matter.
** A new year and the same song for me in the weekly picks against Dad. I’m already down two. I feel like every year I have to relearn to never put my faith in an Atlanta sports team. Good luck in the post-season, Braves!** Houston beat Seattle 21-1 on Sunday. No, that’s not a typo. And yes, the Texans played on Monday night. I’m not sure who the Astros have at QB, but being able to put up TDs in a baseball game is a real advantage.
** I had a whole section on this weekend’s serious shoulder injuries all typed out but it really, really wasn’t funny.
Week 1 standings 1 — McCown or Never (Capt. Awesome), 147.97 pts
2 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 140.89 pts
3 — 20 Characters or les (Paul), 140.10 pts
4 — Philly Special (Jo), 125.23 pts
5 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 124.36 pts
6 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 122.54 pts
7 — Peabody and Sherman (Dad), 104.29 pts
8 — Ezekiel34 holdout (Joel), 102.75 pts
9 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 101.32 pts
10 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 97.56 pts
11 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 97.54 pts
12 — I love the Cowboys (Joey McDeadAccount), 0.00 pts
The good news is that no one was upstaged by Joey McDeadAccount.
Solid work by our returning champ and Paul (whose strategy of constantly changing his team name is one I have adopted in my other league, infuriating the other owners), but I’m happy to see that this season began as it should, with me at the top. Imagine if I had started DeSean Jackson and a defense that got more than zero pts (thanks, Denver!).
Only two teams missed the 100-pts mark this week, and only by a hair (It’s OK, Mom, it’s a long season). We've got three distinct tiers in the standings right now but it’s too early to draw any real conclusions, other than you all have work to do to catch me.
Since it’s a new season, here’s your weekly reminder that the NFL hates you and there is a Thursday night game (or a special Thursday edition of Sunday Night Football’s night football on a Thursday), so get your rosters set. The game is Bucs vs the Panthers, so it’s an easy one to forget about.
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