Fantasy league 2017 -- week 13 recap

This week’s Eagles/Rams game features for the first time the top two picks of the 2016 NFL draft, QBs Carson Wentz and Jared Goff, squaring off against each other. Both have established themselves as young stars in the league this year, but how do the sophomore signal callers stack up to each other?

— 2017 Stats:
Wentz ~ 3,005 passing yds, 29 TDs, 6 INTs
Goff ~ 3,184 passing yds, 20 TDs, 6 INTs
— Career record:
Wentz ~ 17 wins, 11 losses
Goff ~ 9 wins, 10 losses
— Last name Scrabble score:
Wentz ~ 17 points
Goff ~ 11 points
— Career wins over Dallas:
Wentz ~ 2
Goff ~ 1
— Best name anagram:
Wentz ~ Czars net won
Goff ~ Ref jog fad
— Celebrity look-alike:
Wentz ~ Prince Harry
Goff ~ Ryan Gosling

Pretty even match-up so far, but I’ll happily take Wentz.

QB: Alex Smith, 45.64 pts — started by Bob
WR: Tyreek Hill, 27.81 pts — on Paul’s bench
RB: Alvin Kamara, 24.90 pts — started by Jo
TE: Travis Kelce, 20.27 pts — on Jo’s bench
K: (tie) Greg Zuerlein, 17.00 pts — started by Joel
K: (tie) Justin Tucker, 17.00 pts — started by Bob
DEF: Miami, 40.00 pts — on the wire
D: Eric Weddle, 13.50 pts — on the wire

Dear gawd. The Dolphins defense posted the highest point total for their position this year, with a ridiculous line of 3 pts allowed, three interceptions, two safeties, one TD and one blocked kick. The team was just one end zone sack away from tying the all-time record for safeties in a game, which as you remember happened in the Rams/Giants tilt back in September of 1984.

I have more safety stats, but I’ll spare you for the moment.


“Bad defense” edition

3rd place: Maryland Racial Slurs, -5.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: (tie) Detroit, -6.00 pts — started by Bob
1st place: (tie) Kansas City, -6.00 pts — on Ant’s bench

Good work out there by the Chiefs — they had three players in the top performers and the worst defense in football this week. Both Kansas City and Detroit allowed 38 pts, recorded no turnovers or sacks, and lost badly.

It’s worth noting that Detroit also boasted the worst position player of the week: backup QB Jake Ruddock, who scored -1.04 pts. And it’s also worth noting that team can still get a wild card berth. Football is weird.

** Before Thursday night’s football game, longtime NFL coach Tony Dungy offered incredible insight into what the Cowboys would need to do to win:

“They have to run, but when they have to throw, it has to be Dak Prescott making plays, and with his feet.”

So, he had to run then. Or throw with his feet. Either way, good advice.

** Dungy followed up that gem with this analysis of how you win a “must-win” game:

“You destroy all obstacles to winning. You play all your guys. It doesn’t matter who is hurt. You play like you can’t afford a setback.”

So, you play injured players? That doesn’t seem like a great plan.

** The Washington Post in Tuesday’s paper had a list of the top 10 bowl games to watch this December/January. The top two picks were the college football playoff games. That’s for the tip, Captian Obvious. I wasn’t sure if watching the 1-4 matchup and the 2-3 contest would be better than watching the 88th-ranked Temple Owls take on the 76th-ranked Florida International University Panthers would be a better contest. Now I know.

Speaking of bowls, it’s bowl season again, where we bask in the glory that is the fifth-ranked team from Conference USA playing against the fourth-ranked team from the AAC (not the ACC, that’s different) to answer the question of which 7-5 team is the best at post-exams football. There are 41 bowl games this season, of which I expect to watch fewer than two.

But how well do you know the history and pageantry of the tradition? Pick which of the games below are real bowls, and which are just figments of my imagination.

-- The Raycom Media Camellia Bowl, named for a TV company
Real Fake

-- The Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl, named for a juice company
Real Fake

-- The Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl, named for a lawn equipment company
Real Fake

-- The Quick Lane Bowl, named for an oil change company
Real Fake

-- The Idaho Potato Bowl, named for a potato
Real Fake

-- The Dollar General Bowl, named for a dollar store
Real Fake

No need to look for a answer key: They’re all real bowl games. Temple and FIU are playing in the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl, in fact. I bet both teams can’t wait to bring that golden weedwacker trophy home.

The Cowboys this week managed to stop their three game slide (and prevent the Eagles from cliniching the NFC East title) thanks to turning former Maryland Racial Slurs RB Alfred Morris into a Maryland Racial Slurs killer. He rushed for more than 100 yds for the first time since he left the East Coast team, and scored twice in a rout of the third-place losers. When Morris left the Slurs, it came as a shock to see him in a rival uniform. But, given his name, maybe it shouldn’t have been. Consider:

Cowboys running back Alfred Morris
** My crown burns, ribs clank. I fear good.

So much evil his head is on fire? Sounds like a true Dallas player to me.

** Dad falls two more games behind this week, leaving him down nine with just four weeks left in the season. In his defense, I’ve gone 27-5 over the last two weeks, so it’s tough to keep up with that kind of pace. For the season I’m above 66 percent correct in my picks.

** I didn’t know that Ohio State football and the Eagles could both lose on the same day, given that they never play at the same time. But apparently Sunday was that day.

** The Bears lost to the 49ers 15-14 on Sunday. San Franciso failed to score a single TD in the game, but won thanks to a 5-5 FG performance from their kicker. And who is that kicker? Thirteen-year vet Robbie Gould, who is the all-time leading scorer in Bears history but was cut for the team after the 2015 season. Since then he is 36 for 38 on FG attempts, including six field goals across two wins over the Bears.

I guess what I’m saying is that karma is cruel.

Week 13 standings

1 — Foles me Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 1622.10 pts
2 — Animal Crackers (Mom D), 1501.80 pts
3 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1473.05 pts
4 — Gronky Tonk Man (Joel), 1454.94 pts
5 — Dat CTE Lyfe (Sam), 1416.41 pts
6 — Foles v. Sproles (Jo), 1405.81 pts
7 — ThePigskin Predators (Dad), 1383.91 pts
8 — Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 1353.03 pts
9 — Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 1233.59 pts
10 — SmartyPants on Fire (Paul), 1206.61 pts
11 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1155.50 pts
12 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1150.31 pts

Ooof — I was the second worst team this week, but luckily it was a good week to be bad. Joanna, the top scorer on the week, barely topped 121 pts. Mom D made up a few points on my lead but not much. With four weeks left, my lead still feels generous.

Much tighter is the race for last place. A miserable week from Jeff brought him within five points of the basement, giving Bob a chance to climb back into some level of respectability in the waning moments of the season.

Big game on Thursday night this week — Saints vs Falcons, with lots of legit fantasy players — so check your rosters early and often.