** Get all their Christmas shopping done early on their two-game West Coast trip.
** Catch up on their reading, so Doug Pederson isn’t upset that everyone is behind at the next book club meeting.
** Try out more kickers, just in case.
** Use the extra time to send thank you/Christmas cards to Dak Prescott for all his generosity (turnovers) this season.
** Start that project to clone Carson Wentz for future generations.
** Go ahead and lock down that #1 overall seed through the NFC playoffs.
QB: Ben Roethlisberger, 38.54 pts — started by Jeff WR: Julio Jones, 36.37 pts — started by Paul
RB: Alvin Kamara, 30.43 pts — started by Joanna
TE: Rob Gronkowski, 19.97 pts — started by Dad
K: Greg Zuerlein, 18.00 pts — started by Joel
DEF: Chargers, 22.00 pts — on the waiver wire
D: Reshad Jones, 12.50 pts — started by Mom D
Ahhhhhhhhhhh so close.
Huge weeks from the top performers — first time all year the top QB, RB and WR all topped 30 pts. Roethlisberger scored 70.36 pts in the first five weeks of this season. In the last two, he totaled 78.5 pts. Better late than never, I guess.
Not on the list: TE Zach Ertz (17.87 pts) who became the first 100-yard receiver for the Eagles this season, with 10 catches for 103 yds on Sunday. He’s third among tight ends in all of football in yards and catches and second in TD receptions. Not bad for someone who was drafted by Chip Kelly.
“Tending downward” edition
3rd place: Nick Foles, -1.46 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Jaydon Mickens, -1.72 pts — on the wire
1st place: Chris Ivory, -2.60 pts — on Mom’s bench
Don’t look now, but Foles has the inside track on the title of worst fantasy player for the year. Sunday was his third appearance with negative fantasy points, and his -2.36 pts for the season leads (trails?) everyone in the league. It is worth noting that his team is 10-1.
Not on the list this week: Cowboys QB Dak Prescott (3.16 pts, 31st among QBs for the weekend), Bears QB Mitchell Trubisky (3.08 pts, 32nd among QBs), and Giants QB Eli Manning (2.42 pts, 33rd among QBs). Remember, only 32 QBs started games this week...
** During the Pittsburgh/Miami game, the ABC broadcast crew flashed up a list of NFL Hall of Fame members who played for the Panthers football team. When play-by-play announcer Bob Wischusen read off the names, he stopped at QB Dan Marino to remark, “Quite possibly the best quarterback in NFL history.” Aren’t we over this now? I’m not going to take the ridiculous position that Marino was no good, but is there anyone who thinks he was the best? Fewer passing yards than Peyton Manning. Fewer passing TDs than Drew Brees. Fewer wins than Brett Farve. Fewer Super Bowl victories than Tom Brady. And Joe Montana. And John Elway. And Trent Dilfer.
It’s not 1992 anymore. No one thinks Dan Marino is the best QB in NFL history. Stop saying it.
** Fox college football coverage all season has been airing the slogan: “Every game means everything.” Which is weird, because I thought Oregon’s 60-point blowout in the season finale on Saturday was utterly meaningless.
** Sign at the University of Central Florida/University of South Florida football game on Friday: “UCF is bad.”
That USF tuition money is really paying dividends.
The Eagles lost to the Chiefs.
The Chiefs lost to the Steelers.
The Steelers lost to the Jaguars.
The Jaguars lost to the Titans.
The Titans lost to the Raiders.
The Raiders lost to the Broncos.
The Broncos lost to the Giants.
The Giants lost to the 49ers.
The 49ers lost to the Seahawks.
The Seahawks lost to the Packers.
The Packers lost to the Saints.
The Saints lost to the Vikings.
The Vikings lost to the Lions.
The Lions lost to the Falcons.
The Falcons lost to the Bills.
The Bills lost to the Bengals.
The Bengals lost to the Ravens.
The Ravens lost to the Bears.
The Bears lost to the Buccaneers.
The Buccaneers lost to the Cardinals.
The Cardinals lost to the Texans.
The Texans lost to the Colts.
The Colts lost to the Rams.
The Rams lost to the Redskins.
The Redskins lost to the Cowboys.
The Cowboys lost to the Chargers.
The Chargers lost to the Dolphins.
The Dolphins lost to the Jets.
The Jets lost to the Patriots.
The Patriots lost to the Panthers.
The Panthers lost to the Eagles.
And the Browns have lost all 12 games they have played this year.
So, I guess the big game is cancelled. Better luck next year.
(Yes that is all 32 teams. Go ahead and count).
Did we mention just how bad the Cowboys looked on Thanksgiving Day? It was their third consecutive game scoring under 10 pts. QB Dak Prescott had his third straight game without a TD, against eight turnovers in that span. And it was the team’s third straight loss by at least 20 pts. Of course, none of this should have been a surprise to savvy anagram experts like yourselves:Dallas Cowboys yearly Thanksgiving contest
** TV analysed swill, snotty cyborgs choke again
As much as I love watching Dallas lose, it was swill to watch that game.
** I went 2-1 against Dad over the weekend, pushing my lead in the yearly standings to seven with five weeks left. Like the Cowboys, math is working against him catching up to champs up top in the standings.** The Eagles look great, the Sixers are on a tear and the Flyers … (checks the paper) have lost four of their last five in overtime (the other one in regulation) and are in last place. So, two out of three ain’t bad.
** Big news: If the Buckeye get a win on Saturday night in the Big Ten championship game, college football rankings will still be dumb and nonsensical.
** This blog's position on Eli Manning and his dopey face is pretty clear. That said, the coaching staff's decision today to bench him for next week's game against the Raiders (ending his streak of 210 consecutive starts for the Giants) to see what flameout QB Geno Smith has to offer the 2-9 team is among the cruelest, dumbest things I've ever seen an NFL team do.
All this is prelude to the Broncos acquiring another Manning in the offseason and somehow winning the 2019 Super Bowl with him, which makes me ill just thinking about it.
Week 12 standings 1 — Foles me Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 1530.89 pts
2 — Animal Crackers (Mom D), 1393.62 pts
3 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1377.13 pts
4 — Gronky Tonk Man (Joel) 1347.97 pts
5 — Dat CTE Lyfe (Sam), 1306.84 pts
6 — Foles v. Sproles (Jo), 1284.13 pts
7 — ThePigskin Predators (Dad), 1264.13 pts
8 — Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 1238.76 pts
9 — Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 1126.36 pts
10 — SmartyPants on Fire (Paul), 1102.92 pts
11 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1078.75 pts
12 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1044.87 pts
Mom and Ant leapfrog Joel after his crappy starting QB (Dak Prescott) disappoints again. Paul posts a 160-pts week to pull himself out of the cellar, and Joanna jumps back up in the standings after an impressive 140-pts week of her own.
And none of you really cut into my lead atop the standings.
I’ve got five weeks left to protect a more than 130-pts lead, so I’ll gladly take more Zach Etrz TDs as the calendar turns to December. Remember to watch the Eagles win the NFC East on Thursday night (even though they aren’t playing) and set your rosters for the stretch run.
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