Fantasy league 2017 -- week 15 recap

Carolina Panthers ownership announced plans to sell the team at the end of the season, opening up one of the most valuable properties in American sports. Outside analysts expect the sale to top $2 billion, a record previously set during the 2012 Dodgers and 2014 Clippers ownership changes. To put that in perspective, here’s what you can buy with $2 billion:

— 80 copies of QB Derek Carr ($25M 2017 salary, the highest in the NFL)
— 1,200 copies of QB Carson Wentz ($1.6M 2017 salary)
— Seven copies of every NFL QB ($270M combined 2017 salaries)
— 20 million footballs from NFL.com ($100 each)
— Every seat in Lincoln Financial Field for 34 years ($58M yearly at 2017 prices)
— Two Cleveland Browns franchises (valued around $900M each)

QB: Cam Newton, 39.48 pts — started by Mike
WR: Keelan Cole, 21.90 pts — on the wire
RB: Todd Gurley, 42.57 pts — started by Mike
TE: Greg Olsen, 18.23 pts — on the wire
K: Robbie Gould, 24.00 pts — started by Jo
DEF: LA Rams, 23.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
D: Aaron Donald, 10.00 pts — on the wire

I legit had no idea who Keelan Cole is. The undrafted Jacksonville wideout had 186 yds on Sunday, after amassing only 421 yards the previous 14 weeks this year. And he had Blake Bortles throwing to him. None of these things make sense, but welcome to football in 2017.

Not on the list (again) are the Eagles, who gave up a boatload of points to the Giants and had a generally disappointing fantasy day … except for the three (one-two-three!) blocked kicks over the course of the game. To put it in perspective, only one other team in the NFL has more than three blocked kicks for the year (the Rams, tied with the Eagles with five). Whatever bunny hop exercises special teams did leading up to this week, it needs to be put into the regular rotation.


“Crappy players” edition

3rd place: Seattle, -2.00 pts — started by Jo
2nd place: Teddy Bridgewater, -2.30 pts — on the wire
1st place: Houston, -5.00 pts — on Bob’s bench

Quite the return for Bridgewater, the one-time Vikings QB of the future who suffered a devastating knee injury in the 2016. His absence forced the Vikings to make a panic trade for Eagles QB Sam Bradford, which in turn gave Philadelphia a 1st round draft pick (DE Derek Barnett) and started the Carson Wentz era a year earlier than expected, which produced this season’s 12-2 start, which may culminate in a NFC playoff showdown with the Vikings, who now rely on career backup Case Keenum as their QB after Bradford was injured.

Anyway, in his first game action since 2015, in a blowout win, Bridgewater went 0-2 with an interception and -3 rushing yds. Welcome back!


** During the first quarter of the Eagles game Sunday, the refs had a lengthy review of WR Alshon Jeffery’s TD catch to ensure he wasn’t out of bounds. Fox play-by-play announcer Thom Brennaman offered this insight to help viewers:

“If you go out of bounds, you can’t be the first player to touch the ball. What that means is if you step out of bounds, and then you come back in, then you can’t be the first player to touch the ball.”

Ooooooooooh I get it now. When you said “go” out of bounds I thought you were talking about tax cuts or something.

** Headline in Monday’s Washington Post: “Stephen Strasburg blames All-Star game he didn’t pitch in for a trip to the disabled list.” Apparently the stress of traveling to Miami for a few days vacation was too much for the “all-star” pitcher, who missed regular massage sessions.

** Several of the Boston papers declared that the Patriots’ stolen win over the Steelers on Sunday sealed the 2017 MVP race for Tom Brady, because logic be damned.

Just so we’re clear: In one fewer game than Brady this year, Wentz has the same number of interceptions, five more TDs, 277 more rushing yards and one fewer loss (1.5 if you acknowledge that Brady didn’t really win on Sunday). Brady’s team scored 35 fewer points than Wentz’ when both QBs were at the helm. And Wentz’s late season injury will cost his three games of playing time, at least one of which may be manned entirely by backups.

But, yeah, it’s clearly Brady’s prize now.

Jeff Fisher was a head coach for 22 years in the NFL until last season, when he was fired with a few games left in the Rams dreadful 2016 season. He holds the record for the most regular season losses of any head coach (165), which is more a function of longevity than incompetence. But a quick look at his most recent teams and this year’s playoffs also show there’s more than a little incompetence too. Consider:

Fisher’s 2016 QB: Jared Goff
— The #1 overall pick from the 2016 draft was deemed too raw and unprofessional by Fisher to start the season. When he did get in, he went 0-7 with more TDs than INTs. This year, after Fisher was fired, Goff is a Pro-Bowl QB whose team is 10-4 and has almost locked up a home playoff game.

Fisher’s 2016 QB: Case Keenum
— Fisher insisted on starting career backup Keenum over Goff, but benched him midway through the season after a 3-5 start. After he was cut loose by the Rams, he was picked up by the Vikings and thrust into the starting role after Sam Bradford was injured. Since then he has gone 10-3 and helped guide Minnesota to a likely first-round bye in the playoffs.

Fisher’s 2015 QB: Nick Foles
— Fisher traded with the Eagles for Foles, but soured on him after a 4-7 start. After the season Foles was cut. Over his next eight appearances with the Chiefs and Eagles, Foles’ teams have gone 8-0 and he has tossed seven TDs and no picks. He’ll lead the Eagles in the postseason, after the team secured a first-round bye last week.

That’s a lot of wasted talent for a single coach.

Despite all the pain and suffering they cause during the year, even Cowboys players enjoy the Christmas season. Many spend time with their families (mostly vagrants and terrorists) and enjoy the festive celebrations. Of course, they enjoy it in their own way. Consider Dallas defense coach Rod Marinelli, who spends most of his time devising ways to hurt players on other teams. But rearrange the letters in his name and you can see how he likes to mark the happiest holiday of the year:

Dallas Cowboys longtime team defense coach Rod Marinelli
** Dogwood crime, felony debacle on Christmas: I’ll lame Santa

I’d say he deserves a lump of coal, but he’d probably use that to start an arson spree.

** One silver lining from the Patriots unfair win over the Steelers was that it kept Dad from having a great week in out picks contest. For the second week in a row, he picked up ground on me, but the Pittsburgh loss gave him a record of 3-2 against me instead of a 4-1 knockdown. He sits six games back with two weeks left to go. But he picked up a field goal over the last two weeks, so I’m not officially counting him out yet.

Unofficially, yeah, I counted him out weeks ago.

** The James Madison FCS semifinal game on Saturday featured 10 turnovers forces by the Dukes in a 51-16 victory. I’d have more info on 10-turnover games in football history, but honestly I have a real life, people.

OK, yeah, I don’t. There have been 18 games in NFL history with 10-plus turnovers by a team, but been one since 1984, when the Broncos did it to the Lions. The NFL record is 12 in a game, which has happened three times … and twice by the Eagles. They had eight interceptions and picked up four fumbles against the Chicago Cardinals in 1950 and had seven interceptions with five fumbles against the Steelers five years later.

Separately, the Eagles and Boston Yanks (not a typo) in 1946 combined for the most turnovers by both teams in a game, with 17.

There, is that enough turnover trivia? Are you happy now?

** Seven Eagles made the Pro Bowl, including Carson Wentz, named starter for the NFC squad. Hopefully none of them play, since the game still happens the week between the conference championships and Super Bowl.

Week 15 standings

1 — Foles me Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 1903.44 pts
2 — Gronky Tonk Man (Joel), 1699.98 pts
3 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1699.84 pts
4 — Animal Crackers (Mom D), 1689.80 pts
5 — Dat CTE Lyfe (Sam), 1663.23 pts
6 — ThePigskin Predators (Dad), 1639.93 pts
7 — Cosby's Sleepers (Mike), 1593.85 pts
8 — Foles v. Sproles (Jo), 1564.57 pts
9 — Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim), 1420.19 pts
10 — SmartyPants on Fire (Paul), 1361.37 pts
11 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1348.96 pts
12 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1306.77 pts

Here’s the deal: I’m 97 away from the 2000-pts mark, and I’m likely the only coach who can reach that level this year. I’ve opened up a 200-plus-pts lead over the second-place trio of Joel, Ant and Mom D, meaning even if they outscore me by 100-pts each of the next two weeks, I’ll still come out on top. And the first-place finisher has only outscored the last-place finisher in the league by 100-plus pts three times in 15 weeks this year.

What I’m saying is, these last two weeks are either going to be a cakewalk for me or the most epic collapse we’ve ever seen in league history.

Both Mom D and Dad left a pile of points on their benches in the form of QB mistakes (I wonder where they got that bad advice) and Mike got 82 of his 146 pts from two players (go back to the top performers list) which is good strategy if you can swing it.

Just two weeks and three recaps left for the season. Don’t forget to set your rosters while you’re buying those last-minute presents.