Fantasy league 2015 -- week 2 recap

Since it’s pretty clear the Eagles season is over before it started, it’s time to start looking at possible draft targets for the birds next year. Kelly is coaching them up as if they’ll get a top-five pick, so let’s see the best matches out there:

** RB Ezekiel Elliott, Ohio State: Sure, the Eagles have three starting RBs, but Kelly clearly hates them all since he isn’t running in third-and-short or anything-and-goal situations. Maybe a new RB will inspire him not to emulate Any Reid’s pass-at-all-costs offense.

** SK Joey Robbins, Mississippi State: Robbins doesn’t technically play any position, but since he helps with scheduling for the team, perhaps he could get Chip to have the Eagles offense show up before halftime.

** OT Ronnie Stanley, Notre Dame: At 6-6, this massive tackle will have no trouble seeing all the penalty flags thrown by refs and will easily be able to help pick them up.

** QB Oregon, Oregon: Without even bothering to look up who this person is, I know Kelly already thinks he’s the top prospect in the draft. He’ll end up trading Foles again to get him, somehow.

QB: Ben Roethlisberger, 36.66 pts -- on Bob’s bench
WR: Travis Benjamin, 30.25 pts -- on the wire
RB: DeAngelo Williams, 28.70 pts -- started by Jo
TE: Crockett Gillmore, 20.37 pts -- on the wire
K: Stephen Gostkowski, 19.00 pts -- started by Bob
DEF: Denver, 23.00 pts -- on Dad’s bench
D: Tony Jefferson, 13.00 pts -- on the wire

Poor job all around this week on using the top players, with several of the best guys on the wire. But a special shout out to Andrew Luck, Sam Bradford, Tony Romo and Alex Smith, who combined to score fewer points than Roethlisberger. Not a good showing for four QBs who were hoping to go deep in the playoffs.


“Skill players” edition

3rd place: Mike Vick, -0.30 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Terrance West, -1.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: JJ Nelson, -1.00 pts -- on the wire

And here you were worried that we wouldn’t see our old friend Michael all season long. He had three rushes (kneel downs) at the end of the game to bring his season rushing total to -3 yrds, putting him in this week’s loser list. He’s like a stray dog that you just can’t … um … you know what? Nevermind.


** The announcers at the end of the lackluster 20-13 Ohio State win on Saturday summed up the contest like this: “Sometimes you win. Sometimes you survive. And sometimes you do both.”

How do you win but not survive? Like, you score the game-winning TD but then get vaporized by lightning?

** The Washington Post had a feature on the new Maryland starting QB this weekend with raving comments from his high school coach: “When (the ball) comes out of his hand, you can hear it.”

Again, how does that work? He snaps a lot as he throws? Does that add arm strength? Or does he have a passing grunt like a women’s tennis player?

** At his post-game press conference on Sunday, Chip Kelly said that “we’re not doing a good enough job” so far this season. I’d quibble with the “we” part, especially if I dumped my starting QB/RB/WR for a collection of guys who look like they’ve never seen a football.

ESPN has done a thorough (read: 70 hours already) job analyzing which 2-0 teams are overachieving, and which 0-2 teams are in danger of missing the playoffs. But one area they’ve ignored are which one-loss teams are facing danger and which one-win teams are already in great shape. Not to worry, here’s a SportsCenter-style breakdown:

Steelers: They followed up a tough opening-night loss with a solid win over the Niners on Sunday. But can they keep up that momentum in the tough AFC north with they softer-than-steel defense?
PROJECTED FINISH: 8-8

Titans: Marcus Mariota looked unstoppable in week one, and looked very stoppable in week two. With that kind of reliance on a rookie QB, it’s no surprise to see this team squarely in the middle of the pack.
PROJECTED FINISH: 8-8

Vikings: Everyone’s darling to be a playoff sleeper shook off a sleepy week one showing with a convincing division victory this Sunday. But with a pair of games against the Packers and Bears each left, it looks like they’ll be trading wins and losses.
PROJECTED FINISH: 8-8

Chiefs: They’ve scored 51 pts so far this season but also allowed 51 pts this season. That kind of performance so far suggests only one possible outcome.
PROJECTED FINISH: 8-8

Raiders: Never mind that they won on Sunday, I’m still picking them to go winless this year.
PROJECTED FINISH: 0-16


The Cowboys victory at Philadelphia (Chip Kelly is 2-3 against the hated rivals now, just FYI) came at a heavy cost to their playoff chances. A week after losing their top wideout to injury, QB Tony Romo suffered a broken clavicle in the third quarter and is feared lost for the season. It didn’t mean much against an inept team like the Eagles, but what will it mean for the rest of Dalla’s season? The letters don’t look very good.

Romo gets sidelined with broken collarbone
** Robbed: Their stooge clan killed, no more wins.

Maybe this year’s anagram insult theme will be all Cowboys’ injuries? We’re only in week two and I’m already on a roll with them.


** Another 2-3 week for me against Dad, thanks to Indy and Seattle choking away the last two games of the week. I’m sitting two back of him for the year in our annual pride contest, and can already feel the season slipping away...

** So far the Eagles are averaging 35 rushing yards a game (and they had a 27-yard run during the Atlanta game). Arizona RB David Johnson has the same amount of rushing yards on 5 carries so far this season.

Week 2 standings

1 -- king hippo (Sam) -- 261.88 pts
2 -- Clinton's Email (Jim) -- 253.65 pts
3 -- Lake Weed Monsters (Dad) -- 253.34 pts
4 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) -- 242.72 pts
5 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 241.60 pts
6 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 237.80 pts
7 -- 1.21 Chip-a-watts (Ant) -- 228.71 pts
8 -- Yelp for help (Mom) -- 227.49 pts
9 -- Bethlehem Moravians (Bob) -- 218.01 pts
10 -- Eat Drink & D Murray (Capt Awesome) -- 215.32 pts
11 -- Heap Big Chief Reid (Joel) -- 194.18 pts
12 -- May Pay Attention (Paul) -- 187.52 pts

Sam jumps to the front of the pack again, thanks to a solid week among some lower-than-desirable scores (I'm looking at you D Murray and Pay Attention).

Still, 10th place is only 46 pts back, so no reason to panic yet. Unless your team is 0-2 and looks like it has never played together before. And if facing a surprising 2-0 Jets team next week that looks untalented but structurally sound. In that case, year, start panicking a little.