Fantasy league 2015 -- week 11 recap

 

I got a chance to catch the Eagles game in person courtesy of our unofficial 13th league coach, G (who hates fantasy but reads this recap religiously). The 45-17 drubbing was dreadful, but the company was spectacular. Here are the top five moments of the last six minutes of the game, where G’s reaction was priceless entertainment, albeit because his soul was collapsing:

** The field goal: Down 38-14, with 5:15 left in the game, the Eagles were faced with a 4th and 7 at the 25 yard line. Chip Kelly opted for a 42-yard field goal. G screamed. “Why would you do that!” Then he added, in a much calmer tone, “although, Caleb Sturgis does need practice.”

** The timeouts: On the ensuing series, the Bucs ran three running plays, with and Eagles timeout after each one. “Just let us go already,” G pleaded. “What do you think you’re going to accomplish? Even Tampa wants to leave.”

** The pick six: On the next series, with four minutes left, Bucs LB Lavonte David snagged a lazy swing pass from Mark Sanchez and returned it for a TD. G barely looked up. “I mean, I got nothing for that,” he muttered.

** The punt: The Eagles got the ensuing kickoff, took the ball down to midfield, then punted on 4th and four. “Because you want them to kneel closer to the end zone?” Chris asked. “Maybe they just want to make them run farther to get to the locker room.”

** The final whistle: As time expired, G stood up, looked across the aisle, and found a five-year-old boy getting ready to leave. “Look at how cute that kid is,” he said. Then he turned toward the field. “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO THIS CUTE KID?!?”

QB: Cam Newton, 41.44 pts -- started by Jo
WR: DeAndre Hopkins, 22.37 pts -- started by Sam
RB: Thomas Rawls, 37.47 pts -- on the wire
TE: Kyle Rudolph, 16.07 pts -- started by Bob
K: Mason Crosby, 22.00 pts -- started by Jeff
DEF: Kansas City, 23.00 pts -- on the wire
D: D'Qwell Jackson, 15.50 pts -- on the wire

Getting closer, I guess. At least no one left a top performer on their bench.

Not on the list: Tampa Bay’s QB Jameis Winston, who threw five touchdowns in Philly on Sunday, and Tampa Bay’s RB Doug Martin, who ran for 235 yards on Sunday. Not bad for a team that had lost 14 of its previous 20 games.


“Mike” edition

3rd place: Blair Walsh, 1.00 pts -- started by Mike
2nd place: Matt Jones, -0.20 pts -- started by Mike
1st place: Philadelphia, -3.00 pts -- started by Mike

Not to pick on Mike (OK, to pick on Mike a little) but he had the misfortune of starting the only defense in the NFL this week that scored negative points, and one of two running backs in the league that scored under zero. But on the plus side for him, that Philly D gave up 235 rushing yards to his other RB, Doug Martin, so it kind of evens out.


** At the start of the Ohio State game, the announcers on ESPN radio said that since Michigan State’s starting QB was out, “The Spartans are going to have to dominate in the trenches on offense and defense.”

Because, you know, if your starting QB is in, you don’t have to worry about protecting him or sacking the other QB.

** Near the end of the Monday Night Football game, ESPN’s two announcers had this exchange:

Mike Tirico: John, do you love football?
John Gruden: I do!
Tirico: Well, we’re gonna test that. Ravens vs. Browns, next Monday night on ESPN!

I might have to start giving out a weekly award for brutal honesty in commentary.

** The Patriots would have homefield advantage throughout the AFC bracket. The Panthers would have it in the NFC.
** The Giants, Colts and Chiefs would both be in the post-season, despite .500 records.
** The Packers would lose about $6 million in revenue due to the loss of three home games.
** The Pac 12 would have to cancel its championship game to allow for the Super Bowl site to be prepped six weeks earlier than planned.
** Injuries would skyrocket for the first-round teams who had to play games just two days ago.
** The Super Bowl would be played on Jan. 2, in direct conflict with college football playoff games.
** The NFL would lose millions in rushed playoff ticket sales, and play games before half-filled stadiums due to the inability to mail enough paperwork out.
** New England would still cheat, probably.


Dallas has had a steady rotation of different running backs this season, each one bringing a slightly different brand of poisonous hatred to the field. First-year player Rod Smith has only rushed the ball twice on season, but that lack of activity disguises the intense evil he hides. Consider what’s hidden in his name:

Dallas Rookie RB Rod Smith
** Roll more bad riots, kids. Ha!

It’s bad enough to incite mob violence, but then to laugh about it...


** And just like that, there goes my lead. Three weeks ago I was up three games on my father in the weekly picks. Thanks to dropping two more on Sunday, I’m down two on the year. Usually you don’t see points given up that quickly unless you’re at Lincoln Financial Field...

** Seattle RB Marshawn Lynch is in Philadelphia this week to see an abdominal specialist about a nagging injury. Any chance we can just keep him here and send DeMarco Murray back to the Seahawks, see if they don’t catch the difference until the end of the season?

** Philly teams are 4-22 in November, in case you’re keeping score at home. And the Flyers have three of those wins.

Week 11 standings

1 -- Lake Weed Monsters (Dad) -- 1457.81 pts
2 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 1334.13 pts
3 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle) -- 1313.29 pts
4 -- hippo fantasy (Sam) -- 1301.01 pts
5 -- 1.21 Chip-a-watts (Ant) -- 1282.80 pts
6 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) -- 1254.26 pts
7 -- Eat Drink & D Murray (Capt Awesome) -- 1125.41 pts
8 -- Clinton's Email (Jim) -- 1125.18 pts
9 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 1110.40 pts
10 -- Bethlehem Moravians (Bob) -- 1101.80 pts
11 -- May Pay Attention (Paul) -- 1007.32 pts
12 -- Heap Big Chief Reid (Joel) -- 1001.06 pts

Big move by Anthony to get into the top five, even bigger move by Paul to get out of the bottom spot. I did not see that coming.

We finally have a very clear gap at the league’s 50-yard line. Everyone in the top six is within theoretical distance of winning, everyone below #7 would need some type of miracle to even get in the top half. On the positive side, everyone in the league is over the 1000-pts barrier for the season, so we don’t have to relegate anyone to the minors before Thanksgiving.

Speaking of Thanksgiving … Eagles at 1230, Cowboys at 4, and somebody else at 8ish. If you don’t watch all the games, you’re dishonoring the spirits of all the Pilgrims who fought at Pearl Harbor to free the NFL from the Romans, or something.