Which team won that critical Eagles/Cowboys matchup on Sunday night? Here’s a look at the stats again:
** One team had a RB rush for 100 yds. The other team didn’t and won the game.
** One team had 10 penalties for 70 yards. They won the game. ** One team had two receivers go for more than 100 yds. The other had none in regulation and won the game.
** One team collected 241 punting yards against 295 passing yards. They won the game.
** One team held the ball for 38:19 of regulation. The other team had it for under 22 mins before overtime but won the game.
** One team had Sam Bradford flailing wildly in the pocket. And they won the game.
QB: Marcus Mariota, 41.34 pts -- on Bob’s bench WR: Antonio Brown, 28.63 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
RB: DeAngelo Williams, 35.67 pts -- on Joanna’s bench
TE: Tyler Eifert, 24.03 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
K: Josh Brown, 17.50 pts -- started by Dad
DEF:(tie) NY Jets, 15.00 pts -- started by Joanna
DEF:(tie) NY Giants, 15.00 pts -- started by Bob
D: (tie) Brandon Graham, 11.50 pts -- started by Mom Doyle
D: (tie) Jordan Hicks, 11.50 pts -- started by Ant
Well, at least we owned all the top performers this week. But what a screwy grouping.
First, Antonio Brown had a monster game, with 17 catches for 284 yards and … no touchdowns? How is that possible? Final score of the game was 38-35, with all of those points coming from other players, even though Brown ran the length of the field alone almost three times.
Second, the two top defenses both hailed from New Jersey, but the top two defensive players came from the Eagles. Makes sense.
Third, Anthony, the grim reaper of the league, straight up killed Jordan Hicks this week by starting him. It’s the fourth or fifth starter he’s put out for the year, and we need to trade him Eli Manning right away.
Fourth, Eifert still sounds funny.
“Skill players” edition
3rd place: AJ McCarron, -0.20 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Eddie Lacy, -1.00 pts -- on Bob’s bench
1st place: Marcus Thigpen, -1.94 pts -- on the wire
But, really, the worst performers of the week were our league coaches. Consider:
** Bob started six players on byes this week, and had more pts on his bench (44) than in his starting lineup (41).
** Joanna started three players on a bye and one guy on IR, leaving 43 pts on her bench.
** Jim started three players on a bye.
** Joel started two players on a bye.
** Paul managed to start two players who scored no points.
** Jeff has only started one defensive player since week 6.
They say that most of life is just showing up, and half the league failed at that this week.
** The Washington Post had a headline in advance of the New England/Maryland game which read “Facing an elite offense, focus to be on tackling.” Or, to put it another way, “Facing an elite offense, local team to focus on the most basic part of a football game.” That didn’t sound desperate at all.
** ESPN’s sack of wind Chris Berman announced during Monday night’s game that the network would host a special Veterans Day SportsCenter on Wednesday, to honor those who served in the military. “And all of us here,” Berman continued, “say to America’s veterans, …”
And then he mouthed the words “Thank you.”
But he didn’t actually say them.
Because Chris Berman’s ability to murder even simple sentences and sentiments knows no bounds.
** Saints QB Drew Brees is on pace to lead the league in passing, with 5,520 yds. That would be a new league record.
** Vikings RB Adrian Peterson is on pace to lead the league in rushing, with 1,516 yds. That would be the lowest rushing title since 2007.
** Falcons WR Julio Jones is on pace to lead the league in receiving, with 1,829 yds. That would be the third highest total in league history.
** Broncos QB Peyton Manning is on pace to lead the league in interceptions thrown, with 26. That would be the most since Eli Manning had 27 in 2013.
** Cincinnati RB Rex Burkhead is on pace to trail the league in rushing, with -4 yds. That would be terrible.
At 2-6, the Cowboys’ chances of making the playoffs are all but sunk at this point. But all-pro QB Tony Romo is just a few weeks from returning, and Dallas fans are clinging to hope that he could return the team to greatness. Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely? Well...
Rehabbing Tony Romo goes back to Dallas practices
** No matter, crabby SOB still a choking dog, a race poser
Two more losses guarantees a non-winning season for the Cowboys this year, with the Panthers, Packers and Jets still on the schedule. If the Bucs can beat them next week, we can start writing eulogy anagrams.
** Went 1-2 against Dad this week, dropping my season picks tally to just +2 against him. And I got Tennessee wrong again. I’m so sick of those guys.
** Don’t get me wrong, I’m always happy about the Eagles beating the Cowboys. But Jordan Matthews came this close to killing me in my other league…
Week 9 standings 1 -- Lake Weed Monsters (Dad) -- 1260.45 pts
2 -- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) -- 1122.75 pts
3 -- Yelp for help (Mom Doyle) -- 1088.04 pts
4 -- Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) -- 1056.75 pts
5 -- hippo fantasy (Sam) -- 1044.81 pts
6 -- 1.21 Chip-a-watts (Ant) -- 1041.43 pts
7 -- Eat Drink & D Murray (Capt Awesome) -- 983.49 pts
8 -- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) -- 934.41 pts
9 -- Clinton's Email (Jim) -- 925.49 pts
10 -- Bethlehem Moravians (Bob) -- 887.30 pts
11 -- Heap Big Chief Reid (Joel) -- 870.45 pts
12 -- May Pay Attention (Paul) -- 824.69 pts
Mike tumbled from second to fourth with a 53.99 pts week, which would have been a new record low if Bob hadn’t posted 41.96 pts this weekend. Mom Doyle posted another 160-plus pts week, and jumped into bronze medal position again. I have no explanation for how Joanna moved up to second after forgetting to set her rosters.
But the story remains the returning champion, who widened his lead yet again and may top 1400 pts before anyone else tops 1200. Only two teams are within 200 pts right now, and with half the season left to go, Dad is threatening to turn this into a romp.
So try and remember to start a full squad next week, m’kay? We can’t just give it away to the old man.
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