I know you heard that American Idol was in Philly this week, but you probably didn’t hear that several local notables made an appearance to perform on the show. None of them got through, but my spies up there gave me a full report about their performances:

Aaron Rowand – singing “Centerfield” by John Fogerty
Judges’ notes: Replacing the lyrics “a brand-new pair of shoes” with “just gimmie a brand-new contract already” ruined the playful tone of the song.

Jeremiah Trotter – “You Outta Know” by Alanis Morissette
Judges’ notes: I thought this song was supposed to be about a jilted girlfriend. I don’t remember anything about the 3-4 defense or “what’s with your stupid D-line obsession” in the original.

Brett Myers – “Stan” by Eminem
Judges’ notes: Ummm... I'm not sure the wife-beating song was the best choice.

Ryan Howard – “If I had a million dollars” by BNL
Judges’ notes: His tone and pitch were just terrible, but even we can tell this guy deserves to be making more than $900,000 this year.

Dawkins – “Let the bodies hit the floor” by Drowning Pool
Judges’ notes: I was so scared I actually wet myself.

Andy Reid – “Georgia on my Mind” by Stevie Wonder
Judges’ notes: Mumbling was a major problem with this singer, and whenever he forgot the lyrics he just sputtered out “The time is yours.” Very weird.

Chase Utley – “I am great” by Chase Utley
Judges’ notes: It wasn’t really a song per se – he just stood there for 10 minutes and kept yelling “I AM GREAT!” – but it’s hard to argue with that.

Terrell Owens – “The Eagles Fight Song”
Judges’ notes: Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything this performer can do that’s going to make us like him.