Setting the draft order

Before I get to the draft order, there's shocking news this year. Our 2003 Awesome Cup champion, Heidi "The Hitman" Doyle, this weekend was suspended for the 2007 fantasy football season after she tested positive for performance-enchancing drugs.

Not a lot of details are being released right now. As you know, Heidi in recent months has been dogged by steroid allegations, ever she set the modern record for mouse clicks during NFL.com web surfing (14.3 million in 10 minutes). The appeals process is lengthy, in part because of the damage that kind of substance abuse could have on the integrity of the game. It's tragic that another great young player appears to have succumbed to the quick glory that drugs can bring, and now it might cost her career.

Also, I'm pretty sure she's involved in dogfighting.

Luckily, we've got two new players this year taking her place and trying to wrest the Awesome Cup from Eric's grimy, grimy fingers. As always, the first four spots in the draft are set in reserve order of last year's top four, so we have:

12. I like Bush, Reggie (Eric)
11. Spider Pigs (Ant)
10. We Want Detmers (Joanner)
9. Szechuan Bean Curd (Mike)

The angry Koy-lover over here is picking the other names out of my old Eagles hat, offering her own commentary on each selection, and the next pick goes to ...

8. Burns' Ringers (Joel)
Jo comment: "Why do we start at eight? This is a stupid way to do a draft."
My reaction: Tough break; He finished 10th of 11 last year, and gets the worst pick possible. But that's slightly better news for ...

7. The Moravians (Bob)
Jo comment: "Wait, Bob's in this league? Who let that happen?"
My reaction: Welcome to the league, newbie. Usually we give the new kids a break, but not this year. Instead, your loss benefits...

6. Updog (Neal)
Jo comment: "Who? Oh, that Neal."
My reaction: Neal finished 8th last year, so this is right where he should have picked. See the system works! Moving on...

5. Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Jo comment: "You know, I didn't win last year. I should get a better pick."
My reaction: Bad team name, OK draft spot. But I'm starting to get worried no one is going to believe this because my name hasn't been picked yet. Maybe it'll be next ...

4. Mudslingers of old (Capt. Awesome's Dad)
Jo comment: "That's not a great spot for your own father."
My reaction: I thought it was a good spot. But it's not quite as good as the next pick, which belongs to ...

3. Giuliani's 2nd Wife (Jim)
Jo comment: "Are you cheating? Is your name even in there?"
My reaction: Even Jim might decide to draft a RB this high. We're almost finished here, but first we have ...

2. I Need Linebackers (Paul)
Jo comment: "This is stupid. Did I mention that?"
My reaction: Paul shouldn't get this high of a pick; That's a terrible team name. And now it makes me think of Trotter. Thanks for depressing me, jerk.

So that just leaves...

1. For who for what? (Capt. Awesome)
My reaction:

Oh crap.

Oh crap.

Oh crap.

No one is gonna believe this.

Jo comment: "No, you made your bed, you filthy cheater. Now you have to lie in that filthy bed. Besides, nobody is going to believe I wanted to help you. Flithy cheater."

Clearly, the hat was expecting Heidi's name to come out last. Despite the Koy apologist's animosity over here, she'll vouch this is on the up-and-up, and I'll remind you all we've never had a repeat winner of the Awesome Cup or someone win after getting the number one pick in the draft. That's two big strikes against me.

Let's set the draft for Friday, Aug. 31 -- it's automated, so set your rosters before that night. I'll switch the status over and we should have our teams ready to go Saturday or Sunday morning (and I'll have Tomlinson as my #1 back).

Email me with any questions, and happy hunting.