Fantasy football recap, week 8

---- Top performers
QB: Tom Brady, 36.98 points -- started by Jeff
RB: Larry Johnson, 43.23 points -- started by Joanna
WR: Reggie Wayne, 39.20 points -- started by Paul
TE: Marques Colston, 28.87 points -- started by Joanna
K: Adam Vinatieri, 16.00 points -- sitting on Neal's bench
DEF: Oakland, 31.00 points -- started by Joel
          Oakland? Oakland!!! You've got to be kidding me. No wonder my team stinks -- logic no longer has any place in the NFL.

---- Worst performers, players we started edition
Third place: David Carr, -0.88 points -- started by me
Second place (tie): Arizona, -1.00 points -- started by Paul
Second place (tie): Denver, -1.00 points -- started by Eric
First place: Carolina, -2.00 points -- started by Jo
          This is the second week in a row Joanna had the best total in the league and the worst individual player too. Go figure.

---- Andy Reid blown call of the week award
          Joel earned the award this week, thanks to his shrewd use of the waiver wire.
          Last Sunday he decided to drop Joe Horn and Issac Bruce to pick up Chris Baker and Brandon Jacobs. And while I'm the first person who'll ridicule you if you forget to start a tight end, you really shouldn't give up two pro bowlers to get some average players back.
          Horn and Bruce were worth a combined 31.40 points for Eric this week (he scooped up both of them over my waiver wire requests -- damn!) while Joel's three wide receivers and Baker combined for just over 35 points. Look for this one to haunt Joel's dreams for the rest of the year.
          Jim gets honorable mention for starting a tight end on a bye.

---- "Worst passing performances in a win" stat of the week
*** QB Andrew Walter was 5 of 14 for 51 yards with one interception and no touchdowns in the Raiders 20-13 win over Pittsburgh on Sunday. His QB rating for the day was 17.3. (And remember, if you go outside and throw a football into the ground, your QB rating is 38.6).
*** QB David Garrard was 10 of 17 for 87 yards with no touchdowns in the Jags 13-6 win over the Eagles on Sunday.
*** QB Jake Plummer was 13 of 24 for 106 yards with one touchdown, one interception and one fumble in the Broncos 13-3 win against the Ravens in week five.
*** QB Mike Vick was 10 of 15 for 92 yards with one touchdown and one interception in the Falcons 14-3 win over Tampa Bay in week 2.

---- Stupidest thing I heard this week
          I've been trying for the last two days to find the name of the guy who said this, but I think all records of him ever being alive have been destroyed in light of his stupidity.
          During halftime of the Oregon State-USC game on Saturday, one of the FSN "experts" asked an analyst if the Beavers, up 16-10 at the time, could finish off the upset in the second half.
          His response?
          "I think they could potentially win this game, but remember: Potentially is a French word meaning what have you done for me lately."
          The other two guys in the studio just stopped talking to him after that.

---- Midseason awards I'd like to see
*** The "bad half of the gene pool" award: This one goes to the Giants, who have both the lesser Manning (Eli has fewer passing TDs than Peyton) and apparently the lesser Barber (Ronde has two TDs, Tiki has zero).
*** The "leaving it all on the field" award: This one goes to Donovan McNabb, more for his penchant for puking than his hard work. And he has more passing attempts than anyone else in the league, so he has left more balls out on the turf than anyone else too.
*** The “living on the edge” award: Seven weeks into the season, the Colts haven’t attempted one fourth-down conversion.
*** The death penalty: This isn't a new award, but I'd like to see Daunte Culpepper get the death penalty after what he did to two of my fantasy teams.

---- Cowboys anagram insult of the week
          Sure, QB Tony Romo had a good game Sunday night, but will he really last as their starter? Let's see what "Dallas Cowboys rookie third-stringer Matt Baker" can reveal to us:
*** Horrid team trots backwards. I’ll be in? Rats. Ye go, OK? ***
          That sounds like a dare to me -- Baker is reluctantly challenging Romo for the starting job, so go tell your friends. Let them know you heard it from a reputable news source.

---- Our standings so far
First place: JapanUSRelations, Ant -- 1087.44 points
Second place: HoF Bus Drivers, Jo -- 1085.20 points
Third place: The War on Terrell, Mike -- 1063.14 points
          Ant barley held onto first as Joanna posted her second 178-point week in a row. And don't look now, but our reigning champ (Jeff, in case you forgot) is just a few points out of the top three.

---- For the record
*** Holy crap, Temple won. At their current pace, their next win is scheduled for 2009.
*** The professional column is up again, but they ripped the heart and soul out of it:
          Here’s what the lead was supposed to say:
          If the NFL was run by the NCAA, this week’s slate of games would have been dubbed “Separation Sunday.” Of course, if the NFL was run by the NCAA, sportswriters would be inexplicably voting the Bears as the number two team in the league … behind USC.
          It’s funny how one line change can destroy 1,000 words of text. They took some other funny stuff out and killed some others, so now it’s just a crappy, run-of-the-mill column. We’ll have a nice long talk with the sports guys tomorrow.
          In the meantime, my ensuing rage is the reason this recap was sub-par. Next week I’ll save my good stuff for here, rather than waste it like this time.