Fantasy football recap, week 6

---- Top performers
QB: Matt Hasselback, 30.92 points -- started by Joel
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson, 42.37 points -- started by Ant
WR: Torry Holt, 36.27 points -- started by Paulie
TE: Jeremey Shockey, 21.67 points -- sitting on my bench
K: John Brown, 16.00 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
DEF: Chicago, 24.00 points -- started by Mike
          Four touchdowns out of Tomlinson? So that's why Anthony is suddenly near the top of the league.

---- Worst performers, the year so far edition
Third place: Brian Greise, -0.94 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
Second place: Kellen Clemens, -1.80 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
First place: Brodie Croyle, -3.38 points -- sitting on the waiver wire
          Croyle saw his only action of the season on Sunday, passing for 23 yards with two interceptions and rushing for minus-3 yards in the Chiefs' loss to the Steelers. That's a mighty fine day right there, but not the worst of the weekend ...

---- The Andy Reid blown call of the week award
          I left the most points on my bench and scored the lowest in the league this week, but we've already established that I'm not going to give it to myself, so ...
          Instead let’s give an anti-award to Eric, who I almost taunted before Sunday’s games for deciding to start RB Mike Vick as his quarterback over QB Rex Grossman, who has been tearing up teams this season. On the year, Vick had only scored four TDs to Grossman’s 10, and was worth nearly 40 fewer points in our league.
          What I’m saying is this move made no sense.
          In retrospect, however, that was a pretty nice call. Vick was worth a serviceable 14.96 points. Grossman had SIX FREAKING TURNOVERS and was worth -6.78 points against the Cardinals, or whichever team suited up for the first half of that game. That's the worst I can ever remember any player scoring in this league.
          Eric probably just forgot to set his roster this weekend, but I’ll give him credit anyway. The anti-award is redeemable for one-free pass next time he starts somebody on a bye week.

---- Fun facts I'm noting just to piss off Giants fans
*** Donovan McNabb threw his second interception of the year on the last play of the first half of Sunday's game against New Orleans. Eli Manning threw his second interception of the day with two minutes to go in the first quarter of Sunday's game against Hotlanta.
*** In six games this year McNabb has thrown for more than 280 yards five times. In five games this year Eli Manning has thrown for fewer than 280 yards four times.
*** Despite a sub-par performance on Sunday Donovan McNabb still leads the league in passer rating at 104.8. Despite a good performance on Sunday Eli Manning still leads the league in dopey faces made with 1,048.

---- Stupidest thing I heard this week
          Lee Corso got the words "turnovers" and "turnouts" confused and said the key to one of the college games on Saturday would be "turnouts."
          To quote Lewis Black, don't think about it too much or your brain will try and eat itself.
          Almost as bad, but not quite, was Dick Stockton during the Eagles/Saints tilt on Sunday saying that Shawn Andrews had suffered a knee injury and his return to the game was questionable. He announced it on a play where Andrews had just laid down a big block and was still on screen.
          I'm pretty sure that upgrades his return status to probable, but that's just me.

---- College football update
** The dream of an undefeated season died for Ursinus this weekend as they fell to the Muhlenberg Mules (not kidding, they're the Mules) 22-6 on Saturday. The Baby Bears had 311 yards of total offense but also threw three interceptions, lost two fumbles and had a blocked punt returned for a touchdown.
** Temple didn't cover that point spread against Clemson -- they lost 63-9 last Thursday. The Tigers scored on their first nine possessions. For some reason ESPN decided that game wasn't competitive enough to air nationally...
** Texas and Baylor racked up 784 yards of offense and 94 points in the Longhorns 63-31 win on Saturday. For comparisons sake, the Falcons and Giants racked up 816 yards of offense in their game Sunday but only scored 41 points in New Jersey's 27-14 win.
          So, what I'm saying is, the Giants and Falcons are really just college football teams who execute their red zone offense poorly.

---- Cowboy anagram insult of the week
          Still think T.O. is the biggest jerk on the Cowboys? I submit to you "Dallas Cowboys LB Bradie James," who had six tackles on Sunday and shows what he likes to do for fun when you rearrange the letters in his name:
*** A yell! Cold worm jabs sad babies. ***
          Jabbing babies is bad enough, but sad ones? That's just overkill. What a jerk.

---- Our standings so far
First place: Heidi is too slow, Heidi – 793.29 points
Second place: JapanUSRelations, Ant – 791.11 points
Third place: Get drunk and screw, Neal – 774.90 points
          Anthony makes a huge charge into the top three, Neal’s team is slowly slipping, and everyone is just shocked – SHOCKED! – that Heidi made it to first place.
          She’s not even trying, you know.

---- For the record
*** The respectable, professional column is online this week. You can read it here.
*** I was going to look up how many times a team has had six turnovers and still won a game, like the Bears did Monday, but ESPN told me that has happened more than 40 times in league history. They might be lying, but now I don’t feel like checking.
*** Don’t ask how the picks are going with Dad. Just don’t.
*** Cowboys vs. Giants on Monday night next week, so somebody step up and give me a reason not to punch the television. I know I’m supposed to root for the Giants, then injuries, then the apocalypse, but it’s still gonna be a tough one to swallow.