Christmas is ruined for everyone

But thank gawd that the Iggles-Dallas Christmas night match-up is in Dallas, not in Philly. Can you imagine booing TO and Santa Claus on the same day? There’d be a rip in the fabric of the universe.

So, now that the Eagles schedule is out, here’s how it will play out so you don’t have to wait for it:

Sep 10 @Houston 1:00pm
-- Andy Reid stinks in openers (2-5 so far) but you’ve gotta think they have this one covered. WIN

Sep 17 N.Y. Giants 1:00pm
-- No way they start 3-0, so with SF coming up the Iggles lose this. LOSS

Sep 24 @San Francisco 4:15pm
-- Quick, name a QB, an RB or a WR on this team. Their coach can’t either. WIN

Oct 2 Green Bay 8:30pm
-- For the 4th straight year, the Pack comes to Philly. For the fifth straight time, they go home crying. WIN

Oct 8 Dallas 4:15pm
-- The tickets will go for $400 a pop for this game, but the birds will only go for 10 points. LOSS

Oct 15 @New Orleans 1:00pm
-- If I called these games right so far, the Iggles will be undefeated on the road through mid-October. WIN

Oct 22 @Tampa Bay 1:00pm
-- And suddenly, that streak will stop. LOSS

Oct 29 Jacksonville 1:00pm
-- Both Byron Leftwich and Fred Taylor blow out their hammies on the same play in the third. WIN

Week 9 BYE
-- All those years we did great, we earned a third week bye. Last year, we stunk, so we get the nicest bye available.

Nov 12 Washington 1:00pm
-- Reid is usually money after the bye, and I may be the Racial Slurs’ starting QB. WIN

Nov 19 Tennessee 1:00pm
-- Prediction: Matt Leinart starts his first game this week, throws 2 TDs, three picks, and loses. WIN

Nov 26 @Indianapolis 1:00pm
-- No shot. Their backup RB ran for over 100 the last time we played. And they were so-so that year. LOSS

Dec 4 Carolina 8:30pm
-- If it was any day but my birthday, I’d pick a win here. But since I’m paranoid... LOSS

Dec 10 @Washington 1:00pm
-- Coming off the short week, the Eagles run defense gives up 134 yards to Clinton Portis. LOSS

Dec 17 @N.Y. Giants 1:00pm
-- Coming off a long week, the Eagles run defense gives up 177 yards to Tiki Barber. LOSS

Dec 25 @Dallas 5:00pm
-- You know, stranger things have happened…. WIN! NO, LOSS! NO, WIN!! WIIIIN!!!!

Dec 31 Atlanta 1:00pm
-- With a chance at the postseason on the line, the Eagles squeeze out a tight victory. WIN

So that’s how I see it: 9-7, probably just out of the playoffs, with a lot of conference losses. But I predict 11-5 in 2007. It’s still a little too early for me to predict 2008.