After Sunday’s win, Eagles Coach Nick Sirianni said that despite the team winning without him this week, QB Jalen Hurts will return to his starting role for the team when he’s healthy. That seems foolish when you look at the facts:
** Hurts threw three interceptions in his last start, while another QB on the roster hasn’t thrown any this year…
** Hurts is 5-7 on the year, while another QB on the roster hasn’t lost a game this year …
** Hurts has six fumbles on the season (only one lost), while another QB on the roster has zero fumbles this year …
** Hurts was a high-round draft pick who hasn’t lived up to potential, while another QB on the roster was forgotten prospect who has overachieved …
** Hurts has only ever played for one NFL franchise, while another QB on the roster has gained experience and insight from his time playing in Florida before Philly…
** Hurts has a full goatee, which is meh, while another QB on the roster has a rocking mustache that gets all the fans excited...
That’s why it’s obvious that Eagles backup QB Reid Sinnett is the best choice for this team going forward. The 24-year-old spent time on the Tampa and Miami practice squads, signed with the Eagles in late October and hasn’t appeared in a single game yet, but I’m confident he could be the next big thing for Philly if the coaching staff would open their eyes.
Or start Gardner Minshew. Or don’t. It doesn’t matter, the team is still total garbage and a win over the crippled remains of the New Jersey Jets franchise doesn’t change that.
WR: Justin Jefferson, 24.03 pts — started by Ant
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 24.30 pts — started by Jo
TE: George Kittle, 29.07 pts — started by Bob
K: Jake Elliott, 17.00 pts — started by Mom D
DEF: Indianapolis, 23.00 pts — started by Dad
D: T.J. Watt, 11.50 pts — on Jo’s bench
Nooooooooooo! So close to our second sweep of the year. Watt was listed as a COVID absence through most of the week, so he’s still sitting on the bench of the first-place fantasy squad. Hope Jo doesn’t need those 10 pts she cost herself later on...
Taylor continues to run roughshod over the rest of the league, outsourcing the second-place non-QB (RB Austin Ekler) by 65 fantasy pts. He’s at 279.20 pts for the season, while only three other non-QBs have topped 200 pts (including WR Cooper Kupp, also on Jo’s team.) In fifth place for that group, at 181 pts? RB Derrick Henry, who hasn’t played a game since he was hurt in October.
“Just some guys" edition3rd place: Diontae Spencer, -1.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Travis Benjamin, -1.08 pts — on the wire
1st place: Gerald Everett, -1.53 pts — on Ant’s bench
Spencer and Benjamin (ugh, I hate it when people have first names as their last names. It’s so annoying) are both special teamers who collected a few return yards but then fumbled away a punt to end up in negative territory.
But Everett? He really worked at being terrible this week. The Seattle TE had four catches on six targets for seven yards (itself an impressive feat of failing to advance the ball downfield) and ended up fumbling the ball twice. In his previous 70 games, Everett had only fumbled the ball twice. So that’s a really impressive commitment to hurting your team in a single game.
** NFL columnist John Clayton had a piece last Tuesday predicting all eight division winners at the end of the year. “Several races are shaping up to go down to the wire,” he wrote.
His conclusion: All eight current division leaders will end up winning their divisions.
Amazing analysis! Forget that the Titans are struggling, or that the Bills and Patriots are a game apart and play twice to finish the season, or that most of the Cardinals are dead. “Going down to the wire” means “will end up exactly the same as right now.” That’s the kind of insight you can only get from an old pro.
** ESPN headline: Texas assistant football coach, girlfriend sued after monkey allegedly bites child.
I checked, and this was not a standard blocking drill practice.
(Go ahead, you can look up the story on your own, it won’t make any more sense.)
Because of the addition of a seventh playoff team in each conference and the total screwiness of the league this year, only one squad (the Texans) have been officially eliminated from playoff contention. USA Today has a nice write up of how the Lions at 6-10-1 could still be the seventh seed in the east, if 35 things also other happen:
That won’t happen, of course, because God hates Detroit. But the Almighty also loves chaos (see his decision to allow Texas to exist), so here are some other fun playoff scenarios to consider (courtesy of ESPN’s playoff machine):
** The Eagles get the #1 seed in the NFC:
Philadelphia has to win out, plus the Cowboys have to lose another game, and the Eagles get the division title at 10-7. Then if Green Bay loses their last five games, and the Cardinals lose their last five, and the Bucs lose their last five, and the Rams only win two of their last five, the road to the Super Bowl goes through Lincoln Financial Field.
** The NFC East has three playoff teams, and two have losing records:
If the Cowboys win out and win the division, there’s a path for the Eagles and the Maryland nameless team to both end up at 8-9 and still make the playoffs. All it will take is a bunch of losses by the 49ers and Vikings, and no one in the NFC South putting together a four game winning streak.
** Every remaining game ends in a tie:
The playoff picture would look pretty much the same as it does today, but there’s just something awesome about the seventh seed in the NFC being San Francisco at 6-6-5.
** The home team wins every game for the rest of the season:
This would also give the NFC East three playoff teams, with the Eagles as the 6th seed sporting a 9-8 record.
** Every underdog wins:
Based on today’s record, if every underdog wins from this point on, the Panthers would be the #1 seed in the NFC, the Raiders the #1 seed in the AFC, and the Cowboys, Ravens and Chiefs would miss the playoffs. The Cardinals would still be the #2 seed in the NFC, however.
** The AFC stinks:
There’s a scenario where four of the seven AFC playoff teams aren’t over .500 (The Ravens, Bengals and Steelers would all have to end up 8-8-1) and the #3 seed Titans would only be 9-8. But the Patriots still make the post-season in that scenario, so, meh.
** Nobody makes the playoffs:
The league shuts down after week 17. Honestly, this would probably make us all happier than watching an inevitable Bucs/Patriots Super Bowl.
Not much was expected out of defensive lineman Quinton Bohanna, the Cowboys sixth-round pick out of Kentucky in last year’s draft. But despite that, he has … not delivered this year, recording only two tackles on the season. That’s really not a shock, however, when you take a closer look at his name: Dallas Cowboys Rookie DT Quinton Bohanna
** He quits, no roots, no cool, banal yawn. Bad kid.
Of course, being a bad kid is what gets you on the Cowboys’ draft radar in the first place, so it seems to be working out for the young man.
** Back on track — I won two games against Dad in our weekly picks, which puts me up one on the season so far. The key to victory was to pick all the games, then assume I’d be wrong and switch several of them. I’ll look to keep that strategy rolling into next Sunday. ** Shoutout to Lions WR Amon Ra St. Brown, who I made fun of in my column last week and who this week caught the game-winning TD to secure Detroit’s first victory of the year. Nice work, sun god.
** The Flyers fired their coach on Monday, which justifies my decision not to pay any attention to them at all this year. I’ve got enough underperforming Philly teams to keep track of already.
Week 13 standings
1 — QB Carousel (Jo), 1686.60 pts
2 — Honey Bunches of Goats (Jonathan), 1670.35 pts
3 — This Is Fine (Bob), 1567.74 pts
4 — Ouch! It Hurts (Mom D), 1554.78 pts
5 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 1475.87 pts
6 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1460.98 pts
7 — Came and Wentz (Capt. Awesome), 1459.13 pts
8 — Not That Four Seasons (Ant), 1455.14 pts
9 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 1450.34 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1446.03 pts
11 — It's All Hurts (Dad), 1384.24 pts
12 — Clever Team Name (Paul), 967.18 pts
Joanna maintains her slim lead over Jonathan, but the story of the week is Bob’s squad, who posted 170 pts (second best week of the season) and vaulted from well-behind fourth place to surging-ahead third place. He’s still 100 pts behind the top duo, but I told you a few weeks ago to keep an eye on him.
Meanwhile, fifth place through 10th remains a slog, with everyone swapping places and no one breaking away. All but three teams posted 100-plus pts this week (frowning face for Sam, Jeff and Paul) and another impressive showing by Dad has him sneaking every closer to the quicksand of the middle standings.
Paul remains dead.
Thursday’s game features the Steelers vs the Vikings, the only two teams that failed to beat the Lions this season. So that should make for some quality mid-week action. Get your rosters ready early.
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