— The Eagles beat Dallas next week, then lose all of the rest of their games except the finale against the Maryland Football Team.
— The Maryland team beats the New Jersey Giants next week and the Cowboys on Thanksgiving, but loses the rest of their games.
— The New Jersey Giants beat the Eagles and the Cowboys, but lose the rest of their games for the season.
— The Cowboys split their two remaining games with the Eagles but cannot find any other wins on the season.
That leaves the final NFC East standings like this:
** Philly, 4-11-1 (3-3 in division)
** Maryland, 4-12 (4-2 in division)
** New Jersey, 4-12 (3-3 in division)
** Dallas, 3-13 (2-4 in division)
The Eagles, 6.5 games under .500, would then host a playoff game, because 2020.
Magic number is two, folks.
QB: Tom Brady, 44.86 pts — started by Mike
WR: Tyler Lockett, 39.01 pts — on Paul’s bench
RB: Jeff Wilson, 30.73 pts — on the wire
TE: Harrison Bryant, 17.73 pts — on the wire
K: Tyler Bass, 23.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Kansas City, 25.00 pts — started by Dad
D: Devin White, 12.50 pts — on the wire
Mike gets the distinction of being the first manager ever to get three different starting QBs in the top performers list in a season, and he did it in just seven games. Brady’s beat down of the Las Vegas leftovers on Sunday was the best of eight different QB performances that topped 30 pts this week (including Eagles QB Carson Wentz, with 31.76 pts)
Tyler Bass’ strong performance (six FGs in a 18-10 Bills win over the Jets) is a solid reminder that drafting kickers early is a bad, dumb, and potentially un-American draft strategy. Of the top 12 kickers on the year right now, only five are owned. Two of them are on Jo’s squad, who was working to keep Rodrigo Blankenship off the waiver wire, not because he’s too good of an investment to give up (tied for first among all kickers) but because his name is too much fun to say each week. And that’s a good reason to invest roster space in a kicker.
“Wow” edition3rd place: CeeDee Lamb, 0.10 pts — started by Jeff
2nd place: Cam Newton, -0.18 pts — on Jo’s bench
1st place: Seattle, -2.00 pts — on Mom D’s bench
The Seattle defense has had a lot of problems this season, but to see the historically solid defensive squad in negative points qualifies as a big surprise.
But it’s probably not as big of a shock as Newton and Lamb, both of whom had been reliable fantasy performers until this week. Lamb hadn’t recorded fewer than 59 receiving yds in a game this year before Sunday’s zero catch, one rushing yd performance. On a day of impressive Dallas failures, his was among the grandest.
But Newtown may have outshined him. The former league MVP came into the game with four interceptions on the season but added three more in just three quarters of work on Sunday. He’s 1-3 in his last four starts and has helped lead New England to an eye-pleasing 2-4 start. He also was the first Patriot to contract the coronavirus and may have helped spread the illness throughout the locker room. He appears to be single-handedly ending the Patriots dynasty on his own, making him my favorite player of the year so far.
** Monday Night Football opened with ESPN doing a voiceover comparing the Rams to the Mandalorian which included the following lines: — “To be a star, you can’t just dress up in a helmet and cape. You have to play the part.” I assume this is an allusion to DE Aaron Donald killing people in his spare time to collect bounties.
— While showing a picture of QB Jared Goff next to the Mandalorian, the voiceover states “you can see how a captain leads.” This refers to Goff managing the Rams’ offense and the Mandalorian … occasionally working with a few others and putting their lives in danger. So, the same.
— “Atop the NFC North, the Bears have spoken. They present a challenge, even for a Mandalorian.” This I’m sure is a reference to the scene in the first season where the Mandalorian, with his laser rifle and heat-seeking missiles and jet pack and near impenetrable armor, is defeated by an average grizzly bear.
Look, I get that Disney owns everything and so that means every opportunity must be milked for full advertising potential, but maybe just run the trailer for season 2 at the start of the game and forget the ham-fisted mash-ups. Or, if you must, at least work LB Samson Ebukam into the bit. His name already sounds like an awesome alien race of giant feral cats.
** During football games this weekend, Canada Dry started advertising for its newest product: Bold Ginger. It’s “not your grandma’s ginger ale” and will “blow the tennis balls off your grandma’s drinks.”
And thank god. This boring old ginger ale has been killing me. I definitely need … what makes it bolder? More ginger? Extra bubbles? Cocaine?
NFL stars enjoy celebrating Halloween just as much as the rest of us. Here’s how several are planning to celebrate this year:
** Eagles QB Carson Wentz: Instead of candy, he’ll be tossing interceptions to the neighborhood kids.
** 49ers coach Kyle Shanahan: In the spirit of the holiday, he is murdering his RB corps (three on the IR at the moment).
** Bucs WR Antonio Brown: He’s pretending to be a zombie, trying to resurrect his long-dead career.
** Jets Coach Adam Gase: In an attempt to scare passers-by, he’ll read the names of his starting offensive players.
** Giants QB Daniel Jones: He’ll be dressing up as Humpty Dumpty and re-enacting his great fall from Thursday’s game.
** Patriots coach Bill Belechick: Planning on spending Saturday night stealing candy from local children, same as he does every Saturday night.
A lot of folks have been surprised by the Cowboys subpar play this season, especially given that they appeared to underachieve as an 8-8 squad last season. That led to the firing of then coach Jason Garrett, and the eventual hiring of former Green Bay Packers coach Mike McCarthy.But maybe no one should have been surprised McCarthy couldn't turn things around, considering what his name spells:
New Dallas head coach Mike McCarthy
** Wins? They call me Mr. Choke. A cad, a chad.
Eagles play the Cowboys this week, and honestly I’m not sure either team really wants to win. Maybe we’ll see the birds’ second tie of the year?
** Went two for three against Dad on Sunday, losing only in the Lions/Falcons matchup (why I continue to believe Atlanta can win anything, I do not know.) Still, that puts me up five on Dad after seven weeks of the season, not a bad start to the year.** Headline: Seahawks' DK Metcalf runs down Cardinals' Budda Baker, prevents pick-six
Alternate headline: Metcalf, after scoring minimal fantasy points for my team on Sunday, runs down my defensive player to cost me six points.
Jerk.
Week 7 standings 1 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 938.37 pts
2 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 921.57 pts
3 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 914.66 pts
4 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 902.97 pts
5 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 902.19 pts
6 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt. Awesome), 853.16 pts
7 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 843.09 pts
8 — The Mom Football Tm (Mom D), 820.14 pts
9 — Soccer Orphans (Paul), 773.73 pts
10 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 758.88 pts
11 — Patriots Secret Cam (Joel), 564.19 pts
Joanna, our top points scorer of the week, sneaks up into 4th place just a hair ahead of Bob. That gives us a solid top as the halfway point of the season approaches, with a mere 36 pts (or, as we call it in the business, a Westbrook) separating the members of our own NBA starting lineup.
After that, ugh. Maybe the season isn’t over already for Ant, Mom D and myself, but things aren’t looking great. I was the second highest scorer on the week and you can hardly notice down here in the cheap seats.
However, it is worth noting that last year, in week 7, Sam was mired in 8th place, a full 158 pts out of first. All he did over the rest of the season was average more than 147 pts a week and win his second Awesome Cup title. So don’t give up the ship yet.
Sunday afternoon football is back on Thursday night again with the Falcons and the Panthers this week, so … I guess set your lineups? I mean, there’s a few players on those teams you should be starting. But not most of them.
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