The start of the 2020 football season gave Philadelphia fans everything they should have expected from this monstrosity of a year. Here’s a quick recap of the weekend’s lowlights:
** The Eagles were outscored by 10 points and went 0-1 on the day. The Phillies were outscored by 8 runs but went 0-2 on the day.
** The Eagles had more yards lost to sacks on Sunday (62) than they had rushing yards of offense (57).
** Former Eagles WR Nelson Agholor had more receiving TDs (1) than the entire current Eagles WR corps (0).
** With their double-header double loss, the Phillies dropped to 3-9 in seven-inning games and lost their season series against the Marlins, a team that last finished with a winning record in 2009.
** The Eagles blew their biggest lead ever against the rival Maryland Footballers (long known to local fans as the MFers) by scoring the first 17 points of the game and failing to score after that.
** The Maryland team has now scored 27 or more points four times in their last 30 games. Three of those are against the Eagles.
I mean, I guess at least the Cowboys lost…
WR: Davante Adams, 29.40 pts — started by me
RB: Josh Jacobs, 32.37 pts — started by Mike
TE: Mark Andrews, 18.37 pts — started by Bob
K: Matt Prater, 12.00 pts — started by Ant
DEF: Baltimore, 18.00 pts — started by Jeff
D: Janoris Jenkins, 12.50 pts — on the wire
What a difference a year makes. In 2019, Packers QB Aaron Rodgers was being drafted in the first few rounds of fantasy drafts. I grabbed Baltimore QB Lamar Jackson in the 8th, he turned out to be the #2 scorer at his position on the year. In 2020, Jackson went in the first round and I grabbed Rodgers in the 8th round. He rewarded me with a #2 finish in week 1 (scoring 0.02 less than Wilson) and once again showed the folly of drafting a QB early.
Now, it won’t matter as much this year because stupid Yahoo decided to draft WR Michael Thomas (2.63 pts and an injury in week 1) one spot ahead of Jacobs, who outscored him by an entire Davante Adams this week. But it’s still a nice reminder.
Also, for the record, five different kickers scored 12.00 pts this week, but ain’t no one got time to care about which middling kicker was best.
“Bad starts” edition2nd place: (tie) Atlanta, -3.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: (tie) Carolina, -3.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Minnesota, -6.00 pts — started by Ant
Shed a little tear for the poor Vikings defense, owned in 83 percent of fantasy leagues and owners of the worst possible fantasy score in our league in their first week of work. The purple turnstyles surrendered 41 points, registered no sacks or turnovers, and offered no real resistance to their division rivals in Green Bay. On the positive side … it’s lovely in Minnesota this time of year.
Baltimore 5th-string RB Patrick Ricard took the lead for the worst fantasy performance of 2020 among skill players on Sunday, registering -1.40 pts on two touches (a 9-yard catch and a -5-yard rush with a fumble) in Sunday’s win. But with only four RBs and QB Lamar Jackson — the all-time single-season rushing QB — ahead of him on the depth chart, I’m sure he’ll get plenty of chances to fix that this year.
** From the Associated Press: Philadelphia Phillies right-hander Zack Wheeler ripped a fingernail putting on his pants, delaying his next start for two days and perhaps longer.
I mean, what else do you want me to say here? Their $118-million pitcher suffered a serious hand injury putting on pants. The Phillies playoff hopes rely on their #2 starter learning how to work pants. Zack Wheeler can’t figure out how pants work and he’s unquestionably better than 14 other pitchers on the Phillies roster.
This does, however, let me remind you of the worst baseball injury of all time: In 1990, Blue Jays OF Glenallen Hill, amid a nightmare about spiders, lept up from his nap and fell down on a glass table, causing cuts bad enough for him to miss a few games. No word if he was wearing pants at the time.
** Before the season started, ESPN ran 20,000 simulations of all 269 games this season and published the results to show how the season could play out. They went 10-6 in correctly picking the week 1 games. Dad reminded me to do our weekly picks about 10 minutes before the Kansas City game on Thursday night. I went 11-5 in correctly picking week 1 games.
Don’t get me wrong, it sure seems like ESPN put a lot of work and dedication into this. I just think maybe instead of working harder, they should try working better.
** Yes, the Thursday night game was once again “a Thursday presentation of Sunday night football.” Yes, it’s stupider every single time I hear it.
The first week of football featured the first-ever match-up of two 40-year-old QBs (Bucs QB Tom Brady, 43, and Saints QB Drew Brees, 41) and the game lived up to … the “meh” play you’d expect from two 40-year-old QBs. But fear not, there were a lot of other firsts to celebrate this weekend, including:
** For the first time in 22 years, the NFL season began without any Mannings playing QB in the league. Fortunately, Peyton still had 7,000 Nationwide Insurance commercials played during game breaks, otherwise we might forget who he is.
** Jason Garrett’s debut as the new Giants head coach culminated in a familiar result: The Cowboys lost again (not to the Giants, of course, they lost too.)
** Former Australian Rules Football player Jordan Mailata made his NFL debut on Sunday in the Eagles game. His short series on the field was one of the few times the offensive line did not tumble like a house of cards, so, good for him.
** Multiple teams played their first games ever without fans in the stands. The Bengals and Jaguars were not among them, as they have played in empty stadiums for years.
Another year, another new set of faces to welcome to the Dallas Cowboys roster and ultimately their eternal damnation. This year’s lucky first-round pick for hell is highly-touted wideout CeeDee Lamb, who was rumored to be on Eagles scouts’ radar. Instead, he ends up in the soulless desert of Texas, destined for failure and sadness. But does it have to be this way? Can his skill break the cycle? Will CeeDee bee the one to finally bring honor and respect to the silveer and bluee?
The answers, in order: Yes, no, and c’mon the extra eees are funny. For supporting evidence, see below:
Cowboys Dallas rookie WR CeeDee Lamb
** Crowd, be woe: A bad cookie, a smelly loser
And if you’re still not convinced …
WR CeeDee Lamb
** Mr. Debacle. Wee!
Tough deal. But we wish him nothing but the beeeest.
** At least one part of the football season started right — I went 3-1 against Dad in our weekly picks to take an early two-game lead in our head-to-head match up. If not for my misplaced faith in Carolina, it could have been a sweep. But given my overall lack of success in these predictions, I’ll take what I can get.
** Watching this weekend’s broadcasts, I was confused by the networks’ decision to keep broadcasters at least six-feet apart in the announcing booths. Last time I checked, COVID was contagious among humans, not slobbering, barking dogs. Maybe they’re worried about rabies?
** Due to conference postponements of the fall football season and individual game cancellations because of the pandemic, only 11 of the AP’s top 25 college football teams are scheduled to play this weekend. But sure, the top 25 still makes sense.
Week 1 standings
1 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 146.04 pts
2 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt Awesome), 132.65 pts
3 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 130.58 pts
4 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 127.18 pts
5 — The Mom Football TM (Mom D), 126.48 pts
6 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 125.66 pts
7 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 120.64 pts
8 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 119.05 pts
9 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 116.92 pts
10 — Short Term Optimism (Paul), 99.62 pts
11 — Ezekiel34 holdout (Joel), 71.28 pts
Strong opening week from Ant, despite costing himself 13 pts with the choice of the wrong defense on his bench. My garbage team played better than the trash they are to earn a second-place finish this week, and less than 12 pts separates third place from eighth.
On the other end of the spectrum, Yahoo’s golden pick for the best draft (Dad) couldn’t crack the top two-thirds of the standings, and Paul’s short term optimism may already be gone. But Joel’s squad takes the prize for the worst start of the season, underperforming Yahoo’s projections by more than 47 pts. This could be a rough season if he can’t turn it around right away.
But the season continues regardless. This Sunday’s game played on Thursday night is Bengals versus Browns, so get those rosters ready. Or don’t, because, really, nobody wants to watch that.
** For the first time in 22 years, the NFL season began without any Mannings playing QB in the league. Fortunately, Peyton still had 7,000 Nationwide Insurance commercials played during game breaks, otherwise we might forget who he is.
** Jason Garrett’s debut as the new Giants head coach culminated in a familiar result: The Cowboys lost again (not to the Giants, of course, they lost too.)
** Former Australian Rules Football player Jordan Mailata made his NFL debut on Sunday in the Eagles game. His short series on the field was one of the few times the offensive line did not tumble like a house of cards, so, good for him.
** Multiple teams played their first games ever without fans in the stands. The Bengals and Jaguars were not among them, as they have played in empty stadiums for years.
Another year, another new set of faces to welcome to the Dallas Cowboys roster and ultimately their eternal damnation. This year’s lucky first-round pick for hell is highly-touted wideout CeeDee Lamb, who was rumored to be on Eagles scouts’ radar. Instead, he ends up in the soulless desert of Texas, destined for failure and sadness. But does it have to be this way? Can his skill break the cycle? Will CeeDee bee the one to finally bring honor and respect to the silveer and bluee?
The answers, in order: Yes, no, and c’mon the extra eees are funny. For supporting evidence, see below:
Cowboys Dallas rookie WR CeeDee Lamb
** Crowd, be woe: A bad cookie, a smelly loser
And if you’re still not convinced …
WR CeeDee Lamb
** Mr. Debacle. Wee!
Tough deal. But we wish him nothing but the beeeest.
** At least one part of the football season started right — I went 3-1 against Dad in our weekly picks to take an early two-game lead in our head-to-head match up. If not for my misplaced faith in Carolina, it could have been a sweep. But given my overall lack of success in these predictions, I’ll take what I can get. ** Watching this weekend’s broadcasts, I was confused by the networks’ decision to keep broadcasters at least six-feet apart in the announcing booths. Last time I checked, COVID was contagious among humans, not slobbering, barking dogs. Maybe they’re worried about rabies?
** Due to conference postponements of the fall football season and individual game cancellations because of the pandemic, only 11 of the AP’s top 25 college football teams are scheduled to play this weekend. But sure, the top 25 still makes sense.
Week 1 standings
1 — The Slaymakers (Ant), 146.04 pts
2 — The XL Garbage Bags (Capt Awesome), 132.65 pts
3 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 130.58 pts
4 — Bird Immunity (Mike), 127.18 pts
5 — The Mom Football TM (Mom D), 126.48 pts
6 — 5th Grade Math (Jo), 125.66 pts
7 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 120.64 pts
8 — Pre-Recorded Boos (Bob), 119.05 pts
9 — Lataja Orly Lataja (Dad), 116.92 pts
10 — Short Term Optimism (Paul), 99.62 pts
11 — Ezekiel34 holdout (Joel), 71.28 pts
Strong opening week from Ant, despite costing himself 13 pts with the choice of the wrong defense on his bench. My garbage team played better than the trash they are to earn a second-place finish this week, and less than 12 pts separates third place from eighth.
On the other end of the spectrum, Yahoo’s golden pick for the best draft (Dad) couldn’t crack the top two-thirds of the standings, and Paul’s short term optimism may already be gone. But Joel’s squad takes the prize for the worst start of the season, underperforming Yahoo’s projections by more than 47 pts. This could be a rough season if he can’t turn it around right away.
But the season continues regardless. This Sunday’s game played on Thursday night is Bengals versus Browns, so get those rosters ready. Or don’t, because, really, nobody wants to watch that.
No comments:
Post a Comment