** Dallas is 1-6 against teams with a winning record this year. Philly has lost three games against last-place teams, and went into overtime against a fourth.
** Dallas is 3-7 in games outside the division. Philly is a much more respectable 4-6.
** Dallas QB Dak Prescott is second in the league in passing yards but only 12th in QB rating, thanks to a nearly one-to-two INT-to-TD ratio. Philly QB Carson Wentz is 17th in yards per game but only a few QB rating pts behind Prescott.
** Dallas had three wideouts in the top 50 of receiving yards this year, including WR Amari Cooper (8th). The Eagles have zero, but TE Zach Ertz is 28th among all pass catchers.
** Both teams are terrible. One will get a first-round home playoff game.
QB: Lamar Jackson, 47.09 pts — started by me
WR: Breshad Perriman, 28.33 pts — on the wire
RB: Kenyan Drake, 38.80 pts — started by Bob
TE: George Kittle, 15.43 pts — started by Mike
K: Kai Forbath, 18.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Minnesota, 28.00 pts — on Jeff’s bench
D: Stephon Gilmore, 13.00 pts — on the wire
Thursday night’s win by the Ravens was Jackson’s fourth 40-plus pts game of the season (and he had a 39.4 pt one too). On the season, he is 87 pts ahead of the second-place fantasy scorer (Desean Watson, 363.22 pts) and broke the single-season QB rushing record. If you drop all his QB stats, he’d be the 12th best RB in all of football (and that’s with zero receptions on his resume).
Kenyan Drake’s previous four weeks with the Cardinals: 170 rushing yds, no TDs, 30.1 fantasy pts
Kenyan Drake on Sunday: 137 rushing yds, 4 TDs, 38.80 fantasy pts
Way to show up for the fantasy playoffs, man.
“Defenses we own” edition
3rd place: Chicago, 1.00 pts — started by Bob
2nd place: Cleveland, -4.00 pts — started by Sam
1st place: LA Rams, -6.00 pts — on Sam’s bench
It’s not often you can say starting a defense worth -4.00 pts is the right call, but you don’t always get complete incompetence like the Rams had this week: 44 pts allowed, no sacks, no turnovers, no life. LA was averaging 14 fantasy pts over the last seven weeks. Against the Cowboys this week, they were tissue paper instead.
Shout out to the Eagles defense, which was worth zero points until the final play of the game, where a fumble recovery and return TD turned in into an eight-point week, just enough to give my opponent enough to knock me out of the fantasy playoffs in my other league. It’s bad enough when the Iggles take years off my life, now they’re taking money out of my pocket too.
** Story in the Philly Inquirer on Saturday: “One of doze games: Sixers sleepwalk up to second place … The team dozed off after a 39-point first quarter but awakened in time to emerge with an unimpressive 116-109 victory over the struggling Pelicans. But a win is a win, no matter how it looks, right? ‘No,’ Sixers coach Brett Brown said.”
Wait, the team won, right? This made it sound like a messy massacre. I’m not sure that a 14th consecutive win at home counts as something to mourn.
** During this week’s special Sunday presentation of Sunday Night Football, as the Bills drove inside the red zone for the first time, NBC talking head Cris Collinsworth gave this deep analysis of Buffalo QB Josh Allen: “What the Steelers need to remember is that he is more of a threat down here with his legs, maybe even more than his arm.”
Maybe more than his arm? What was my other option, if not that? “As a QB, the Steelers need to worry about Allen’s running ability here, much more than his personality or social media savvy.” Of course you meant his arm, Collinsworth.
For the record, one play later Allen rushed in for a TD. I guess the Steelers were more worried about his smile.
** NFL.com headline on Monday night: “Drew Brees breaks all-time TD record”
Unwritten sub-head: “By throwing one more TD pass than retired Peyton Manning and two more than Tom Brady, who will probably break the record again next week and we’ll celebrate all over again like this never happened.”
“I Love LA” Bowl — Rams vs Chargers
Both of the postseason hopefuls from the capitol of southern California will likely miss the playoffs, so why not have an exhibition to show what could have been? Even if it’s an exhibition, the crowd is likely to be as lethargic as any other LA game.
“MVP Healthcare” Bowl — Steelers vs Jags
Both of these teams are going to sit out the postseason because of injuries to their start QBs. Why not capitalize on that? Bring Ben Rothlisberger and Nick Foles to midfield for the coin toss, then watch them both limp off to make way for the remains of their teams.
“Collision Auto Care” Bowl — Bucs vs. Bears
The Bucs have a top-three offense and no chance to make the playoffs. The Bears have a top-three defense and will also spend January at home. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Let’s find out. Plus, it’ll be extra fun to watch the miserable Bear offense try and score against the fragile Bucs defense.
“Aspen Dental” Bowl — Jets vs Dolphins
These teams split their two regular season meetings, accounting for one-third of their combined six victores. So it’s obvious we need a rubber match. Aspen Dental is the obvious sponsor because watching this would be only slightly more exciting than a root canal.
Mitch Hyatt was an undrafted free agent signed by the Cowboys at the start of the year who defied expectations to make the squad. How did he impress the coaches? Officially, they said it was his play in practice, but a closer look at the letters in his name shows that it was more his character that drew the staff to him:
Rookie Left Tackle Mitch Hyatt
** Flattery: Like to hit, cheat, mock
For the record, Mitch Hyatt also anagrams to “cat hit myth” which was also his response when he was charged with animal cruelty in college.
** Another week, another split with Dad. I remain five games back and our weekly record drops/jumps/ties to 1-5-9. Honestly, I cannot remember a time where we were so evenly split on the picks.Even when we’re close, it’s usually because one of us picks up a few one week and loses ground the next. This malaise is new and unwelcome.
** The Army/Navy game on Saturday featured a huge game from star Navy QB Malcom Perry, who had 304 rushing yards, two rushing TDs and … 0 passing yards.
Navy did actually have one completed pass play, a one-yard TD, but that was thrown by WR Chance Warren. Army managed three pass completions for the game and 25 passing yards, so the would have won if the game had been played in an era where passing still mattered.
Week 15 standings
1 — McCown or Never (Capt. Awesome), 1943.92 pts
2 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1932.86 pts
3 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 1899.22 pts
4 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 1704.11 pts
5 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1687.27 pts
6 — Peabody and Sherman (Dad), 1659.47 pts
7 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1639.03 pts
8 — Requiem for a Season (Paul), 1637.24 pts
9 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1608.53 pts
10 — Philly Special (Jo), 1603.40 pts
11 — Ezekiel34 holdout (Joel), 1489.68 pts
12 — I love the Cowboys (Joey McDeadaccount), 32.93 pts
There are still two weeks left in the season, but I think we can make it official: Joey McDeadaccount will not win the Awesome Cup this season.
In fact, it looks like only three of us have a chance to hoist the trophy, but what a race it is. Sam, Mike and I are all separated by just 45 pts (also known as one Lamar Jackson week). The gap between third and fourth is almost 200 pts, so it looks like we already know who are medal winners will be. But what order will they finish? Me first, Sam second and Mike third? Or me first, Mike second and Sam third? The possibilities are … well, just those two possibilities, really.
The four, five and six spots similarly could flip, and places seven through 10 are all up for grabs. It’s about pride, people finish strong and don’t tank hoping for a better draft pick next year (because that process is already all garbled up).
The tyranny of Thursday Night Football is finished for the year, to be replaced by a special Saturday edition of Thursday Night Football. First game is 1pm Saturday, Bucs vs. Texans. Get your rosters set early.
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