-- Eagles TE Zach Ertz is on pace to collect 1,304 yds receiving this year (326 yds through four games), which would be less than 25 yds off the current record for his position. He also has a catches line of 8-5-8-5 through those four games, putting him on pace for 8 catches next week.
-- Cowboys DE Demarcus Lawrence is on pace for 30 sacks this season (7.5 through four games), which would break the single-season record by 7.5 sacks. He’s also on pace for a steroid test in week six.
-- The Indianapolis Colts are on pace to allow 544 pts this season (136 pts through four games), which would break the single season record by a safety and three field goals. And somehow they are still allowing 60 yards fewer a game than the worst defense by yardage, the Patriots at 456 yds allowed per game.
-- Giants QB Eli Manning is on pace to finish 0-16 this year. He’s also on pace to cry about it every five minutes or so.
QB: Deshaun Watson, 41.72 pts — on the wireWR: Devin Funchess, 20.17 pts — on the wire
RB: Le'Veon Bell, 31.20 pts — started by Ant
TE: Tyler Kroft, 19.53 pts — on the wire
K: Greg Zuerlein, 27.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Seattle, 22.00 pts — started by Jo
D: Dylan Cole, 12.00 pts — on the wire
Not our best work this weekend, but at least we didn’t get shut out like the Dolphins.
Texans rookie QB Watson’s five TDs on Sunday gave him more points than QBs Mike Glennon, Joe Flacco, Jay Cutler and Sam Bradford has totaled so far this season. Not bad for the third QB picked in the draft. For the record, the first two still haven’t seen the field.
“Bad people” edition
3rd place: Chicago, -4.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Matt Cassel, -4.66 pts — on the wire
1st place: Dallas, -5.00 pts — on the wire
Every week it seems like we get a worse passing performance than the week before, and this week it was the turn for the Titans’ backup QB. Cassel went 4 for 10 for 21 yds, with a fumble, two INTs and no TDs. That’s a season-worst 8.33 QB rating, far below the (stop me if you’ve heard this before) 36.6 QB rating you recorded by dropping the remote off your couch on Sunday (1 attempt, no yds, TDs or INTs).
And, yeah, that’s bad. But even worse is if you reverse his stats and assume he was playing for the other team. Then his line was 2 for 10 for 28 yds, with a TD and four interceptions, and a QB rating of 33.33. So he was almost four times better as a QB for the Texans defense than he was for his own team.
Also, Dallas sucks.
** During the Eagles radio broadcast on Sunday, broadcaster Scott Graham took over the halftime scoreboard update duties and got in a conversation with one of the field reporters about the NFL protest controversy. When asked his opinion, he relayed this anecdote:
“I know someone who was at the game last Sunday, and before they kicked that 61-yard field goal there were a couple of fans in the seats who got in a fight, throwing haymakers at each other. But after they made that field goal, the same guys were high-fiving and singing. I think that’s what the NFL is really all about.”
So … the NFL is really about unprompted violence and erratic mood swings? And success covering up fundamental, disturbing issues?
Actually, now that I typed that out, yeah, I can see it.
** The Washington Post runs a college football top 25 round up every Sunday morning to let fans know what happened the day before. This week was particularly helpful: The half-page feature listed eight of the 25 teams as “late -- no result,” five as “bye week -- did not play” and three more as Friday night results. But, hey, good use of space there.
** During the Monday night football game, the Kansas City fans started doing the Atlanta Braves’ mock Native American cheer, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out it was for the Chiefs or their opponent, the Maryland Indian Racial Slurs. You might want to shift to a clearer message, folks.
If the playoffs started today ...
AFC #1 seed: Chiefs
Other division winners: Bills, Steelers, Jaguars
Wildcards: Broncos, Raiders
NFC #1 seed: Eagles
Other division winners: Lions, Rams, Panthers
Wildcards: Falcons, Panthers
Teams missing the post-season: Patriots, Cowboys, Seahawks, Titans
Top four draft picks: 49ers, Giants, Chargers, Browns
Number of games cancelled because of a premature end to the season: 194
Estimated tickets which would have to be refunded: 51.6 million
Estimated lost revenue due to refunds: $8.88 billion
Weeks off between the new end of the regular season and the Super Bowl: 17
I mentioned it earlier, but Cowboys DE Demarcus Lawrence is on an incredible pace on defense so far this year. His 7.5 sacks are the most in the league by two, and have many wondering if he can sustain the pace all year. Of course he can’t, because the performance-enhancing drugs he and the rest of the team use regularly will be exposed sooner or later.Oh, you don’t believe that he’s cheating? Then why does his name clearly spell out that he is?
Dallas sack machine Demarcus “Tank” Lawrence
** Drunks can call, rednecks mew. Alas, I am a cheat.
Pretty clear evidence right there. Give him a six-game suspension and make him serve it now, not in 20 years like Zeke Elliot’s supposed punishment.
** The Phillies finished their 2017 campaign with a 66-96 record, five games worse than 2016 and the third-worst record in all of baseball. On the plus side, they were 37-38 in the second half of the season and 39-37 against the NL East. On the minus side, they still finished with an awful record. ** Dad won the week, securing the only game we had different (stupid Vikings). That leaves him two down after four weeks. Also, that game featured Minnesota RB Davlin Cook blowing out his knee, and since he was on both of my pay-league fantasy teams, it leaves me dead in the water for the year.
Week 4 standings 1 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant) — 503.22 pts
2 — Gronky Tonk Man (Joel) — 475.95 pts
3 — Animal Crackers (Mom D) — 457.69 pts
4 — Foles me Wentz (Capt. Awesome) — 455.57 pts
5 — Foles v. Sproles (Jo) — 417.22 pts
6 — Dat CTE Lyfe (Sam) — 407.86 pts
7 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) — 406.06 pts
8 — ThePigskin Predators (Dad) — 397.98 pts
9 — Cosby's Sleepers (Mike) — 382.65 pts
10 — Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim) — 379.02 pts
11 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob) — 343.53 pts
12 — SmartyPants on Fire (Paul) — 336.26 pts
Wait, how did Anthony get up there?
Much like the NFL, we’ve got a few distinct groups forming in the standings here. We’ve got our “Chiefs” tier, with four teams all close to the top. We’ve got our “Falcons” tier, with teams from 5 to 8 all still in the mix but showing some flaws. And we’ve got our “Bears” tier, with the bottom third of the league starting to fall out of the mix.
Just be thankful none of you are in the “Giants” tier and already eliminated from the playoffs.
No London game to worry about this week, but bye weeks start this Sunday. Remember to swap out those resting defenses, unless you have to pick up the Patriots D, in which case it’s probably better not to start anyone at all.
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