** Jan 30 -- Wing Bowl 23. This may be the only day of the next 10 weeks where local sports radio isn’t complaining about the Eagles.
** Feb 20 -- Phillies spring training begins. This may be the last day in 2015 the team is at or above .500.
** April 13 -- NHL playoffs begin. If the Flyers can grab a post-season spot, it will be only the third playoff appearance by a major Philly sports team in four years.
** April 18 -- NBA playoffs begin. The Sixers will not be participating.
** April 30 -- NFL draft. Thanks to their high-but-not-high-enough win total, the Eagles will likely pick 20th, the worst of any non-playoff team.
** May 1 - Nov 14 -- Nothing, really.
** Nov 15: Week 11 of the 2015 NFL season. If the Eagles have 7 wins or more, they might be worth believing in then. Maybe.
Coming next week: Our 2016 Philadelphia sports fans schedule, where the faithful can dream of having two local teams make the playoffs. Maybe.
QB: Russell Wilson, 40.36 pts -- started by Joanner WR: Odell Beckham Jr., 29.66 pts -- started by Dad
RB: C.J. Anderson, 25.97 pts -- started by Jim
TE: Antonio Gates, 25.13 pts -- started by Paul
K: Randy Bullock, 19.00 pts -- on the wire
DEF: Atlanta, 22.00 pts -- started by Paul
D: Antoine Bethea, 12.50 pts -- on the wire
Paul gave up on his fantasy team months ago, but his team didn’t give up on him. He had two top performers for the week and saw his squad post 120 pts, the first time he has broken triple digits since week 5. It’s been a rough season...
“More defenses” edition
3rd place: St. Louis, -1.00 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Indianapolis, -3.00 pts -- started by Sam
1st place: Arizona, -5.00 pts -- started by Jim
Combined with Dad’s zero pts from the Minnesota D, we had three coaches start defenses that totaled -8.00 pts. That’s bad. Not like Eagles secondary bad, but bad.
When the Panthers eked out a victory over the Browns on Sunday, the Carolina radio crew announced that the NFC South title would come down to next week’s finale against the Atlanta Falcons (in Hotlanta). “What a crazy season, and it’s only fitting that a spot in the playoffs would come down to the final week.”
“Fitting” was not the first word that came to my mind. “Pathetic,” “ridiculous,” and “unfair” hopped in there first.
The final game pits the 6-8-1 Panthers against the 6-9 Falcons for a guaranteed home game. Meanwhile, the Eagles -- who beat the Panthers by 24 points and will finish no worse than two games ahead of them in the standings -- are already making their golf plans for January.
So, don’t try and feed me that one of these teams falling backwards into the playoffs is “fitting.” Infuriating, perhaps. An affront to decency and the Christmas spirit, sure. But not “fitting.”
What some of your favorite NFL notables are asking for this Christmas:
** Peyton Manning -- A brand new football, preferably one of those kinds that used to fly all the way into the end zone for him.
** Bradley Fletcher -- A chainsaw on a pole, so maybe he could defend one of those passes he’s always way out of position on.
** Bill Belichick -- A chalice of puppy blood, just like the one he drinks every morning.
** Tony Romo -- The Cowboys second playoff win of the last 19 years. The only other one came in 2009.
** Joe Flacco -- A time machine, to go back a few years to when he was good.
** Roger Goodell -- Three french hens, two turtle doves, and one week without a controversy.
** JJ Watt -- Red meat. Or at least one more person to hit today.
The Eagles’ impressive choke job down the stretch handed the division title to the Dallas Cowboys for the first time in five years (and only the third time in the last 17 years). It’s a proud week for the spawns of Satan, but what does that playoff berth and NFC East championship really mean? Just look at the words, my friends.Dallas Cowboys grab their eighteenth NFC East crown
** Bench has a lone, crying fact: the world gets a bit worse
It’s all fun and games until you realize Dallas gets to call the year a success, which means mankind has failed once again.
** One week left, down four to Dad. I’m not mathematically eliminated from the playoffs yet, but I’m gonna need a lot of help.
** Despite the craziness each week this year, only two playoff spots are up for grabs in the final week of the season. Either the Panthers or Falcons get the last open NFC spot, and the Chargers-Ravens-Texans-Chiefs can get the last AFC spot. And yet none of the NFC playoff seeding is set, and only the Patriots (#1 seed overall) are set in the AFC. Weird year.
** Seriously, though, what the hell are we gonna watch for the next 10 months? Ugh. Fantasy baseball league to distract ourselves? Anyone else wanna volunteer for 25 weekly recaps?
I'm not serious. I don't think. Maybe, though? We'd need 8 people for a league...
Week 16 standings 1 --- Ouch My Zach Ertz --- 2248.82 pts
2 --- Stewie Griffins Head --- 2225.01 pts
3 --- Gettin' Chippy --- 2212.91 pts
4 --- Sheldon's Big Money --- 2198.42 pts
5 --- The Maltese Falcons --- 2064.25 pts
6 --- Tickle me Romo --- 2054.68 pts
7 --- Blue Collar Killers --- 1954.40 pts
8 --- Show Me Your TDs --- 1916.81 pts
9 --- Car full of Clowneys --- 1895.68 pts
10 --- king hippo --- 1879.64 pts
11 --- I Mildly Like WRs --- 1509.25 pts
The top of the league is clear: Mike has a solid but unspectacular lead heading into the final weekend, but Dad, Joanna and Jim still have a shot at getting their name on the Awesome Cup.
So, since we’ll be focusing on the winner after next week, let’s look at what’s at stake for the rest of the league. Paul has last place locked up, but Sam, Joel, and Ant are all in a vicious fight to see who’s team is terrible and which one is truly, truly terrible. Jeff has the 7 spot all but guaranteed, and Bob and I are in a fierce battle to see who should be more disappointed with finishing outside the top four.
Ten losers will be crowned one week from today. It really is the most wonderful time of the year.
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