** Roger Goodell: That no running backs have committed a felony so far this week.
** Eli Manning: That Blake Bortles throws interceptions even faster than he does.
** Detroit Lions: That Oakland’s win keeps them in the record books, even if it’s as the only 0-16 team in NFL history.
** Nick Foles: That Mark Sanchez will never be able to live down that butt fumble.
** Tom Brady: That the devil re-upped his contract mid-season, instead of waiting until the end of the year.
** Cleveland Browns: That the Ohio State Buckeyes have been secretly playing for them on Sundays this year.
** Peyton Manning: That the super glue holding his neck together is still holding on.
** Robert Griffin: That no matter how bad it gets, he still doesn’t look as dopey as Eli.
QB: Peyton Manning, 36.08 pts -- started by Dad WR: Demaryius Thomas, 33.80 pts -- started by Jeff
RB: Justin Forsett, 32.73 pts -- on Sam’s bench
TE: Jimmy Graham, 21.13 pts -- started by Sam
K: Cody Parkey, 21.00 pts -- started by Dad
DEF: Buffalo, 29.00 pts -- started by Dad
D: Janoris Jenkins, 12.00 pts -- on the wire
Denver/Denver in the top two top performer slots. Yeah, I’m sick of it too.
But how about that Cody Parkey? His 19 points this weekend (5 FGs, 4 XPs) were better than 8 teams’ totals (and equaled the Seahawks output) and made him the third-best fantasy kicker of the year so far. Not bad for a guy who showed up the last week of training camp.
In related news Alex Henery still only has one FG made this season.
“More bad defenses” edition
3rd place: Miami, -3.00 pts -- on my bench
2nd place: Denver, -3.00 pts -- started by Bobert
1st place: NY Jets, -5.00 pts -- on the wire
Difference between the Jets defense and their Monday opponents, the Buffalo defense? a mere 34 fantasy pts. And 35 actual pts on the scoreboard.
Top fantasy defense on the year so far? That would be those pesky Philadelphia Eagles and their 10 return TDs (and five blocked kicks) with 174 fantasy pts. The worst? Those Jets again, who are worth almost four times less (47 pts) than the birds.
The Atlanta Falcons were favored in Vegas against the Cleveland Browns on Sunday, because the Falcons were a first-place team and the Browns only second in their division.
Of course, that ignores that the Falcons were 4-6 coming into the game and the Browns 6-4, but who am I to argue with Vegas betting lines?
Browns won the game, by the way.
With five weeks left in the season, here’s a few of the stranger things that could happen in the NFL this season:
-- The NFC could send a sub-.500 team to the playoffs and leave an 11-win team at home.
** The conference has a 9-win team, three 8-win teams and three 7-win teams. Two of them won’t make the post-season, and the NFC South winner (where all the teams have losing records) will get a home playoff game.
-- Demarco Murray could rush for 2,000 yards, and win the rushing title by 600 yards.
** He’s on pace for 1,970 yards right now, and no one else in the league is on pace for more than 1,400.
-- Peyton Manning could throw for 50 TDs and not win the MVP.
** Aaron Rodgers is on pace for 44 TDs but has only thrown 3 INTs on the season, six fewer than Peyton. Rodgers has 186 more rushing yds than Peyton too. Both of their teams are 8-3.
-- 25 wideouts could eclipse 1,000 receiving yds this year.
** The league had 24 last season, but could surpass that if this crop of WRs keep up their current paces. It would be the most in over a decade.
-- The Chiefs could have no long touchdown plays this year.
** Through 11 games, Kansas City has zero TD plays of 40 yds or more.
Huge game for the Cowpokes and Eagles on Thursday, as the winner essentially gets a two-game lead in the NFC East standings and the loser gets cold, spoiling leftovers. But clearly the outcome has already been decided, anagram style:
Dallas Cowboys game on Thanksgiving Day
** Thy vow: Damn lying sacks go bad, lose again
Philadelphia Eagles game on Thanksgiving Day
** A glad tiding: Evil men’s play has age peak, no high
There you go: Evil boys lose, noble Eagles prevail. Enjoy your turkey with a side of Dallas tears.
** Dad regained his footing, gained one more game in our weekly standings. He’s now up two for the season, but this is one of our closest contests in years. That’ll make it all the more painful when I choke down the stretch.
** Three Thursday games this week, so remember to set your rosters tomorrow night. You’re gonna be snowed in anyway...
Week 12 standings 1 --- Stewie Griffins Head --- 1719.12 pts
2 --- Ouch My Zach Ertz --- 1687.95 pts
3 --- Sheldon's Big Money --- 1647.01 pts
4 --- Tickle me Romo --- 1625.30 pts
5 --- Gettin' Chippy --- 1558.56 pts
6 --- The Maltese Falcons --- 1553.55 pts
7 --- Blue Collar Killers --- 1478.05 pts
8 --- king hippo --- 1438.19 pts
9 --- Show Me Your TDs --- 1416.52 pts
10 --- Car full of Clowneys --- 1408.49 pts
11 --- I Mildly Like WRs --- 1130.35 pts
Huge, huge week for Dad, who topped the rarely-seen 200-pts barrier this week to vault comfortably into first place. My squad dropped out of the top three for the first time all season, slipping dangerously toward Joanna territory, down in the middle muck of the league.
It’s worth noting that Dad also has all but wrapped up the league title for most roster moves. He’s already got 37 -- second place is myself and Ant, with less than half that total. But if Bill Belichick has taught us anything over the years, it’s that loyalty doesn’t win you championships, ruthless personnel moves do.
Let that be a lesson to you -- “Team” is just another way to spell “meat.”
1 comment:
I gladly accept the award for most moves in a season. I'm just glad we are not playing for money where it might cost $1-$2 per move.
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