New nickname possibilities for Mark “butt fumble” Sanchez after Monday night’s big win:
** Mark “no fumbles” Sanchez
** Mark “Jets fuel” Sanchez
** Mark “Thank you, Chip Kelly” Sanchez
** Mark “Napoleon Dynomark” Sanchez
** Mark “Not Mike Vick” Sanchez
** Mark “butt fumble, but winning” Sanchez
QB: Aaron Rodgers, 48.60 pts -- started by Bobert WR: Dez Bryant, 28.53 pts -- started by Paul
RB: Marshawn Lynch, 40.53 pts -- started by me
TE: Jimmy Graham, 27.07 pts -- started by Sam
K: Mason Crosby, 15.00 pts -- started by Jo
DEF: Eagles, 32.00 pts -- started by Ant
D: Bradley Fletcher, 12.50 pts -- on the wire
So close to our first perfect slate of the year...
For the record, in another fantasy league I’m in, I have Rodgers, Lynch, the Eagles defense and WR Jordan Matthews (the #2 wideout on the week). They combined for 18 TDs this week and 142 fantasy pts. No other team in the league topped 140 pts. So, I had a pretty good week.
“Position players we own” edition
3rd place: Knile Davis, -0.57 pts -- started by Ant
2nd place: Shonn Greene, -1.50 pts -- started by Joel
1st place: Andy Dalton, -1.76 pts -- on Sam’s bench
Dalton, who threw three INTs and went 10 of 33 passing, registered a QB rating of 2.0. Somehow I feel like that’s worse than getting a zero.
On the season, Packers QB Matt Flynn still has the worst fantasy score so far, with a -2.54 pts over four appearances this season. But don’t sleep on Raiders backup QB Matt Schaub, who has attempted just one pass on the year and seen it picked off, for a -2.00 pts score. If he can just get more opportunities…
Stupidest thing I saw this week was also the week’s funniest and best indictment of football experts. NFL.com put out its Sunday injury report with the following fantasy football commentary:
** Calvin Johnson: (active) He's a must-start in all leagues because he's Calvin Johnson.
** Jimmy Graham: (active) Start him. He's Jimmy Graham.
** Aaron Rodgers: (active) You're starting him in fantasy, end of story.
You know what? That’s really all you need. Forget the hours of fantasy programming on TV. Forget the arbitrary ESPN rankings of every player at every position. Forget Yahoo’s BS projected stats for every player.
In the end, they’re all guesses, and all I need to know are which guys are healthy. And especially with these guys, who you’re starting no matter what the stats say their lifetime yards per rush average is on grass fields in 4pm games west of the Mississippi.
For the record, Yahoo’s scoring predictions for nine of my 11 position players were off by more than 5 fantasy pts. One of the ones they got right was Montee Ball, who was projected to score and did score zero pts, because he was hurt.
** On Sunday, the 49ers defeated the Saints in overtime. The win put the 49ers at 5-4, third place in the NFC West. The loss put the Saints at 4-5, first place in the NFC South.
** SMU QB Matt Davis passed for 212 yards, rushed for 181 yards, scored three TDs and lost to Tulsa 38-28 on Sunday. Tulsa’s entire team had 108 more yards than Davis alone.
** The Bears defense surrendered 49 pts in Sunday’s 55-14 loss to the Packers, but were worst 2 fantasy pts thanks to a kickoff return for TD. Tennessee gave up four fewer TDs, but were still worth only 2 fantasy pts.
** The Maryland Racial slurs are 7th in the league in yards per game, 18th in points per game. The Packers are 12th in yards per game but 5th in points per game. The DC-area team is 3-6. The Green Bay team is 6-3.
** Steeler QB Ben Roethlisberger threw 12 TDs in his previous two games coming into Sunday’s contest against the Jets. He threw one TD pass in the loss. Jets QB Mike Vick had thrown 8 TDs in his previous 12 games coming into Sunday. He threw two TDs in the win.
** Eli Manning still has two Super Bowl rings.
Cowboys QBs Tony Romo and Brandon Weeden have grabbed all the headlines this year, but what about their new third-string passer? How come we don’t hear about him?
Answer: because he reveals too much about how evil the Dallas squad is. Consider:
Dallas Cowboys Rookie QB Dustin Vaughan
**Deviant squad bullish on crooks. Gob away
Cowboys Rookie Dustin Vaughan
**Sicko boon: We thud your vaginas
QB Dustin Vaughan
**Vanquish bat dung
Had to get another poop joke in there.
** Picked up another game on Dad in the weekly predictions, thanks to his misguided faith in the Bills. Just two games behind now with the heart of the season to go. I’m like the Seahawks, but with a chance of winning big this year.
** By the way, the Eagles only have two healthy passers on their active roster right now, so WR Brad Smith was the Eagles emergency QB on Monday night (and likely will be again next week). He’s got 1 TD, 2 INTs, and a QB rating of 50.4 over eight years worth of trick plays.
Eagles backup QB Matt Barkley has no TDs, 4 INTs, 3 fumbles and a QB rating of 43.8 over his two years in the league.
Might want to flip those two in the pecking order…
** There’s a Thursday night game this week, because the NFL hates you.
Week 10 standings 1 --- Tickle me Romo --- 1396.80 pts
2 --- Sheldon's Big Money --- 1389.67 pts
3 --- Ouch My Zach Ertz --- 1386.46 pts
4 --- Stewie Griffins Head --- 1368.87 pts
5 --- The Maltese Falcons --- 1318.23 pts
6 --- Gettin' Chippy --- 1272.98 pts
7 --- Blue Collar Killers --- 1254.74 pts
8 --- Show Me Your TDs --- 1205.77 pts
9 --- king hippo --- 1183.87 pts
10 --- Car full of Clowneys --- 1150.67 pts
11 --- I Mildly Like WRs --- 969.62 pts
Well well well … look who’s back on top.
An inspired 175-pts week by my squad puts me back in the pole position for the league, but less than 30 pts ahead of Dad in 4th place. That’s almost as tight a race as the AFC North. Now we have to decide which one of us is the team with the criminals (the Ravens), the team with the criminals (Big Ben and the Steelers), the team with the criminals (the Bengals), or the Browns.
Joanna and Jeff seem to be slipping away from the upper tier of the league, both 120-plus pts out of 1st. And Paul still hasn’t crossed the 1,000-pts mark for the season yet, but he hasn’t fielded a full roster in weeks, so he’s the Oakland Raiders.
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