Denrve Broncos skirt and pants: I know the NFL says this says “Denver” but maybe the spelling problem is just because of the concussions.
Oakland track suit: No children should be made to wear Raiders anything, unless they’re in time-out.
Dolphins glow in the dark pacifier: Give your sleeping baby that nice blue radioactive glow.
Headless 49ers onesie: The picture on the outfit is headless, not the baby, but either way it’s kind of horrifying.
Tony Romo baby jersey: Warning -- choking hazard
QB: Aaron Rodgers, 35.14 pts -- started by Bobert WR: Jordy Nelson, 28.93 pts -- started by Ant
RB: Knile Davis, 27.63 pts -- on the wire
TE: Antonio Gates, 31.40 pts -- on Paul’s bench
K: Dan Bailey, 19.00 pts -- started by Ant
DEF: New England, 30.00 pts -- started by Mike
D: Chandler Jones, 17.00 pts -- on the wire
Second week in a row that a TE and DEF outperformed the top RB and WR. That’s either a sign of the ever-changing nature of NFL game plans, or a coincidence.
“Bottom feeders” edition
3rd place: Justin Brown, -0.60 pts -- on the wire
2nd place: Miami, -1.00 pts -- on the wire
1st place: Jacksonville, -3.00 pts -- on the wire
In other news, the Giants still stink. In two weeks of work, their defense is worth zero points. At this pace, they’ll … well, zero points isn’t really a pace.
Nameless ESPN reporter, talking about news that QB Robert Griffin dislocated his ankle and will be on the bench for a while:
“They still don’t know how long he’ll be out, but it was definitely good news for Washington.”
I think he was saying the severity of the injury wasn’t as bad as they feared, and he could be back sometime this year. But I like my reading better: It’s great news that he’ll miss at least some games, and hopefully he’ll never return.
Heck, that’s what the locals are saying anyways. You think Philly is the only town that can turn on a superstar for no good reason?
** Sproles is the second fastest player in the NFL, averaging 976 mph on his sprints. The fastest is Eli Manning, who sucks at the speed of light.
** As an infant, Sproles was 5-6 and ran at 976 mph. Only his football awareness has changed over the years.
** Seriously, did you see that TD run?
** Sproles has been let go/traded by two teams over the course of his career. Those teams are idiots.
In keeping with this week’s baby theme, I’m just gonna zero in on how much Cowboys players inherently hate kids. Consider:
Dallas Seventh-Round Rookie Nose Tackle Ken Bishop
** No honor, no peace: Evader bloke hunts, kills, eats kids
This isn’t the first kid-eating anagram I’ve discovered, and it won’t be the last. These guys really, really, really hate children.
**.Dad picked up two games in the weekly picks this week, but in fairness my picks got done while Joanna was in labor. I was a miserable 5-10 as a result. But even I wasn’t foolish enough to pick the Patriots over the Vikings like certain other parents of mine...
** Ohio State won 66-0 on Saturday and dropped one spot in the AP poll (from 22 to 23). Because Virginia Tech (their previous loss) lost to unranked East Carolina. Also, because college football rankings suck.
** My favorite headline of the weekend: Football moves up to 21 in the AP top 25. Honestly, I would have put football in the top 10 of football rankings. Still below the SEC, of course.
Week 2 standings 1 --- Tickle me Romo (Capt. Awesome) --- 295.39 pts
2 --- Blue Collar Killers (Jeff) --- 281.93 pts
3 --- Sheldon's Big Money (Jim) --- 272.96 pts
4 --- The Maltese Falcons (Bobert) --- 270.57 pts
5 --- Show Me Your TDs (Ant) --- 259.10 pts
6 --- Stewie Griffins Head (Dad) --- 254.16 pts
7 --- Gettin' Chippy (Jo) --- 241.35 pts
8 --- Ouch My Zach Ertz (Mike) --- 240.07 pts
9 --- king hippo (Sam) --- 238.18 pts
10 --- I Mildly Like WRs (Paul) --- 222.05 pts
11 --- Car full of Clowneys (Joel) --- 218.80 pts
Another week, same name atop the standings.
Several big point totals left on the bench this weekend. Paul left 47 pts on his bench, and Sam would have approached a 200-pt week if not for the 61 wasted pts on his.
Joanna left 31 pts on her bench, mostly in the form of Darren Sproles, and used the lame excuse of Sunday morning labor for her poor performance. She’ll do anything to cover up her bad coaching.
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