Fantasy football recap, week 16

        Tis the season, so let's start with ...

Christmas gifts I got this year
** An Eagles birdhouse. It has uprights on the front for visitors to perch on and a scoreboard showing the birds winning 16-0 on the side.
** The Wordsworth Dictionary of Anagrams. Next time I'm looking for an anagram for "unsainted" I'll be able to come up with "inundates" much quicker.
** An interception by Dawkins to help the Eagles retake the NFC East lead. Although, I'd like to think that all of my shouting helped too.

Top performers
QB: Mark Bulger, 42.22 points -- started by Heidi
RB: Steven Jackson, 37.20 points -- started by Eric
WR: Marvin Harrison, 27.27 points -- started by Joanna
TE: Chris Cooley, 18.13 points -- started by Jim
K: Ryan Lindell, 18.00 points -- started by Jim
DEF: Tampa Bay, 31.00 points -- sitting on Jeff's bench
        Way to blow it, Jeff. We could have had all the top guys started if you would have played along. Christmas is ruined for everyone.

Worst performers, guys who fumbled and did nothing else
First place (tie): Miles Austin, -2.00 points -- on the waiver wire
First place (tie): Troy Walters, -2.00 points -- on the waiver wire
First place (tie): Chad Morton, -2.00 points -- on the waiver wire
        The stat line for all three reads: Zero rushing yards, zero receiving yards, zero TDs, one fumble on a kickoff return.

Andy Reid blown call of the week award
        A special holiday award goes to NBC, who decided to structure most of their NFL broadcast around the Dallas Cowboys this week -- numerous shots of Dallas players' kids, new Tony Romo girlfriend Carrie Underwood, clips of T.O. from practice -- and had little to show in the way of off-the-field video when the Eagles pulled away with the game. Thanks for assuming it was going to be a blowout the other way, guys.
        Honorable mention goes to Jeff, who left 41 points on his bench, 30 of them by starting the Indy defense (one point) over the Bucs D (31 points).

Funniest stat lines of the week
** TE Jeremy Shockey: Two receptions, -3 yards.
** WR Steve Smith: One rush, -5 yards, zero catches.
** QB Mike Vick: Over 1,022 yards rushing for the year, zero chance at making the playoffs.

Smartest thing I heard this week
        Since the stupidest things I heard this week were all Eagles fans saying "I knew this team would get to the playoffs!" I decided I'd enlighten you all instead with some sublime commentary I heard just this morning.
        Courtesy of Anthony Gargano on Philly's 610 WIP:
        "Peyton Manning just tied Joe Montana for seventh on the all-time TD passes list. He's unbelievable. His brother Eli? That guy needs to go see the wizard. He needs some heart."
        I couldn't have said it better myself, at least not without referencing Dopey dwarf from Snow White.

Cowboys anagram insult of the week
        Oh, wait -- I just realized I missed one other anagram last week for the Cowboy's star player. If you look at "star wideout Terrell Owens' sprained fingers" you clearly see:
** In two wins, Eagles freed run, TO’s rat lips erred **
        Do you think that was important? Was that something that may have been useful for the Cowboys to know last week?

Our standings so far
First place: Red Shirteys, Eric -- 2260.96 points
Second place: JapanUSRelations, Anthony -- 2231.48 points
Third place: HoF Bus Drivers, Joanna -- 2177.69 points
        With one week left, Joanna has an outside shot at stealing this thing, but it's really a two-team race. If Eric and Mike Vick can hold off Anthony and John Kitna (really?) for one more week, he gets the coveted title. But Eric hasn't scored fewer than 130 points in the last nine weeks, so it's still a long-shot.
        Meanwhile, the much more exciting race is on at the bottom of the standings. Five teams are fewer than 40 points from the basement, including my own. Who will be our Detroit Lions? I can't stand the excitement.

For the record
** Yet another solid professional column this week, but it's not online yet. I'll post here when it is.
** Dad had an awful week last week, going 0-6 in games we picked different. He's down nine games with just 16 left to go, meaning I'd have to have a monumental collapse to blow it this year. I can't go down with nine games on him. Not with nine games.
** Jags RB Fred Taylor did indeed miss that critical game on Sunday, Jacksonville lost and now is on the verge of missing the playoffs. If only he was on the field to help the Jags' offense cut through the D-line with his glass groin...