Fantasy league 2018 -- week 10 recap

 

Ridiculous things that happened in football this weekend:

** Bears K Cody Parkey missed four kicks on Sunday, two FGs and two XPs. If you remember Parkey kicking for the Eagles, you know that isn’t unusual. What is weird is that he hit the upright with all four misses. Three were on the right side, the other on the left.

Honestly, that’s 100 times harder than making four FGs.

** Tampa Bay rolled up 507 yds of offense on the Maryland Racial Slurs this weekend, including 406 yds passing by QB Ryan Fitzpatrick. Yet somehow, that translated into a whopping 3 pts for the team. Four turnovers and two missed FGs killed any chance of winning the game.

Related, the Maryland team scored the opening pts and never relinquished the lead. In fact, they somehow haven’t seen a lead change all year — nine games into the season, whichever team has scored first in each of their games has not only won but never trailed again.

** Coming into Sunday, the Chief’s record when winning the coin toss this year was 8-1. Their record when losing the coin toss was 0-0, since it hadn’t happened all season. They finally lost the toss for the first time on Sunday, but still won the game.

** Davidson College rushed for 789 yds in their game against San Diego on Saturday, setting a new all-time record for rushing yds in a game. The team had four players with over 150 yds each and ended the game with 852 yds of total offense and 52 points.

Oh, and they lost, 56-52.

** The Giants and 49ers were allowed to play a nationally televised game on Monday. Why the FCC or FEMA didn’t step in and stop that filth is beyond me.

QB: Ben Roethlisberger, 45.82 pts — started by Sam
WR: Tyreek Hill, 23.87 pts — started by Sam
RB: Ezekiel Elliott, 32.50 pts — started by Sam
TE: Zach Ertz, 28.67 pts — started by Jim
K: Wil Lutz, 17.50 pts — started by me
DEF: Maryland, 20.00 pts — started by Dad
D: Vince Williams, 12.00 pts — on the wire

So, a good week for Sam out there...

Quick, which wideout is third in the league in receptions and 10th in yards? Trick question! It’s TE Zach Ertz, who had a ridiculous 14-catch, 145-yds, 2-TDs line from Sunday’s game. In a year where only three TEs have broken the 100-pts mark so far, Ertz is the class of the position, and has produced 72 more fantasy pts that supposedly great TE Rob Gronkowski.


“Defenses we own” edition

3rd place: (tie) Atlanta, -1.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
3rd place: (tie) Jacksonville, -1.00 pts — on Dad’s bench
3rd place: (tie) New England, -1.00 pts — started by Jo
2nd place: Seattle, -4.00 pts — started by Ant
1st place: (tie) NY Jets, -5.00 pts — on Ant’s bench
1st place: (tie) Carolina, -5.00 pts — on Mom D’s bench

Believe it or not, there were two more defenses in negative pts this week that we didn’t own: Detroit (-4.00) and Cincinnati (-6.00, the lowest possible score). With four defenses on a bye this week, that means one-fourth of all the defenses in the league were worth fewer pts than the teams that didn’t play.

Special shout out to Arizona WR JJ Nelson, who caught one pass for -10 yds on Sunday, giving him fewer receiving yds and fantasy points for the game than everyone watching safely from their couches.

** Rick “Doc” Walker, the resident aging idiot on the Maryland Racial Slurs’ radio broadcast, lamented on Sunday that the local team’s offense was sputtering and “besides the interception (of Bucs QB Ryan Fitzpatrick), we haven’t seen any impact plays so far from this team.”

That’s fair criticism as a team approaches halftime. Walker’s remarks came with 9 minutes left in the first quarter, at the start of the Bucs second series of the game.

Look, I’m as impatient as the next guy, but complaining you’ve only seen one game-changing play before the second commercial break is a little greedy.

** WIP had an online article Monday morning that was titled “Here’s how the Eagles can still make the playoffs.” And contrary to reality, the text of that article was not “They can’t.”

** In one of my head-to-head fantasy leagues this week, I was up by 47 pts in the third quarter of the Monday Night Football game. I had one player, 49ers RB Matt Bredia, still playing. My opponent had no one left.

Yahoo gave me a 99 percent chance to win the week.

I understand that they may not want to post “100 percent” until the games are all complete, but the only way for me to lose the matchup at that point was, with 20 minutes of football left, for Bredia to pick up no more rushing yards, no more catches, and fumble the ball 24 times (more than once a minute). Maybe the algorithm needs to be tweaked a bit.

The NFL was forced to move Monday’s planned Rams/Chiefs contest in Mexico City to a new venue because of poor field conditions at Azteca Stadium. The game will now be played in Los Angeles ...less than 50 miles away from some of the most destructive wildfires the state has ever seen.

Not great work on that change of venue. If the NFL was forced into panic mode, here are a few better choices for a surprise game:

** Toronto: They’ve got a CFL field there and two thirds of the Hollywood film crews working today. It’d be an international game and a home game for the Rams.

** Hawaii: They play the Pro Bowl there and then don’t use the stadium for anything else. It’s a long flight, but no players are gonna complain about some extra vacation there.

** Rio de Janeiro: All those Olympic venues are pretty much unused now anyway. Slap some yard markers down and give the local economy a boost.

** The USS Gerald R. Ford: Want to really honor the military? Play a game on an aircraft carrier. The decks are big enough. Just watch out for the out-of-bounds area.

** New York: It’s the number one media market in the country, and currently they have no real football teams to watch.


No way to sugar coat it, kids — the Eagles loss on Sunday night was awful. Women and children around the land were left weeping that once again evil triumphed over good. And, of course, this suggests that the end times may be upon us again. But before anyone overreacts, let me just shift the letters around a little bit to bring you some comfort:

Philly Eagles upset Sunday night by a resurgent Dallas Cowboys team
** La lament: Yes, a sad, lengthy ache. Guys, Birds still got a Super Bowl. Yup.

Just a reminder that in the last 21 years, the Cowboys have won two playoff games and have not advanced past the second round. But, I’m sure the 4-5 squad they have this year is about to change that.

** Split my games against Dad this week, so I remain 11 back. I got absolutely robbed of a chance to be nine down by a terrible review call in final two minutes of the Jags/Colts game. However, I should be punished for having any faith in Jacksonville in the first place.

** Delaware lost in terrible fashion this week and fell to 18th in the FCS rankings, leaving them just outside the field of 16 for the FCS playoffs. They’re behind Elon and Towson, both of whom they beat this year. And their losses were to the #1 FCS team, the #10 FCS team and an ACC team. But, hey, it’s good to know that football rankings are garbage on every level.

** So, Jimmy Butler? That’s good Philly news, right?

Week 10 standings

1 — Nick 'MVP' Foles (Capt. Awesome), 1361.37 pts
2 — For Who? For Wentz? (Ant), 1350.44 pts
3 — Mimes Learning Words (Paul), 1318.26 pts
4 — Philly Special (Jo), 1269.50 pts
5 — Witch Hunting (Jim), 1224.29 pts
6 — Kneel Armstrong (Sam), 1190.71 pts
7 — We Love the Mud (Mom D), 1157.29 pts
8 — The Garoppolo Gamble (Joel), 1119.16 pts
9 — Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob), 1099.51 pts
10 — Kiss A Fish Today (Dad), 1060.95 pts
11 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1001.51 pts
12 — SweatpantsEnthusiast (Mike), 968.17 pts

Let me give you all a football tip — the key to motivating your fantasy football team is persistence and creativity. LeSean McCoy isn’t working in the RB spot? Move him to a flex position. Your kicker is coming in too low? Make a bold switch. Your team is sluggish and needs inspiration? Then change your team name over and over again.

You may not agree with Paul’s methods, but you can’t argue with his results. He grabbed a season-high 183 pts this week to vault into the realistic conversation for the top spot. That’ coupled with a solid week for Ant and a dreadful week for me, puts our top three teams within 45 pts of each other. Jo is lingering at about 90 pts back, and then we get into the “need to make a move now” category.

Also, Mike is still in the league.

The Eagles season may be finished, but there are still seven more fantasy weeks left until we crown a champion. The Packers and Seahawks play this Thursday, so set your rosters carefully.