Fantasy recap, Week 12

Reasons to feel good about a moral victory












          Hold on, I'll think of something...

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Top Performers





** QB: Drew Brees, 33.20 pts – started by Ant
** RB: Frank Gore, 41.13 pts – started by Mike
** WR: Chad Johnson, 36.87 pts – started by Jim
** TE: Antonio Gates, 25.00 pts – started by Bob
** K: Jason Hanson, 19.00 pts – sitting on the wire
** DEF: Minnesota, 32.00 pts – started by Dad
          At least there’s not Patsies on there this week, right? Right?

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Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week award





          Everyone in the league broke 100 pts this week, so the award has to go somewhere else. And I’ll let you guess where based on these game stats:
** First half: 23 passes (62 percent), 14 runs (38 percent), 21 pts scored
** Second half: 22 passes (85 percent), 4 runs (15 percent), 7 pts scored
          I never thought I’d see the day where a 60-40 split for Andy looked like balance, but when the going gets tough you know he’s gonna fool the opposition by benching his best player.

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Worst performers, “Names starting with M” edition





Third Place: Mike Anderson, -0.40 pts – sitting on the wire
Second Place: Marc Bulger, -0.72 pts – sitting on Jo’s bench
First Place: Mike Bell, -2.00 pts – sitting on the wire
          Reno Mahe was somehow worth –0.04 pts, in case you were thinking of starting him next week.

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Stupidest thing I heard last week, basketball edition





          Have you heard the new Sixers commercial featuring Andre Igudola? Here’s the best line:
          “We’re gonna go out there and try and win as many games as we can.”
          That's much more refreshing than the old “we’re gonna half-ass it most nights” slogan they were using.

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Stupidest thing I heard last week, college football edition





          Unfortunately I didn’t catch the names of the ESPN broadcasters for last Friday’s Delaware/Delaware State I-AA playoff game, but their color announcer was lauding all-world UD RB Omar Cuff and his impressive running and catching skills when he let this slip:
          “Omar Cuff is like this division’s version of Michael Westbrook.”
          Let’s assume that he meant Brian Westbrook, all-world Eagles RB known for his catching and running skills, and not former WR Michael Westbrook, best known for fighting with Stephen Davis while they were teammates in Washington.
          The problem with that analogy is “that division” already has a prototypical Brian Westbrook: It’s Brian Westbrook, of Villanova, who played against Delaware all four years he was in school.
          But good try there, buddy. Way to know your I-AA history.

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Stupidest thing I heard last week, pro football edition





          I’m gonna puch the next person who says AJ Feeley is a better QB than McNabb. Just shut up now and we’ll all be smarter tomorrow for it.
          When the Bears win the Super Bowl with McNabb next year, I’m blaming you personally.

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Fun stats from the weekend





** Over the last four weeks Eli Manning has thrown three TD passes to his team and three TD interceptions to the opposing team. But the Giants totally aren’t starting that second-half slide again.
** On Sunday the Maryland Racial Slurs outgained the Tampa Bay Bucs 412 yards to 192, had 23 first downs to Tampa’s 9, held the ball for 10 minutes longer than the Bucs, and lost 19-13. That’s what six turnovers will do for you.
** Arizona QB Kurt Warner threw for 484 yards on Sunday … and lost. Eagles QB AJ Feeley, Broncos QB Jay Cutler and aforementioned Racial Slurs QB Jason Campbell all topped 300 yards and lost. Meanwhile, the only QB to pass for 300 yards and win was – of course – the Patsies’ Tom Brady.

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Cowboys anagram insult of the week





        It’s always sad to see Dallas win, but it just seems more painful when it happens on a holiday. I don’t think I can put it any better than “Dallas Cowboys linebacker Kevin Burnett” already spells it out in his name:
        ** Rabble liven, cons won. Black is Turkey date
        Or, at least it’s black until next year, when the ‘boys will end up losing on the road to some AFC team on Thanksgiving.

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Our standings so far





First Place: I Need Linebackers, Paul -- 1831.99 pts
Second Place: We Want Detmers, Jo -- 1620.31 pts
Third Place: Giuliani's 2nd Wife, Jim -- 1611.97 pts
        At least the battle for second is good; Neal, in fourth, is only 18 points out of the first loser slot.

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For the record





** By the way, all-world Delaware RB Omar Cuff picked up 288 rushing yards (a school record) and increased his TD total to 37 on the year (in 12 games) as the Fightin’ Blue Hens rolled over the Del State Hornets. Next up in the playoffs are the Northern Iowa Cornfields on Saturday.
       Blue Hens – Catch the bird flu fever!
** The trade deadline is Friday, kids. Get 'em in while you can.
** Seriously, I hate moral victories. If we learned anything from Rocky, it's that winners get money and losers have to go home with Talia Shire.

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