End of an era
Lost in the excitement of this weekend’s Iggles win over the Maryland Savages was one of the darkest moments in Philadelphia football history.
Koy Detmer is no longer a life-long Eagle.
Our own little birdman, David Akers’ personal Millhouse and the winner of last March’s “Mahe Madness” tournament, got the long-awaited call to return to the gridiron this week, but not in the way we had all hoped.
In case you missed it, the Minnesota Vikings and coach Brad Childress signed Detmer last Tuesday to help shore up their QB corps (made up of Brooks Bollinger, Tavarius Jackson and Kelly Holcomb). The signing doubled the number of teams Koy has played for in his career, and took a little part of our collective innocence with it.
Sure, the Vikings cut Detmer on Saturday before he ever actually appeared in a purple Nordic uniform (dude pocketed $42,000 for five days of practice), but the damage was already done.
He’s not one of the few, precious life-long Eagles anymore (see Brian Dawkins, Mike Mamula). We can’t say the birds are the only team to know the joy of the Koy butt-slap dance. He’s just not our lovable little Koy anymore.
So farewell, sweet Koy. Once, you were the third-string QB we all knew could lead our team to the Super Bowl. Now, you’ve become another cheap, tawdry, Ty-Detmer-type journeyman.
But we’ll always have our memories.
Top Performers
** QB: Donovan McNabb, 35.74 pts – started by Dad
** RB: Brian Westbrook, 38.53 pts – started by Dad
** WR: Terrell Owens, 26.33 pts – started by Paul
** TE: Jeremy Shockey, 26.60 pts – started by Joel
** K: Shane Graham, 21.00 pts – started by Joel
** DEF: San Diego, 29.00 pts – started by Paul
One week after I pound on Joel for not setting his roster he turns around and starts two of the top performers of the week. Why can’t the rest of you respond to criticism that well?
Andy Reid Blown Call of the Week award
Joel left 59 more points on his bench this week, starting a defense on a bye despite the fact that he had three others on his bench, but since I already said nice things about his I can’t give him the award.
So let's give it to Don Shula, for coming out and blasting the Patsies, then backtracking and saying he didn't criticize them. It's a weak excuse, but it'll make Dad happy.
Worst performers, “Worst overall” edition
Third Place: Phillip Rivers, -1.84 pts – started by me
Second Place: Matt Moore, -2.00 pts – sitting on the wire
First Place: Damon Huard, -2.68 pts – sitting on the wire
The real kicker? Rivers won his game, despite passing for just 104 yards and accounting for three turnovers. At least the other QBs dropped those disasters of a stat line in losses.
A quick review of people who rushed for more yards than the Lions entire team on Sunday
** Maryland RB Clinton Portis: 30 rushes, 137 yards.
** Philly RB Brian Westbrook: 20 rushes, 100 yards.
** Philly RB Tony Hunt: 1 rush, 2 yards
** Philly RB Wilbert Montgomery: Zero rushes, zero yards.
** Detroit RB Barry Sanders: Zero rushes, Zero yards.
** You: Zero rushes, zero yards
** Hotlanta RB Artose Pinner: 1 rush, -3 yards.
** The Detroit Lions: 8 rushes, -18 yards
Stupidest thing I saw last week
Here’s last Thursday’s “Rhymes with Orange” comic.
Words can’t describe how unfunny that is. Maybe that’s what the “Rhymes with Orange” name means.
Greatest game you missed this weekend
North Texas QB Giovanni Vizza passed for 478 yards, threw 8 TDs and 2 picks, and rushed for another 93 yards (that’d be 72.42 pts for your college fantasy team) in his team’s LOSS to Navy Saturday, 74-62.
It was the highest scoring game in college football history, and featured 572 yards of rushing offense from the Midshipmen. Navy QB’s also added 108 yards of passing on a mere four completions for the afternoon, and added a safety followed by a kick return TD in the fourth to seal the game.
Navy set about a dozen team records in that game, but they did not break the school mark for most points in a game. That came in 1918, when they scored 127 points against – I kid you not – Ursinus College. I couldn’t find a box score, but here’s a list of Ursinus’ football record that year.
Cowboys anagram insult of the week
The only thing worse than watching the Cowboys keep winning this year has been all the former Cowboys turned ESPN analysts wax unpoetically about how great it is to see Dallas keep winning.
We all know that Keyshawn Johnson can barely speak English to start with, but “former cowboy, ESPN Broadcaster Emmitt Smith” has been one of the worst, and now I’ve decoded why:
** Bemoan tromp’s try: Him most biased, few correct **
Also, from now on we need to refer to him as a former dancer, not a former football player.
Gawd, I hate that guy so much…
Our standings so far
First Place: I Need Linebackers, Paul -- 1488.88 pts
Second Place: We Want Detmers, Jo -- 1357.53 pts
Third Place: Giuliani's 2nd Wife -- 1325.04 pts
Hey, Dad is up to fifth. That's something different, right?
For the record
** I’m down eight to Dad with seven weeks left. No worries.
** Just an FYI -- I'll be traveling next week, so the recap may be a little late. Don't forget to set your rosters Thanksgiving morning, in case I'm not back in time.
** So, uh ... Koy is available again. I'm just saying.
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