Coming at you live from CTU

I've noticed a disturbing trend on Fox that doesn't involve skating with the Dave Coulier.

First, you have to understand that everyone on American Idol is a character filling a certain role. You have the southern blond with a country drawl who makes it to the top five (Kelly, Carrie, there's two or three this year). You have the poster child for non-threatening boys magazine who sings somewhat stilted love songs (Justin, Clay, that weenie little kid in this year's competition). You have the awkward guy who's there for comic relief until the final month starts (George Huff, this year it's the gray haired 40-year-old spastic guy).

My problem is this -- I jsut realized that Fox hasn't just been showing American Idol three nights a week. They've got it on Monday nights too. 24 and American Idol are the same show.

Consider:

1 -- Each week, a lot of people die. On 24, it's usually five or six people, but only one whose name you knew. On Idol, it's four people (you say voted off, I say die) but only one of whom you'll remember next week.

2 -- Each week, the show reminds you that the American public is doomed. If CTU fails, toxic gas will destroy all life as we know it. If we don't vote, that girl who sounds like Macy Gray will win and destroy all life as we know it.

3 -- The president in 24 and Simon Cowell's lines are almost interchangeable. "You're all working against me." "I made a mistake -- You're just not good enough for thsi job." "I feel like I'm in a Mexican karaoke bar."

4 -- Both shows have the woman you're supposed to like but you really don't (Audrey, Paula Abdul) and the bad guy that's smarter than everyone (The Chechnyans and whichever contestant lasts eight weeks longer than she should) and the chubby guy who says things that make no sense (Edgar vs Randy Jackson.)

But here's the real clincher -- Ryan Seacrest and Jack Bauer are the same person. Each does the majority of the killing each week (Seacrest is the one who puts the losers down for good). Each one keeps the plot moving along, even when all the other characters stall in their individual stories. Each one is a skilled torturer (Seacrest's monologues are banned at Guantanamo under the Geneva convention). And they both seem to have that same "I'm balding but not really" haircut.

So here's the point -- I think next year, Fox is going to allow all of us to vote our least favorite characters off of their shows to replicate Idol's success. CTU's Chloe is gone as soon as I get the chance. If you think Meg should be off Family Guy, your cell phone can pull out the eraser. If you think the War at Home would be better without ... ah hell, someone would have to watch that show before they could start voting people off it.

But why stop there? After all, aren't the NFLers on Fox during autumn Sunday's just new characters? You've never seen real people do things like throw a 50-yard pass or slam a 280-pound RB or stand near Tony Siragusa, have you? So why not vote off those characters too? Can't we boot Greg Lewis after he drops yet another pass? Wouldn't we all be happier without having to see Jeremy Shockey's gaping maw?

So be ready for it. Did I say this was a distrubing trend? I meant awesome. I get those confused sometimes.