Fantasy football 2025 -- week 14 recap

The Eagles and Chargers starred in ESPN’s "Monsters Funday Football” alternate broadcast on Monday night, with characters from the Monsters Inc. franchise re-enacting all of the plays nearly simultaneously with the live action. The presentation has been a fun gimmick in recent years, but the pick of loveable monsters to stand in for the frustrating Eagles was an inappropriate pick. Here’s the cartoon characters who should have been playing key Philly offensive starters:

** WR AJ Brown — Grumpy the Dwarf
He’s doing all the work, but he ain’t happy about it.

** RB Saquon Barkley — Lightning McQueen
Both used to be fast, now both are stuck in a backwater wasteland with misfits surrounding them.

** DE Jaelan Phillips — Wreck-It Ralph
Nobody seems to appreciate what a beast this guy is, because everything around him is a mess.

** WR DeVonta Smith — Mary Poppins
Both just fly up their field without explanation or any real reason.

** QB Jalen Hurts — Flash, the sloth from Zootopia
Actually, that’s not fair. The sloth could probably get through his reads faster than Hurts right now.

QB: Josh Allen, 43.84 pts — started by Ant
WR: Michael Wilson, 27.47 pts — started by Mike
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 30.93 pts — started by Jeff
TE: Harold Fannin Jr., 17.60 pts — started by Paul
K: Brandon Aubrey, 23.50 pts — started by Ant
DEF: Minnesota, 23.00 pts — on the wire
D: (tie) Nick Emmanwori, 11.00 pts — on the wire
D: (tie) Christian Benford, 11.00 pts — on the wire

That’s the third time this year that Allen topped 40 fantasy pts in a game. He’s now averaging 25.3 fantasy points a game and sits 25 pts ahead of the second-best fantasy performer of the year, Rams QB Matthew Stafford. But it is worth noting that Allen cost a third-round pick, while you could have gotten Stafford off the waiver wire in week 2.

Gibbs has scored 30+ fantasy pts three times in the last five weeks and still sits 19 fantasy pts behind RB leader Jonathan Taylor for the season. Taylor has almost double the fantasy pts of Saquon Barkley.

Shout out to the #2 fantasy player on the week, Browns QB Shedeur Sanders, who scored 39.46 pts. He threw three TDs, ran for another and proved once and for all that he can post big numbers and still lose in embarrassing fashion. That’s the mark of a true Cleveland signal caller.

“Super Bowl MVP who forgot how to play football” edition

1st place: Jalen Hurts, 2.40 pts — started by Jonathan

Sure, there were QBs who scored lower than the Eagles signal caller this weekend, but non played worse. Hurts coughed up the ball five times in Monday’s loss to the Chargers — twice on one play, the first time that has ever happened in an NFL game — and single-handedly lost the key matchup for his team.

Remember, this is the reigning Super Bowl MVP we are talking about. He had two interceptions all year coming into the game, and left the contest with six. He accounted for zero TDs for the first time all season. Hurts had a perfect passer rating against the Vikings in mid-October and had a worse QB rating than anyone in the stadium on Monday (31.2, where throwing a ball straight into the ground is a 39.6 rating).

It’s a mind-boggling fall from grace for Hurts. The only good news is that it feels impossible to record three turnovers on a single play, so maybe he can’t embarrass himself more next week.


** As snow began to fall during Sunday’s Cincinnati/Buffalo contest, Bengals Dan Hoard noted that the weather hadn’t stopped QB Joe Burrow from throwing two TD passes on his team’s first three drives.

“The snow hasn’t bothered him at all!” he boasted. “He truly is Joe Brrrrrrrr!”

First, if you want to do the Dad joke right, you say the full name. Brrrr-oooow. Cutting it short makes you seem like you just forgot what you were doing.

Second, Burrow threw two picks after that statement, so way to jinx your man.

** The Raiders were trailing the Broncos by 10 points with 58 seconds left in the game on Sunday. After a few quick passes, the team found themselves at the 28-yard-line, and opted to kick a quick field goal to close the gap to a single score. The 46-yard attempt was good ... and ended the game.

 
That’s because the attempt came with four seconds left on the clock. Did any coach on the Las Vegas sideline really think there was time for a field goal, onsides kick recovery and a Hail Mary attempt? Have they watched football before?

As the kick sailed through, Raiders K Daniel Carlson gave a half fist pump, then looked at the sidelines for some kind of explanation. Maybe he was supposed to kick the ball harder, to save that one second for multiple miracles.

** I’m late to the game on this, but the New Jersey Giants motto over the last few years with former coach Brian Daboll was “smart, tough, dependable.” And I think maybe the team didn’t win many games because they were promoting STDs to the players too much.

The Colts lost QB Daniel Jones and backup QB Riley Leonard to injury in Sunday’s loss to the Jaguars. Third-string QB Anthony Richardson has been on injured reserve for a month with his own issues. So on Tuesday, team officials announced they had signed 44-year-old Phillip Rivers, even though he hasn’t taken a professional snap in the last four years.

It’s a desperate, crazy move by the team, because there are clearly better options out there to consider. Here's who they could have added to their backfield instead:

** Tom Brady: Sure, he’s got a cushy TV gig now. But you know he wants to get back in the game, and you know the NFL would be fine with breaking rules to make it happen.

** Peyton Manning: Why not consider a former Colts great? He’s a young 49, and his last time on a football field was a Super Bowl win (in 2015).

** Aaron Rogers: Yes, he has a gig with the Steelers right now. But he’d probably jump just to get more attention.

** Jeff George: Why not consider a former Colts great? He’s a young 58, and his last time on a football field was … losing with the Bears in 2004.

** The remains of Daniel Jones: Even with one busted leg, he’s starting to sound like a preferable choice.

The Cowboys are always looking for player depth, so it’s no surprise that they’ve been active with their practice squad players throughout the season. This week they signed former Pitt RB Israel Abanikanda, hoping he can bring a spark to the floundering team. But it’s not his on field play that made him attractive to coaches — it was the intangibles hidden in his name. Luckily, it’s easy for us to see what his true skills are:

** Cowboys Dallas RB Israel Abanikanda
Seal claws. Kind as a bloody barbarian

Before you ask — yes, seals do have claws. They’re nasty. Not as nasty as the Cowboys defense, but nasty.

** It’s getting grim for Dad — he went 1-3 against me in picks this week, and falls to 10 back in our head-to-head showdown. With just four weeks left, he’s gonna need a major push to keep me from claiming victory.

** Super Bowl winning QB Kenny Pickett had a miserable Sunday, throwing for just 97 yds and one TD to collect 10.48 fantasy pts in the Raiders loss. But that was good enough to get him on the positive side of the ledger for the year. Before this weekend, he had -1.68 fantasy pts for the season, making him the worst fantasy scorer in all of football. Now, he’s among the top 410 scorers on the year. Well done.

** At least Schwarber got a new contract this week? Yay?


Week 14 standings

Family Cup -- regular season final standings 
House Doyle: 30-12
House Garrity: 23-19
House Quinn: 16-26
House Shane: 14-26-2

The playoffs are set: Mike and Lexi get first-round byes, Jonathan and Shelly square off in the 3-6 matchup, and Jim and Ollie square off in the 5-4. Jonathan finished the season with the most points by far, but needed Grandmom Shane to lose on the final day of the regular season to sneak into the playoffs (she started Jalen Hurts, so…)

For the other teams, there is a losers’ bracket, so keep setting those rosters for a chance to finish in 7th place. Emma’s team won in the regular season finale and is itchy for its first winning streak of the season, and a chance to not finish in last.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1,756.67 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,716.34 pts
3 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,681.37 pts
4 — City Hands (Mike), 1,668.42 pts
5 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,667.52 pts
6 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,482.66 pts
7 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,423.80 pts
8 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,367.16 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,329.68 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,313.59 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,226.39 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,203.92 pts

A huge week for Mike (152.11 pts) vaulted him over me into fourth place, despite my first half-decent performance (129.97) in a month. Jonathan’s stumble gives Dad a bigger cushion in first place. And three teams managed to score less than 80 pts this week (Jeff, Joel and Jo), which isn’t great. Hang tight, the season isn’t over yet.

But the bye weeks are! Four weeks of football left and everyone will play. No Saturday games this week. Only one Monday game. Still a stupid Thursday game, but that’s unavoidable. No reason to have your roster incomplete. It’s time to push towards the trophies.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 13 recap

The concern around Philly after the embarrassing Black Friday loss to the Bears is that the Eagles are headed to another 2023, where the team looked great for the second half of the season and fell apart in the last two months of the year. But when you look closer, you realize that isn’t a fair comparison. Consider:

** After Nov. 1 in 2023, QB Jalen Hurts looked erratic and unpredictable. Hurts is neither of those things this season — he is consistently disappointing and underachieving.

** The 2023 team hired Matt Patricia midway through the season in a failed attempt to fix the defense. This season’s team is refusing to make any coaching moves to deal with the gaping holes in their offensive gameplan.

** The 2023 team had RB D’Andre Swift rush for over 1,000 yards over the course of the season. The 2025 team had D’Andre Swift rush for over 1,000 yards against them last Friday.

** The 2023 team had WRs AJ Brown and DeVonta Smith both top 1,000 receiving yds on the season. The 2025 team no longer uses both of those wide receivers for more than half a game, so they can’t reach those marks.

** The Eagles were 10-1 in 2023 before finishing the season 11-6. This season’s team doesn’t look like they can make it to 11 wins.

So it’s no worry that we’re seeing a repeat of 2023 — This team doesn’t seem good enough to reach that bar.

QB: Patrick Mahomes, 37.44 pts — started by Sam
WR: A.J. Brown, 26.10 pts — started by Bob
RB: Bijan Robinson, 26.10 pts — started by me
TE: Brock Bowers, 18.20 pts — started by Joel
K: Evan McPherson, 24.00 pts — started by Joel
DEF: Seattle, 35.00 pts — started by Pop
D: Ernest Jones IV, 14.50 pts — on the wire

Fun fact — all of those first four top performers were on teams that lost. So, maybe fantasy points don’t mean everything. But I’m glad AJ finally got his moment in the sun. In the cold, cold November sun.

Mahomes’ big day (four passing TDs, 291 total yds) put him 0.64 pts ahead of Bills QB Josh Allen in the race for the #1 fantasy player of the season. Rams QB Matthew Stafford is 11 pts back, and Eagles QB Jalen Hurts is only 25 pts behind. Eagles WR Jahan Dotson is 284 fantasy pts behind, which is more than twice the fantasy points he has scored in his last 47 games. It’s not a fair comparison at all, but I just thought I’d remind you that Jahan Dotson is still on this Eagles team, since all of their wideouts get forgotten often.

“Woooow” edition

3rd place: Mason Rudolph, -2.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Detroit, -3.00 pts — started by Mom D
1st place: Max Brosmer, -3.06 pts — on the wire

The Lions defense hasn’t been good all year, but their absolute stinker at home on Thanksgiving against the division-rival Packers is the low point for the team. They surrendered 31 pts on Thursday, and have just four sacks and one turnover in their last four games.

That would be the most depressing performance of the week if not for Brosmer, the Vikings third-string QB. He is the reason for Seattle posting the best defensive performance of the season so far: Four sacks, four interceptions, one fumble recovery and one TD on a pick from Brosmer that was the worst football play you will ever see.

His QB rating on the day was 32.8, worse than the 39.6 rating you had just dropping the remote on the floor once Sunday (one attempt, zero completions for zero yds). And you also scored more fantasy points than him, with zero. So it is not exaggerating to say you did a better job under center this weekend for the Vikings — even though the team was playing on the other side of the country, hundreds of miles away — than their starting QB did.


** Fox’s college football pregame show is titled “Big Noon Kickoff.” It starts at 11am each Saturday morning and runs until the opening kickoff for the featured game … which happens at 12:15 pm.

I guess the 15-minute delay makes it “big noon.” I still think I’d prefer a normal noon kickoff, and less pontificating ahead of time.

 
** During halftime of Sunday’s Texans/Colts game, Houston radio play-by-play announcer Marc Vandermeer remarked that the two teams were evenly matched in the first 30 minutes of “this showdown of AFC South leaders.”

Coming into the game, the Colts were 8-3, two games ahead of the 6-5 Texans in the standings. So they were both “leaders” in the division if you consider “anyone in the top three spots in a four-team division” as a leader. Because after the Texans scored an upset, they moved to 7-5 … and stayed in third place, behind the 8-4 Jaguars and 8-4 Colts.

Some people lead from behind, I guess.

** At halftime of the Lions/Packers game, Fox sideline reporter Erin Andrews reported that Detroit coach Dan Campbell had “the perfect encapsulation of the first half” when the two spoke coming out of the locker room:

“He told me, ‘We had four possessions, two punts and two scores. And it could be like that in the second half too.’”

Now that’s sideline insight. I mean, sure, the box score could have told me the possessions and results. And everyone watching the game could have told me the possessions and results. But only a sideline reporter interviewing a coach could give me the insight that the second half could also have possessions and results. That Ohio State sideline reporter from last week could really learn a lesson here.

Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin left his post at the school this week to take over as the new leader of the LSU Tigers, getting a seven-year contract worth $91 million. He is now one of only three college coaches to make more than $13 million annually. That seems like a lot of money, but when you break it down into other potential purchases for the university, the total doesn’t feel as overwhelming. Here’s what $91 million could buy instead:

** Full in-state tuition (with books) at LSU for 6,979 students ($13,038 each).
** Three new state-of-the-art locker rooms for the football team ($28 million for the last renovation).
** 293 rings from LSU’s 2003 championship season ($31,000 each).
** The entire New Orleans Saints offense this season ($89.1 million in salary).
** 37.9 million NCAA footballs ($23.99 each).
** 28 games from LSU alum Joe Burrow (on a five-year, $275 million contract).
** Brian Kelly, their failed previous coach (a now voided 10-year, $95 million contract).

The Dallas coaching staff signed CB Corey Ballentine from the practice squad to the active roster just ahead of their Thanksgiving contest. It’s Ballentine’s 10th stint with an NFL team, which has led to questions about why he has trouble staying on active rosters. Some coaches have pointed to his inconsistent play, others have wondered if his practice ethic is enough. But if you just examine the letters in his name, you can see the real problem:

New Dallas DB Corey Ballentine
** Worst troll bane — badly cleaned swine

Nobody likes a smelly teammate, except for the Cowboys. They already have the stench of sadness and failure in their locker room.

** Dad and I split our picks for the week, so he remains eight back for the season. He did correctly pick the New Jersey Jets upset over the Falcons on Sunday, a pick that I mocked him for. But while he was right, I feel like anyone who was following that game at all was in the wrong.

** According to the New York Times’ Athletic, the Cowboys have a 41% chance of making the playoffs if they beat the Lions next week and an 8% chance of making the playoffs if they lose to Detroit. C’mon, Jared Goff. Just one more great game, man. That’s all we’re asking for.

** Speaking of that Atlanta loss, the Falcons are 4-8 and would be in line for a top-10 pick next spring if they hadn’t traded the selection to the Rams last year to move up in the 2025 draft and go all in on this season and that’s just the saddest story ever.


Week 13 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 27-12
House Garrity: 21-18
House Quinn: 16-23
House Shane: 13-24-2

Three teams are in the playoffs — Lexi, Mike and Shelly — which leaves three spots to be decided in the final week. Ollie would need a tremendous amount of bad luck to miss the playoffs, leaving Jim, Grandmom Shane and Jonathan to sort out the final two berths. And what do you know? Jim and Jonathan are playing each other. The winner gets a chance at glory, the loser gets the losers bracket. Lots of pressure on both teams.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1,641.29 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,626.48 pts
3 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,575.78 pts
4 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,537.55 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 1,516.31 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,347.08 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,342.07 pts
8 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,279.66 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,252.95 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,234.83 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,132.43 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1,092.59 pts

Another huge week from Dad finally vaults him into first, with a small cushion over his grandson. But don’t forget about our third-place team — the team that I picked to win it all in my pre-season rankings — making a charge towards the top. Bob’s squad has been lingering all year, and is within striking distance as we head into the final five weeks of the season.

My team? Complete free-fall. I’ve gone from a 20-pts lead in first-place on Nov. 1 to a 105-pts deficit in fourth on Dec. 2. That is not a happy holiday start for my squad.

Week 14 is the last bye week, so it’s the last time you’ll need to worry about getting a surprise zero from an inactive player. But there is still a Thursday game and pitfalls galore before the Eagles play on Monday night, so get those rosters settled early.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 12 recap

To pour salt on an open wound, the Eagles suffered multiple serious injuries in their loss to Dallas Sunday evening. Here’s a recap of some of the most worrisome ones:

** S Andrew Mukuba: Fractured ankle. It appears the rookie’s season will come to an early end.

** S Reed Blankenship: Thigh contusion. He’s questionable for this Friday’s game, putting the team’s depth in the secondary in doubt.

** CB Adoree' Jackson: Concussion. Coaches are still trying to decide if this injury hurts or improves the Eagles secondary situation.

** QB Jalen Hurts: Throat injury. It’s unclear exactly when the damage occurred, but Hurts could be seen on the field choking violently throughout the third and fourth quarters.

** WR AJ Brown: His feelings remain hurt.

** RB Saquon Barkley: Stomach bug. Or maybe he’s just getting sick of all this offensive nonsense, it’s hard to tell.

QB: Jameis Winston, 34.64 pts — on the wire
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, 27.53 pts — started by Jo
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 48.40 pts — on Jeff’s bench
TE: Hunter Henry, 17.17 pts — started by Jeff
K: Andy Borregales, 18.00 pts — started by Mike
DEF: Green Bay, 21.00 pts — started by Bob
D: Myles Garrett, 12.00 pts — started by Jonathan

Over the last three weeks, Gibbs has scored 97.30 pts, more than any other player in fantasy football. Jeff has kept him on his bench all three weeks, which is why he’s in 10th place instead of 7th. Somehow, starting Hassan Haskins — the Chargers RB on injured reserve — has not proven to be a better strategy. But at least he got those big TE points.

Second week in a row that Garrett — a defensive player, remember — scored in double digits. He has 14 sacks in the last five games. Cincinnati has 15 sacks for the whole year.

Jalen Hurts (32.86 pts) outscored Dak Prescott (31.06 pts) in fantasy, so I’m sure that’s all that really matters.

 
“Names with a P” edition

3rd place: Myles Price, -0.32 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Xavier Gipson, -0.92 pts — on the wire
1st place: Tampa Bay, -2.00 pts — on Jo’s bench

Only one defense ended up in the red this week, and nobody started them. I think we’ve all finally turned a corner…

Gipson, the Eagles punt returner, whose name is not Gibson, remember it has a P in it because he’s a punt returner, fumbled in the fourth quarter to give Dallas a TD and the Eagles their first loss of the month. So, I dunno, maybe just forget him.


** Eagles coach Nick Sirianni summed up the Dallas loss on Sunday with this profound statement: "At the end of the day, we weren't good enough."

No, Nick. From dinnertime through the whole second half, you weren’t good enough. The problem was your offense thought the end of the day started at 6 p.m., right around halftime. Maybe score some second-half points.

** During the third quarter of Ohio State’s game on Saturday, just after the Buckeyes scored a touchdown, Buckeyes Radio sideline reporter Tyler Danburg gave this report:

“Coach Ryan Day just had a meeting with three different referees after that play. He was hot, and he gave it to them. It’s not clear what he was upset about. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

The broadcast team never did discover what the issue was. You know what could have helped clear up the mystery? If the crew had a dedicated employee who could give an on-the-ground synopsis of what’s happening during the game. You know, like giving a live report right from the sideline. 

Not sure what we’d call that person, but it could be an incredibly useful job.

There are NFL players who celebrate Thanksgiving, and then there are the players who were named to elevate the holiday to another level:

** Colts CB Sauce Gardner: Gotta have something to put on top of the meal.
** Bears DE Montez Sweat: M. Sweat is pretty much the same as “Meat Sweats.”
** Lions CB Kendall Fuller: That’s not too full of food, just more full.
** DE Tyrus Wheat: All dinner rolls are good dinner rolls.
** 49ers CB Eli Apple: I can just tell he was teased as “Eli Apple Pie” throughout grade school.
** Chiefs WR Jimmy Holiday: Ironically, he was cut from the team on Monday and will be … off for the holiday.
** Raiders OC Chip Kelly: He got fired this week, so belongs on this list because he’s a dead duck.


The Cowboys won’t be eating dinner with their families this Thursday, because they have a game scheduled every Thanksgiving (because they stole the Lions 30-year-old tradition starting in 1966). But the team still takes time each year to observe the celebration, with a moment of reflection in the locker room before kickoff. And what do the players think about? It’s pretty obvious, if you just rearrange a few letters in the holiday phrase:

 
Cowboys players give thanks
** A gawky snort: Psychos be evil

It’s one thing to be evil. It’s a whole extra level to be thankful for being evil, and to laugh about it. But what else would you expect from these guys?


** Picked up two games on Dad this weekend, thanks to the Chiefs overtime win against the Colts. That puts me up eight for the season, with only six weeks of regular season football left. I’m still picking winners at a 70 percent clip, even if I can’t get any Dolphins games right.

** With their overtime loss to the Lions on Sunday, the 2-10 New Jersey Giants were the first team eliminated from playoff contention. Somehow, the 1-10 Tennessee Titans still have a path, but even I don’t have time to figure that out. But it would involve a wild card spot.

** Credit to G: The Eagles are asking fans to wear all black for the Black Friday game this week. Or because they’re expecting a wake for this lifeless offense. Either way, it’s a dark day ahead.


Week 12 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 24-12
House Garrity: 20-16
House Quinn: 15-21
House Shane: 12-22-2

Family Cup alternate standings
House Shane: 4,348.50 total pts
House Doyle: 4,215.98 total pts
House Garrity: 3,799.40 total pts
House Quinn: 3,687.10 total pts

Look at that ridiculousness again. House Shane has three of the top six scoring teams, so naturally we also have two of the three worst records in the league. Jonathan — the highest scorer in the league by 150 pts — is in fourth place, barely hanging onto a playoff berth. Meanwhile, Lexi’s team (1,374.62 pts) is 9-3 and in first place, even though they have scored three fewer points than Emma’s team (1,377.18 pts) which is 1-10-1 and cannot catch a single break.

With the playoffs just two weeks away, Lexi, Mike and Shelly have all but wrapped up playoff berths, while Jonathan, Ollie, Jim and Grandmom Shane are fighting for three available spots. Shane and Jimmy may technically still be alive, but there’s too much math for me to figure that out.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,528.84 pts
2 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1,495.03 pts
3 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,449.34 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,439.80 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 1,402.19 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,267.42 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1,256.51 pts
8 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,184.45 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,176.08 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,150.96 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 1,042.51 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 960.21 pts

The champ is starting to pull away again. Jonathan scored 142.62 pts this week — second only to Bob’s 145.36 — and widened his nine-point lead from last week to a 33-point lead this week. Dad is trying to keep pace while Bob is charging up, while my team had a dreadful 86.49 pts performance and is sliding backwards quickly. Jo and Ant remain mired in the middle of the pack, and then comes the cliff.

Lots of roster challenges this week — check your teams before noon on Thursday, and then again before the Eagles game on Friday, and then again Sunday morning, and then maybe there’s a Tuesday game next week? Just check every few hours. The NFL doesn’t think you pay enough attention to them anyway.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 11 recap

** The Lions went 0 for 5 on fourth down conversion attempts on Sunday night, the second-worst mark by any team in the last 25 years. The only other team to do worse? That would be the Lions, in 2022.

** The Eagles are the third-best team in the league at stopping fourth downs, with an opponent success rate of just 33% (6 of 18). But most of the conversions have come on the road. In Philly, teams have only had a successful 4th down one time in 8 tries, a success 12.5% rate.

** Sunday was also the Eagles fourth win in a row, and their second four-game winning streak of the season. Over the last four, they have averaged just 14.5 points surrendered on defense.

** The Birds’ own #4? That would be longtime K Jake Elliott, who is 6 for 7 on field goals and 14 for 14 on extra points at home this season. Not bad so far.

** The Eagles have won their last four games played on the 4th of the month, dating all the way back to the Super Bowl win in 2018. Their next game on the 4th? That would be the season finale, against Washington on Jan. 4.

QB: Josh Allen, 48.68 pts — started by Ant
WR: Tetairoa McMillan, 24.67 pts — started by Jonathan
RB: Sean Tucker, 31.87 pts — on Bob’s bench
TE: George Kittle, 19.47 pts — started by Mike
K: Will Lutz, 18.00 pts — started by Mike
DEF: Pittsburgh, 22.00 pts — stated by Joel
D: Myles Garrett, 10.50 pts — started by Jonathan

Aaaaaaaah, so close to getting all of the top performers started. And a tough break for Bob leaving Tucker on the bench, but he did have the #2 RB on the week in his lineup (Christian McCaffrey, 31.27 pts).

One week after RB Jonathan Taylor set the new high for fantasy points by a single player in a single week this season, Bills QB Josh Allen pushes the mark just a little higher. His six-TD performance (three rushing, three passing) could have been even better if not for a pair of interceptions. But sometimes to put up big numbers, you have to risk a few interceptions. Do you hear that, Jalen Hurts?

Garrett, who had five tackles and four sacks on Sunday, has 28.50 fantasy points in his last three games alone. That’s better than all but 50 players total for the season so far. Also, Cleveland has lost all three of those games.

“Names you know” edition

3rd place: Teddy Bridgewater, -0.10 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Mac Jones, -0.30 pts — started by Paul
1st place: Mecole Hardman, -0.78 pts — on the wire

Hardman — who caught the game-winning TD for the Chiefs in the Super Bowl just two seasons ago — has managed only 12 catches in the NFL since then. He signed with the Bills last week and managed a fumble on his only punt return of the day to end up in the red for fantasy points.

Jones, the backup 49ers QB, took three kneel downs to end San Francisco’s win. And I would have bet you $100 that Teddy Bridgewater retired five years ago. He is, in fact, playing for Tampa Bay now. The last time I mentioned him in this blog was 2021 … as part of the three worst QBs of the week.

Ravens WR LaJohntay Wester was actually the worst position player of the week (-0.84 pts), but you don’t know him, so that didn’t really work with the subhead. So pretend like I never mentioned him.


** Frustrated Cleveland Browns fans started a “We Want Shedeur” chant in the first half of the team’s game against the Ravens on Sunday. And after starter Dillon Gabriel was injured, they got their wish: QB Shedeur Sanders made his debut in the second half, with the team leading 16-10.

And how did the overhyped rookie do? The team gained 44 yards on 26 plays in the second half and lost 23-16. And Sanders went 4 for 16 for 47 yds with 1 interception, a QB rating of 13.5. For comparison, your QB rating on Sunday (zero completions for zero yds with no turnovers) was 39.58 — almost three times better.

No sure I’d chant to see a QB who is one-third as good at his job than me, but you be you, Cleveland.

** Adidas has a commercial they’ve been running for two months now where QB Trevor Lawrence and WR/DB Travis Hunter hang out, dance to some 80s music and walk onto the field together with the tag line “We all need someone to make us believe.” They played it several times on Sunday … even though Hunter is out for the year with a leg injury and Lawrence is the 27th rated passer in the league.

I wonder if they know the commercial feels like a desperate plea for help now.

** ESPN Chris Berman hosts the “fastest minute of football” each week on Monday night, where he recaps the biggest stories from the league. This week, that 60-second montage included 20 seconds of … the Canadian Football Championship. Sure, that was more important than the Rams/Seahawks game. 

The Saskatchewan Roughriders won, by the way. They came back from a 7-1 deficit at the end of the first quarter. Nope, not a typo. Canadian football is not real football. 

Cardinals QB Jacoby Brissett connected on 47 of 57 pass attempts in his team’s blowout loss to the 49ers on Sunday, setting a new NFL record for the most completions in a game. Brissett is a 10-year journeyman quarterback with modest stats, making him an unlikely title holder for a passing significant mark. Here are some other names of daily random players who have carved out places in the league’s record book:

** Rushing attempts in a game: RB Jamie Morris, 45
— Morris played for three years in the NFL, totaling only 777 rushing yds across 33 games. But in a 1988 loss to the Bengals, he handled the ball on 45 of Washington’s 69 plays, rushing for 152 yards. His longest carry only went for 12 yds.

** Receiving yards in a game: WR Flipper Anderson, 336
— A year after Morris’ record, Anderson had 15 catches for 336 yds and one TD in a Rams victory over the Saints. Anderson was a solid player — he had two 1,000+ yds seasons in 10 years in the league — but never made a Pro Bowl.

** Touchdown passes in a game: QB Joe Kapp, 7
— Eight players have done this (Including the immortal Nick Foles), but Kapp may be the most random. He played five non-consecutive years in the NFL and seven in the Canadian Football league, but put on a masterpiece of passing in 1969 in a Minnesota Vikings win over the Baltimore Colts. He only had 12 more TD passes in the other 12 games he played that year.

** Tackles in a game: LB David Harris, 20
— The Jets linebacker had an 11-year NFL career and was named second-team all Pro in 2009. But two years earlier, as a rookie, he dropped Washington players 20 times in a 23-20 overtime loss. Harris had five times as many tackles that day as his team had wins for the season — they finished 4-12.


The Cowboys spent a late-round draft pick to snag linebacker Logan Wilson from the Bengals earlier this month. Beat reporters wrote that the reason behind the acquisition was an attempt to shore up the interior defense of the team. But, in reality, the opportunity to add him to the roster for his cultural contributions was too great to pass up. Just look at what the letters in his name rearranged say about him:

LB Logan Wilson
** No balling, slow
** Lo, signal blown
** Gonna blow ills
** An oblong swill
** Wins? No. All glob

Go ahead, look up a picture of him. The first thing I thought when I saw his funny-shaped head was “what an oblong swill that guy is.”

** Went 1-2 against Dad this week, thanks to the Commanders somehow blowing that game in Spain early Sunday morning. That puts Dad down six in our picks for the season. I knew I shouldn’t have gone for two.

** The Bears are in first place in their division. Pretty sure that’s one of the signs of the apocalypse.

** Stolen from social media — Since Oct. 13, the Washington Commanders and Washington Wizards have played 19 games and have a 1-18 record. The Washington Natinals haven’t won during that stretch either...


Week 11 standings

Family Cup standings

House Doyle: 23-10
House Garrity: 19-14
House Quinn: 12-21
House Shane: 11-20-2

With three weeks left in the regular season, Mike, Lexi and Shelly have all but wrapped up their playoff spots. Jonathan — the highest scorer in the league by far — would just barely sneak in as the fifth seed right now, behind Ollie. And despite a 6-5 record tied for 6th place, Grandmom would be out, on account of her low point total.

Pop and Shane still technically have a shot at the postseason, but it would take a Minnesota miracle to happen. Tommy’s team and Emma’s cursed squad will be playing in the consolation round in a few weeks.

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,386.22 pts
2 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,362.85 pts
3 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1,359.83 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,294.44 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 1,278.56 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1,162.03 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant) 1,158.62 pts
8 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1,093.44 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1,087.66 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1,047.20 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 972.86 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 881.55 pts

I managed to leapfrog Pop but lost ground on Jonathan, even though his best player (RB Jonathan Taylor) was on a bye this week. Bob and Mike are still just barely hanging on to the podium stand, while Joanna and Ant are shouting distance away.

Mom D asked if her team’s 57.70 pts performance this week was the worst ever in league history. Bad news, it’s not even bottom five this season. Sam had the worst luck of the year in week 9, when he started three players who scored a combined 0.10 pts and left two others starting despite their byes. The worst ever score in the league came from Joey Awesome, who started all Cowboys reserves for the entire season. It’s like he wasn’t even trying.

Speaking of the Cowboys, it’s Dallas week again. The Eagles play in Dallas at 4:25 p.m., opposite the Browns/Raiders, Jaguars/Cardinals and Falcons/Saints contests. If it’s not the national game, someone should be put in jail.

Bills play on Thursday, and four teams have a bye. Get your rosters set early.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 10 recap

Ahead of the Eagles showdown with the Green Bay this week, news organizations reported this week that the Cowboys trade of DE Micah Parsons to the Packers this summer came with an unusual clause: Green Bay would have to pay a penalty of another first-round draft pick if they trade Parsons to the Eagles in the next two years. 

The “poison pill” provision drew snickers from Philly fans who saw it as confirmation that most Dallas players would eventually rather play for a good Philadelphia team than their current sub-par squad. But few sports writers dug into the other provisions that Dallas tried to include in the contract that were ultimately determined to be unfeasible by the NFL. Here are a few:

— Parsons would have been barred from playing against the Eagles in Monday night’s game, for fear he may defect at halftime.

 
— Parsons would be required to remove the P from his last name, because of potential associations with Philly.

— Green Bay would have to change its uniform colors, so Parsons could not end up wearing any green.

— Philadelphia would have to include a draft pick in the trade between Dallas and Green Bay, just because.

— Green Bay would be required to lose most of its games with Parsons on the roster, copying what Dallas did.

QB: Matthew Stafford, 34.90 pts — started by Pop
WR: Drake London, 17.93 pts — started by Jo
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 47.20 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Trey McBride, 18.97 pts — on Jeff’s bench
K: Jason Myers, 15.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Seattle, 21.00 pts — started by Pop
D: DeMarcus Lawrence, 17.50 pts — on the wire

Taylor rushed for 244 yds and three TDs (and had 42 more yds receiving) in the Colts overtime win against the Falcons on Sunday. The 47.20 pts are the highest score of any player so far this year, including QBs.

Except for one inexplicable game against the Steelers last week where he scored just 6.30 fantasy pts, Taylor hasn’t scored fewer than 21 in a game since September. For the season, Taylor has totaled 250.73 fantasy pts. For comparison, five RBs scored more than that total in all of 2024. No QBs are at that mark yet this year.

He already has 15 rushing TDs (Barkley, the leader last year, had 16 on the season) and is 219 yds ahead of the next closest RB in the race for the rushing title. In short, you really should have drafted him in the first round.

Shout out to Seattle LB DeMarcus Lawrence, who scored two defensive TDs against the Cardinals. If he were a wideout, he would have been second in scoring for that position for the week. Good Sunday for him, lousy day for pass catchers. 

“Grab bag” edition

3rd place: Ke'Shawn Williams, -1.32 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Washington, -4.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: San Francisco, -5.00 pts — on the wire

Second week in a row the mighty Commies defense has been worth -4.00 pts. Since the start of their five-game losing streak, they have surrendered an average of almost 36 pts a game, and their defense has been worth a total of 2.00 fantasy pts. Over the same stretch, Seattle has scored 53.00 fantasy pts, and they had a bye week in there.

Meanwhile, Panthers QB Bryce Young just barely got on the positive side of the ledger, scoring 1.56 fantasy pts thanks to 124 yds passing and an interception in his team’s loss to the Saints. It’s the second straight week that Young has failed to score at least 3.00 fantasy pts. And yet, somehow they beat the Packers in one of those games.


** Don’t get me wrong — I think New Jersey Giants head coach Brian Daboll was terrible at his job.
But I’ve got to think that maybe the front office — who let their Pro Bowl RB walk away, then cut their first-round QB and watched him play at a Pro-Bowl level in Indianapolis this year — deserves some of the blame too. But, hey, if management wants to keep GM Joe Schoen, far be it from me to stop them.

** After a major betting scandal where illegal bets on individual pitches led to the indictment of two players, MLB responded quickly and firmly this week by … announcing they have asked sportsbooks to reduce the amount of money you can bet on individual pitches. Not ban it. Just make it less profitable for illegal gambling purposes.
If the Black Sox scandal happened today, they’d probably issue a sternly worded warning to all teams as a response.

** Ahead of the Eagles game, ESPN showed a commercial where a guy asks Chat GPT for a recipe “that says I love you but plays it cool” and if we’re encouraging people to ask AI for romantic advice now it’s really just time to pack it all up and fade away.

The Eagles so far this year have called 11 run plays on third and 11+ yards to go, a move dubbed “the coward’s draw” by Philly scribes. Since the Eagles offensive coordinator seems to be having trouble understanding down and distance in the NFL, here’s a quick guide to when it's a good idea to run on third and long:

** When your team is up by 24 in the late fourth quarter.
** When your QB went down with a serious injury on second down.
** When your RB is Saquon Barkley (note — this only applies to the 2024 model, not other years).
** When the opposing defense has left the field in protest.
** When you don’t have an all-pro QB and two all-pro wideouts and an all-pro TE and the league doesn’t call pass interference on every third play.
** When you want to lose.

Also, try not to go for it on fourth-and-long in obvious punting situations.

The Cowboys front office gave up a bevy of picks and players last week to land Jets DT Quinnen Williams to help with their defensive woes. At first glance, the move seems to make sense, given how terrible that side of the ball has been this year. But Jets players haven’t been the source of much success in recent years. And when you look at what the letters in the new guy’s name spell out, it doesn’t look like that will change anytime soon.

Dallas Cowboys DT Quinnen Williams
** Lad wins? No. Bad money, class. Will quit.

Williams had zero QB sacks and zero QB pressures this week. Sure, the Cowboys were on a bye week, but it’s still a less-than-impressive start.

** Went 2-0 against Dad this week thanks to the furious Texans comeback over the Jaguars. That puts me up a traditional TD (7) in our picks for the year. He’s got to pick up more than one a week for the rest of the season to pull out a victory.

** There’s still a path for the Titans to get that #1 overall seed.

** The Eagles Monday night game was bad, but it still wasn’t as bad as that clunker between the Broncos and Raiders on Thursday.

** There’s a world where the Eagles win their next three, Dallas loses two of their next three and Philadelphia wins the NFC East before Dec. 1. It’s ridiculous, but honestly not all that ridiculous.

Week 10 standings

Family Cup standings

House Doyle: 20-10
House Garrity: 16-14
House Quinn: 12-18
House Shane: 11-17-2

Another big week from Jonathan’s squad — He has scored 150+ points three of the last four weeks, but has only gone 2-1-1 over that stretch. He got the win this week, taking down Mike #1 ranked team. That gives us a tight race for the playoffs, with the gap between first and seventh (first team out) at just two games with four weeks left in the fantasy regular season.

If they playoffs were to start now, all three Doyle squads would be in there, along with Jonathan, Crazy Grandmom Malice and Shelly. Jimmy still has a chance of crashing the party, while Jimmy, Pop Shane and Shane still have a chance to jump up there. For the Emma/me team and Tommy’s squad, well, there’s always next year.

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1267.88 pts
2 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1259.00 pts
3 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1251.80 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1180.69 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 1154.86 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 1055.02 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 1032.41 pts
8 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1029.96 pts
9 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1020.97 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 960.61 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 904.62 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 752.03 pts

We all knew this was coming. After another mediocre week for my team and great performances from Pop (159.87 pts) and Jonathan (149.09 pts), I slipped back to third and the reigning Awesome Cup champ returned to the top spot. I’ve thought about sabotaging Jonathan’s team, since I have all his login info, but I’ve resisted since that would mostly benefit Pop and not me. We’ll see if I change my mind.

Jeff failed to break 60 fantasy pts this week thanks to starting four inactive players (plus one active one who scored zero points). Joel only started three inactive guys, but he also deployed Bryce Young, so he also failed to reach 60. Jonathan scored 60.9 fantasy points with Jonathan Taylor and Ashton Jeanty alone.

Thankfully, Taylor is on a bye next week, so maybe Jonathan will get cut down to size a bit. Saints are off too. Jets and Patriots play Thursday, Commanders and Dolphins play early on Sunday, Eagles play late on Sunday, Cowboys play Monday for the second time in a row. Get those rosters set early and often.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 9 recap

After a restful bye week, here are a few modest predictions for how the Eagles’ second half will unfold:

** RB Saquon improved from 44 yds rushing two games ago against the Vikings to 150 yds rushing last game against the Giants. So a 106-yard improvement from each week here on out seems reasonable. That would mean 256 rushing yds against the Packers, 362 against the Lions, 468 against the Cowboys, and so on. That means he should end up with 5,535 yards on the ground by the end of the season, assuming he sits out game #17 again.

** DE Brandon Graham returns to the team just nine sacks behind DE Trent Cole for second on the Eagles all-time leader list. Given that there are only nine games left in the season, it will be difficult for Graham to get enough to move up. But with some fresh legs and luck, I’m predicting Graham gets just enough (48) to pass DE Reggie White for the franchise record. That’s just 5.5 a game, with a lighter load in game #17, obviously.

** QB Jalen Hurts has 60 rushing TDs for his career, third all time among passers in the regular season. Thanks to the tush push, Hurts has a chance to break that, before Thanksgiving. That would be five rushing TDs in each of the next three games, with a sixth in the contest against the Cowboys on Nov. 23. That seems extreme until you realize that Barkley will be getting tackled at the one-yard line between seven and 10 times a game in those matchups. Lots of opportunity.

** Given all of that firepower, there’s no reason to think that the Eagles will finish the season any worse than 15-1. True, they are 6-2 already, but after bulldozing teams in the second half, the NFL will be forced to reassess that first game against the Giants, and will opt to overturn the extra blemish on the schedule.

** Finally, despite all of their hard work and success, despite all the good feelings and All-Star play, and despite the opportunity for continued greatness, Philly fans will be disappointed in the playoffs as the Sixers will bomb out in the first round.

QB: Caleb Williams, 42.97 pts — on the wire
WR: Drake London, 30.37 pts — started by Jo
RB: Christian McCaffrey, 29.57 pts — started by Bob
TE: Brock Bowers, 33.07 pts — started by Joel
K: Ka'imi Fairbairn, 18.00 pts — started by Jonathan
DEF: Tennessee, 20.00 pts — on the wire
D: Cody Barton, 9.50 pts — on the wire

Caleb Williams has eight starts this year. Three times he has scored more than 25 fantasy points, including this week’s nearly 43 pts tally, the second highest individual score of the year. Three times he has scored fewer than 14 fantasy pts, including 16.48 in the last two weeks combined. So spare a thought to Jo, who two weeks ago had Bo Nix on her bench for a 43.96 pts performance, and cut Williams just before kickoff on Sunday. I agreed with both moves, because fantasy is cruel and dumb.

Nine QBs scored more than 30 fantasy pts this week, with both Jalen Hurts and Baker Mayfield on byes. Maybe football isn’t hard anymore?

Speaking of good offenses, Tennessee’s defense had fantasy 18 points in the previous seven weeks combined, so naturally they went for 20 on Sunday against a really good Chargers offense. That’s because fantasy is cruel and dumb.


“Players I have never heard of” edition

3rd place: Adrian Martinez, -0.10 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Tahj Washington, -0.77 pts — on the wire
1st place: Roman Wilson, -1.23 pts — on the wire

Honestly, you could convince me pretty easily that all of those names were just computer-generated characters.

Panthers QB Bryce Young scored a whopping 2.98 fantasy pts on 102 yds passing and one INT Sunday … and still scored a win against the heavily-favored Packers. Bengals QB Joe Flacco scored 38.70 fantasy pts on 470 yds passing, two picks and four TDs … and lost. So apparently Flacco being 13 times better than Young wasn’t enough for the Bengals to win. Tough to be a Cincinnati fan right now.


** Headline in the Washington Post this week: “These QBs, pass rushers and others may or may not be traded this year.”

Really honing in on the news there. I do have an alternate headline suggestion: “Someone in the NFL will go somewhere sometime maybe.” Feels like that really gets at the heart of what they were trying to say.

** Great graphic by Fox during Game 7 of the World series showing the pain of Canadian sports fans. It was titled “Canada Dry” and showed no Canadian baseball team had won it all since 1993, no Canadian hockey team has won it all since 1993, and no Canadian basketball team has won it all since … the Toronto Raptors in 2019.

That’s the kind of long-term suffering that Boston fans talk about all the time.

** Before we get through another week of college football, we have to talk about the Buckeyes first-string running back: freshman Lamar Jackson.

Obviously, his parents didn’t know their son would be a football star, or that there would be another, more famous Lamar Jackson right as he got on the cusp of the pros. But he’s there now, so naturally he has decided to go by a nickname to limit confusion. Smart move.

He now goes by Bo instead.

That’s right. To avoid confusion with a famous NFL star, the kid decided to change his name … to the same one as a different, famous NFL star. Really outsmarted us all on that one. Solid work.

It’s not over until it’s all over. The Titans currently have a 1-8 record, tied for the worst in all of football. And yet, consider if the season plays out this way over the next nine weeks...

** Tennessee wins its final eight games and finishes 9-8.
** Jacksonville and Indianapolis both finish 8-7-2, with a tie against each other.
** Houston finishes 7-8-2, with ties against the Jags and Colts.
** New England and Buffalo both finish 8-8-1.
** Cincinnati wins five of its last eight to finish 8-9. Baltimore does the same.
** Pittsburgh loses seven of its last nine, to finish 7-10.
** San Diego and Denver finish 8-8-1.
** Kansas City ties four of its last eight and loses three more, finishing 6-7-4.

That makes the Bengals the AFC North winners, the Patriots the AFC East winners and the Chargers the AFC West winners. But, with a 9-8 record and the only winning record in the AFC, the Titans would be the #1 overall seed in the playoffs and get a first-round bye.

For real, though, you can figure it all out for yourself here. Dream big, folks. I’m looking forward to late January football in Nashville.

   In a bizarre quirk of scheduling, the Cowboys played on Monday night this week and will play their next game (after a bye) on Monday night as well. Some may question why a middle-of-the-pack team like the Cowboys deserves such a prominent spot, but other NFL experts … would probably agree with that. Besides, it’s pretty clear from the TV guide description that the schedulers know how dumb the move is. Just look at what those letters rearranged clearly spell out:

Dallas Cowboys starring on ESPN’s Monday Night Football
** Why? Bland slobs not good. Constant gas pain, misery for all

I bet you thought that indigestion was because of the chips you were eating. No! The Cowboys actually cause gastric distress. It’s a medical fact.

** Same as last week — split my picks with Dad, so I remain up five on him for the season. It feels like he’s laying in wait, looking for the right moment to strike.

** The Bengals lost 47-42 to the Bears this week and 39-38 to the Jets last week. They’re the first team to score 38+ points in consecutive weeks and lose since the 1966 Jets. And they’re the first team to lose two games in a season after scoring 38+ points since … the 2024 Bengals. Way to fix that defensive problem, guys.

** I’m always excited when the Cowboys trade for a player because it’s a new name for the anagram machine. Also, because they’re dumb and don’t know how to handle draft picks in trades.


Week 9 standings

Family Cup standings

House Doyle: 18-9
House Garrity: 14-13
House Quinn: 11-16
House Shane: 10-15-2

Big wins for Shelly and Mike keep them in first place. Jonathan, who is the top scorer in the league by a wide margin, is sitting down in fourth and in danger of missing the playoffs. And the league’s second highest-scoring team? That’s the team run by Emma and me, in dead last. Congrats to Shane for playing us this week and scoring his highest point total of the year, and the highest point total of the week. And congrats to Jimmy, who plays us next week, for inevitably scoring 140+ pts then.

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,140.22 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 1,118.79 pts
3 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 1,099.13 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 1,075.98 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 1,041.32 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 942.97 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 936.80 pts
8 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 934.55 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 917.04 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 903.48 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 830.86 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 694.23 pts

Jonathan picked up 0.32 pts on me this week, but the big moves were Dad and Bob both closing the gaps on the top two spots. Dad scored 155.41 pts, and Bob got 150.30 pts, both impressive leaps.

Mike rounds out the top tier of teams, but Jo is doing her best to climb into the upper echelon despite some terrible fantasy luck. Jeff has successfully made it into tier two, and could jump into sixth next week with a little luck. And it’s better not to discuss what’s happening behind him in the standings.

The NFL trade deadline passed this week, which means the league can send teams overseas again without worrying players will be stolen by European soccer squads, I guess. Broncos and Raiders on Thursday, Falcons and Colts early on Sunday in Berlin, and Eagles vs. Packers on Monday night. Adjust those rosters early.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 8 recap

The Eagles bye week syncs up nicely with Halloween this year, so the Philly athletes have decided to go trick-or-treating together. Here’s a quick preview of the costumes they plan to wear:

QB Jalen Hurts — Superman
** He’s completely unstoppable, except for when defenses find a small sliver of kryptonite. Then he completely falls apart.

DE Brandon Graham — Father Time
Just when you think he’s too old to go out asking for candy, he surprises you with another gear.

WR AJ Brown — The Invisible Man
** One minute he’s tearing up and down the street, and the next minute he’s held without a catch for a half.

DT Jalen Carter — Dilophosaurus
** Sure the frill is complicated to put on, but he’s got the spitting part down pat.

RB Saquon Barkley — the Flash
** You sorta forget he’s with the other super heroes until all the sudden he goes speeding by.

1B Bryce Harper — RB Saquon Barkley
** Yeah, it’s still the best costume around town. Plus it comes with a ring.

QB: Jordan Love, 34.30 pts — started by me
WR: Troy Franklin, 20.93 pts — started by Paul
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 35.70 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Tucker Kraft, 25.03 pts — started by Jo
K: Chris Boswell, 20.00 pts — started by Mom D
DEF: Tampa Bay, 29.00 pts — on Jo’s bench
D: Anthony Nelson, 15.50 pts — on the wire

Biggest surprise of the week? It’s not the four RBs who topped 30 fantasy points (Taylor, Jame Cook, Breece Hall and Saquon). It’s not the six QBs who beat that mark (including Tua Tagovailoa, who scored 7.4 fantasy pts in his last two starts combined). It’s not a tight end outscoring every wideout on the week.

Nope, it’s that Browns DE Myles Garrett isn’t on the list. He had six tackles, five sacks and a forced fumble in Cleveland’s loss — yes, LOSS — to the Patriots on Sunday. And he couldn’t bag the title of best defensive player of the day either. Tampa Bay LB Nelson had four tackles, two sacks, two turnovers, a pass deflection and a TD, just enough to beat Garrett by 0.50 fantasy pts.

“Worst D ever” edition

3rd place: (tie) Dallas, -4.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
3rd place: (tie) Carolina, -4.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: New Jersey Jets, -5.00 pts — started by Ant
1st place: (tie) Pittsburgh, -6.00 pts — started by Joel
1st place: (tie) Cincinnati, -6.00 pts — on the wire

Just amazing stuff all around here. The Bengals and Jets combined for one sack, no turnovers and 87 points allowed in their matchup on Sunday, which has to be one of the worst defensive tandems of all time. And the Jets won, which was hilarious.

The Cowboys had their fourth game scoring zero fantasy points or less, all contests they have lost. At 15 pts for the season, they’d be under zero for the year if not for an inexplicable 16 pts performance two weeks ago against the Commanders.

Not on this list are the five other defenses which scored negative points on Sunday, including the Falcons (who I started), the Vikings (who Sam started) and the Bears (who Jo started). If you got six or more points from your defense this week, consider yourself lucky.


** Don’t get on Fox analyst Joel Klatt’s good side.

During Saturday’s Indiana/UCLA contest, Klatt praised Hoosiers QB Fernando Mendoza as a potential high pick in next year’s NFL draft. “He’s incredibly accurate,” he said. “He’s got 21 TDs and only two interceptions on the year. He just has been phenomenal.”

Mendoza’s next four passes: incomplete, incomplete, interception, incomplete. Great jinx work there.

** A moment after that, Klatt noted that Mendoza is "highly intelligent AND really smart.” 

I am neither of those things, so I can’t tell you the difference between those two traits.

** Stupidest thing I saw this week: The Sunday night football game featured the Steelers and Packers both wearing alternate “color rush” uniforms. Green Bay wore its all-white ensemble (how that counts as rushing color, I don’t know) and Pittsburgh wore an all-yellow throwback.

So every time you looked up and saw someone in what looked like a yellow Packers helmet, it was the Steelers. And every time you saw white helmet with dark accents like the Steelers, it was the Packers.

Luckily the chyron along the bottom of the screen had green next to the Packers tally and black next to the Steelers points, so there was no connection between the scoreboard and the game itself. Solid visuals all around.

The NFL got an early jump on pushing their clocks back this weekend, apparently slipping back a dozen years in the calendar. Consider:

** Eagles RBs Saquon Barkley and Tank Bigsby both rushed for more than 100 yds on Sunday. The last time two running backs did that for this team? Dec. 22, 2013 — when LeSean McCoy and Bryce Brown combined for 246 yds on 27 carries.

** Other notable players who were starting in the NFL that week in 2013 — QB Aaron Rodgers, QB Matt Stafford, QB Joe Flacco, QB Geno Smith, and QB Andy Dalton. Not all of them were starting this week … because Stafford’s and Smith’s teams were on a bye. Otherwise they all would have completed at least one pass.

** At the end of December 2013, two of the three best records in the league belonged to the Patriots and Colts, both of whom boasted high-powered offenses. As of Monday night, the Patriots and Colts had two of the top four offenses in the league.

** The eventual AFC champion in the 2013 season was the Denver Broncos, who boasted 13 wins thanks to an overpowering defense. This year’s Broncos are on pace for 13 wins, thanks to another strong defense.

** In 2013, Lane Johnson was starting at tackle for the Eagles, Travis Kelce was starting at TE for the Chiefs, and Keenan Allen was starting at WR for the Chargers. This week, Johnson was starting at tackle for the Eagles, Kelce was starting at TE for the Chiefs, and Allen was starting at WR for the Chargers.

** No matter where you turned in 2013, Tom Brady was in NFL promos and commercials and everything. And somehow, even though he has retired twice, Brady still won’t go away.

The Cowboys’ big offseason acquisition was a #2 wide receiver to help out with the Dallas offense. George Pickens was already established as a deep-play threat on the Steelers, but the Cowboys coaching staff saw something special in him that they knew would bring depth to their team.

Was it his speed? No. His grit? No. His can-do attitude? No. It was clearly spelled out in the letter of his name, just rearranged a bit:

Dallas wideout George Pickens
** Greed peg — New idiot lacks a soul

Greedy and dumb? That’s practically Jerry Jones’ family motto.

** Split my picks with Dad for the week, so I remain up five on him for the season. I’m 85-35 so far, which is a cool 70.3 percent accuracy rate on the year. If not for the Vikings, I may be at 90+ percent.

** Eagles head into the bye with a 2.5 game lead over the Cowboys in second place. If the Eagles go 4-5 over the second half, the Cowboys would have to go 7-2 to pass them.

** I was working a joke about Halloween and Jerry Jones and the crypt keeper but honestly it just felt too obvious.

 

Week 8 standings

Family Cup standings

House Doyle: 17-7
House Garrity: 11-13
House Shane: 9-13-2
House Quinn: 10-14

I no longer have words for how frustrating this league is. The team run by Emma and me has scored the third most points in the league, and we are in dead last place. We have four losses (OK, three losses and one tie) this year where we have scored 125+ pts. Shelly’s team, tied for first with six wins, has only scored above that mark twice all year. Jimmy’s team has scored 255 points fewer — almost 32 points less a week — and has one more win than us. This league is cursed. I look forward to winning the final six games of the season and missing the playoffs by one spot.

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 1,018.21 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 996.46 pts
3 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 943.72 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 925.68 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 921.88 pts
6 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 886.99 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 845.36 pts
8 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 842.11 pts
9 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 833.26 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Joel), 820.91 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 760.29 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 593.61 pts

So much for my impressive lead. I couldn’t break 90 pts this week, and Jonathan scored over 160, trimming my cushion in the standings to less than 22 pts. Three more teams are within 100 of first, including former champs Pop and Mike. But don’t sleep on Dr. Bob’s squad — is this finally the year he can break through? I hope not. My team was doing really well…

Joel’s team is officially dead, failing to top 60 pts for the second week in a row. Paul’s is mostly dead, which is better than all dead, because with all dead the only thing you can do is check their pockets for loose change.

The Eagles don’t play next week, but other teams do, so check the schedule early and often. We’re entering the back stretch, and it’s still anyone’s game.