Fantasy football 2025 -- week 7 recap

On Sunday, Eagles QB Jalen Hurts became only the third Philadelphia quarterback to achieve a perfect passer rating in a regular season game, joining Donovan McNabb and Nick Foles on the exclusive list. The passer rating calculator remains a confusing and unintuitive metric, so here’s a quick explanation of what a player has to do to receive to score a 158.3 on the scale, the highest mark possible:

— Throw at least 10 passes
— Complete at least 77.5% of passes
— Average at least 12.5 yards per pass attempt
— Throw no interceptions
— Throw a TD on at least 11.875% of pass attempts
— Spend at least two quarters not throwing the ball further than three yards
— Look completely lost at least once in the third quarter
— Somehow need the defense to score to win the game
— Laugh about your critics after the game

Foles is the only QB to get a perfect passer rating in a game where he threw seven TDs. Hurts only had three on Sunday, so there’s still more he can aim for.

QB: Bo Nix, 43.96 pts — on Jo’s bench
WR: Ja'Marr Chase, 24.73 pts — started by Joel
RB: Christian McCaffrey, 33.20 pts — started by Bob
TE: Trey McBride, 21.93 pts — started by Jeff
K: Will Reichard, 18.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Cleveland, 28.00 pts — on the wire
D: Travis Hunter, 17.23 pts — started by Ant (kind of)

Let’s address that last name first — Hunter is now officially listed as WR/CB, which means he can be started in the defensive player spot. But Anthony didn’t do that this week, so he just got a solid score from a flex position instead of an incredible score from a D position. Poor coaching, still a fine result.

Huge point totals all around this week. Nix tied for the highest score of the year so far (yes, tied. Goff had 43.96 pts exactly in week 2. Weird). Eleven players topped 30 pts, including three RBs (McCaffery, Jonathan Taylor and Jahmyr Gibbs) and Mr. Perfect, Jalen Hurts. WR DeVonta Smith had 183 receiving yards and a TD, but was only the third best fantasy receiver (and beat AJ Brown by just 0.67 pts).

“QB parade” edition

3rd place: (tie) Gardner Minshew, -0.30 pts — on the wire
3rd place: (tie) Jimmy Garoppolo, -0.30 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Tua Tagovailoa, -1.40 pts — on the wire
1st place: Kenny Pickett, -1.68 pts — on the wire

On the same day that the Eagles starter had a perfect passer rating, two former Eagles QBs made the list of worst fantasy performers of the week. Mishnew didn’t really earn his spot, collecting -3 rushing yds on three kneel downs. Super Bowl winning QB Kenny Pickett did, going 2 for 2 for 8 yds passing and fumbling in his brief appearance during the Raiders 31-0 loss to the Chefs.

But those two were just part timers. Tagovailoa played the majority of the Dolphins' loss to the (checks notes) Browns, passing for 100 yards and three interceptions, one of which was returned for a TD. His QB rating was 24.1, which was lower than your rating on Sunday (zero completions, yards, TDs or INTs is a 39.6 rating). If you’re the worst QB on the field during a Browns game and you’re not wearing a Browns’ uniform, you’ve hit a new low in life.


** In the second quarter of the Ohio State/Wisconsin game (during which commentator Brad Nessler confused the Badgers and the Buckeyes four times), Wisconsin suffered a rash of injuries, including to their RB. After a few minutes, sideline reporter Jenny Dell gave an update on the player’s condition:

“I just talked to the coaches. If he can come back, then he’ll get into the game. But if not, then he’s out.”

That’s the kind of inside perspective that only the best sideline report can provide.

 

** Texas Tech athletic director Kirby Hocutt said this on Monday:

"As Red Raiders, no one tells us what to do. We make our own decisions. I leaned into throwing tortillas at the beginning of the football season. Now I must ask everyone to stop."

I can give you the context for that, but I assure you it will not make any more sense.

Fine. Texas Tech has a tradition (not the right word) of tossing tortillas into the air during football games. The Big 12 voted this year to penalize teams whose fans throw items onto the field. Texas Tech fans responded by throwing loads of tortillas onto the field throughout the last few games, and now faces a $100,000 fine from the league if it happens again.

See? I told you it makes no more sense.

 

** Dolphins Coach Mike McDaniel, asked about QB Tua Tagovailoa’s status going ahead after Sunday’s embarrassing loss: "He is going to take the snaps this week, and he's going to be our starter this week.”

Yeah, so, McDaniel is getting fired before November.

The Eagles announced on Monday that two-time Super Bowl winner Brandon Graham will return to the nest this season, to help the team’s suddenly thin pass rush. Team reporters are already speculating that he might not be the only familiar face to return to the team this year. Here are a few other names to watch:

** C Jason Kelce: The Eagles offensive line is also hurting, and Kelce is still looking for a second Super Bowl ring.

** QB Mike Kafka: Sure, he’s the offensive coordinator for the New Jersey Giants now. But Kafka was in the same Eagles draft class as Graham (2010), so why not give it a try?

** S Brian Dawkins: No question he could still lay down some hits.

** RB Saquon Barkley: After his monster campaign last year, it’d be great to see him play again in 2025. It’s a shame that he decided to hang up his cleats over the summer and … wait, wut? Are you sure? Then where the hell has he been?

** P Jeff Feagles: Feagles played for 22 years — would you really be surprised if you found out he still wanted to sign one more contract?


The Cowboys activated CB Caelen Carson from the injured reserve list to help with their struggling defense. Coaches talk all the time about players “checking all the boxes,” and Carson was no exception. Except in his case, those boxes are all terrible, terrible qualities that are clearly spelled out in the letters of his name:

Dallas CB Caelen Carson
** A rascal: Bled cons clean
** A slob: All cancer dances
** A clod: Cleans barnacles
** A debacle: Calls son “narc”
** A loser: Cancel bad clans

I don’t know if “cancer dances” cause cancer or just celebrate cancer, but either way, this guy is bad news.

** I went 2-1 in the picks against Dad this week, but the one I got wrong was that Miami loss. In a just world, that would count as 20 losses for me. But this is not a just world, and I remain up 5 on Dad for the season.

** RB Montie Quinn of Division III Curry College (in New England) ran for seven TDs and 522 yards in his team’s 71-27 win over Nichols College. He had five TD runs over 50 yds, and three over 75 yds. For those of you scoring at home, yes, that is a record for any college game, and yes, that would have been worth 94.2 fantasy pts in our league.

** Sixers start their season tomorrow, in case you haven’t had enough Philly sports disappointment of late.

Week 7 standings

Family Cup standings

House Doyle: 15-6
House Garrity: 10-11
House Shane: 8-11-2
House Quinn: 8-13

It’s official: Emma's Unicorn Blobfish Empire is cursed. Despite scoring the most points in the league this week, our empire still couldn’t get a win. Instead, we tied with Jonathan at 154.46 pts apiece. Think about that. We’re going down to the hundredths of a point in scoring, and still everything ended up even. On the season, our joint team is fifth in the league in scoring and 11th in record. We’ve had 71 more points — about 10 more points a week — scored on us than any other team. Shelly has 78 fewer points on the year and 4 more wins than us. And now, we have to stare at that bizarre tie for the rest of the season. Cursed, I tell you. Cursed!

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 928.62 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 836.24 pts
3 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 825.01 pts
4 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 824.38 pts
5 — City Hands (Mike), 794.99 pts
6 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 769.82 pts
7 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 754.74 pts
8 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 739.16 pts
9 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 734.72 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 734.29 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 646.29 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 538.54 pts

Jeff scored 153.96 points in our league this week and he doesn’t even get proper recognition for the achievement, because Bob went full beast mode with his squad: 180.14 pts, with eight of his 12 players scoring in double digits. That vaulted him up the charts again, putting him just a hair out of third and within striking distance of second. First place, still secure, although my lead slipped back to just double digits this week.

At the other end, Joel hasn’t scored more than 85 pts since week 2. Starting an injured QB for multiple weeks will do that to you. Mom D did start all healthy players, but her defense and RB trio combined for just 11.24 pts. The B Sharps remain disappointingly flat.

Your NFL schedule for next week includes … wait, what? One Monday game? No overseas contests? Just a slate of mostly normal Sunday games? I’m not sure how to deal with that. I’ll probably find a new way to forget to set my roster as a result.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 6 recap

Before we move past last week’s absolute tragedy of a sports day for Philadelphia, it’s important to put the trauma in its proper context. To recap, here are all the things that happened last Thursday:

** The Phillies were eliminated from the playoffs on a 12th-inning error.
** The Eagles got blown out by an inferior division opponent.
** The Flyers opened their season with a loss.
** The Sixers existed.

All terrible, heartbreaking events. But was it the worst single sports day in city history? Here are the other contenders (subtracting deaths and real world horrors, mostly):

— Oct. 16, 1983: Only twice in U.S. pro sports history has a city had three pro sports teams lose on the same day including a MLB team being bounced from the playoffs. Those two are Philadelphia last week … and Philadelphia in 1983, when the Phillies were eliminated from the World Series by the Orioles, the Eagles lost by 30 to the Cowboys, and the Flyers were beaten by the Rangers 5-4.

— Nov. 5, 2022: In a historic first, Philadelphia lost two major sports championships on the same day, within a few hours of each other. After the Union fell to LA in penalty kicks (the Philly squad took the lead in overtime and couldn’t hold on), the Phillies lost a decisive game five of the World Series to the Astros. For the record, the Flyers did win that day, but no one noticed.

— May 12, 1985: The Sixers lost game 1 of the Easter Conference Finals to the rival Celtics just a few hours after the Phillies lost a 3-2 contest against the rival Mets. And a few hours after all that, the city police dropped a bomb on the MOVE complex after a lengthy firefight with members bunkering in the row homes. So, the sports news went a little under the radar.

— Feb. 29, 2009: Flyers lose in overtime to the Canadiens within a few minutes of the Sixers loss to the Magic in regulation. But both of those defeats came about five hours after the worst sports news of the day, when the Eagles declined to match the contract offer Denver made to S Brian Dawkins, allowing him the leave in free agency.

— April 23, 2020: The Phillies, Sixers and Flyers were all scheduled to play that day, but the Covid pandemic wiped out all sports for the week and much of the spring. But one sports event that did go on was the NFL Draft, where the Eagles selected WR Jalen Reagor one pick ahead of WR Justin Jefferson. So that counted for roughly 15 losses on its own.

Given that the 1983 mess involved both a Cowboys loss and a World Series loss, it feels like that hurts more than any other single day. But luckily, we Philly faithful have plenty of pain to choose from.

QB: Patrick Mahomes, 37.48 pts — started by Sam
WR: George Pickens, 21.70 pts — started by Joel
RB: Bijan Robinson, 30.53 pts — started by me
TE: Dallas Goedert, 17.83 pts — started by Pop
K: Eddy Pineiro, 15.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: LA Rams, 20.00 pts — started by Sam
D: Devin White, 9.00 pts — started by Jonathan

I guess it’s time we had a conversation about Rico Dowdle, the #2 RB on the week with 30.03 pts. The Panthers RB has scored 30+ fantasy pts in his last two games, collecting 389 rushing yards and 85 receiving yards in back-to-back victories for his team. He’s fourth in rushing on the season and has suddenly made Carolina relevant, a feat that seemed impossible just one month ago. And his ridiculous performance this week came at the expense of his former team, the Cowboys, for whom he played four years and only broke 100 rushing yards four times. All great news.

Remember when the Eagles didn’t want to resign Goedert? Right now he’s the #2 fantasy TE in all of football, and has more TDs than all but four wideouts in the league. So, yeah, the team was absolutely right to make him take a pay cut.

Just missed a perfect week. Stupid kickers. 

“Names you know” edition

3rd place: Philadelphia, -1.00 pts — started by Paul
2nd place: Cooper Rush, -1.12 pts — on the wire
1st place: San Francisco, -2.00 pts — on Bob’s bench

If you’re looking for a defense, Bob has it. He’s currently carrying three different DEFs at the moment, and luckily benched the worst of them this week. Sadly for him, the other two (Green Bay and Kansas City) only scored 3.00 pts each.

Through three starts this season in place of All-Pro QB Lamar Jackson, Cooper Rush has thrown zero TDs and four interceptions for a total of 2.12 fantasy pts. That’s playing as a QB, not as a backup special teams player. The Ravens have a bye this week and Rush has already tossed another pick.


** For the second week in a row, Westwood One commentator Oliver Wilson dropped some mind-numbing comments during the overseas NFL game of the week, Denver vs. New Jersey. The Jets took over at their own 35-yard line in the late third quarter, with an 11-10 lead. Wilson analyzed the situation at hand:

“That’s a good starting position,” he said. “I wouldn’t bet against them trying to get this into field goal range on this possession.”

Look, I know the Jets are bad, but I do believe they are at least trying to get into scoring position on every possession. It would be more shocking to me if they were kneeling down on the ball in the third quarter, assuming a one-point lead will hold for 15+ minutes.

Now, if you want to bet on them actually succeeding in getting into field goal range, that’s a different story. The Jets went three-and-out and lost the game.

** Eagles coach Nick Sirriani, following the Giants game last week: “We’ve got a lot of confidence in [offensive coordinator] Kevin [Patullo] and the offensive staff and love some of the thoughts that we have.”

The Eagles are 16th in points per game, have only managed 17 points each of the last two games, and are wasting their Pro Bowl running back and all-Pro wideouts. But, I do love good thoughts, almost as much as I love scoring.

Last week’s terrible Philly games have us all feeling a little down, but just remember that not all is lost. You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and people like you. Plus, you were a better athlete than a lot of professionals over the weekend. Just consider:

— Did you get zero passing yards this weekend? Congrats! You were better than Jets QB Justin Fields, who had a net -10 yards passing on the day thanks to nine sacks. He’s only the second player in the last 10 years to have as many sacks as completions in a game. The other was … Justin Fields.

— Did you get zero rushing yards this weekend? Congrats! You were better than Raiders RB Raheem Mostert, who rushed five times for -4 yards. Mostert made the Pro Bowl just 20 months ago, and now he can’t even make the line of scrimmage.

— Did you drive a car this weekend? Congrats! You were faster than Seahawks WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba, who topped out at 21 mph in his breakaway 61-yard TD catch on Sunday. Sure, he almost reached the neighborhood speed limit on foot, but almost doesn’t count here.

— Did you show up for work on Tuesday? Congrats! You made more money this week than Lions DB Brian Branch, who was suspended one game due to a post-game fight following his team’s loss to the Chiefs Sunday. He makes about $118,000 per game, and has now lost roughly $247,000 thanks to 14 fines in his three-year career.

— Are you on the Browns? No? Congrats! Through clean living and hard work, you’ve avoided the pitfalls of ending up playing for that wretched franchise, which has not scored more than 18 points in any of its last 11 contests. The last time they broke that barrier was Dec. 2 of last year, when they scored 32 … in a 41-32 loss to the Broncos.

The Cowboys knew they had a serious defensive problem heading into this season, which is why they selected Donovan Ezeiruaku in the second round of last spring’s draft. They were hoping he’d bring some new energy and spark into the locker room, but thus far the results have been disappointing. And, honesty, predictable, because just look at what his name spells out:

Dallas Defensive End Donovan Ezeiruaku
** Dead. No life. A zero. Leaves unkind, unsaved.

RIP, rookie. I’m sorry it had to end so soon.

** Dad picked up a game on me this week, and I couldn’t be happier. We’re just trading being wrong about the Panthers each week, and he nailed their win over the Cowpokes on Sunday. I’m still at plus-4 for the season, so no worries yet.

** If you’re wondering why I didn’t include Penn State’s awful sports week in the Philadelphia misery, it’s because the school is in upstate New York and not the Philadelphia area. But for the record: 17 days ago, that team was undefeated and ranked #3 in the country in college football. Today, they’re .500, outside the top #25 and looking for a new head coach after spending $49 million to fire James Franklin. Not great.

** I was trying to find players with a stupider name than Cam Skattebo to score multiple TDs against the Eagles and the best I could do was RB Stump Mitchell of the St. Louis Cardinals who scored 2 TDs in a 24-14 win in Philly on Nov. 17, 1985. He’s currently 66 years old and the running backs coach for the West Georgia Wolves. I’m betting he could score two more against the birds next week.

 

Week 6 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 13-5
House Garrity: 9-9
House Shane: 8-10
House Quinn: 6-12

And just like that, we have no more undefeated or winless teams in the league. Pop upset Mike (with 170+ pts!) to finally put a blemish on Mike’s perfect season. At the other end of the standings, Emma’s squad finally didn’t play someone who scored in the 130s, and defeated Tommy’s team for her first win of the season. Oliver and Jimmy came out on top in their respective family battles, while Grandmom upset Jonathan to keep him from sneaking into first place.

Awesome Cup Standings
1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 821.59 pts
2 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 721.47 pts
3 — City Hands (Mike), 708.52 pts
4 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 704.07 pts
5 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 672.71 pts
6 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 664.93 pts
7 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 644.24 pts
8 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 643.10 pts
9 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 635.05 pts
10 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 580.33 pts
11 — The B Sharps (Paul), 569.33 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 483.27 pts

A big week for Pop here too — 147.47 pts was the high score on the week for this league, giving him the rare double first-place finish. That was good enough to get him to the edge of podium position. Jo posted 13 fewer points and climbed back up a bit in the standings too. And Jonathan cemented his grip on second with a 118.35 pts performance.

But none of your efforts are slowing me down. Another week, another 120+ pts. I now have a 100-point cushion in the standings, and that’s with Lamar Jackson and Cam Skittleado on my bench. Could I have the league title wrapped up by week 9? Sure, if Bijan Robinson averages 300 rushing yards and seven touchdowns each of the next three weeks.

Speaking of next week … Thursday game, Sunday early game, Sunday late game, two Monday games, two byes, zero scheduling sense. Check your rosters now, and again later, and then again even later.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 5 recap

Philadelphia sports media reported this week that Jalen Hurts, A.J. Brown, and Saquon Barkley had a “long, positive talk on Monday” following the team’s loss to Denver. Thanks to sources within the building, I’ve learned the trio was actually brainstorming ideas to recommend improvements to the gameplan with offensive coordinator Kevin Patullo. And I’ve also obtained a recording of their meeting with the coach on Tuesday morning to lay out their concerns. Here is a partial transcript:

AJ: “What if we tried moving the ball forward?”

KP: “Nah, we did that, and every time the center moves the ball ahead even a little the refs throw a flag.”

SB: “No, bro, he doesn’t mean on the tush push. He means moving the ball down the field.”

KP: “You mean like a downfield tush push?”

JH: “No like and actual, grown-up offensive play down the field. Like in the Super Bowl.”

KP: “Ah, right. I forgot there was a tush push in the Super Bowl too.”

SB: “We need to run an offense again, bud. Not just these weak, weird plays. An actual offense to catch people off guard.”

KP: “Sounds risky. If we keep the ball close to the line of scrimmage, we won’t turn it over. That’s how you win.”

JH: “What if we’re behind on the scoreboard?”

KP: “Then we definitely don’t want to fall further behind.”

AJ: “My man, this squad scored 40 points against a good Chiefs defense in the Super Bowl. We need to get back to that mentality. We need to play to win again.”

KP: (pauses)

KP: (pauses)

KP: “You’re right, we gotta win in those trenches. Let’s go out there and practice the tush push some more.”

QB: C.J. Stroud, 36.76 pts — on the wire
WR: Ja'Marr Chase, 23.83 pts — started by Joel
RB: Rico Dowdle, 30.47 pts — started by Pop
TE: AJ Barner, 19.03 pts — on the wire
K: Ka'imi Fairbairn, 18.00 pts — started by Jonathan
DEF: Indianapolis, 20.00 pts — on the wire
D: Derrick Barnes, 10.50 pts — on the wire

More tough news for AJ Brown — he’s not even the first AJ in the top performers list of the year. I’ve never heard of AJ Barner, Seattle’s TE, before this moment, but he’s the #5 player at his position on the year.

The Texans came into Sunday averaging 16 points a game, but that’s nothing the Ravens defense couldn’t help fix. Stroud passed for four TDs and 244 yds in a 44-10 dismantling of the reeling Baltimore team. For comparison, Strout collected just 38.06 fantasy pts in his first three games this season.

Don’t look now, but Rams WR Puka Nacua (#4 wideout on the week) has 588 receiving yds and is on pace for 1,999 for the season. The record is 1,964 by Calvin Johnson in 2012, in 16 games.

“Bad luck” edition

2nd place: (tie) Ollie Gordon II, -0.20 pts — on Mike’s bench
2nd place: (tie) Zavier Scott, -0.20 pts — started by Jo
1st place: Jalen Milroe, -2.00 pts — on the wire

Scott was worth 12.47 pts last week when the Vikings lost and there were no bye weeks, so naturally he was worth negative pts for Jo this week when the Vikings won and she needed a bye-week fill in. Fantasy football is cruel.

Five defenses were worth negative pts this week, and somehow the Ravens weren’t the worst (they were only -4.00 pts). Congrats to the Raiders on being the most recent member of the -6.00 team, surrendering 40 pts to the Colts and recording no sacks or takeaways.

But, for the record, Baltimore is the worst defense in all of football now: They’re scored -4.00 pts total on the year, ending up in negative territory four of the last five weeks.


** Ahead of the Vikings/Browns game in London on Sunday, singers performed both the “Star Spangled Banner” and “God Save the King.” Westwood One commentator Oliver Wilson, moved by the musical moment, noted that “the American and British national anthems just hit different ahead of a game in London.”

He’s absolutely right. Whenever I hear NFL teams play “God Save the King” ahead of a normal, stateside game, my emotions are less overcome by the grandeur and more confused about why we’re pledging allegiance to our former overlords. Did we lose a war? Did someone mortgage the country and we got repossessed?

You know what would be really different? Getting smart commentary while watching overseas football.

** Ahead of the Blue Jays/Yankees series, the Bills put out several social media messages wishing Toronto good luck in advancing to the next round of the MLB playoffs. That drew immediate criticism online from Yankees fans blasting the franchise for turning its back on New York.

A few points of rebuttal:

1 — Toronto is a 90-minute drive from Buffalo. New York City is a 6.5-hour drive. Expecting Buffalo to have allegiance to a NYC team is like expecting the Phillies to put out a tweet wishing the Pittsburgh Penguins luck in the postseason.

2 — Since when does anyone from New York City consider Buffalo part of New York? The tabloids are constantly lamenting how bad “New York” football is, focusing on the Jets and Giants and ignoring the Bills.

3 — No one should ever support the Yankees, so their argument is moot.

** During the Texans beatdown of the Ravens on Sunday, CBS announcer Noah Eagle noted that the Ravens’ usually stout defense has been miserable so far this season.

“These aren’t your father’s Ravens,” he quipped. “These aren’t your grandfather’s Ravens either!”

He’s right, because my grandfather didn’t watch the Ravens growing up. The franchise began in 1996. They also weren’t John Madden’s Ravens, or Michaelagelo’s Ravens, or King Tut’s Ravens.

Actually, maybe they were, because Baltimore didn’t have any defense prior to 1999 either.

Rookie Dillon Gabriel started for the Browns in that London game on Sunday, the 41st different quarterback to start a game for the franchise since it was revived in 1999. In honor of the dubious milestone, it’s time for another basic NFL knowledge quiz. Which of these men have started a game for the Browns in the last 26 years, and which of these names are Cleveland mayors from the 19th century?

 

Charlie Frye

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Thad Lewis

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Robert McKisson

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Connor Shaw

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Derek Anderson

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Nelson Hayward

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Joshua Mills

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Bruce Gradkowski

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

Doug Pederson

Browns starter
Cleveland politician

(The quizzes still don't really work, sorry). 

The correct answer, of course, is that none of these are men who started for the Browns. They were sad little boys thrust into an unwinnable situation.

But, if you’re looking for the names of actual QBs on the list, Frye, Lewis, Shaw, Anderson and Gradkowski were all NFL players. McKisson, Hayward and Mills all served as mayors of Cleveland and died before 1900. And Doug Pederson — yes that Doug Pederson — went 1-7 as the Browns starter in 2000, one year after acting as a mentor to Donovan McNabb.

One of the weaknesses of the Cowboys roster last year was their running back corps, so the team drafted Texas’ primary rusher in the fifth round of the draft last spring. Was it his speed that stood out? His size? His grit? Nah, the letters in his name just showed he fit in exactly with the team’s spirit and culture:

Dallas Cowboys new RB Jaydon Blue
** A ballsy clown, absurd dweeb. No joy.

At least his name matches the color of his uniform. That should make it easier for him to remember which team he’s rooting for.

** Deja vu all over again: For the second week in a row, I went 2-0 against Dad in the picks, to go up five for the season. I made fun of him for picking the Panthers last week, then picked the Panthers this week to defeat the Dolphins and stole a point from him. It’s psychological warfare, and I’m way out in front right now.

** I’ll start writing about the Phillies in the postseason as soon as they start playing in the postseason.

** A fan in Jacksonville at the Monday night game against the Chiefs was holding up an “ESPN” sign which read “Enjoy Super bowls Patrick Never again” and that’s a lot of work for very, very little result.

Week 5 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 12-3
House Garrity: 8-7
House Shane: 6-9
House Quinn: 4-11

Everyone in the league now has at least one win … except the team managed by Emma and me. We’ve scored more points than four other teams but have had 43 more points scored against us than any other squad. If it weren’t for bad luck, we’d have no luck at all. Mike’s Shamrock Meats Inc. has all the good luck, coming back in his match against Ollie to stay undefeated on the year. For the record, he is averaging just 8.5 more pts a week than our winless team. Fantasy football is cruel.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 701.22 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 611.37 pts
3 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 603.12 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 570.43 pts
5 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 565.24 pts
6 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 562.29 pts
7 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 556.60 pts
8 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 554.49 pts
9 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 500.36 pts
10 — The B Sharps (Paul), 489.91 pts
11 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 487.57 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 407.03 pts

Our defending champ is making his push back up the leaderboard, posting an impressive 152.63 pts this week. Just two weeks ago he was in 7th place — now he’s back on the podium.

But that’s a pretty unbalanced podium. I’ve opened an almost 90-point lead over second place, even while I lost Lamar Jackson to injury (a lot of garbage time points for Justin Fields this week, thanks). There were big scores all around this week, with 100+ points for everyone except for Paul, Jo and Joel. Jeff even started an active kicker this week! He also started Giants CB Paulson Adebo in one of his defensive player slots, even though that is clearly a made up human. Still scored 3 points, somehow.

Welcome to week 6: More byes! More London games! More inconvenience for fantasy managers! Check your rosters early, because you don’t want to leave any points on the table.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 4 recap

 

After an impressive win over another potential Super Bowl contender, the Eagles are 4-0. They keep winning and winning and winning. So it’s time to talk about it.

Does it feel like a jinx to talk about this openly, so early in the season? Sure. But this team always comes out on top, no matter what. They escaped with a win last week over the Rams even though it seemed impossible. They just can’t seem to lose. They are 20-1 in the last calendar year, and a season is only 17 games long.

It’s tempting fate to even mention that record, but when you think of the potential achievement involved, it’s irresponsible not to discuss it. It’s NFL history. The Eagles were 5-0 two years ago and almost got there. It’s an accomplishment that would upend decades of what fans thought could even be possible.

So I’m predicting it, right here right now. It’s within this team’s grasp. When you look ahead at the schedule, you see a path on how the birds can get there.

Yes, my friends, I firmly believe that this season, given the team’s talent, coaching and luck, the Eagles have what it takes …

.. to win the NFC East again.

Think about how crazy that would be. No team has won back-to-back NFC East titles since 2004 (when it was the Eagles winning their 4th division title in a row). But Jalen Hurts already has his team up two games on the second-place Commanders. It looks like 11 wins could be enough to secure the division title. That’s just seven more victories in the next 13 games.

I know they can do it. After all, it’s not a ridiculous goal like expecting them to go undefeated for the season.

QB: Dak Prescott, 36.96 pts — started by Jeff
WR: Romeo Doubs, 24.97 pts — on the waiver wire
RB: Ashton Jeanty, 31.93 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Dallas Goedert, 16.47 pts — on Dad’s bench
K: Cairo Santos, 19.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Detroit, 20.00 pts — started by Mike
D: Tuli Tuipulotu, 13.50 pts — on the wire

OK, the much-hyped rookie Jeanty finally had a big breakout game. But much more interesting was the #2 RB on the week: Current Steelers RB, former Eagles RB Kenneth Gainwell, who rushed for 99 yards, caught six passes for 65 yards, collected 49 return yards and scored two TDs, all career highs. For the season so far, Gainwell is the #13 fantasy RB, despite going undrafted in most leagues. Number 12, with just 4 more points? Gainwell’s former running mate, Saquon Barkley.

Tuli Tuipulotu was a second-round pick of the Chargers and is the cousin of Broncos safety Talanoa Hufanga. Their extended family is the reason for the West Coast’s current vowel drought.

“Actual players” edition

2nd place: (tie) Dylan Sampson, -0.20 pts — started by Ant
2nd place: (tie) Kyle Williams, -0.20 pts — on Paul’s bench
2nd place: (tie) Joshua Dobbs, -0.20 pts — on the wire
2nd place: (tie) Kyle Allen, -0.20 pts — on the wire
1st place: Gardner Minshew, -0.30 pts — on the wire

Full disclosure: I’ve been wondering for three weeks how no position players have scored negative points so far this year. I initially chalked it up to more conservative playcalling and good luck. But the actual answer? Yahoo dropped the minus sign from its stats pages. So right now, Minshew is listed at 0.30 pts for the week, even though he had two kneeldowns for -3 yards in his only time on the field.

Don’t worry, I’ve reminded myself that Yahoo AI is always working against logic, and everything is back on track.

For the record, the worst position player in fantasy so far this year is backup Dallas QB Joe Milton, worth -0.36 pts. And the worst defense is … Dallas, at -4.00 pts. But, hey, Prescott was the best QB this week, so I’m sure that all evens out.

 

** The Cincinnati Reds went 33-32 in games since the All-Star break, just the 12th best record of any team in Major League Baseball.

And yet somehow that was more than enough to overtake the New York Mets, who had the best record in the league on June 12 and were up 5.5 games in the NL East, only to go 38-55 the rest of the season to miss the playoffs by a single game.

That would be the saddest baseball story I had ever heard … if it was anyone but the Mets. It’s just funny to see them collapse again and again and again.

** On the Kelce’s New Heights podcast last week, Colorado football coach Dieon Sanders said that both the Ravens and Eagles made overtures about drafting his son, Shedeur, in the middle rounds of the NFL draft last spring. But the family opted against that route, because they didn’t want Shedeur stuck behind established, all-Pro QBs.

“How in the world can somebody fault him for saying or thinking, ‘Why in the world would I go back up [them] for 10 more years?’ Who comes in with that mindset?” the elder Sanders said.

So, how’s that working out? Sanders is currently 3rd on the Cleveland Browns depth chart, behind starter Joe Flacco (former Baltimore QB). He was fourth in line before the Browns moved former Eagles backup QB Kenny Pickett before the start of the season. But, hey, I’m sure the mediocre former college passer will get the pro level coaching he needs from the Cleveland staff, where they’ve churned through 11 different starters in the last four years.

Best of luck to you, young man!

** The Sixers started training camp last week, and PF Paul George was asked about his mindset going into this year:

“Last year was tough, one of the toughest seasons I’ve ever been a part of,” he said. “Not just from a team standpoint, but from just a personal standpoint. But you know, again, from a motivational standpoint, it can’t get no worse than last year, right?”

A few hours later, SG Jared McCain tore the UCL in his right thumb during a workout. I can’t wait to see what the next curse George puts on a teammate before the NBA games even start.

 

Obviously, we’re all rooting for the Phillies to pick up another World Series title. But if the Fightin’ Phils can’t get the work done, why not link your rooting interest in October to each city’s proper sports season? Here’s a quick review of how each baseball playoff team stacks up in terms of their football fandom:

** Milwaukee Brewers — Sorry, but Packers fans are already obnoxious enough. Wisconsin doesn’t need more reasons to be full of its cold self.

** Chicago Cubs — Feels like they could use a distraction from the disappointment that is Caleb Williams so far.

** San Diego Padres — Chargers fans already have perfect weather, they don’t need good football or baseball.

** Los Angeles Dodgers — The Rams are getting more hateable each year, but not quite as hateable as the Dodgers themselves.

** Cincinnati Reds — Awwww, poor Bengals fans. I’d say it’s OK to root for them but I don’t think either team has anyone who can throw.

** New York Yankees — No.

** Boston Red Sox — Double no.

** Detroit Tigers — Lions fans are getting a little big for their britches, especially given that they live in a hockey city. Stick to what you’re good at.

** Cleveland Guardians — Poor Cleveland. If you have to watch the Browns, you deserve some baseball luck and blessings.

** Seattle Mariners — This city wasted the “Legion of Boom” nickname on football players instead of home run hitters.

** Toronto Blue Jays — The only NFL team that plays in Canada are the Bills, but even if their fans are tortured, I think baseball in the snow is just a silly idea.

After decent regular season success but little postseason achievement in recent years, the Cowboys franchise opted to change their coaching staff this year in the hope of producing positive change. And after failing to land anyone competent from outside the organization, the ownership promoted offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer to the top coaching post. Officials hoped he could bring a new, professional system to the franchise, a more honest approach to training and discipline, and a plan to revitalize the team’s spirit.

Obviously it won’t work, because just look at what the letters in his name clearly spell out:

New Dallas Head Coach Brian Schottenheimer
** Ethics? Bad call, nerds. We cheat, I am on heroin. Ha!

It is tough to bring significant change to an organization when illegal drug use is a prerequisite for hiring, as it has been in Dallas for the last few decades. But, gotta stick with the gameplan.

** Finally, a rebound week: I went 2-0 against Dad in the picks this week to go up three for the season. Not sure why he thought that betting on the Panthers was a good idea, but they only lost by 29, so he was close.

** I’ve been playing Madden 25 a lot lately, and I haven’t had a chance to share how realistic the game is. Last night, I was controlling the defense, and Jalen Carter made a fearsome bull rush to plow through the offensive line and come barrelling at Baker Mayfield. But just as Carter dove, Mayfield slipped to the side, unscathed, and threw the ball out of bounds. The computer refs immediately called roughing the passer, even though Carter never made contact with the QB. It’s just so, so spot on to how the real-life game looks and feels.

** In case you missed it, the league is considering sanctions against fans after abhorrent behavior towards opposing players this weekend. There was constant heckling, cursing about opponents’ family members, and even a thrown beer that hit the wife of one player. And I for one think Philadelphia should be ashamed by that kind of … oh, this was in New York? During the Ryder Cup golf event? Ah, nevermind. No need to dwell on a few bad apples, then.

  

Week 4 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 10-2
House Shane: 5-7
House Garrity: 5-7
House Quinn: 4-8

It’s worth noting that Team Doyle’s second loss of the year was self-inflicted: Mike beat up on his own daughter to claim first place in the league as the only remaining undefeated team. Ollie and Lexi are still just one game back, giving their house a ridiculous early lead in the standings. The Emma+Dad team got another brutal defeat this week — we had enough points to overcome seven other teams in the league, but not Jim, who posted the highest single-game score yet of 168.70 pts. For comparison, the matchup between Grandmom Shane and Tommy produced only 180.46 pts combined between the teams.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 552.63 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 492.76 pts
3 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 464.31 4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 460.50 pts
5 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 454.57 pts
6 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 450.49 pts
7 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 447.83 pts
8 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 426.75 pts
9 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 419.70 pts
10 — The B Sharps (Paul), 400.25 pts
11 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 369.53 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 336.94 pts

The good news is that I’ve opened a pretty impressive lead over the field this early in the season (almost 60 pts!) The bad news is that I may have killed my All-Pro QB (Lamar Jackson) to get to this point. Still, as the only team to top 500 pts so far on the season, I’m enjoying the strong start.

The two biggest changes in the standings this week were both tumbles down the rankings. Dad went from third to seventh after a rough outing, and Bob slipped from sixth to ninth. The big riser on the week was Mom D, who got huge points from Drake Maye and Omarion Hampton (two players I am confident she had never heard of before this week) to hop up into fifth.

Bye weeks start this Sunday, and there’s another overseas game. So check those rosters early and often to make sure you’re squeezing everything you can out of these players.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 3 recap

I know it seems like that last-second FG-block-returned-for-a-score couldn’t be any crazier/funnier/better, but consider:

** The Eagles were favored by 3.5 in that game. That means as the Rams lined up for the field goal attempt, bettors with money on LA had to assume that they were getting paid with either a miss or good attempt … right up until DT Jordan Davis started running free down the field.

** That final sprint to return the block by Davis was the wildest TD run by a big man since … well, we don’t know, actually. According to NFL stats, the 336-pound lineman reached 18.59 mph on his run, the fastest time ever recorded in an pro football game for a player over 330 pounds. But they’ve only been tracking that stat since 2017, so there's a slim (get it? slim!) chance that some other monster of a man ran faster. 

** The last time the Eagles came back in a game where they trailed by 19 or more points? That would be 2010, when the Eagles came back from a 21-point deficit against the Giants. Oh, and that game ended with another last-second non-offensive TD — WR DeSean Jackson’s incredible punt return for the Miracle at the New Meadowlands.

** The last time the Eagles blocked two field goals in the same game? 1975, when the Eagles squeaked by the Giants 13-10 on a late field goal by well-known kicker Horst Muhlmann.

** Eagles coach Nick Sirianni conceded late on Sunday that Davis made the wrong call in running the ball back, since falling on it would have ended the game without the danger of a fumble or other bizarre outcome. But Sirianni also acknowledged that Davis “would probably get the play of the game” anyway, because, c’mon.

QB: Caleb Williams, 37.12 pts — on Jo’s bench
WR: Tre Tucker, 32.73 pts — on the wire
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 30.77 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Hunter Henry, 22.00 pts — on Jeff’s bench
K: Chase McLaughlin, 21.00 pts — started by Sam
DEF: Minnesota, 31.00 pts — started by Sam
D: Isaiah Rodgers, 22.50 pts — on the wire

Sam got 52 fantasy points out of his defense and kicker alone, which is insane. Most of that big Minnesota points total is courtesy of Rogers, who had three tackles, two pass defenses, two forced fumbles, a fumble recovery for a TD, an interception returned for a TD. He was in the top five of all non-QB player scoring, outshining WR AJ Brown (16.27 pts), RB Christian McCaffery (16.07 pts) and WR CeeDee Lamb (dead).

One player he didn’t beat was Raiders WR Tre Tucker, who had eight catches for 145 yds and three TDs on Sunday. Oh, and his team lost by 17 to the Commanders.

Shout out to the 12th best QB on the weekend: Minnesota backup QB Carson Wentz, who threw for 173 yds and two TDs in his first meaningful start in almost two years. He wasn’t even the best former Eagles player in that game (Isaiah Rodgers won a Super Bowl with the Eagles last year, remember?) but good for him for sticking around this crazy league. 

And he had a better week than former Eagle C.J. Gardner Johnson…

“Remaining defensive” edition

3rd place: (tie) Dallas, -3.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
3rd place: (tie) Las Vegas, -3.00 pts — on the wire
3rd place: (tie) Cincinnati, -3.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: New Orleans, -4.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: Tennessee, -6.00 pts — on the wire

Another week with multiple awful defenses, including the Titans becoming the latest team to hit rock bottom (35+ pts allowed, no sacks or turnovers). For the season so far, both the Cowboys and Dolphins have a total of -3.00 fantasy pts, meaning you have been worth more as a defensive starter in fantasy (0.00 pts) than those two “professional” franchises.

Not on the list of bad fantasy news: the Panthers’ defense, which scored 27 pts this week, good enough for the second best start of the week. Last year, through 17 games, Carolina’s defense totaled just 20 fantasy points. But I guess the Falcons really, really didn’t want to pile onto the poor guys, and let them throw a shutout this week.


** During the Bears/Cowboys game on Sunday, with Dallas down 31-14, QB Dak Prescott faced a 4th and goal from the five-yard line with just five minutes left in the contest. With the game in the balance, CBS commentator Tom Brady — one of the best ever to play the QB position — gave this insight into what Prescott was thinking:

“What you’ve got to run here is your best play. Whatever is going to get you a score, that’s what they need here.”

Wow. Such wisdom. Such a grasp on the position.

Sadly for the Dallas fans, Prescott ignored Brady’s advice and opted for his own best play: A backbreaking interception in the end zone. Maybe next time.

** During that Eagles comeback victory, with the Eagles facing third and 10 in the shadow of their own end zone, radio color commentator Mike Quick similarly gave his opinion of what needed to happen next:

“This ball has to go to AJ Brown. He’s your best playmaker. He has to be involved.”

And the Eagles … did that. And it worked. Because it’s AJ Brown.

It wasn’t stupid that Quick said that simple, obvious play. It was stupid that it took 2.5 games for the Eagles to remember that AJ BROWN IS AWESOME and maybe they should try that simple, obvious play and force the ball to Brown if the rest of the offense isn’t working. Because he’ll fix it.

Anyways, shout out to Mike Quick, who saw that the Eagles could not figure out the most clear-cut move and yelled down the answer from the booth.

** Excerpt from a Washington Post brief on Monday morning titled “Steelers Defense Falters Again”:

“The final score of the Steelers 21-14 victory over the Patriots concealed what has been a major issue early in the season: Their defense has not played like it needs to play. The team forced five turnovers, two of which came inside their own 5-yard line … But it’s not sustainable for Pittsburgh to let teams move the ball up and down the field. Pittsburgh’s defense is built to be elite, and it has barely been mediocre”

I get that the normally solid Steel Curtain is allowing a lot of yards right now, but I feel like complaining that the defense was soft after a game where they had FIVE turnovers is maybe a little demanding. I guess a sixth interception would have made them elite.

** Eagles QB Jalen Hurts is on pace to rush for 23 TDs this year (four through three games). That would break the scoring record for a quarterback, currently held by … Jalen Hurts (15 in 2023).

** Rams WR Puka Nacua is on pace for 164 receptions this year (29 through three games). That would eclipse the record of 149 set by WR Michael Thomas in 2019.

** The Colts are on pace to punt six times this year (one punt through three games.) That would shatter the record for fewest punts on a season held by the 1982 Chargers (23 punts), which was set over nine games due to a strike ending the season early.

** Titans QB Cam Ward is on pace to be sacked 85 times this year (15 sacks through three games). That would break him, and break the record set by Hosuton QB David Carr in 2002 (76 sacks).

** The Cowboys are 1-2 and on pace to miss the playoffs. That would match Dallas’ worst season since … last year, when they went 7-10 and missed the playoffs.

The Cowboys selected LB Shemar James in the fifth round of the NFL draft last spring in the hopes that he could help shore up the middle of their defense. The knock against him in the pre-draft process was that he never had enough consistency and discipline to be a premier run-stopper, but the Dallas coaching staff was confident they could overcome those flaws.

And the results so far? The Cowboys remain one of the worst defenses in football. That’s no surprise, given what the letters in James’ name spell out:

Dallas rookie LB Shemar James
** Mr. hero ball: Lad is a mess, a joke

Remember, you can’t spell “Shemar” without “shame,” and there’s plenty of that going around the Dallas franchise.

** So much for my hot start — Dad went 3-0 against me in the picks this week, so I’m now up just one for the year. I did pick Dallas to beat the Bears, though, so I was happy to lose that one.

** Just one week left in the MLB season, and if the Phillies can win all six of their final games, they can finish at 98-64, which is … a really good record. Three years in a row of 90+ wins already. So that’s fun.

** Math time: Browns beat the Packers by 3, Packers beat the Lions by 14, Lions beat the Bears by 31, Bears beat the Cowboys by 17. So if the Browns play the Cowboys, logic says that Cleveland should win by 65 points.


Week 3 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 8-1
House Shane: 5-4
House Garrity: 3-6
House Quinn: 2-7

The Wisconsin clan is starting to open up a sizable lead on the rest of the league, but it comes with a caveat — they haven’t had to play each other yet. Almost half of Team Shane’s games have been internal family fights, including Pop Shane’s defeat of his granddaughter this week. Jonathan continues to dominate, with a 55-point lead over the second highest scoring team. The Garritys and Quinns still have a lot of work ahead, but the season is still young.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 404.62 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 361.77 pts
3 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 348.15 pts
4 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 343.68 pts
5 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 335.08 pts
6 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 332.32 pts
7 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 318.98 pts
8 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 317.12 pts
9 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 298.86 pts
10 — The B Sharps (Paul), 294.87 pts
11 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 274.80 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (joel), 252.05 pts

Bob led the pack this week and drove up the chart, but just about everything else in the standings stayed the same. Well, not everything — I did increase my first-place lead just a little more.

Jeff still has not managed a single point from a kicker yet this year, which makes his 107-pts total this week all the more impressive. Joel has managed 1 pts from his three weeks of defensive player starts. Jonathan’s team continues to be stuck in the middle. Jo continues to hate Bo Nix.

Alert for this week — Our first Sunday morning overseas game pits the Steelers and the Vikings in the Dublin Classic (usually a Dublin classic involves a green suckerpunch to the back of someone’s head). And there’s a Thursday game as always. So check those rosters early, and make sure you’re not leaving any points on the sideline.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 2 recap

Consider the 2025 Eagles so far: 

** The Eagles had five offensive players ranked inside the top 60 of the NFL 100 list at the start of the season.

** Through two games, the Eagles have as many tush-push plays (9) as pass attempts towards WR AJ Brown (9).

** Bengals backup QB Jake Browning had nearly as many passing yards in three quarters Sunday (241) as Jalen Hurts has on the year (253).

** The Eagles are 28th of 32 in offensive yards per game, just behind the 0-2 Jets and 0-2 Dolphins.

** The Eagles are 2-0.

All of this begs the question: What are the Eagles doing right now? Is the offense really this bad? And if it is, how are they still winning?

The answer all comes back to coach Nick Sirriani. What do we know about him? He’s a winner. He’s passionate. He’s fiercely defensive about his players. And above all, he’s always just slightly unhinged, hinting that he might be suffering from mental problems.

I think it’s all connected. I think Sirriani heard the criticism all offseason about Hurts not being a top-10 QB, about the tush push being unsportsmanlike, about the Eagles being unlikely to repeat. And his response has been to punish everyone outside of Philly with unwatchable games.

“Don’t like our offensive strategy? We’ll do more short-down runs and passes!”

"Bend but don't break defense is back on the menu!"
“A pass-first league? We’re reverting to the 1930s, baby!”
“Prime time games all over? Hope you like to watch us grind down opponents and win, because our fans just want the Ws.”

I think Sirriani has gone from mad scientist to just mad. Can the Eagles use Brown and WR DeVonta Smith better? Sure. Will they? Nah, we’ll just force you to watch boring, technical play. And despite that Eagles will still win, because they’re just better than everyone else. Sirriani heard everyone celebrating the Chefs' loss in the Super Bowl, didn’t hear enough praise of the Eagles, and thought “I want to be so successful and hated that no one remembers our opponents' names.”

It's a coaching heel turn. The Eagles are 18-1 in their last 19 games. Make sure to appreciate that, because coach Nick doesn’t want any casual fans in America to enjoy it anymore.

QB: Jared Goff, 43.96 pts — started by Bob
WR: Amon-Ra St. Brown, 30.87 pts — started by Mom D
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 26.83 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Tucker Kraft, 17.27 pts — started by Jo
K: Brandon Aubrey, 22.00 pts — started by Ant
DEF: Atlanta, 24.00 pts — on the wire
D: Roquan Smith, 12.00 pts — started by Mom D

 
Jared Goff had five TD passes on Sunday and five incompletions. So, yeah. New Jersey Giants QB Russell Wilson passed for 450 yds, Lamar Jackson had four passing TDs, but neither was within 7 fantasy pts of Goff.

Similarly, Giants WR Malik Nabers had nine catches for 167 yds, Bengals Ja’Marr Chase had 14 catches for 165 yds, but neither had the three TDs that St. Brown pulled down, so they end up on the “close to top performers” list instead.

The #2 kicker on the week was Falcons K Parker Romo, signed off the practice squad just days before kicking five FGs and an extra point. On Monday, he was sent back down to the practice squad, presumably to save a few bucks. Football can be cruel.

“Getting defensive” edition

4th place: (tie) New Jersey Giants, -1.00 pts — on the wire
4th place: (tie) Dallas, -1.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
4th place: (tie) Indianapolis, -1.00 pts — on the wire
3rd place: (tie) Denver, -2.00 pts — started by me
3rd place: (tie) New Jersey Jets, -2.00 pts — on Ant’s bench
2nd place: Cleveland, -3.00 pts — on Sam’s bench
1st place: Chicago, -6.00 pts — on the wire

Rough, rough week for defenses all around: Only seven had double-digit points, and these seven were all negative points. But a special shout out to the Bears, who gave us our first bottoming-out performance of the season, allowing 52 points and failing to collect a turnover, a sack, or any sign of life.

No QBs scored negative fantasy points this week, but we did have our first set of QB performances that were worse than your personal effort on Sunday.

Just a reminder, if you throw a single pass incomplete into the ground, your QB rating is 39.6. Raiders QB Geno Smith couldn’t beat that on Monday night, throwing three picks and zero TDs against 180 yards passing for a rating of 37.0. Vikings QB JJ McCarthy was just slightly better, tossing two picks and no TDs against 158 yds passing for a rating of 37.5.

It’s never a great sign when the stats say your team would have gotten better QB play if you simply hadn’t shown up.


** In the waning moments of the Eagles win on Sunday, Kansas City DT Chris Jones was heard taunting QB Jalen Hurts as he lined up for the victory kneel down. “You didn’t even have 100 yards!” he yelled (even though Hurts actually had 101 passing at that point).

This apparently was a sick burn, because … maybe Hurts has himself on his fantasy team? I dunno. The game was essentially over, and Jones’ team had lost their third game in a row. But I guess the stat lines are important too.

For his part, Hurts barely looked at Jones while yelling back, “We (bleeping) won the game, shut your ass up.” Then he knelt down, ended the game and left the field. Perfect response, no notes.

** Tampa Bay was facing a fourth down at midfield while clinging to a four-point fourth-quarter lead when ESPN announcer Joe Buck noted that the upcoming drive for the Houston Texas would be a key moment. But a moment later, the Bucs offensive line broke down, a Texans linebacker came up the middle, and Buck exclaimed, “The Texans block the punt and THEY HAVE THE BALL!! Huge play!”

Well, yes. It was a punt play, so the Texans were going to end up with the ball. The key point was that they got it around midfield instead of deep in their territory. But Buck didn’t emphasize that. Maybe he thought the punt would just sail out of the stadium and the game would end?

** ESPN Headline: “Tart fined for slapping Travis Kelce”

Look, I know dealing with sports celebrity can be a lot, but if the NFL wants to bring more women viewers into the mix, they can’t be using old-fashioned slurs to demonize female fans. And why was Kelce even interacting with angry fans during the …

Oh, Chargers' DT Teair Tart. Fine for a helmet hit on Kelce. Got it. That one’s on me, folks. My apologies.

Week 2 was brutal for quarterback injuries. With the 49ers QB Brock Purdy already sidelined after week 1 with a shoulder issue, Bengals QB Joe Burrow suffered a torn toe ligament, Jets QB Justin Fields got a concussion, Vikings QB JJ McCarthy rolled on his ankle and will miss time, and Commanders QB Jayden Daniels may miss time with a hyperextended knee.

But the list doesn’t stop there — several other starting signal callers are under observation right now because of potentially serious medical issues:

** Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes: Still trying to recover from hurt feelings at the Super Bowl.

** Browns QB Joe Flacco: Dealing with geriatric arthritis.

** Panthers QB Bryce Young: Has to play for the Panthers, which is hazardous to your health.

** Saints QB Spencer Rattler: Unclear if he is a real person or a made-up TV character.

** Cowboys QB Dak Prescott: Concerns over his perpetual choking.

One of the most jarring sights of the new football season has been watching former Eagles RB Miles Sanders donning a Cowboys uniform. Sanders has had a rough go since leaving the birds nest (and the Eagles haven’t exactly missed him, thanks to Saquon) but becoming a backup for the squad of evil feels like a step down too far for the former respected halfback. But for Dallas, the move seemed to make sense, given their complete lack of a running attack.

That is, unless you really look at what the letters in that sentiment spells out:

Miles Sanders plays for Dallas now
** Spry lad. Fall wins? Nada. More losses

Poor Miles. Maybe he can get work as an assistant coach after the Cowboys record collapses this season.

** I’m 27-5 in my picks through the first two weeks of the NFL season, yet somehow I lost a point in the standings in the contest against Dad this week. He picked two of those five losses correctly, and now sits four behind for the year. Although I still have no idea how Denver lost that game.

** The Eagles are over .500 as a franchise for the first time in history. What a time to be alive. Hopefully they can beat the Rams on Sunday and give themselves a one-game cushion before they head to Tampa Bay in week 4, where they will lose by 40. The stupid Buccaneers are Jalen Hurts’ kryptonite.

** Last time the Phillies clinched two consecutive NL East titles after a division drought? 2007-2008. The first year was a disappointing loss in their first playoff series (sorta like in 2024). The second year was a World Series title. Just saying.


Week 2 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 5-1
House Shane: 3-3
House Garrity: 3-3
House Quinn: 1-5

Another tough beat for Emma: Her team is fifth in overall scoring but 0-2 after running into a buzzsaw performance from Ollie. Jonathan beat up his grandfather’s team too, leaving Team Shane split on the week. All three members of Team Quinn suffered setbacks this week, while all three members of Team Doyle grabbed victories. But don’t sleep on Team Garrity yet, especially with Shelly’s undefeated squad winning convincingly for the second week in a row.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 281.05 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 246.20 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 242.45 pts
4 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 238.96 pts
5 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 231.99 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 211.76 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 210.31 pts
8 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 207.21 pts
9 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 200.90 pts
10 — The B Sharps (Paul), 186.14 pts
11 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 174.47 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 167.13 pts

Big weeks for Bob and Joanna moved them up the rankings, but another solid performance by Lamar Jackson and my squad keeps me in first for another seven days. All but two teams (Paul and Joel) managed to crack 100 pts this week. Jeff scored 111.00 exactly even without a single point from kickers this season (second week he has started an inactive kicker, but different players each time!) 

Mom D’s team was feast or famine: Four players with fewer than three points, five players in double digits. And Jonathan definitely still has a team, but could really use Jalen Hurts to wake up and score some fantasy points.

This week: Bill play Thursday, Eagles play Sunday at 1pm (gasp, can they do that?), Chefs face the Giants on Sunday night in what could be a hilarious end to the KC dynasty, but none of it matters because Monday night is Ravens/Lions and everybody has fantasy players in that matchup. Check your rosters early and often.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 1 recap

The Eagles big opening day win on Thursday put the franchise’s all-time record at 639-639-4 in the regular season, the first time they’ve been at .500 since 1933 (when the team was 3-3-1 after the first seven games of their inaugural campaign). For perspective, here’s a few things that have happened since that date in the NFL:

** The present-day Falcons, Ravens, Bills, Panthers, Bengals, Browns, Cowboys, Broncos, Texans, Colts, Jaguars, Chiefs, Raiders, Chargers, Rams, Dolphins, Vikings, Patriots, Saints, Jets, 49ers, Seahawks, Buccaneers and Titans all launched new franchises.

** The forward pass — legalized by the NFL rules committee at the start of the 1933 season — became popular with teams as a way to improve their offenses.

** The Super Bowl was invented, and played 59 times.

** Jalen Hurts’ great grandfather was born, grew up, got married, and gave birth to Jalen Hurts’ grandfather, who grew up, got married, and gave birth to Jalen Hurts’ father, who grew up, got married, and gave birth to Jalen Hurts.

** World War II began and ended. Also, the 75th anniversary of the end of the war was commemorated.

** Dak Prescott played in zero NFC championship games.

If the Eagles can beat the Chiefs next week, they’ll be over .500 for the first time in franchise history. Well worth the wait.

QB: Josh Allen, 42.76 pts — started by Ant
WR: Zay Flowers, 19.83 pts — started by Mike
RB: Derrick Henry, 28.27 pts — started by Dad
TE: Dalton Kincaid, 11.20 pts — on Bob’s bench
K: Spencer Shrader, 16.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Denver, 15.00 pts — started by me
D: Julian Love, 10.00 pts — started by Mike

Four of the top seven players were in that epic Buffalo/Baltimore game on Sunday night. The contest also featured the #4 QB (Lamar Jackson) and a slew of other solid fantasy performances. It was also the first time a team trailed by 15 points with less than four minutes and won in regulation. Now both teams will head off to their respective divisions, where they will probably each win the next six games by boring 24-6 scores.

Don’t feel too bad that Bob didn’t start the #1 TE. Instead of playing Kincaid, he started Travis Kelce, the #2 TE, who got him 1.07 pts fewer. No real harm there.

Six QBs scored more than 30 fantasy points this week (including Colts signal caller Daniel Jones, which may be a sign of the apocalypse) but only one position player topped 20 pts (Derrick Henry). What does that mean for projections for the rest of the year? It means everyone’s team stinks. Or not. We’ll see.

“Rough start" edition

2nd place: (tie) Miami, -2.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: (tie) Buffalo, -2.00 pts — on Jo’s bench
1st place: Baltimore, -5.00 pts — started by Jeff

Two of the three worst players were also from the Sunday night game. Were there other games this weekend? Baltimore is going to end up a top five defense on the year, which will to make this week’s stat line (41 pts allowed, 1 sack, no turnovers, 22 4th-quarter pts surrendered) look even weirder at the end of the year.

Titans QB Cam Ward, the number one pick in last spring’s draft, did not score negative points this week. But for someone who played a full game, he came close: 2.48 fantasy pts total, going 12 of 28 for 112 yds. Just ew. So when you look at Broncos QB Bo Nix’s numbers for the day (8.84 fantasy pts), you should take into account that he did almost score four times what the other guy on his same field produced.


** Commercial during the Eagles game Thursday on NBC: “Ravens-Bills on Sunday Night Football, which debuts Sunday!”

Like, of course NBC Sunday Night Football debuts on Sunday, right? Except for all the times that Sunday Night Football isn’t on Sunday, like when NBC has a special edition of Sunday Night Football on Thanksgiving, or a special Saturday game. But apparently not the first Thursday of the season? That’s not a special edition of Sunday Night Football, but it’s not Thursday Night Football, because that’s owned by Amazon even though the opening game was on NBC.

So what did we watch? What day was it? Does time even have meaning anymore? Welcome back, football!!!

** During the Friday night game (also not Sunday Night Football), after Chefs QB Patrick Mahomes completed a clutch 4th down pass, announcer Rich Eisen crowed about how incredible the former MVP was playing for the night. “I know we in the media always get accused of just praising everything he does, but he just is a remarkable player,” he said.

It’s worth noting that at the time, Mahomes had thrown for 250 yds and 1 TD, and rushed for 57 more and another TD. That’s a pretty impressive game. Not as impressive as the 318 passing yds, 36 yds rushing and 3 TDs that Justin Herbert had in the same game — described as “workmanlike” by the announcers just a moment earlier — but impressive nonetheless.

Maybe the problem isn’t that you praise Mahomes too much. Maybe it’s that you don’t notice anyone else on the field while he’s there.

** Late in the 4th quarter of the Bengals narrow win over the Browns, Cincinnati lined up for an attempt on 4th and one on their own side of the field in an attempt to get Cleveland players to jump offside. It didn’t work, despite Bengals radio color analyst Dave Lapham noting that QB Joe Burrow had “great voice inflection” on the fake-out attempt.

Is that where we’re at now? “Quickness” and “vision” weren’t vague enough stats to follow? Now we’ve got armchair experts rating players’ dramatic delivery. And apparently Burrow’s was so good, that his voice work … failed.

I could almost understand the praise if he had gotten someone to jump offside. But if you’re throwing laurels just for the sake of kissing up to a player, you might as well just say “Burrow was so great out there just now, for a moment I thought we were watching Patrick Mahomes.”

Three NFL games had delays this week because of late summer storms, including the hour-plus delay for the Eagles home opener on Thursday. It appears that the NFL can’t control the weather, despite its significant wealth and complete domination of everything else in America. But there are a few small but significant precautions the league could take in the future to mitigate thunderstorm disruptions:

** All-rubber stadiums: It probably won’t provide any actual protection from lightning, but everyone will feel better about continuing play through the worst electrical nature shows. Bonus benefit: Players will really bounce off the turf after tackles.

** Avoid the path of least resistance: Lighting always looks for the fastest, easiest route from the sky to the ground. In NFL stadiums, that’s usually the Carolina Panthers’ defense. If a storm is near, be sure to put them somewhere safe for everyone.

** Change the Chargers’ team name: It’s just bad luck. Lightning probably sees that on NFL merchandise and thinks it is invited into the games.

** Get rid of football in Florida: Multiple delays in recent years have involved early-season games in the Sunshine State, where the weather is as unpredictable as intentional grounding calls. An easy fix would be to just stop playing games there. Would anyone really notice if the Jaguars and Dolphins disappeared from the schedule?

** Stop angering the weather gods: They probably hate Thursday football too. Taunting them gets you what you deserve.

The Cowboys came into the season with mixed expectations, but most pundits agreed that for the team to succeed this year, QB Dak Prescott would need to return to his Pro Bowl form. And nearly all the football experts agreed that his Thursday performance was evidence that he is back … to the same mediocrity that he is known for. Prescott finished 21 of 34 passing, for 188 yds, no TDs and no INTs. He did manage to goad DT Jalen Hurts into an ejection and generate a few pass interference penalties, but he also collected another loss.

And that’s not much a surprise to those of us who study words carefully, to glean insight from the hidden messages from the letters. Just consider the clear message in the statement below:

Another win against Dak Prescott
** Sad cage intro: Spit on that, wanker

Prescott is 76-47 for his career in the regular season, which is an amazing record for someone who can never win when it actually counts (2-5 in the playoffs over nine years). Did you know that Jalen Hurt has three times as many playoff wins as that in just four seasons? 

I know you know, I just like writing it again. 

** Starting off the season right — I went 5-0 against Dad in our weekly picks, with three games (Pitt, Buffalo and Tampa) decided by a combined six points. At my current pace, I’ll win our showdown by 90 games, a new record. More likely, I’ll squander my lead by week 3.

** The Eagles hitting .500 made me wonder if the Phillies (the team with the most losses in all North American sports) can ever get there. Right now their all-time record is 10,291 wins and 11,386 losses, so if they can just go 90-72 every year for the foreseeable future, they’ll get to the .500 mark at the tail end of the 2086 season. By then, the Awesome Cup will have 84 names engraved on it …


Family Cup standings

We had some significant changes to the family league this year — Instead of mostly Garritys beating up on each other, the league has morphed into a four-family feud to determine which bloodline can prove their supremacy. Our combatants are:

House Shane: Pop Shane, Jonathan, Emma/me
House Garrity: Jim, Jimmy, Shelly
House Doyle: Mike, Ollie, Lexi/Heidi
House Quinn: Tommy, Shane, Mom Shane

Given that Mom Shane could qualify as either a Shane or a Garrity, she was logically assigned to team Quinn, so it’s a perfectly balanced showdown. The title will be determined by individual team finishes combined with total family performance. So, after week 1, here’s where the families stand:

House Shane: 2-1
House Doyle: 2-1
House Garrity: 1-2
House Quinn: 1-2

Emma's Unicorn Blobfish Empire got narrowly beaten by Lexi, which should cause some hard feelings between the cousins. Similarly, Jonathan beat Ollie by a hair. The Quinn boys got manhandled by Mike and Pop, but Grandmom Shane got a measure of revenge for Team Quinn by defeating Jimmy. Shelly defeated Jim in the only intra-family contest of the week, which means that Team Garrity couldn’t go 3-0 no matter how hard they tried, but it’ll all even out in the end. I think.

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 157.96 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 142.53 pts
3 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 132.51 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 123.59 pts
5 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 122.15 pts
6 — Still The Best (Jonathant), 98.97 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 90.67 pts
8 — The B Sharps (Paul), 88.13 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 79.87 pts
10 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 77.08 pts
11 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 68.07 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 56.13 pts

Remind me again, Yahoo AI, how bad my team is going to be this year? My “revenge against the boy” tour began strong this week, thanks to big performances by Lamar Jackson, WR Emeka Egbuka and Bijan Robinson. Mike and Pop were just a few catches behind. Our returning champ just missed hitting the 100-pts mark, but it looks like he’s just laying in wait for the right time to strike.

And in the bottom half? Jo does not like Bo Nix at all. Bob has the best name but the worst wideout room of the first week (AJ Brown, Tee Higgins, Devante Adams combined for less than 10 pts). And Jeff started a kicker on injured reserve, so that’s not ideal.

One week down, 17 more to go. No bye weeks next week, but there is a Thursday game and two Monday games and maybe a secret midnight game, so check the schedule and get your teams sorted out.