Fantasy football 2025 -- week 2 recap

Consider the 2025 Eagles so far: 

** The Eagles had five offensive players ranked inside the top 60 of the NFL 100 list at the start of the season.

** Through two games, the Eagles have as many tush-push plays (9) as pass attempts towards WR AJ Brown (9).

** Bengals backup QB Jake Browning had nearly as many passing yards in three quarters Sunday (241) as Jalen Hurts has on the year (253).

** The Eagles are 28th of 32 in offensive yards per game, just behind the 0-2 Jets and 0-2 Dolphins.

** The Eagles are 2-0.

All of this begs the question: What are the Eagles doing right now? Is the offense really this bad? And if it is, how are they still winning?

The answer all comes back to coach Nick Sirriani. What do we know about him? He’s a winner. He’s passionate. He’s fiercely defensive about his players. And above all, he’s always just slightly unhinged, hinting that he might be suffering from mental problems.

I think it’s all connected. I think Sirriani heard the criticism all offseason about Hurts not being a top-10 QB, about the tush push being unsportsmanlike, about the Eagles being unlikely to repeat. And his response has been to punish everyone outside of Philly with unwatchable games.

“Don’t like our offensive strategy? We’ll do more short-down runs and passes!”

"Bend but don't break defense is back on the menu!"
“A pass-first league? We’re reverting to the 1930s, baby!”
“Prime time games all over? Hope you like to watch us grind down opponents and win, because our fans just want the Ws.”

I think Sirriani has gone from mad scientist to just mad. Can the Eagles use Brown and WR DeVonta Smith better? Sure. Will they? Nah, we’ll just force you to watch boring, technical play. And despite that Eagles will still win, because they’re just better than everyone else. Sirriani heard everyone celebrating the Chefs' loss in the Super Bowl, didn’t hear enough praise of the Eagles, and thought “I want to be so successful and hated that no one remembers our opponents' names.”

It's a coaching heel turn. The Eagles are 18-1 in their last 19 games. Make sure to appreciate that, because coach Nick doesn’t want any casual fans in America to enjoy it anymore.

QB: Jared Goff, 43.96 pts — started by Bob
WR: Amon-Ra St. Brown, 30.87 pts — started by Mom D
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 26.83 pts — started by Jonathan
TE: Tucker Kraft, 17.27 pts — started by Jo
K: Brandon Aubrey, 22.00 pts — started by Ant
DEF: Atlanta, 24.00 pts — on the wire
D: Roquan Smith, 12.00 pts — started by Mom D

 
Jared Goff had five TD passes on Sunday and five incompletions. So, yeah. New Jersey Giants QB Russell Wilson passed for 450 yds, Lamar Jackson had four passing TDs, but neither was within 7 fantasy pts of Goff.

Similarly, Giants WR Malik Nabers had nine catches for 167 yds, Bengals Ja’Marr Chase had 14 catches for 165 yds, but neither had the three TDs that St. Brown pulled down, so they end up on the “close to top performers” list instead.

The #2 kicker on the week was Falcons K Parker Romo, signed off the practice squad just days before kicking five FGs and an extra point. On Monday, he was sent back down to the practice squad, presumably to save a few bucks. Football can be cruel.

“Getting defensive” edition

4th place: (tie) New Jersey Giants, -1.00 pts — on the wire
4th place: (tie) Dallas, -1.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
4th place: (tie) Indianapolis, -1.00 pts — on the wire
3rd place: (tie) Denver, -2.00 pts — started by me
3rd place: (tie) New Jersey Jets, -2.00 pts — on Ant’s bench
2nd place: Cleveland, -3.00 pts — on Sam’s bench
1st place: Chicago, -6.00 pts — on the wire

Rough, rough week for defenses all around: Only seven had double-digit points, and these seven were all negative points. But a special shout out to the Bears, who gave us our first bottoming-out performance of the season, allowing 52 points and failing to collect a turnover, a sack, or any sign of life.

No QBs scored negative fantasy points this week, but we did have our first set of QB performances that were worse than your personal effort on Sunday.

Just a reminder, if you throw a single pass incomplete into the ground, your QB rating is 39.6. Raiders QB Geno Smith couldn’t beat that on Monday night, throwing three picks and zero TDs against 180 yards passing for a rating of 37.0. Vikings QB JJ McCarthy was just slightly better, tossing two picks and no TDs against 158 yds passing for a rating of 37.5.

It’s never a great sign when the stats say your team would have gotten better QB play if you simply hadn’t shown up.


** In the waning moments of the Eagles win on Sunday, Kansas City DT Chris Jones was heard taunting QB Jalen Hurts as he lined up for the victory kneel down. “You didn’t even have 100 yards!” he yelled (even though Hurts actually had 101 passing at that point).

This apparently was a sick burn, because … maybe Hurts has himself on his fantasy team? I dunno. The game was essentially over, and Jones’ team had lost their third game in a row. But I guess the stat lines are important too.

For his part, Hurts barely looked at Jones while yelling back, “We (bleeping) won the game, shut your ass up.” Then he knelt down, ended the game and left the field. Perfect response, no notes.

** Tampa Bay was facing a fourth down at midfield while clinging to a four-point fourth-quarter lead when ESPN announcer Joe Buck noted that the upcoming drive for the Houston Texas would be a key moment. But a moment later, the Bucs offensive line broke down, a Texans linebacker came up the middle, and Buck exclaimed, “The Texans block the punt and THEY HAVE THE BALL!! Huge play!”

Well, yes. It was a punt play, so the Texans were going to end up with the ball. The key point was that they got it around midfield instead of deep in their territory. But Buck didn’t emphasize that. Maybe he thought the punt would just sail out of the stadium and the game would end?

** ESPN Headline: “Tart fined for slapping Travis Kelce”

Look, I know dealing with sports celebrity can be a lot, but if the NFL wants to bring more women viewers into the mix, they can’t be using old-fashioned slurs to demonize female fans. And why was Kelce even interacting with angry fans during the …

Oh, Chargers' DT Teair Tart. Fine for a helmet hit on Kelce. Got it. That one’s on me, folks. My apologies.

Week 2 was brutal for quarterback injuries. With the 49ers QB Brock Purdy already sidelined after week 1 with a shoulder issue, Bengals QB Joe Burrow suffered a torn toe ligament, Jets QB Justin Fields got a concussion, Vikings QB JJ McCarthy rolled on his ankle and will miss time, and Commanders QB Jayden Daniels may miss time with a hyperextended knee.

But the list doesn’t stop there — several other starting signal callers are under observation right now because of potentially serious medical issues:

** Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes: Still trying to recover from hurt feelings at the Super Bowl.

** Browns QB Joe Flacco: Dealing with geriatric arthritis.

** Panthers QB Bryce Young: Has to play for the Panthers, which is hazardous to your health.

** Saints QB Spencer Rattler: Unclear if he is a real person or a made-up TV character.

** Cowboys QB Dak Prescott: Concerns over his perpetual choking.

One of the most jarring sights of the new football season has been watching former Eagles RB Miles Sanders donning a Cowboys uniform. Sanders has had a rough go since leaving the birds nest (and the Eagles haven’t exactly missed him, thanks to Saquon) but becoming a backup for the squad of evil feels like a step down too far for the former respected halfback. But for Dallas, the move seemed to make sense, given their complete lack of a running attack.

That is, unless you really look at what the letters in that sentiment spells out:

Miles Sanders plays for Dallas now
** Spry lad. Fall wins? Nada. More losses

Poor Miles. Maybe he can get work as an assistant coach after the Cowboys record collapses this season.

** I’m 27-5 in my picks through the first two weeks of the NFL season, yet somehow I lost a point in the standings in the contest against Dad this week. He picked two of those five losses correctly, and now sits four behind for the year. Although I still have no idea how Denver lost that game.

** The Eagles are over .500 as a franchise for the first time in history. What a time to be alive. Hopefully they can beat the Rams on Sunday and give themselves a one-game cushion before they head to Tampa Bay in week 4, where they will lose by 40. The stupid Buccaneers are Jalen Hurts’ kryptonite.

** Last time the Phillies clinched two consecutive NL East titles after a division drought? 2007-2008. The first year was a disappointing loss in their first playoff series (sorta like in 2024). The second year was a World Series title. Just saying.


Week 2 standings

Family Cup standings
House Doyle: 5-1
House Shane: 3-3
House Garrity: 3-3
House Quinn: 1-5

Another tough beat for Emma: Her team is fifth in overall scoring but 0-2 after running into a buzzsaw performance from Ollie. Jonathan beat up his grandfather’s team too, leaving Team Shane split on the week. All three members of Team Quinn suffered setbacks this week, while all three members of Team Doyle grabbed victories. But don’t sleep on Team Garrity yet, especially with Shelly’s undefeated squad winning convincingly for the second week in a row.

Awesome Cup standings
1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 281.05 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 246.20 pts
3 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 242.45 pts
4 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 238.96 pts
5 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 231.99 pts
6 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 211.76 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 210.31 pts
8 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 207.21 pts
9 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 200.90 pts
10 — The B Sharps (Paul), 186.14 pts
11 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 174.47 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 167.13 pts

Big weeks for Bob and Joanna moved them up the rankings, but another solid performance by Lamar Jackson and my squad keeps me in first for another seven days. All but two teams (Paul and Joel) managed to crack 100 pts this week. Jeff scored 111.00 exactly even without a single point from kickers this season (second week he has started an inactive kicker, but different players each time!) 

Mom D’s team was feast or famine: Four players with fewer than three points, five players in double digits. And Jonathan definitely still has a team, but could really use Jalen Hurts to wake up and score some fantasy points.

This week: Bill play Thursday, Eagles play Sunday at 1pm (gasp, can they do that?), Chefs face the Giants on Sunday night in what could be a hilarious end to the KC dynasty, but none of it matters because Monday night is Ravens/Lions and everybody has fantasy players in that matchup. Check your rosters early and often.

Fantasy football 2025 -- week 1 recap

The Eagles big opening day win on Thursday put the franchise’s all-time record at 639-639-4 in the regular season, the first time they’ve been at .500 since 1933 (when the team was 3-3-1 after the first seven games of their inaugural campaign). For perspective, here’s a few things that have happened since that date in the NFL:

** The present-day Falcons, Ravens, Bills, Panthers, Bengals, Browns, Cowboys, Broncos, Texans, Colts, Jaguars, Chiefs, Raiders, Chargers, Rams, Dolphins, Vikings, Patriots, Saints, Jets, 49ers, Seahawks, Buccaneers and Titans all launched new franchises.

** The forward pass — legalized by the NFL rules committee at the start of the 1933 season — became popular with teams as a way to improve their offenses.

** The Super Bowl was invented, and played 59 times.

** Jalen Hurts’ great grandfather was born, grew up, got married, and gave birth to Jalen Hurts’ grandfather, who grew up, got married, and gave birth to Jalen Hurts’ father, who grew up, got married, and gave birth to Jalen Hurts.

** World War II began and ended. Also, the 75th anniversary of the end of the war was commemorated.

** Dak Prescott played in zero NFC championship games.

If the Eagles can beat the Chiefs next week, they’ll be over .500 for the first time in franchise history. Well worth the wait.

QB: Josh Allen, 42.76 pts — started by Ant
WR: Zay Flowers, 19.83 pts — started by Mike
RB: Derrick Henry, 28.27 pts — started by Dad
TE: Dalton Kincaid, 11.20 pts — on Bob’s bench
K: Spencer Shrader, 16.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Denver, 15.00 pts — started by me
D: Julian Love, 10.00 pts — started by Mike

Four of the top seven players were in that epic Buffalo/Baltimore game on Sunday night. The contest also featured the #4 QB (Lamar Jackson) and a slew of other solid fantasy performances. It was also the first time a team trailed by 15 points with less than four minutes and won in regulation. Now both teams will head off to their respective divisions, where they will probably each win the next six games by boring 24-6 scores.

Don’t feel too bad that Bob didn’t start the #1 TE. Instead of playing Kincaid, he started Travis Kelce, the #2 TE, who got him 1.07 pts fewer. No real harm there.

Six QBs scored more than 30 fantasy points this week (including Colts signal caller Daniel Jones, which may be a sign of the apocalypse) but only one position player topped 20 pts (Derrick Henry). What does that mean for projections for the rest of the year? It means everyone’s team stinks. Or not. We’ll see.

“Rough start" edition

2nd place: (tie) Miami, -2.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: (tie) Buffalo, -2.00 pts — on Jo’s bench
1st place: Baltimore, -5.00 pts — started by Jeff

Two of the three worst players were also from the Sunday night game. Were there other games this weekend? Baltimore is going to end up a top five defense on the year, which will to make this week’s stat line (41 pts allowed, 1 sack, no turnovers, 22 4th-quarter pts surrendered) look even weirder at the end of the year.

Titans QB Cam Ward, the number one pick in last spring’s draft, did not score negative points this week. But for someone who played a full game, he came close: 2.48 fantasy pts total, going 12 of 28 for 112 yds. Just ew. So when you look at Broncos QB Bo Nix’s numbers for the day (8.84 fantasy pts), you should take into account that he did almost score four times what the other guy on his same field produced.


** Commercial during the Eagles game Thursday on NBC: “Ravens-Bills on Sunday Night Football, which debuts Sunday!”

Like, of course NBC Sunday Night Football debuts on Sunday, right? Except for all the times that Sunday Night Football isn’t on Sunday, like when NBC has a special edition of Sunday Night Football on Thanksgiving, or a special Saturday game. But apparently not the first Thursday of the season? That’s not a special edition of Sunday Night Football, but it’s not Thursday Night Football, because that’s owned by Amazon even though the opening game was on NBC.

So what did we watch? What day was it? Does time even have meaning anymore? Welcome back, football!!!

** During the Friday night game (also not Sunday Night Football), after Chefs QB Patrick Mahomes completed a clutch 4th down pass, announcer Rich Eisen crowed about how incredible the former MVP was playing for the night. “I know we in the media always get accused of just praising everything he does, but he just is a remarkable player,” he said.

It’s worth noting that at the time, Mahomes had thrown for 250 yds and 1 TD, and rushed for 57 more and another TD. That’s a pretty impressive game. Not as impressive as the 318 passing yds, 36 yds rushing and 3 TDs that Justin Herbert had in the same game — described as “workmanlike” by the announcers just a moment earlier — but impressive nonetheless.

Maybe the problem isn’t that you praise Mahomes too much. Maybe it’s that you don’t notice anyone else on the field while he’s there.

** Late in the 4th quarter of the Bengals narrow win over the Browns, Cincinnati lined up for an attempt on 4th and one on their own side of the field in an attempt to get Cleveland players to jump offside. It didn’t work, despite Bengals radio color analyst Dave Lapham noting that QB Joe Burrow had “great voice inflection” on the fake-out attempt.

Is that where we’re at now? “Quickness” and “vision” weren’t vague enough stats to follow? Now we’ve got armchair experts rating players’ dramatic delivery. And apparently Burrow’s was so good, that his voice work … failed.

I could almost understand the praise if he had gotten someone to jump offside. But if you’re throwing laurels just for the sake of kissing up to a player, you might as well just say “Burrow was so great out there just now, for a moment I thought we were watching Patrick Mahomes.”

Three NFL games had delays this week because of late summer storms, including the hour-plus delay for the Eagles home opener on Thursday. It appears that the NFL can’t control the weather, despite its significant wealth and complete domination of everything else in America. But there are a few small but significant precautions the league could take in the future to mitigate thunderstorm disruptions:

** All-rubber stadiums: It probably won’t provide any actual protection from lightning, but everyone will feel better about continuing play through the worst electrical nature shows. Bonus benefit: Players will really bounce off the turf after tackles.

** Avoid the path of least resistance: Lighting always looks for the fastest, easiest route from the sky to the ground. In NFL stadiums, that’s usually the Carolina Panthers’ defense. If a storm is near, be sure to put them somewhere safe for everyone.

** Change the Chargers’ team name: It’s just bad luck. Lightning probably sees that on NFL merchandise and thinks it is invited into the games.

** Get rid of football in Florida: Multiple delays in recent years have involved early-season games in the Sunshine State, where the weather is as unpredictable as intentional grounding calls. An easy fix would be to just stop playing games there. Would anyone really notice if the Jaguars and Dolphins disappeared from the schedule?

** Stop angering the weather gods: They probably hate Thursday football too. Taunting them gets you what you deserve.

The Cowboys came into the season with mixed expectations, but most pundits agreed that for the team to succeed this year, QB Dak Prescott would need to return to his Pro Bowl form. And nearly all the football experts agreed that his Thursday performance was evidence that he is back … to the same mediocrity that he is known for. Prescott finished 21 of 34 passing, for 188 yds, no TDs and no INTs. He did manage to goad DT Jalen Hurts into an ejection and generate a few pass interference penalties, but he also collected another loss.

And that’s not much a surprise to those of us who study words carefully, to glean insight from the hidden messages from the letters. Just consider the clear message in the statement below:

Another win against Dak Prescott
** Sad cage intro: Spit on that, wanker

Prescott is 76-47 for his career in the regular season, which is an amazing record for someone who can never win when it actually counts (2-5 in the playoffs over nine years). Did you know that Jalen Hurt has three times as many playoff wins as that in just four seasons? 

I know you know, I just like writing it again. 

** Starting off the season right — I went 5-0 against Dad in our weekly picks, with three games (Pitt, Buffalo and Tampa) decided by a combined six points. At my current pace, I’ll win our showdown by 90 games, a new record. More likely, I’ll squander my lead by week 3.

** The Eagles hitting .500 made me wonder if the Phillies (the team with the most losses in all North American sports) can ever get there. Right now their all-time record is 10,291 wins and 11,386 losses, so if they can just go 90-72 every year for the foreseeable future, they’ll get to the .500 mark at the tail end of the 2086 season. By then, the Awesome Cup will have 84 names engraved on it …


Family Cup standings

We had some significant changes to the family league this year — Instead of mostly Garritys beating up on each other, the league has morphed into a four-family feud to determine which bloodline can prove their supremacy. Our combatants are:

House Shane: Pop Shane, Jonathan, Emma/me
House Garrity: Jim, Jimmy, Shelly
House Doyle: Mike, Ollie, Lexi/Heidi
House Quinn: Tommy, Shane, Mom Shane

Given that Mom Shane could qualify as either a Shane or a Garrity, she was logically assigned to team Quinn, so it’s a perfectly balanced showdown. The title will be determined by individual team finishes combined with total family performance. So, after week 1, here’s where the families stand:

House Shane: 2-1
House Doyle: 2-1
House Garrity: 1-2
House Quinn: 1-2

Emma's Unicorn Blobfish Empire got narrowly beaten by Lexi, which should cause some hard feelings between the cousins. Similarly, Jonathan beat Ollie by a hair. The Quinn boys got manhandled by Mike and Pop, but Grandmom Shane got a measure of revenge for Team Quinn by defeating Jimmy. Shelly defeated Jim in the only intra-family contest of the week, which means that Team Garrity couldn’t go 3-0 no matter how hard they tried, but it’ll all even out in the end. I think.

Awesome Cup standings

1 — Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome), 157.96 pts
2 — City Hands (Mike), 142.53 pts
3 — One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop), 132.51 pts
4 — Vert der Ferks (Ant), 123.59 pts
5 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 122.15 pts
6 — Still The Best (Jonathant), 98.97 pts
7 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 90.67 pts
8 — The B Sharps (Paul), 88.13 pts
9 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 79.87 pts
10 — Schwarbombs (Jo), 77.08 pts
11 — Goederts and Monsterts (Bob), 68.07 pts
12 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 56.13 pts

Remind me again, Yahoo AI, how bad my team is going to be this year? My “revenge against the boy” tour began strong this week, thanks to big performances by Lamar Jackson, WR Emeka Egbuka and Bijan Robinson. Mike and Pop were just a few catches behind. Our returning champ just missed hitting the 100-pts mark, but it looks like he’s just laying in wait for the right time to strike.

And in the bottom half? Jo does not like Bo Nix at all. Bob has the best name but the worst wideout room of the first week (AJ Brown, Tee Higgins, Devante Adams combined for less than 10 pts). And Jeff started a kicker on injured reserve, so that’s not ideal.

One week down, 17 more to go. No bye weeks next week, but there is a Thursday game and two Monday games and maybe a secret midnight game, so check the schedule and get your teams sorted out.

Fantasy football 2025 -- preseason rankings

The teams are all set, and the league title has essentially already been wrapped up. I mean, we can still play all the games, but here’s how the season will play out, based on my advanced analytics assessment of the teams:

All Rogers No Sauce (Joel)

Yahoo ranking: 1861.38 pts, 6th place
My ranking: 1657.07 pts, 12th place
Joel didn’t really earn this ranking, because his team looks half decent. WRs Ja'Marr Chase and Ladd McConkey have too many extra letters in their names but should pull down lots of points this season. RB TreVeyon Henderson could be a sensation, and also keeps the team trend of weird mid-name capitalizations going. TE Brock Bowers should return to Pro-Bowl form again. But if you finish at the bottom of the standings for the season, you’ve got to prove your worth the next year before you get a higher projection.

The B Sharps (Paul)

Yahoo ranking:1856.86 pts, 7th place
My ranking: 1736.92 pts, 11th place
I can’t project any team with Saquon Barkley — he who rushed for the most yards in NFL history last year — to finish last. But second to last? It’s possible. Paul, who used to call his team “I love WRs,” managed to draft two suspended wideouts (Jordan Addison and Rashee Rice) and a third who is out for at least a month (Brandon Aiyuk). That only gives him one healthy pass catcher, not including his two mid-draft tight ends (also not great). Still, he’s got two solid defenses (Iggles and Packers) and Joe Burrow passing behind a solid corps of runners, so this team could surprise.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)

Yahoo ranking: 1889.05 pts, 5th place
My ranking: 1751.13 pts, 10th place
On one hand, Jeff’s team has WR DeVonta Smith, plus great RBs in Jahmyr Gibbs and Chase Brown. On the other hand, he’s got QB Dak Prescott — a well-established loser — and a kicker who is already on the IR (Jason Sanders). Will Jeff replace the kicker before the season starts? Will he have to rely on Michael Penix Jr. as his team’s primary QB once Prescott chokes? Will anyone in the league figure out how to say RB Bhayshul Tuten’s name (my guess: Bay-shoe Toot-ing)? Too many questions here to rank this team any higher.

DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D)

Yahoo ranking: 1836.60 pts, 8th place
My ranking: 1844.34 pts, 9th place
This team has a solid QB in Baker Mayfield and three quality wideouts in Amon-Ra St. Brown, Brian Thomas Jr. and Marvin Harrison Jr. And the running backs? I’m willing to bet Mom D has never heard of any of them (Tony Pollard, Omarion Hampton, Rachaad White, Tyler Allgeier). She also has four players already listed as questionable for week 1. They’ll probably be fine in the end, but the specter of injuries abounds. Mom also drafted two defensive players — S Dell Pettus and CB Brandin Echols — that I am 100% certain are just spelling errors. No chance they are real people. I mean, I know it’s fantasy football, but we’re supposed to follow real players, not just jumbles of letters.

City Hands (Mike)

Yahoo ranking: 1806.47 pts, 10th place
My ranking: 1999.96 pts, 8th place
Mike has the all overhyped team this season, and it’s not even because he ended up with multiple Cowboys. QB Jayden Daniels is primed to be this year’s big fantasy bust, after an incredible rookie campaign. WR Garrett Wilson is a good receiver without even an average QB. The Detroit defense? They sure didn’t look good in that playoff loss to Daniels. And a RB corps of Zach Charbonnet, Travis Etienne Jr. and Jerome Ford is the answer to the question “who are three RBs who might not combine for 10 carries a week by October?” Still, WRs Nico Collins and Courtland Sutton are intriguing. If Mike can channel his inner Quint for coaching, this team could land a big fish.

Vert der Ferks (Anthony)

Yahoo ranking: 1958.50 pts, 2nd place
My ranking: 2001.77 pts, 7th place
This is a solid, solid team. QB Josh Allen,potentially six fantasy relevant wideouts led by Justin Jefferson and Puka Nacua, some underrated juice in RB Chuba Hubbard. So why am I ranking them so low? As always, Ant’s team has one fatal flaw, and this time it’s Dallas TE Jake Ferguson. For a change, the issue isn’t that he accidentally drafted a Cowboy — that’s easy enough to fix. No, the problem is there is zero chance that Anthony remembers the dude’s real name and starts calling him “Turd Ferguson” for the entire year. That’s the kind of distraction that can derail even the best laid coaching plans. Might as well just change the team name to “Celebrity Jeopardy” and call it a day.

Still The Best (Jonathan) 

Yahoo ranking:1801.46 pts, 11th place
My ranking: 2095.45 pts, 6th place
Did Yahoo just rank the two-time Awesome Cup champion as the second-worst team in the league? That’s incredible disrespect for what this young coach has accomplished. Sure, he’s relying on bounce-back years from Jonathan Taylor (drafted only because of his first name) and Stefon Diggs. But this team has QB Jalen Hurts and WR Terry McLaurin. It has reliable TE Evan Engram. It doesn’t have anyone from the Jets. Surely, the bottom of the rankings cannot be where this team is destined to finish.

Schwarbombs (Jo)

Yahoo ranking: 1790.42 pts, 12th place
My ranking: 2095.47 pts, 5th place
The disrespect continues. Yahoo’s AI completely ignores Joanna’s strategic skills and remains focused on small but coachable gaps in her roster. QB Bo Nix? Primed for a leap this season. WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba? Sleeper to lead the league in receiving yards. Three other potential Pro-Bowl wideouts? Unconventional, but workable. RBs D'Andre Swift and Isiah Pacheco? I mean … anything is possible, I guess.

The Fightin Pickles (Sam) 

Yahoo ranking: 1979.82 pts, 1st place
My ranking: 2139.82 pts, 4th place
Same has a fine team … on paper. QB Patrick Mahomes and WR Ceedee Lamb look poised to put up solid numbers this year … on paper. An RB tandem of Bucky Irving and Alvin Kamara works … on paper. But that’s not enough to build a real champion. Fantasy football isn’t played on paper. It’s played on … well, it’s actually played on a computer screen … but it’s really played in the hearts and souls of the combatants. And that’s where this team is lacking. Also, I just kinda want to root against Mahomes and Lamb all year.

Saquontum Leap (Capt. Awesome)

Yahoo ranking: 1821.49 pts, 9th place
My ranking: 2233.44 pts, 3rd place
I’m sorry, Yahoo AI, but what is it you think is weak with this team? Is it the perennial MVP candidate QB in Lamar Jackson? Is it the two fantasy stud RBs (Bijan Robinson and Kyren Williams)? Is it the pair of rookie sleepers in TE Tyler Warren and WR Emeka Egbuka? Or is it the top-ranked fantasy defense? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US, YAHOO? It’s worth noting that after I replaced my two defensive players with better options on Tuesday morning, the AI overlords suddenly revised their rankings to mark me as the 4th best team. So their predictions are all an exercise in nonsense, unlike my scientifically rigorous methods.

One Plus One is Three SBs (Pop)

Yahoo ranking: 1939.36 pts, 3rd place
My ranking: 2244.32 pts, 2nd place
Look, I’m as surprised as you that I like Dad’s team. But there are actual running backs on the squad for a change — Derrick Henry, De’Von Achane, James Connor. I think WR Tyreek Hill could be in line for a big comeback. I think the Rams defense is a sneaky point getter. And I see QB Brock Purdy as … well, he’ll be fine for fantasy, even if he’s completely overrated as a winner. My only real reservation is that Yahoo thinks Dad is poised for a good season too, which is always a kiss of death. But, there’s a first time for everything.

Goederts and Monsterts (Bobert)

Yahoo ranking: 1894.72 pts, 4th place
My ranking: 2317 pts, 1st place
Our best team name also gets the albatross of the top ranking in the league again. Bob is rolling out to the gridiron with WR AJ Brown, WR Tee Higgins, RB Christian McCaffery, WR Davante Adams and TE Travis Kelce. Is there a chance all five could be injured beyond repair by week 4? Yes! But there is also a chance at greatness. QB Jared Goff is solid if not exciting. RBs Joe Mixon and Quinshon Judkins could provide mid-season depth. And WR Luther Burden III puts an extra suffix on the squad, which is always a bonus. The vibes are great around this team, which is why Bob has no chance of winning this season. Sorry, man. Better luck in 2026.

There you have it, folks. The Eagles open the season on Thursday evening, so get your roster squared away by then. We’ve got a Friday game too, then a few Sunday games, and then the calendar roulette that is the NFL season. Buckle up, because it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

Fantasy football 2025 -- draft order announcement

The Who Needs Linebackers fantasy league is officially back for its 24th season, and that number could not be more meaningful as we head into another six months of gridiron showdowns. For you see, since this league was formed way back in the early 2000s, the Philadelphia Eagles have appeared in four Super Bowls, and won two of them. I like to think our symmetry is a mathematical celebration of the Iggles excellence.

Two is also the number of consecutive titles for our defending Awesome Cup champion, a young man who still cannot drive but can apparently steer the direction of our entire league. One more win would be historic, giving him the first threepeat in league history and tying him for the most championships all time in the league record book. So, it’s time to buckle down and stop the boy, because he is already getting a little too full of himself.

Before we get to the fantasy strategery, it’s time for the official fantasy league draft order announcement. For everyone who forgets how this highly scientific process is handled, here are the rules established a whole year before our defending champion was born. 

The name selection is being handled again this season by the youngest member of Fort Awesome, a true Eagles fan who is wearing a birds hat and waving an Eagles wand that was present AT BOTH EAGLES SUPER BOWL PARADES (that is a phrase that exists now). Since all our coaches can’t be here to witness the picks live, proxies in the form of trading cards of 2024 Super Bowl winning players have been procured to stand in for everyone.

Every year this dumb process ends up screwing me personally (and often benefitting the boy) but I have my brand new Saquon Barkley jersey T-shirt nearby and a veneer of optimism that only a Super Bowl trophy ceremony can sustain through the offseason.

Our vintage Eagles helmet has the first four names stirred around inside, and the first slip out of the hat belongs to …

Pick #12 — Jo

Ooooh, last year’s second-place finisher (by just 14.32 pts!) slips down one spot in the draft order and will pick last in the first round. Her representative, a Kenneth Gainwell Panini Instant Super Bowl LIX Champions card (valued at $2.99), falls forward for a short gain. 

Jo again asks why she needs a proxy if she’s actually in the room, and whether her second child thinks she’s getting any dinner tonight after that pick. We press on, confident in the system. Another name goes into the helmet, and the next name out is…

Pick #11 — Jonathan

Wait, it’s not me? It’s always me first or second. Instead, the reigning champ moves up only a single spot in the draft order instead of his customary seven or eight. His stand-in, a Prizm A.J. Brown Red No Huddle (valued at $9.50), glances down at his copy of “Inner Excellence” to calm his disappointment. 

The boy looks towards me to ask why he also needs a representative if he’s even closer to the action than his mother, but thinks better of it. He’s lucky I won’t throw the Awesome Cup at his head. Next name goes in, and the next victim out is …

 

Pick #10 — Grandmom Linda

Our draft selector is once again seriously concerned about what all of these moves will mean for her upcoming birthday presents. Her concerns are ignored, much like the Chiefs offensive line was ignored by the Eagles rushers again and again and again in the Super Bowl. 

Mom slips down one spot in the draft order, but that’s not a big deal for her proxy, a Rookies Phoenix Jeremiah Trotter Jr. card ($4.74 on Ebay right now). Did you know that Trotter has more Super Bowl rings than his father, and he’s only been in the league for one year? We keep chopping our way down the list, and the next draft order pick goes to …

Pick #9 — Mike

Another coach slips in the draft order. Someone is benefitting from this, but I can’t quite figure out who. Mike’s deputy for tonight’s announcement, a Kenny Pickett Super Bowl LIX Champions card (marked down to $17.75 now), remains as calm and cool as you’d expect from a Super Bowl winning QB. 

Did you know that the Eagles traded Kenny Pickett for a 5th round draft pick this year, and the Browns have already traded him to the Raiders for another 5th round draft pick next year? Did you care? We’re leaving the past in the past, and that means putting another coach into the helmet, and pulling out the next drafter …

Pick #8 — Ant

Another coach who fell down, this time two spots, thanks to this ridiculous draft system. Who came up with this idea anyways? Luckily, Ant barely notices the slight because his stand-in, an All-Rookie Team Cooper DeJean card (also $17.75, somehow not more valuable than Kenny Pickett), is re-enacting his championship game pick-six with a candy bar and a collection of Barbies with better tackling range than the Chiefs. 

The second child asks if we can stop this madness and continue playing with the Barbies. Her pleas are again ignored, and we head onward…

Pick #7 — Bob

Exactly where our 2024 top-6 finisher should be picking. Finally, logic prevails for a moment. The Doctor’s representative here is the Dagger himself, a Honeycomb Mosaic DeVonta Smith card (going for $55 at the moment), who promptly runs in the other room and snags a backbreaking touchdown for team Bob. 

The vibes are so positive this squad that Yahoo AI has already predicted he will win the league this year. Which means Bob has just been eliminated from contention in the league. So sad. Tough break this early. Maybe our next coach will do better …

Pick #6 — Pop

Dad finished in the bottom four last year but will pick in the middle of the first round anyways. Seems like nearly everyone moved down a spot this year, without anyone getting a real benefit. Dad’s proxy, a $20 dancing Eagles hamster, responds to the draft order announcement with a subtly subdued rendition of “We Are The Champions.” 

Jonathan asks why his grandfather doesn’t get a trading card for this exercise. I blame Dan Marino and quickly move to the next name …

Pick #5 — Sam

Hold on, I’m starting to realize what’s happening here, and it’s not great news for Sam. His Fightin Pickles squad finished in the bottom three last year, but he’ll have to settle for the #5 pick. What he won’t have to worry about is subpar representation: His stand-in is a coveted, $300 autographed Prism Decal Tanner McKee card, because who wouldn’t pay big money for the card of a third-string QB? Imagine how much that card would be worth if McKee still had 10 fingers. 

Speaking of 10 fingers, we use two to drop another name in the helmet, and then the next name comes out …

Pick #4 — Jeff

Jeff actually moved in a positive direction here: He finished fifth worse in 2024, but has the fourth best pick now. He is represented by a man always moving in a positive direction: an Alien Case Score Jordan Mailata card (just $100, because Jordan is just one-third the size of McKee, I guess?). 

Both Jeff and Jordan are known for their singing voices — just make sure to ask Jeff to belt out a rendition of “Fly, Eagles, Fly” for you next time you see him. Not right now, though, because we still have three names left…

Pick #3 — Joel

Oooooh, that one stings a bit. Joel has finished last in the league for two straight years, but he gets shut out of the top two picks this year. But his representative — a Red & Blue Prism Shock Nakobe Dean card, valued at just $1.75 — is familiar with the third round, because that’s where he was drafted. He's also familair with disappointment, on account of his injury last year, and still ultimate success and bliss, given that he will always be a Super Bowl champion. That's inspriration for any team.  

Joel’s misfortune is someone else’s gain, but I still can’t quite put my finger on it. Onto our final two draft picks…

Pick #2 — Capt. Awesome

OHMIGAWD THIS IS THE GREATEST DRAFT PROCESS EVER! THIS IS WHY I PRAISE THIS SYSTEM YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR!

Incredibly, my name has survived 10 earlier rounds of helmet selections to steal me a top two pick in the fantasy draft. I’m speechless. I always pick in the bottom half, even when my teams stunk the previous year. I’m more excited than when I found out Taylor and Travis were getting married (which was like 10 minutes ago, so…). My representative leaps up in the air in excitement. Of course, my proxy is the coveted $650 Reverse Backward Hurdle Saquon Barkley card, so he’s always up in the air. But still, it’s a great moment for everyone. And by everyone, I mean me, and possibly the impartial name selector who will now get presents for her birthday.

Just one name left in the helmet, so our top pick goes to …

Pick #1 — Paul

This marks the third time in the last five years that Paul will get first crack at the draft board. Here’s hoping this is the season he is inspired to actually set his roster week to week and compete at a championship level. His avatar for the draft is #1 himself — The Pre-Historic Mammoth True Color Match Jalen Hurts card, yours for only $699.99. Worth every penny for a chance to honor the Super Bowl MVP properly. 

And it's appropriate too, given the ... mammoth weight on Hurts' shoulders as QB ... and his thick hide ... and ... honestly I have no clue what I'm looking at here. $700 for a dinosaur QB card? Whatever. Hurts is awesome no matter what. 

***

We’re all set, folks. The draft order is getting put into the system and it’s time to get your player rankings squared away. Now is the time to pick a new team name, start taunting your fellow coahces and block all those Cowboys from getting on your roster. I’ll switch the league over to autodraft sometime after Saturday morning (Aug. 30) so don’t delay.

Here’s looking forward to another fun fantasy season and a second consecutive Super Bowl win for the Eagles.

Fantasy football 2024 -- final season recap

The games are all complete, the rankings are in, and there is just one thing left for the 2024 season: The 23rd official awarding of the Awesome Cup to our champion. But before we celebrate our victor, we have to analyze what went wrong with our 11 losers. Here are the final standings:

All Rogers No Sauce (Joel)

Yahoo ranking: 1935.26 pts, 2nd place
My ranking: 2001.77 pts, 7th place
Actual finish: 1465.16 pts, 12th place
NFL equivalent: New Jersey Jets

Yes, people were predicting the Jets would challenge for a playoff spot this season, just like Yahoo was predicting Joel’s team would challenge for a championship. It didn’t help that RB Christian McCaffrey was pretty much a wasted pick for the whole season, or that RB Travis Etienne and QB Anthony Richardson weren’t much better. But coaching was the real issue here: Joel started at least one inactive player for each of the last five weeks of the season and two inactives for the final three weeks. It’s hard to score points with players who aren’t playing.

 

They Certainly Are Dwarves (Paul)

Yahoo ranking: 1817.21 pts, 11th place
My ranking: 1844.34 pts, 9th place
Actual finish: 1556.39 pts, 11th place
NFL equivalent: Cleveland Browns

The team formerly known as “I heart wideouts” boasted one great fantasy receiver (CeeDee Lamb), two wideouts who were traded midseason (Davante Adams and Amari Cooper), another who was killed midseason (Chris Olave, RIP) and another who was hurt every other week and finally euthanized in the last game of the season (Christian Watson, RIP). Other than that, Paul pretty much forgot to add any skill players to his team. He did grab the Cleveland defense in the draft, which turned into a complete disaster early. And he did get Aaron Rodgers funk all over everything. But despite the drama, the result was the same this year for Paul as it has been recently — another Browns-like finish.

The Fightin Pickles (Sam)

Yahoo ranking: 1802.68 pts, 12th place
My ranking: 1736.92 pts, 11th place
Actual finish: 1802.09 pts, 10th place
NFL equivalent: Carolina Panthers
Sam actually gets the league’s coveted “outstanding achievement in the field of excellence award” for complaining about Jonathan’s team in his Christmas card to Fort Awesome. That’s the right way to spread holiday joy, folks — unexpected, funny moments that make you question how much time you’ve put into your hobbies. Well done, sir. Sadly, his fantasy team wasn’t as inspiring. WR Justin Jefferson was great. The Eagles defense was solid. K Harrison Butker didn’t cause too many class wars. And no one else on the team lived up to the hype. Still, there were enough moments of brilliance that this team could have been a major problem if we were a head-to-head league. We’re not, but it was fun anyways.

Beer ‘n Chips (Pop)

Yahoo ranking: 1961.49 pts, 1st place
My ranking: 1751.13 pts, 10th place
Actual finish: 2027.21 pts, 9th place
NFL equivalent: New England Patriots
Called it. Yahoo loves loves loves Dad’s team every year, and it’s a total kiss of death. I think the most upsetting part is that Yahoo undershot Dad’s points total and still was nine spots off in a 12-team ranking. Pop does get a special shout out as the first team ever to break 2,000 points on the season and finish outside the top eight. There’s a world where instead of drafting Josh Allen/Josh Jacobs/Rachaad White in the first three rounds, he drafts Jamar Chase/Josh Jacobs/Josh Allen in that order and wins the league by a mile. But that’s not this multiverse, and Dad doesn’t watch the Marvel movies anyways.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)

Yahoo ranking: 1844.28 pts, 9th place
My ranking: 2095.47 pts, 5th place
Actual finish: 2028.06 pts, 8th place
NFL equivalent: Las Vegas Raiders
Last year, Sam edged out Bob for 7th place by just 0.41 pts. This year, Jeff edged out Dad for 8th place by less 0.85 pts. It’s a vicious fight for every spot in the standings. Or, to quote a stupidest moment from recently, WHO SAYS BOWL GAMES DON’T MATTER ANYMORE?!? Sadly, much like a Patriots/Raiders real life showdown, this fight is just for draft order next year, as both teams are way out of the championship running. Jeff’s first three picks — RB Breece Hall, RB Isiah Pacheco and WR Cooper Kupp — all disappointed this season. Jeff had late-round wins with QB Joe Burrow and RB J.K Dobbins, but it wasn’t enough to pull this squad up to the top level.

Jabronis (Ant)

Yahoo ranking: 1879.24 pts, 6th place
My ranking: 1657.07 pts, 12th place
Actual finish: 2032.74 pts, 7th place
NFL equivalent: Seattle Seahawks
Like the Seahawks, it felt like Ant’s team was doing well all year, and then at the end of the season we all looked at the standings and wondered why this team wasn’t in contention at all. In fairness, Ant did succeed in his personal mission for the season — sabotaging Dak Prescott and the Dallas defense by keeping them on his squad. Our coach of doom ruined both of their seasons and brought joy to all our hearts. So while the standings were not kind to Ant, he deserves a shout out for taking one for the team — nay, all of the teams across the country — and making the world a better place. But I’m still not sure why he had to kill WR Nico Collins along the way.

No One Likes Us We Don’t Care (Bob)

Yahoo ranking: 1869.61 pts, 7th place
My ranking: 2095.45 pts, 6th place
Actual finish: 2053.59 pts, 6th place
NFL equivalent: Atlanta Falcons
Just call me Nicole Beyer, because I nailed it again with my prediction. Bob had all the big names this year — QB Patrick Mahomes, RB Alvin Kamara, RB Bijan Robinson, the San Fran defense — and they all did just enough to settle in the mediocre middle of the standings. On the plus side, it doesn’t feel like Bob (or the Falcons) really did much wrong. They just didn’t do much right either. At least he did get to have the Chuba Hubbard experience this year: middling stats, exciting pronunciations. Sometimes you just gotta take what you’re handed.

Murder Hornets (Mike)

Yahoo ranking: 1911.70 pts, 3rd place
My ranking: 2317 pts, 1st place
Actual finish: 2124.41 pts, 5th place
NFL equivalent: San Francisco 49ers
This season was a tough one for Mike, who I thought would be raising the Awesome Cup this year. True, he had fantasy studs WR Jamar Chase and RB Kyren Williams. But QB CJ Stroud disappointed. WR Deebo Samuel was a fraud. TE Kyle Pitts underachieved yet again. And rookie wideout Keon Coleman never materialized into anything. And the real tragedy for Mike came just last month, when Department of Agriculture officials announced that they have successfully eradicated murder hornets in the United States. After four years, his team name is no more. That’s a terrible blow, and I’d like everyone to take a moment of silence before moving to the next team recap, in honor of our fallen moniker.

DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D)

Yahoo ranking: 1847.14 pts, 8th place
My ranking: 2244.32 pts, 2nd place
Actual finish: 2128.33 pts, 4th place
NFL equivalent: Minnesota Vikings

A furious finish by Mom D drove her squad to a respectable finish in the standings. In week 7, she was mired down in 7th place, losing ground to competitors. But she averaged more than 161 pts a week over the last three weekends, showing the grit and determination that should serve as an inspiration to coaches at the bottom of the standings. Sure, having RB Derrick Henry bulldozing most of the league helped. But like the Vikings, she also found success with mediocre QB play (looking at you, Brock Purdy and Joshua Dobbs) and a strong defense (Minnesota, both for her team and Minnesota). In the end, neither team got a first-round bye, but did win the respect of the league.

Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome)

Yahoo ranking: 1911.43 pts, 4th place
My ranking: 2233.44 pts, 3rd place
Actual finish: 2212.56 pts, 3rd place
NFL equivalent: Buffalo Bills

I may not know much, but I do know how to analyze my own team. And I nailed my pre-season prediction for myself, and landed my point total with a 1% margin of error. For the record, I had four fantasy teams this year, and three of them finished third in their respective leagues. Much like the Bills, I’m good enough to be a contender each year, and not good enough to get over the hump. This is my sixth podium finish in the last eight years, and my league-leading 13th top three finish. But even Saquon Barkley’s 2,000-yard season wasn’t enough to bring me the title, as my team fell just 26.05 pts short of victory. What if QB Jalen Hurts didn’t get injured? What if I had started RB Tony Pollard every week instead of every other week? These are the questions that will haunt my coaching staff the whole offseason. However, this is the highest finish ever for a coach who had major invasive surgery in the preseason (Joanna finished 6th when she pulled her medical stunt), so I’m taking that as another title victory.

Kodos for President (Jo)

Yahoo ranking: 1842.91 pts, 10th place
My ranking: 1999.96 pts, 8th place
Actual finish: 2224.29 pts, 2nd place
NFL equivalent: Detroit Lions
Joanna already had the roughest finish in league history — back in 2014, she finished in 4th place, 13 points out of first, because her RB (LeVeon Bell) got injured in the second quarter of the final game of the season and didn’t give her enough points to catch the top three. This season, she pulled off another painful near miss: Falling just 14.32 pts short of first place. Who’s to say if starting a healthy wideout for three weeks late in the season instead of injured WR Jalen Waddle would have made a difference? (It would have.) Who’s to say whether trading backup QB Jayden Daniels for a good defense would have made a difference? (It would have.) Who’s to say if taking RB Saquon Barkley with her first pick would have been better than taking WR AJ Brown? (It would have.) Losing by less than 15 points is hard to swallow, but at least Jo can boast beating me by four field goals to place second in our house. Speaking of which…

Still the Best (Jonathan)

Yahoo ranking: 1908.33 pts, 5th place
My ranking: 2139.82 pts, 4th place
Actual finish: 2238.60 pts, 1st place
NFL equivalent: 2017 Philadelphia Eagles
For the first time in league history, the entire podium stand is confined to a single household, and it’s only fitting that that house should be Fort Awesome (because we’re the only one with three coaches). Jonathan backed up his team name boast by winning the league in back-to-back years, though just by the skin of his teeth this time. Getting the fantasy MVP Lamar Jackson in the FOURTH ROUND went a long way to securing his victory, as did snagging the top fantasy TE (Brock Bowers) and the second-best wideout (Amon-Ra St. Brown).

But this victory was more than just draft luck. It was hard work. It was keen insight. It was having a parent who could remind you to set your roster every week and then help you pick up good players when you have no idea what to look for. In short, it was everything we have come to expect from the greats like Andy Reid, if Andy Reid also had his father on the sideline coaching him through all the coaching work.

This is only the second time in league history we’ve had back-to-back titles, so Pop has company in that elite fraternity. So let’s put his name where it belongs:

Only two more titles and the boy can tie me for the league lead. I did win another title this season — besting the Yahoo algorithm yet again, by going 8-4 in our pre-season predictions. Take that, AI overlords.

Only 241 days until the 2025 fantasy season officially starts. Thanks again to all of you for hanging around here for another year of nonsense, and don’t wait until the anagrams start again to keep in touch.

Fantasy football 2024 -- week 18 recap

Here are a few ready-made talking points for WIP callers after Sunday’s convincing, very very significant Eagles win over the New Jersey Giants:

** “I’m just saying that if Jalen Hurts is still hurt next week, I think Tanner McKee could carve up the Packers’ defense.”

** “Every Eagles team that has ever won at least 13 games has made the Super Bowl, and you could see that heart out there on Sunday.”

** “That offense looked just as good with Saquon on the bench. I’m still not sure that was money well spent.”

** “Why haven’t we seen more of Ainias Smith this season? Kid is a baller.”

** “I know they won, but Nick Sirianni should be embarrassed that the Giants made it that close.”

** “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — Sydney Brown may be the best ‘Brown’ on this team.”

** “Why did they win that game? Doesn’t this front office understand how much that helped the Giants’ draft pick? That’s gonna come back to haunt the Eagles next year.”

Top QBs of the year

3rd place: Baker Mayfield, 447.80.31 pts — 23rd QB drafted (Jo)
2nd place: Joe Burrow, 458.82 pts — 10th QB drafted (Jeff)
1st place: Lamar Jackson, 513.38 pts — 4th QB drafted (Jonathan)

Josh Allen (4th overall QB) will probably win the MVP, but he certainly wasn’t the fantasy MVP. Jackson outscored him by 88 pts and came at a much cheaper draft cost (4th round vs. 1st round). Burrow didn’t get picked up until the 7th. Maybe even more shocking, Allen got beat out for a spot on the final podium by Baker Mayfield, a 17th round fantasy draft pick. Joanna actually ended up with the #3 and #5 fantasy QBs (Jayden Daniels, 401.60 pts) and probably should have traded one. But the moral of the story? Never waste a first-round pick on a QB. You won’t win.

Top WRs of the year

3rd place: Justin Jefferson, 215.38 pts — 4th WR drafted (Sam)
2nd place: Amon-Ra St. Brown, 220.88 pts — 5th WR drafted (Jonathan)
1st place: Ja'Marr Chase, 285.57 pts — 3rd WR drafted (Mike)

Welcome to the second half of the first round of our draft. These three were the #7, #8, and #9 picks, and all of them paid off. The two wideouts before them? CeeDee Lamb (first WR taken) ended up in the top 8 in scoring, but Tyreek Hill (second WR taken) was outside the top 20. The sleeper this year was wideout Brian Thomas Jr., who ended up fourth in scoring after being the 39th WR drafted. I took Rome Odunze four picks ahead of him, and that move cost me 105 fantasy pts on the season. Ouch.

Top RBs of the year

3rd place: Jahmyr Gibbs, 320.17 pts — 7th RB drafted (Jo)
2nd place: Derrick Henry, 320.47 pts — 5th RB drafted (Mom D)
1st place: Saquon Barkley, 330.03 pts — 6th RB drafted (Capt. Awesome)

The second round was the place to find great RBs this year: Besides these three, Josh Jacobs (5th best back), Kyren Williams (6th best) and De'Von Achane (8th best) were all taken in the second round. The numbers between Henry and Barkley ended up pretty close, with the Eagles rusher finishing just 83 yds ahead of the Baltimore back (1,921 rushing yds). But that’s in large part due to Henry playing all 17 games, and Saquon sadly sitting out the finale. Gibbs’ four TDs in the finale pulled him just a hair out of second place, but he also played 17 games, so it’s just not as impressive as Barkley.

Top TEs of the year

3rd place: Trey McBride, 156.10 pts — 3rd TE drafted (Joel)
2nd place: George Kittle, 162.23 pts — 6th TE drafted (Ant)
1st place: Brock Bowers, 168.40 pts — 13th TE drafted (Jonathan)

Hello, rookie. Bowers ended up being a major steal for Jonathan, who also started Travis Kelce (8th overall TE) for most of the year. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes having that extra flex spot as a W/T instead of just another wideout really makes a difference. Bowers and McBride were #3 and #4 in receptions on the season, only behind Chase and St. Brown.

Top Ks of the year

3rd place: Cameron Dicker, 180.00 pts — 14th K drafted (Jonathan)
2nd place: Chris Boswell, 191.00 pts — undrafted
1st place: Brandon Aubrey, 178.00 pts — 2nd K drafted (Jeff)

Joanna at various points in the season had Boswell, Ka'imi Fairbairn (#4 overall kicker) and Jake Bates (#7 overall kicker). Meanwhile, Jonathan cut Dicker almost immediately and kept 49ers K Jake Moody instead, who ended up 21st in scoring. If only Jonathan hadn’t made that small mistake, maybe his team could have amounted to something.

Top DEFs of the year

3rd place: Green Bay, 156.00 pts — 20th DEF drafted (Sam)
2nd place: Minnesota, 164.00 pts — 10th DEF drafted (Mom D)
1st place: Denver, 198.00 pts — 17th DEF drafted (Ant)

Looks like we missed big on this category. The fourth-best defense was Houston, who was the 15th defense drafted by us. Of the top 10 defenses on the season, only Minnesota, Pittsburgh (#7 overall) and Buffalo (#9) were taken in our top 12 draft spots. So using that early pick to have Dallas repeat as a defensive juggernaut went for nothing.

Top Ds of the year

3rd place: Andrew Van Ginkel, 69.00— undrafted
2nd place: Zack Baun, 69.50 pts — undrafted
1st place: Zaire Franklin, 70.50 pts — undrafted

Someday we’ll draft a top defensive player, he writes for the 20th year in a row, keeping faith alive despite all logical evidence to the contrary. But what we did get is a second Eagle making an appearance in a fantasy honors category this season. So miracles can happen.

QB: Bryce Young, 42.44 pts — started by me
WR: Drake London, 29.47 pts — started by Ant
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, 42.47 pts — started by Jo
TE: Pat Freiermuth, 15.67 pts — on the wire
K: Joshua Karty, 17.00 pts — on the wire
DEF: Denver, 20.00 — on Ant’s bench
D: Derek Barnett, 11.00 pts — on the wire

It’s not often that a RB is the top performer on the week, but Gibbs and his aforementioned four TDs managed to just outpace Bryce Young’s surprising appearance on this list.

Gibbs is a Pro Bowler headed to the postseason with Detroit. Young was assumed to be another first-round bust halfway through the year, only to turn around the narrative completely. He had 14.56 fantasy pts combined through the first seven games this season. In the last three weeks alone, he totaled 94.48 pts. He did just enough to likely convince the Panthers’ front office to keep building the team around him in the offseason, which will probably mean he’ll fall apart again next year, because this is the Panthers we are talking about.

Awww, a second appearance on the top performer’s list for Derek Barnett this season. He had two tackles, a sack and a fumble recovery returned for a TD on Sunday. In week 11, he scored 12.50 pts after another monster game. In the other 15 games this year, he averaged one fantasy point a game.


“Worst performers of the year” edition

3rd place: Carolina, 20.00 pts — on the wire
2nd place: Kadarius Toney, -1.02 pts — on the wire
1st place: Clayton Tune, -2.08 pts — on the wire

For the weekly worst performers list, we had three defenses again hit -6.00 pts (Atlanta, Kansas City and San Francisco). Seven teams hit the worst score possible over the last two weeks. That’s what the NFL gets for jamming in too many meaningless games instead of sticking with the 16-game schedule.

But the big news is the worst performers of the year, because there really aren’t any. Only two fantasy players ended up in negative territory: Toney, who I’ve made fun of several times, and Cardinals QB Clayton Tune, who scored -2.60 pts on week 2 and never made it back into positive territory.

So to round out our worst performers list for this year, we’ll highlight the worst defense of the year: The Panthers, who managed just 20 fantasy points on the season. The team surrendered 534 points this season (31.4 pts a game, 66 more than the next worst team), and posted negative fantasy scores in seven of 17 weeks. They scored half their points in week 10 against the Giants, the only time they hit double digits and the only time they held an opponent to less than 20 points.

Still, the Panthers were worth more than Tommy DeVito (13.48 pts) this year. So that’s something.


** After the Brown’s loss on Saturday left their season record at 3-14, DE Myles Garrett told reporters that the result was a more disappointing season than their 0-16 finish in 2017 “because of what we expected out of ourselves.”

While I appreciate the frustration, it’s pretty ridiculous of Garrett to expect anything of the Browns. They’re had three winning seasons in the last 30 years. They’re lost at least 10 games in 12 of the last 18 years. Heck, this franchise went 0-16 just a few years ago. I wonder if Garrett remembers that…

** The Washington Post extolled the Maryland Commanders last-second win over the 7-10 Cowboys on Sunday by calling it the perfect cap to a “historic” season. The history? “The Commanders finished off a 12-5 season, its most wins since the 1991 season.”

So, a franchise that has won three Super Bowls is now being lauded for the “history” of having its fifth-best record ever. Makes sense.

** The Bears front office reportedly has asked to interview former Packers coach and current Cowboys coach Mike McCarthy, because they’re looking for a leader who can’t lead his team to the playoffs but also has a history of enraging Chicago fans. Happy new year, Bears fans!
 

Here’s a quick recap of the 2024 Cincinnati Bengals:

** QB Joe Burrow led the league in passing yards (4,918) and passing TDs (43).

** WR Jamar Chase led the league in receiving yds (1,708) and receptions (127) and receiving TDs (17).

** The Bengals were the only team with multiple receivers with double-digit TD catches (Chase and Tee Higgins, 10).

** RB Chase Brown just missed a 1,000-yard rushing season (990).

 
** The team was sixth in the league in scoring and finished the year on a five-game winning streak.

** They missed the playoffs.

Every one of the Bengals eight losses this season came against a playoff team (Eagles, Commanders, Chiefs, Ravens twice, Steelers, and Chargers) except one: Their week one loss to the Patriots, one of only four New England wins on the season. If Cincy had avoided that inexplicable 16-10 upset, we’d be talking about the Bengals as the postseason sleeper team that no one wants to play. Instead, they’re on their way home to play golf. 

It’s good to know that one screwy misstep in the first game of the year can end an entire season before it starts.

Next week is the start of the postseason, and one team that won’t be there is the Dallas Cowboys. After three 12-win seasons in a row, the franchise from Arlington posted a disappointing sub-.500 record and will be spending the rest of January watching good teams play for the championship. And when you break down the basics, you can see that the letters had already preordained this result:

Dallas Cowboys miss the playoffs
** Fact: Bad, showy mess flops. I say LOL.

Next season marks the 30th anniversary of the last time the Cowboys were a relevant franchise, winning more than one game in the playoffs. That was before every member of the Eagles active roster was born except for TE Dallas Goedert, CB Darius Slay, OT Lane Johnson and LS Rick Lovato. It also covers QB Tom Brady’s entire career, including his time in college, each of his Super Bowl wins and both of his retirements. But, hey, let’s give them six prime time games again next year, because people still think they matter.

** Valiant effort by Dad this week, who went 6-4 in our picks. But that wasn’t enough for him to overcome my eight-game lead coming into the weekend. I’m now 10-5 against him over the last 15 years, and mysteriously all records were lost for the time before that. For the season I went 193-79, getting 71 percent of my picks right, which may be a personal record (I’m not bothering to look it up). Onto the playoffs, where I don’t think I’ve beaten Dad in the last five years.

** So if the Eagles beat the Packers and the Bucs beat the Commanders, the Eagles play the Bucs in the second round of the playoffs. That Tampa Bay loss was the only real defeat the Eagles had this year, and it was a complete mess of a game. So, that’ll be another fun rematch to look forward to.

** OK but I think Ainias Smith may be better than Jahan Dotson.

** I know it didn’t mean anything, but I do love when the Eagles beat the Giants. After the Eagles laid down against the Commanders in the finale of the 2020 season, effectively knocking the Giants out of the playoffs, New Jersey players and staff vowed never to forget the lack of effort and to get revenge on the Eagles. Since then, Philadelphia is 7-2 against the Giants, including a win in the playoffs. That’s some sweet revenge.


The final Awesome Cup standings will be unveiled on Tuesday in the final season recap.

Fantasy football 2024 -- week 17 recap

We’re heading into the new year, but that doesn’t mean we have to bring all the baggage from the old year with us. Here are a few football-related things that can — nay, should — be left to the dustbin of history and forgotten in 2025:

** Prime time games for the Jets: They had six in 2024, tied for the most of any team. Maybe have one winning season before we force everyone to watch you again.

** The NFC South: Their division champion could have fewer than 10 wins for the third year in a row. I don’t ever want to hear another “NFC Least” joke when actual professional football teams there have a single down year.

** Trevor Lawrence: I understand that he was a great college QB. I just don’t think everyone else understands that he’s not a good pro QB. Their backup had as many wins as him this year.

** The new kickoff: It looks dumb. It’s not exciting. It ruined onside kicks. Either go back to the old system or just start every new drive on the 20.

** Kenny Pickett: No offense, friend. You did a fine job. But I’m also OK never seeing you on the field in an Eagles uniform again.

** Tom Brady commercials: I’ll concede he was one of the greatest QBs of all time. He is also incredibly boring as an actor or a pitchman. Stop trying to make him into a Kelce.

** More football: I’m actually OK with the amount of football in my life now. I don’t need 18 regular season games, or Tuesday games, or games broadcast only on TikTok, or games from Antarctica. I mean, maybe I’ll reconsider the last one, but the others are too much.

QB: Baker Mayfield, 44.56 pts — started by Jo
WR: Tee Higgins, 30.23 pts — started by Jo
RB: Jonathan Taylor, 26.23 pts — started by Mom D
TE: Trey McBride, 20.20 pts — started by Joel
K: Cameron Dicker, 17.00 pts — on Jeff’s bench
DEF: Baltimore, 22.00 pts — on Dad’s bench
D: C.J. Gardner-Johnson, 11.50 pts — on the wire

One week after being the heel in a big Eagles loss to Maryland, CJGJ had two picks, a tackle and a TD against the Cowboys to help Philly secure the NFC East title for the year. Now don’t screw it up again next week, bud.

Poor Joe Burrow (42.98 pts) lost again, this time in the top performers list because of Mayfield’s five TD passes and 359 yds passing. Burrow is leading the league in TDs with 42, and he appears poised to grab the title of “best QB to miss the playoffs” for the second year in a row. He also had the most passing yds on the season and only has eight interceptions. But he also has the worst defense in football playing on the other side of the field.

Not sure what happened this week, but as a group we only owned six of the top 16 kickers on the week and only started five of them. On the plus side, Jake Elliot was fourth in scoring on the week, so good for him.

“Worst of the worst” edition

1st place: (tie) New Jersey Jets, -6.00 pts — on Joel’s bench
1st place: (tie) New England, -6.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: (tie) Indianapolis, -6.00 pts — on the wire
1st place: (tie) Dallas, -6.00 pts — on the wire

That -6.00 mark is the worst any defense can get in a game: At least 34 pts allowed, no turnovers, no sacks, no signs of life. I can’t ever remember a time when we had even three teams hit the bottom of the scoring chart in the same week, and we bested that by one this weekend.

The Colts actually gave up the most points of the group (45 to the New Jersey Giants) and were the only team on this list favored to win, so that probably wins the title for worst defensive performance of the week. But don’t sleep on the Cowboys surrendering 35 points to a pair of backup Eagles QBs (the other six points came on an interception returned for a TD, so that doesn’t count against the Dallas D). And the Chargers had only scored above 27 one other time this year, so the Patriots giving up 40 to them on Sunday is pretty poor.

Can’t wait to see what these loser teams have in store for week 18.


** During the Pop Tarts Bowl on Saturday, Miami QB Cam Ward threw three TD passes, bringing him to 158 for his collegiate career, a new NCAA record.

Well, I mean, it’s a record if you include the 71 TDs he threw in his two years at Incarnate Word, an FCS school. So it’s a record for TD passes across multiple divisions.

Well, I mean, not all divisions. Tyson Bagent threw 159 TDs in Division II from 2018 to 2022. So Ward set a Division 1 record.

Well, I mean, it’s a Division 1 record if you acknowledge that Ward was granted a fifth year of eligibility to play at Miami this year. So it’s the most TD passes at the FCS and FBS level by a player that had an extra year of eligibility.

Other than that, though, it’s a solid collegiate record to celebrate.

** At halftime of the Chargers game, coach Jim Harbaugh was asked what his team needed to do to come out victorious on the day and punch his team’s ticket to the postseason:

“We just have to play good and win,” he said. “Give it everything we got and win.”

What insight. Sure enough, deciding to win was the key to the Chargers winning on the day. Why can’t more NFL coaches figure this out?

 
** Despite what many blogs reported, Dallas LB Micah Parsons did not say ““if you take away the scoreboard the game would have been close” after the Cowboys 41-7 loss to the Eagles.

What he did say was pretty dumb, however.

“They had two big runs and three good deep shots,” Parsons told reporters after the game. “Other than that, we made them earn it. You take away the scoreboard, it was about five plays that decided this game.”

Well, yes, if you take away the big scoring plays, most stats do look better. If you take away Saquon Barkley’s 13 TD runs this season, he doesn’t have any rushing TDs at all.

Speaking of Barkley, with the Eagles playoff seeding set already, the team has seemingly nothing to play for next week except for Barkley’s bid to break the single-season rushing record. However, he’s not the only Philly player who could set an individual achievement next week. Here’s a look at the other teammates looking to make history in the season finale:

Zach Baun — The lightly-heralded linebacker has 93 tackles on the season, just nine short of the team record set by Jeramiah Trotter Sr. If most of the defensive line takes the day off, a 10-tackle afternoon isn’t out of the question.

Jalen Hurts — It appears unlikely that Hurts will play next week, given his recovery from a concussion. But if he does get in the game, he only needs 1,143 yds passing in the finale to set the Eagles single-season passing record. Is that possible? Against the Giants, yes.

Johnny Wilson — The Eagles rookie wideout has been used sparingly this season, but may get a bigger chance to play with the backups this week. He’s a 6-foot-6 giant, but if he can add just three inches to his height in the pre-game, he’ll break former Eagles WR Harold Charmichael distinction of being the tallest wideout ever to play in the NFL, at 6-foot-8. Time for some stretching, Johnny.

Jake Elliot — It has been an up-and-down year for the Eagles kicker, but he can dramatically improve his career stats with a single play on Sunday. That’s because Elliot currently boasts a 0.00 career passer rating — one attempt, one interception. If he could surprise the Giants’ secondary with a short screen pass, it would bring that number all the way up into the low 20s. That’s bad, but better than zero.

Saquon Barkley — Why stop at the single-season rushing record? Barkley needs 4,790 yds for the Eagles career rushing record. If he carries the ball 59 times and averages 80 yards each time, that record is his too.

Whenever we get this late in the year, there are always a few anagrams I haven’t used yet for various reasons (most evil, Dallas reasons). In the interest of clearing out the notebook for next year, here’s what were left on the drawing board:

Cowboys WR Kelvin Harmon
** Slimy work, havoc born new

Solid anagram, but he has been on and off the practice squad. So, it felt like punching down a little. And by down, I meant towards hell, where all Dallas players are headed.

Dallas Left Tackle Tyler Guyton
** A flattened troll, tacky guy. Sell.

This one sat for most of the season. I think you get the message, but I feel like there’s more in there. The word “lousy” is right in there but hard to tease out.

RB Dalvin Cook
** Bravo, clod kin

Every week I waited for the former all-pro Cook to become a real player on this team so I could feature him. His season stats? Eight carries for 20 yds. Barely worth mentioning.

You may be asking “why waste all of these now?” The answer is simple: As long as the Cowboys continue to spread their evil around the country, there are always more anagrams to expose their sinister intentions. So I’m not worried about running out of ideas.

** I went 3-1 against Dad this week, pushing my lead in our weekly picks all the way up to eight games. That means if I can get just half of the contests right next week, I’m at least guaranteed a tie. Since I’ve been picking closer to 70 percent of games correctly, I like those odds.

** Dad did come out victorious in the Garrity family league again this year, with a championship performance that would have lost to five other teams in the league but, luckily for him, not the one he was playing (Jim’s team rolled over and died at the worst moment). I posted a 171-pts performance one week after it would have actually mattered, and dispatched the nephews and Beth in the third place game. And most importantly, the Cowboys-led team completed a perfect season, going 0-17 in head-to-head play.

** Most fantasy leagues finish their play in week 17 (because most are inferior to the Awesome Cup) so I’ve already landed two third-place finishes this season, with this league still pending. Combined with two third-place finishes last year, I’m like pre-Colts Tony Dungy: always fielding good teams, but can’t get them over the hump.


Week 17 standings

1 — Still The Best (Jonathan), 2132.56 pts
2 — Chop Block to the Artery (Capt. Awesome), 2097.82 pts
3 — Kodos for President (Jo), 2097.19 pts
4 — Murder Hornets (Mike), 2072.15 pts
5 — DeVonta’s Inferno (Mom D), 1979.76 pts
6 — No One Likes Us We Don't Care (Bob), 1937.28 pts
7 — Blue Collar Killers (Jeff), 1936.45 pts
8 — Beer 'n Chips (Pop), 1935.42 pts
9 — Jabronis (Ant), 1934.38 pts
10 — The Fightin Pickles (Sam), 1722.55 pts
11 — They Certainly Are Dwarves (Paul), 1537.06 pts
12 — All Rogers No Sauce (Joel), 1375.60 pts

It’s a Fort Awesome rock fight to the finish. Jonathan still holds the lead, but Joanna’s huge week (171.30 pts) and with my solid performance (137.42 pts) have left us both within 36 pts of catching the boy for the title next week. Mike sits 60 pts back, an unlikely but not impossible margin to make up. And after that, it’s a contest for pride.

Last year we had six teams top the 2,000-pts barrier for the season. This year, we could have as many as nine, although we’d need to see better performances by teams in the finale. Only five teams topped 100 pts, and Dad made it just barely (100.22 pts).

But this is it. We’re at the final week of the season, where champions are made. Will the boy be able to hold onto his title? Or will one of his parents beat him, likely about the head with a shoe? Can someone else pull off a miracle? There are two games on Saturday and 14 on Sunday to sort it all out. Get those rosters set, and let’s all finish strong.