Here is the official final look at how you all did, with an added tally of how often my predictions and Yahoo’s guesses were within one place of the final rankings:
Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob)
Yahoo projected finish: 1885.73 pts (5th place)
My projected finish: 1985.73 pts (5th place)
Actual finish: 1487.00 pts (12th place)
NFL equivalent: New Jersey Giants
Bob barely avoided the record for fewest points ever scored over the course of a season, outpacing Paul’s 2015 campaign by 70 pts. That doesn’t make his second consecutive last-place finish any nicer, though. He single-handedly killed RB David Johnson, WR Allen Robinson and RB Spencer Ware in the early weeks of the season and fell apart from there. On the plus side, unlike the Giants, at least he knows what state he works in.
Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Yahoo projected finish: 1878.25 (7th place)
My projected finish: 1868.58 pts (8th place)
Actual finish: 1509.52 pts (11th place)
NFL equivalent: Indianapolis Colts
Jeff should have had injured QB Andrew Luck on his team, because he was an even more impressive angel of death for his players than Bob. WR Odell Beckham, RB Dalvin Cook and RB Ty Montgomery were all potential first-round picks that ended up being liabilities on his squad. His QB combo of Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning produced more duds than successes this season. Unlike the Colts, though, Jeff can’t be fired for his mistakes.
SmartyPants on Fire (Paul)
Yahoo projected finish: 1865.58 pts (8th place)
My projected finish: 1800.01 pts (10th place)
Actual finish: 1513.15 pts (10th place)
NFL equivalent: Oakland Raiders
Nailed it — take that, Yahoo.
I’m still not sure how Paul ended up down here. He drafted — then cut — the top fantasy QB on the year (Russell Wilson) and held three of the top wideouts (Julio Jones, Brandin Cooks and Tyreek Hill). Sure, his RBs were beyond awful. But much like the Raiders, who got to the playoffs last year and missed it by a mile with the same squad this year, something just doesn’t add up. Blame coaching.
Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim)
Yahoo projected finish: 1898.71 pts (4th place)
My projected finish: 1842.88 pts (9th place)
Actual finish: 1640.70 pts (9th place)
NFL equivalent: Cincinnati Bengals
Me 2, Yahoo rankings 0
If Ezekiel Elliott had played the whole year, Jim’s team may have amounted to something. But, that’s kinda like saying “if Vlad the Impaler had stayed away from drinking blood, he could have been a great ruler.” Basing your team around pure evil has consequences. Marcus Mariota and Adrian Peterson turning into total duds didn’t help much either. At least he didn’t totally break Antonio Brown...
Foles v. Sproles (Joanner)
Yahoo projected finish: 1958.17 pts (3rd place)
My projected finish: 1901.07 pts (6th place)
Actual finish: 1762.61 pts (8th place)
NFL equivalent: Houston Texans
Only about 130 pts separated Jo from second place, which is also about the amount of points she left on her bench over the last five weeks by not setting her roster. Much like the Texans, she stopped trying after November rolled around. Accidentally dropping her first-round pick (Devonta Freeman) didn’t help much either. On the plus side, her apathy destroyed Terrelle Pryor and the Maryland Racial Slurs’ season, so it wasn’t all a waste.
Cosby’s Sleepers (Mike)
Yahoo projected finish: 1885.58 pts (6th place)
My projected finish: 2034.03 pts (2nd place)
Actual finish: 1780.90 pts (7th place)
NFL equivalent: Miami Dolphins
This is the lowest I’ve seen a Todd Gurley-led team finish in any of the leagues I’ve watched. His 2,000-plus all-purpose yds weren’t enough to overcome the disappointments of RB Jay Ajayi, TE Greg Olsen, TE Jordan Reed, and WR … wait, did he have any wideouts? Not a single one he drafted was on his end-of-year roster. And WR Josh Doctson got multiple starts in their place. That’s a lot for Gurley to overcome.
Dat CTE Lyfe (Sam)
Yahoo projected finish: 1810.55 pts (12th place)
My projected finish: 1871.53 pts (7th place)
Actual finish: 1837.78 pts (6th place)
NFL equivalent: Detroit Lions
It’s almost like the Yahoo predictions I called off-base at the start of the year were … off base.
Sam’s decision to drop the Jacksonville defense before the start of the season proved disastrous, and that poor coaching trickled down to the rest of his squad. Were WR Mike Evans and QB Kirk Cousins still good? Sure. But were they winners? No. And most unforgivable was his move to jettison S James Ihedigbo in September. True, he didn’t play a single down this year. But isn’t that the kind of name you want on your roster, especially one that ends up being middle of the road?
Animal Crackers (Mom Doyle)
Yahoo projected finish: 1850.11 pts (9th place)
My projected finish: 1755.05 pts (11th place)
Actual finish: 1880.26 pts (5th place)
NFL equivalent: Baltimore Ravens
Mom finished 12 points out of second place … and all the way back in 5th. That’s the kind of margin that will haunt you for the whole offseason, especially when the team that finished ahead of her did so with the help of Rob Gronkowski, the TE she drafted in the second round and then dumped unceremoniously midway through the year. All he did after that was score 113 pts over the next 10 weeks, more than all but four other TEs for the whole season. But my count, she lost 77 pts with that move alone. Sorta like giving up a 46-yd TD pass on 4th and 14 when the playoffs are on the line. Ouch.
The Pigskin Predators (Dad)
Yahoo projected finish: 2056.65 pts (1st place)
My projected finish: 1563.22 pts (12th place)
Actual finish: 1881.43 pts (4th place)
NFL equivalent: Buffalo Bills
If we had a playoff, Dad would carry the Bill’s spirit into our postseason: All luck and no rational reason why. His decision to go all in on QB Aaron Rodgers blew up when he went down with a shoulder injury, but Dad replaced his lost player with an impressive cast of castoffs (see Freeman, Gronkowski, Jacksonville D) and free agents (WR Juju Smith-Schuster, WR Marquise Goodwin) to stay respectable. He also won the “most transactions” contest for the third time in four years. It’s a small consolation prize, but it’ll have to do.
Gronky Tonk Man (Joel)
Yahoo projected finish: 1810.99 pts (11th place)
My projected finish: 1987.65 pts (4th place)
Actual finish: 1887.62 pts (3rd place)
NFL equivalent: Atlanta Falcons
Seriously, Yahoo, I’m available to do made-up pre-season predictions next year.
Last year’s Awesome Cup champion has to settle for bronze this season. At the halfway point Joel appeared set for a repeat, but diminishing returns from QB Dak Prescott, RB Melvin Gordon and RB Kareem Hunt sunk him down the stretch. Still, Joel proved his ascendance last year was no fluke with a solid campaign this season, leaving him with a sense of pride and accomplishment. Well, maybe not accomplishment, since you get nothing for third. But pride, I guess.
For Who? For Wentz (Ant)
Yahoo projected finish: 2038.17 pts (2nd place)
My projected finish: 2115.51 pts (1st place)
Actual finish: 1891.42 pts (2nd place)
NFL equivalent: Los Angeles Rams
At best, this is a push for Yahoo. I’m up 4-1-1 against the web site by my count.
In my pre-season rankings, I praised every part of Anthony’s team as sneaky good: His starting QB, his top wideouts, his backup and starting RBs. The one spot I didn’t highlight: his backup QB, a one Mr. Carson Wentz, the fantasy steal of 2017. When Ant finally made the switch to bench QB Drew Brees in favor of the actual MVP of 2017 (get lost, Brady), his team started to gel and make a run for the top. And when Wentz went down and he cut him from the team, it was the end of his championship chances. In the end, he gets to take home the title of first loser, while the rest of the glory goes to...
Foles me Wentz (Capt. Awesome)
Yahoo projected finish: 1831.36 pts (10th place)
My projected finish: 2033.33 pts (3rd place)
Actual finish: 2117.08 pts (1st place)
NFL equivalent: Philadelphia Eagles
The experts would tell you you can’t start you own fantasy football league, control the draft rules and scoring settings, write up all the league happenings and be a consistent winner. But they would be wrong. This is my fourth Awesome Cup title since the league began, my third in the last eight years, and final proof that after 15 years on Yahoo I have finally mastered their autodraft process. My strategy of grabbing great RBs early (LeSean McCoy, Jordan Howard), sleeper RBs in the middle rounds (Keenan Allen, Jarvis Landry), forcing an early TE pick (Zach Ertz in the 7th) and completely ignoring QBs (I drafted Andrew Luck and Jay Cutler, and never started either) paid off handsomely. Gambling on the Philly defense early helped too.
My margin of victory — more than 225 pts — is the largest in league history, cementing my dominance and genius. Behold, the Awesome Cup is once again back home:
Sorry to spoil the start of your 2018, folks, but you have eight months of gloating from me before you can do anything to stop the situation. We’ll be back here again in August to do it all again. As always, thanks for reading and playing.
And if the January games turn out better than the pundits expect, maybe I’ll have a few more updates here in the weeks to come. We can only hope.
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