Fantasy league 2017 -- final season recap

Good season all around ... if by good you mean “every team underachieved compared to past years’ point totals.” Fantasy football is a cruel hobby, and this year the football gods confused all of us by delivering enjoyable football to watch and frustrating fantasy stats to follow. But, in the end, someone has to go home with the Awesome Cup, and we get to have 11 other lucky losers.

Here is the official final look at how you all did, with an added tally of how often my predictions and Yahoo’s guesses were within one place of the final rankings:

Last Exit 2 Kutztown (Bob)
Yahoo projected finish: 1885.73 pts (5th place)
My projected finish: 1985.73 pts (5th place)
Actual finish: 1487.00 pts (12th place)
NFL equivalent: New Jersey Giants
Bob barely avoided the record for fewest points ever scored over the course of a season, outpacing Paul’s 2015 campaign by 70 pts. That doesn’t make his second consecutive last-place finish any nicer, though. He single-handedly killed RB David Johnson, WR Allen Robinson and RB Spencer Ware in the early weeks of the season and fell apart from there. On the plus side, unlike the Giants, at least he knows what state he works in.

Blue Collar Killers (Jeff)
Yahoo projected finish: 1878.25 (7th place)
My projected finish: 1868.58 pts (8th place)
Actual finish: 1509.52 pts (11th place)
NFL equivalent: Indianapolis Colts
Jeff should have had injured QB Andrew Luck on his team, because he was an even more impressive angel of death for his players than Bob. WR Odell Beckham, RB Dalvin Cook and RB Ty Montgomery were all potential first-round picks that ended up being liabilities on his squad. His QB combo of Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning produced more duds than successes this season. Unlike the Colts, though, Jeff can’t be fired for his mistakes.

SmartyPants on Fire (Paul)
Yahoo projected finish: 1865.58 pts (8th place)
My projected finish: 1800.01 pts (10th place)
Actual finish: 1513.15 pts (10th place)
NFL equivalent: Oakland Raiders
Nailed it — take that, Yahoo.

I’m still not sure how Paul ended up down here. He drafted — then cut — the top fantasy QB on the year (Russell Wilson) and held three of the top wideouts (Julio Jones, Brandin Cooks and Tyreek Hill). Sure, his RBs were beyond awful. But much like the Raiders, who got to the playoffs last year and missed it by a mile with the same squad this year, something just doesn’t add up. Blame coaching.

Tiny Trump Gloves (Jim)
Yahoo projected finish: 1898.71 pts (4th place)
My projected finish: 1842.88 pts (9th place)
Actual finish: 1640.70 pts (9th place)
NFL equivalent: Cincinnati Bengals
Me 2, Yahoo rankings 0

If Ezekiel Elliott had played the whole year, Jim’s team may have amounted to something. But, that’s kinda like saying “if Vlad the Impaler had stayed away from drinking blood, he could have been a great ruler.” Basing your team around pure evil has consequences. Marcus Mariota and Adrian Peterson turning into total duds didn’t help much either. At least he didn’t totally break Antonio Brown...

Foles v. Sproles (Joanner)
Yahoo projected finish: 1958.17 pts (3rd place)
My projected finish: 1901.07 pts (6th place)
Actual finish: 1762.61 pts (8th place)
NFL equivalent: Houston Texans
Only about 130 pts separated Jo from second place, which is also about the amount of points she left on her bench over the last five weeks by not setting her roster. Much like the Texans, she stopped trying after November rolled around. Accidentally dropping her first-round pick (Devonta Freeman) didn’t help much either. On the plus side, her apathy destroyed Terrelle Pryor and the Maryland Racial Slurs’ season, so it wasn’t all a waste.

Cosby’s Sleepers (Mike)
Yahoo projected finish: 1885.58 pts (6th place)
My projected finish: 2034.03 pts (2nd place)
Actual finish: 1780.90 pts (7th place)
NFL equivalent: Miami Dolphins
This is the lowest I’ve seen a Todd Gurley-led team finish in any of the leagues I’ve watched. His 2,000-plus all-purpose yds weren’t enough to overcome the disappointments of RB Jay Ajayi, TE Greg Olsen, TE Jordan Reed, and WR … wait, did he have any wideouts? Not a single one he drafted was on his end-of-year roster. And WR Josh Doctson got multiple starts in their place. That’s a lot for Gurley to overcome.

Dat CTE Lyfe (Sam)
Yahoo projected finish: 1810.55 pts (12th place)
My projected finish: 1871.53 pts (7th place)
Actual finish: 1837.78 pts (6th place)
NFL equivalent: Detroit Lions
It’s almost like the Yahoo predictions I called off-base at the start of the year were … off base.
Sam’s decision to drop the Jacksonville defense before the start of the season proved disastrous, and that poor coaching trickled down to the rest of his squad. Were WR Mike Evans and QB Kirk Cousins still good? Sure. But were they winners? No. And most unforgivable was his move to jettison S James Ihedigbo in September. True, he didn’t play a single down this year. But isn’t that the kind of name you want on your roster, especially one that ends up being middle of the road?

Animal Crackers (Mom Doyle)
Yahoo projected finish: 1850.11 pts (9th place)
My projected finish: 1755.05 pts (11th place)
Actual finish: 1880.26 pts (5th place)
NFL equivalent: Baltimore Ravens
Mom finished 12 points out of second place … and all the way back in 5th. That’s the kind of margin that will haunt you for the whole offseason, especially when the team that finished ahead of her did so with the help of Rob Gronkowski, the TE she drafted in the second round and then dumped unceremoniously midway through the year. All he did after that was score 113 pts over the next 10 weeks, more than all but four other TEs for the whole season. But my count, she lost 77 pts with that move alone. Sorta like giving up a 46-yd TD pass on 4th and 14 when the playoffs are on the line. Ouch.

The Pigskin Predators (Dad)
Yahoo projected finish: 2056.65 pts (1st place)
My projected finish: 1563.22 pts (12th place)
Actual finish: 1881.43 pts (4th place)
NFL equivalent: Buffalo Bills
If we had a playoff, Dad would carry the Bill’s spirit into our postseason: All luck and no rational reason why. His decision to go all in on QB Aaron Rodgers blew up when he went down with a shoulder injury, but Dad replaced his lost player with an impressive cast of castoffs (see Freeman, Gronkowski, Jacksonville D) and free agents (WR Juju Smith-Schuster, WR Marquise Goodwin) to stay respectable. He also won the “most transactions” contest for the third time in four years. It’s a small consolation prize, but it’ll have to do.

Gronky Tonk Man (Joel)
Yahoo projected finish: 1810.99 pts (11th place)
My projected finish: 1987.65 pts (4th place)
Actual finish: 1887.62 pts (3rd place)
NFL equivalent: Atlanta Falcons
Seriously, Yahoo, I’m available to do made-up pre-season predictions next year.

Last year’s Awesome Cup champion has to settle for bronze this season. At the halfway point Joel appeared set for a repeat, but diminishing returns from QB Dak Prescott, RB Melvin Gordon and RB Kareem Hunt sunk him down the stretch. Still, Joel proved his ascendance last year was no fluke with a solid campaign this season, leaving him with a sense of pride and accomplishment. Well, maybe not accomplishment, since you get nothing for third. But pride, I guess.

For Who? For Wentz (Ant)
Yahoo projected finish: 2038.17 pts (2nd place)
My projected finish: 2115.51 pts (1st place)
Actual finish: 1891.42 pts (2nd place)
NFL equivalent: Los Angeles Rams
At best, this is a push for Yahoo. I’m up 4-1-1 against the web site by my count.

In my pre-season rankings, I praised every part of Anthony’s team as sneaky good: His starting QB, his top wideouts, his backup and starting RBs. The one spot I didn’t highlight: his backup QB, a one Mr. Carson Wentz, the fantasy steal of 2017. When Ant finally made the switch to bench QB Drew Brees in favor of the actual MVP of 2017 (get lost, Brady), his team started to gel and make a run for the top. And when Wentz went down and he cut him from the team, it was the end of his championship chances. In the end, he gets to take home the title of first loser, while the rest of the glory goes to...

Foles me Wentz (Capt. Awesome)
Yahoo projected finish: 1831.36 pts (10th place)
My projected finish: 2033.33 pts (3rd place)
Actual finish: 2117.08 pts (1st place)
NFL equivalent: Philadelphia Eagles
The experts would tell you you can’t start you own fantasy football league, control the draft rules and scoring settings, write up all the league happenings and be a consistent winner. But they would be wrong. This is my fourth Awesome Cup title since the league began, my third in the last eight years, and final proof that after 15 years on Yahoo I have finally mastered their autodraft process. My strategy of grabbing great RBs early (LeSean McCoy, Jordan Howard), sleeper RBs in the middle rounds (Keenan Allen, Jarvis Landry), forcing an early TE pick (Zach Ertz in the 7th) and completely ignoring QBs (I drafted Andrew Luck and Jay Cutler, and never started either) paid off handsomely. Gambling on the Philly defense early helped too.

My margin of victory — more than 225 pts — is the largest in league history, cementing my dominance and genius. Behold, the Awesome Cup is once again back home:

Sorry to spoil the start of your 2018, folks, but you have eight months of gloating from me before you can do anything to stop the situation. We’ll be back here again in August to do it all again. As always, thanks for reading and playing.

And if the January games turn out better than the pundits expect, maybe I’ll have a few more updates here in the weeks to come. We can only hope.

Fantasy league 2017 -- week 17 recap

Thanks to a series of improbable events (mostly, the Bengals winning a game), the Buffalo Bills snuck into the wild card round on Sunday and ended the NFL’s longest postseason drought. The last time Buffalo played a meaningful game in January was 1999: They were the only franchise not to play a single playoff game in the 2000s. But even that doesn’t state just how long in football years their streak of futility has been:

** Only eight players on the team’s 53-man roster had reached high school the last time the Bills had a playoff game.

** That last appearance by the Bills was the infamous Music City Miracle. Thurman Thomas and Andre Reed were still members of the team. On the other side of the field, the Titans squad included Eddie George and Kicker Al Del Greco, whose career began in 1984.

** When the Bills were last in the playoffs, the Patriots had never won a Super Bowl.

** No player that was active in the league in 1999 is still playing today. Three players who were drafted the spring after the Bills’ playoff game are still in the league: P Shane Lechler, K Sebastian Janikowski, and QB Tom Brady.

** At the time of the game, Doug Pederson had more career starts for the Eagles (9) than Donovan McNabb (6).

Top performers of the year

QB
3rd place: Carson Wentz, 348.24 pts — 13th QB drafted (Ant)
2nd place: Tom Brady, 359.88 pts — 1st QB drafted (Mom D)
1st place: Russell Wilson, 419.42 pts — 4th QB drafted (Paul)
Neither Paul or Anthony ended up with those QBs on their teams at year end. Meanwhile, the 4th ranked QB (Alex Smith) was the 22nd QB picked in our draft, while the 2nd QB picked (Aaron Rodgers) ended up as the 28th best fantasy passer of the year. Weird year all around.

WR
3rd place: Keenan Allen, 189.77 pts — 17th WR drafted (Capt. Awesome)
2nd place: Antonio Brown, 209.92 pts — 1st WR drafted (Jim)
1st place: DeAndre Hopkins, 216.87 pts — 13th WR drafted (Mom D)
Not too many busts in this category besides Odell Beckham, who was drafted 2nd but finished 108th due to injury (behind Torrey Smith even!). Worth noting as always that the 7th-best RB was still better than the best WR, but all the fantasy experts will still tell you that taking a wideout first is smaht.

RB
3rd place: Alvin Kamara, 259.31 pts — undrafted
2nd place: LeVeon Bell, 277.27 pts — 2nd RB drafted (Ant)
1st place: Todd Gurley, 325.03 pts — 7th RB drafted (Mike)
Gurley was the player owned by the most championship teams this year, but Kamara was the real shocker. As the #2 back on his own team, he led all RBs in receiving yds (826) and threw in 347 return yds just for good measure. And he made the pro-bowl with teammate RB Mark Ingram. Hope teams I root for don’t have to see him in the playoffs...

TE
3rd place: Zach Ertz, 138.93 pts — 7th TE drafted (Capt Awesome)
2nd place: Rob Gronkowski, 157.27 pts — 1st TE drafted (Mom D)
1st place: Travis Kelce, 157.90 pts — 2nd TE drafted (Jo)
A huge drop off in this category this year: Only nine TEs topped 100 pts for the season, and the difference between the #1 and #12 TE was 68 pts. Either you got a good TE this year (or picked up the #2 guy after he was inexplicably dropped) or you struggled with this position all year.

K
3rd place: Robbie Gould, 170.00 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Stephen Gostkowski, 172.00 pts — 2nd K drafted (Mom D)
1st place: Greg Zuerlein, 182.00 pts — undrafted
Not only did Zuerlein come out of nowhere, he also missed the last two games of the season and still ended up the best kicker of the year. The real news here is that someone drafted a kicker that mattered, a rarer feat than a Bills playoff appearance.

DEF
3rd place: LA Rams, 206.00 pts — 9th DEF drafted (Joel)
2nd place: Baltimore, 216.00 pts — undrafted
1st place: Jacksonville, 230.00 pts — 12th DEF drafted (Sam)
Coming in 4th was the Eagles, whose defense was expected to be middling to poor this year. But 31 turnovers, five blocked kicks and five TDs will boost your fantasy value. Jacksonville, meanwhile, accounted for more points than Eli Manning, Joe Flacco or Jay Cutler on the year.

D
3rd place: Bobby Wagner, 72.50 pts — undrafted
2nd place: Reshad Jones, 74.50 pts — undrafted
1st place: C.J. Mosley, 75.70 pts — undrafted
Someday we’ll draft one of the best defensive players. Someday.


“Worst performers of the year” edition

5th place: John Ross, -0.80 pts — on the waiver wire
4th place: Jake Rudock, -1.04 pts — on the waiver wire
2nd place: (tie) Tyler Bray, -2.00 pts — on the waiver wire
2nd place: (tie) Donatello Brown, -2.00 pts — on the waiver wire
1st place: Teddy Bridgewater, -2.30 pts — on the waiver wire

Ross was the #9 overall pick in the draft last spring. Needless to say, that didn’t work out.

Rudock and Bray are allegedly backup QBs. I’d never heard of either of them before five seconds ago. Brown, a CB for the Packers, is the only defensive player to finish the year in negative points.

But our worst player of the year this season was one-time franchise QB Bridgewater, back from a devastating knee injury two years ago. He only appeared for two plays for the Vikings, the first being a -3 yd rush, the second being an interception. The Vikings have to decide whether to renew his contract after their playoff run this month. That inspired return probably can’t help much.

** During the Ohio State/USC bowl game last Friday, play-by-play: Bob Wischusen was giddy when the Trojans finally scored a TD to make the game a little more competitive. As RB Ronald Jones took the handoff on a sweep play, Wischusen shouted: “He gets the ball and walks into the end zone … with speed!”

We have a word for walking with speed. It’s running. It’s even in the name of the position. It’s worth looking into.

** After the Browns on Sunday became only the second NFL team ever to go 0-16, owner Jimmy Haslam assured reporters that he does not plan to fire coach Hue Jackson. “I don’t think Hue’s lost his magic on how to call plays or how to run an offense or how to coach a team.”

The team is 1-31 under Jackson over the last two years. I don’t think he has lost any magic either. You can’t lose things you don’t have.

** Yahoo came out with our fantasy football grades this week. Without spoiling how I finished, the site gave me a “B” grade for the season. The breakdown was an “A” for end results, “A” for in-season management, and a “D” for pre-season draft analysis. So, even though my team did great, they effectively dinged me because my results didn’t match their guesses of how the season would go.

I’d complain more about how stupid that methodology is, but this is essentially how the entire college football season and playoff is conducted.

We’re just a day out from the end of the regular season and already six coaching jobs are open for next year (with at least one more expected by the end of the week). Rumor is that ESPN analyst Jon Gruden is already the favorite to fill the open Oakland Raiders job. But who are the perfect candidates for the other spots?

** Chicago Bears — Mike Ditka
Can the man who won the 1985 Super Bowl with the Bears return them to glory? No, of course not. But people would care about the Bears for the first time in a decade if he returned. Plus, no one else wants to weather those winters.

** Indianapolis Colts — Andrew Luck’s doctor
It’s simple: If Luck is healthy enough to play, the Colts can be great. If he’s not, they should forfeit. So, why not cut out the middleman here and save a few bucks?

** New York Giants — Joe Girardi
He’s beloved in NY for slapping together an overachieving Yankees team, so why not give him another shot in New Jersey this time? When Beckham comes back healthy next year it’ll probably mean another three or four wins, and he can claim credit as a genius again.

** Detroit Lions — Hue Jackson
This team hasn’t been interesting since it went 0-16, and now the Browns spoiled that by matching their achievement. So why not go for broke again? Sure, Jackson is technically still under contract with the Browns, but it wouldn’t take much to pry him away.

** Arizona Cardinals — Larry Fitzgerald
He’s 100 years old and the only member of the Cardinals you can remember (sorry, David Johnson doesn’t count, he doesn’t have legs anymore). Give the poor guy a cushy retirement gig where he decides which fellow teammates have to go over the middle and get smacked instead of him.

True, the Eagles’ season finale was a nearly unwatchable game, and it was the team’s third loss of the season. But remember it was mostly backups playing with nothing on the line, so it says little about the boys in green. But it did give the young Dallas players a chance to see what a real division champions looks like, since they saw their fraud of a team repeatedly exposed this year in their quest to earn another playoff berth. For folks like backup safety Xavier Woods, it was an important learning experience:

New Dallas Cowboys rookie free safety Xavier Woods
** Ever woe: Fool crooks exit season awed. Fly away, birds.

Remember to tune in next fall for another crop of new soulless, evil Dallas rookies whose names unveil the evil within. I’ll stop doing these when it stops being easy to use these players own names against them.

** Valiant effort by Dad, who went 6-3 against me in our picks this week. But sadly that still leaves him four down for the year, giving me the title of the family’s best football brain. It’s the third straight year I’ve grabbed the title (after three straight years of Dad wins). I also had a near identical finish to last year, posting a pick percentage of 65.6 (last year it was 65.4 percent). Next year, I should do this for money.

** The Big Ten went 7-1 in bowl games this year, with the only loss coming when Michigan blew at 16-point lead on New Year’s Day. So, maybe bowl season isn’t all bad.

** The Eagles are 10-to-1 odds to win the Super Bowl, tied with the Saints and Rams and behind the Patsies, Steelers and Vikings. Meh. The 2008 Phillies weren’t favored either.

Week 17 standings

The official final week standings — and the crowning of the latest Awesome Cup Champion — will be unveiled later this week.